CHAPTER 3

COMMITMENT

SEPTEMBER 1999

Anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special to catch your heart

I realize I am thinking of you and wonder how long you've been on my mind. Then it occurs to me since I met you, you've never left. Since morning I am talking to myself. Does he feel the same for me? He's been thinking about me only? Don't know. Last month, I had an argument with my sister about marriage that I would not get married until I complete my Post Graduation and today, I am anxiously waiting to get engaged to the man whom I feel is the perfect match for me. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon.

It's 17.00 hrs. and I'll have to get ready by 18.00 hrs., OMG! One hour only! Sania came in the morning with my little princess. I feel relaxed when saw her in the morning as she'll help me in getting ready for a special day of my life. My sister unpacks my Lehenga which is entrancingly wrapped and packed in silver transparent bag. Wow! She exclaims surprisingly, "You'll look gorgeous in this dress, Sammu" "Sit here, now for some make-up", she says and opens her vanity box. She gives a fabulous hairstyle to my long hair with the help of hair dryer. She whips out mascara and applies eyeliner on my big eyelids. Although I don't need foundation, she applies pre make-up face lotion to give it a natural touch. A light shade of purple lipstick makes my lips like rosebuds peeping out of snow...ha-ha... I am being egoist or is this self-pride? Whatever! I fall in love with myself! "Wear lehenga now", Sania's voice breaks my chains of thoughts. I wear lehenga but tensed about it's fitting while wearing it. Thank God! The fitting is perfect! Now she orders me to try heels, I duteously obey my sister. Sammy comes to my room to give news that my brother-in-law (Sania's husband) Garry has arrived and we have to leave now, but he stops at the door, surprises to see me. "My little princess has grown up now, looking ravishing" he cannot hide his emotions and with teary eyes and hugs me. "Don't make her cry, Sammy, her eyeliner will get smudged", Sania wipes Sammy's eyes and smiles.

I still don't know where we are going for engagement as Sammy hasn't told me anything about it and when I ask, he tells me not to get worried about it. He said that he'll manage everything. No doubt on his choice. I know he'll do the best for me as he did for Sania's marriage. He has never made us feel Daddy's absence though he himself misses Daddy a lot. Mumma gets emotional too and Garry also compliments me. He is my brother-in-law but he's is a father figure to me as I was studying in twelfth class only when my sister got married to him. He has never let me feel that he's my brother-in-law only. Wherever he gets posted, he brings gifts for me. When my niece was born, he says he has two daughters now. My little princess is surprised to see her Masi (Aunt) with make-up and in lehenga, she has never seen me like this.

We all get adjusted in two cars easily with the gifts, fruits and sweets for Sartaj's family.

We, being a host, want to reach early to welcome them. Our car stops in front of a Banquet hall. "Why have you booked Banquet hall for engagement, we could book Railway hall too" I ask Sammy and Garry (Sammy is an officer in Northern Railways, so it'll be easier and economical to book a railway banquet hall). Both of them hug me and take me inside. The ambiance of the banquet is magnificent, it's not so big, appropriate for engagement ceremony. There is a small room attached with washroom where any one can change or wait. I sit in the room as I will go out when they will reach. I can hear the voices coming out of the main hall and anxiously waiting for someone to take to the place. Around half an hour later, my sister comes to accompany me to the engagement hall. I enter the decorated and crowded big hall though not heavily crowded. Sania makes me sit in the beautiful big chair adorned with pastel flowers (my favorite colors). I look at my brother who's standing next to my sister, he smiles as he understands what I think. I know it's his idea to decorate everything with flowers. I get surrounded by the faces, familiar and unfamiliar. As I am trying to assimilate, HE walks towards me in a blue suit.... sharp looking and well fitted. It made him look very handsome. The butterflies in my stomach have just multiplied as our eyes meet, I blush and his lips curls into a smile. OMG! He has a kind of face that stops you thinking anything else, can seize your thoughts, can hypnotize anyone... He sits near me, "Hi! I hope you remember my name", his cosmic smile makes me nervous. "Hi Sartaj!" I look at him smilingly. His sea rover blue eyes captivate me. "You are looking beautiful", he says and gazing with admiration. We exchange rings and tied a knot (unbreakable...hope so). It's a dazzling Solitaire. Omg! The most expensive GEM is gifted by the GEM of my life. I've read somewhere, 'These gems have life in them: their hues speak, say what words fail of'. But Solitaire is colorless! "Why has Sartaj chosen a Solitaire ring for me?' May be, a single sparkling stone is the ultimate symbol of the single love two people share! Amen!

While leaving he whispers, "I'll call you tonight, be near the telephone". I manage to catch my breath and nodded.

I touch my mother-in-law's feet as my Mumma instructs me. My sister-in-law hugs me and other relatives give me blessings. They all leave after dinner.

We reach home at about 11 p.m. and we all, after freshened up, sit in the Mumma's bedroom to discuss about today's engagement party. I don't know how to react and what to say as I am engrossed in his thoughts only and have a mixed feeling. I had never thought that someone will come to my life like this and will make a special space in my heart, in my life.... A strange feeling! The phone bell rings, one ring only and after a second one more ring. Everybody starts looking at me and smile. I don't understand though can guess. My sister says, "go and call him back, he's waiting", she giggles. "How could be you so sure!" I ask making innocent face. "I know, Garry used to call when we got engaged", she laughs and all give her company. I get embarrassed. Garry gives me his phone number. I dial the number with my shaking fingers as I am going to call a man of my life whose alluring sharp features still make my heart beat faster. "Hello! He immediately picks up and says in his calm voice. "Thanks for calling back, I was waiting", his voice is as soft as gently lapping waves. "Samaira, I really like you very much and feel lucky as you come in my life" he says in his husky and deep voice. "Thank you", I reply as my heart stops beating for a moment and don't know what to say.

And when love speaks, the voice of all the gods

Makes heaven drowsy with the harmony

W. Shakespeare

We talk for hours, days and months till we get married....

We date for two months and fully enjoyed our romantic courtship period...

And suddenly all your troubles melt away, all your worries are gone, And it is for no reason other than the look in your partner's eyes............…. Yes, sometimes life and love really are that simple'.

I studied about Wordsworth poetry in the college today and trying to explain Sartaj about the meaning of the romantic poem. We meet daily. He comes to my college and we go on a date. 'Date' I am not ignorant to this word though I've never been on date with anyone. I had decided that I would go on a date with my fiancé only, seems to be orthodox, but I like to being traditional in a way. My Mumma knows about our meetings as I have never kept any secret from my family. Sartaj picks me up from my college and takes me to a coffee shop and a new Café daily. I didn't like coffee but the company and closeness of Sartaj makes me endure the bitter coffee. Sartaj is a coffee addict, he drinks five to six cups of coffee daily. And it is a very risky thing for a woman to marry an addict! Jokes apart! 'He's not a drug addict, stupid', I assure myself. These days are passing like a fairy tale. OMG! How could be somebody become an integral part of my life, like the drawing of my breath! He has become my lifeline, essence of my life. Seeing him, listening to him, waiting for him, trying to adopt his habits; his likes and dislikes are the only things I am worried about these days or you can say engrossed with his thoughts only. Sartaj, too, has started wearing pastel color shirts. 'When a man truly loves a woman, she becomes his weakness. When a woman truly loves a man, he becomes his strength'. Yes, Sartaj is my strength or it's better to say that his love is my strength. I discuss everything with him and he listens.

It's been around two months since we got engaged and our parents today are going to fix our marriage date. We both are impatient to know when are we going to tie a knot, unbreakable knot (hope so!) In these two months, Sartaj holds my hand only and hugs me often when we meet. "He hasn't yet kissed you?", my friend asks which makes me worried. Yes, he never tries to kiss me. 'He is really a decent man who has preserved his special moments for a special day', I assure myself. In the evening, our parents meet in the Gurudwara (Temple) and fix the date, 6th February 2000. Sartaj gets angry as we'll have to wait for two more months but I am happy as I am really enjoying this courtship period.

While we are busy in wedding preparations, my Mumma has got an alliance for Sammy also. Why do our society see a girl as a responsibility who has to get married on time and given to someone else forever? Although my brother is still unmarried, for my family and relatives I am the last responsibility of my Mumma. They feel he can get married after completing all his responsibilities as he won't have to leave his house. It's his house. Whatever! It's not that I am not happy in getting married but still, leaving my home, my room, my Mumma and my childhood memories is rather difficult for me. My brother before meeting a girl gives his decision that whoever is the girl, he'll not reject her as he doesn't find it sensible. So, after the meeting we fix an engagement date that is on 3rd December. The girl, my Bhabhi (sister-in-law) is very beautiful and well educated.

Sartaj and his family congratulate us for Sammy's engagement. I have noticed Sartaj avoids meeting my brother though he respects him. I can't see the kind of bonding between these two which I have observed between Garry and Sammy. I think Sartaj hesitates due to age difference. Whatever!