Why is the sky blue?

"Jeez, Audrey, it is me, it is me Rashiel, rash Rashiel, what the hell happened to you?",

My eyes widened in recognition ,"Fuck, Rash, what the hell are you doing here" I asked in shock as my grip on the knife released and I begun to lower it.

"I have been looking for you since I left . I returned back to the orphanage a while.

When I asked for you I was told you had left, I didn't know how else to to look for you.

Everyone thought it was so childish of me then, but when I was told that the court had cleared your mum and you went back to her, I searched for you for a really long time, but I couldn't find you, it was like you went missing without a trace.

My adopted family, were so nice, they helped me, but I still didn't find you.

I don't know if you remember but I'm turning eighteen in five days time ,Audrey, I had to come clear all the documents. I'm staying in the guest room.

Fuck, Audrey, you look so beautiful, you look different, I always knew you'd be beautiful but this, wow", Rashiel rambled on as I just stared at him

I was still in shock, my best friend of all these years, I had basically forgotten him, I was convinced that he had found a new home and forgotten about the pacts and promises we made.

I dropped the knife back, muttering something about needing to go back upstairs as I brushed passed him his hand grabbed my wrist and reflexively I covered my face.

"What the fuck Audrey?, You know I won't hurt you, what happened when you went home, why are you back here? What the hell did you do to yourself", Rash looked at my face searching for answers.

I grabbed my hand back ,"don't touch me ", I muttered.

"And also don't think you can suddenly act like things haven't changed, things changed the day you left and I never heard from you for a year, things changed when you abandoned me here.

It changed when you ignored all my letters and calls, so don't fucking walk in here, acting like we are still best friends and we are still so naive that we don't know how wicked and evil the world is and all we want to do is to steal jam from the pantry.

Don't fucking walk in here acting like we are still the same twelve year old kids , we fucking aren't Rashiel"

I whisper shouted at him as tears burned my eyes, I hated how easily I was moved to tears, I hated tears , it made me look weak, Rashiel's face was filled with sorrow and something like confusion.

"What calls Audrey, Audrey, what letters, I never received any of that, I never meant to leave like that, but I tried, I tried to get in touch with you, but.." he started as he lowered his head , his blue eyes filled with sadness.

I really couldn't deal with all these right now.

"I want to go to bed, Rashiel, please let me go" I whispered as I turned my back on him.

"Audrey please can we..." I never got to hear the rest of his statement as I walked away from him into the halls.

I hurried into my room closing the door behind me and locking it, the glass of water forgotten, my heart beating rapidly.

"fuck, fuck,Audrey, get yourself together", I muttered snapping at the rubber band furiously.

Alot had happened within the last three years, things that ensured that I wasn't the same Audrey who left this orphanage three years ago.

I caught movement by my peripheral , Marcia had woken up and was squinting in the dark room looking for me.

"Why are you awake? And why didn't you come for dinner?,my heart beat reduced slightly, the panic attack gone as I whispered back to her.

"Don't worry, I'm fine, go back to sleep, I went to drink water".

"Okay", Marcia replied me immediately and was soon dozing off, I climbed back into my bed, the clock reading 3am, I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be getting any sleep anytime soon.

Once the alarm chimed 6am , I slipped out of bed, pulled on a sports bra,then a tank top over it and put on my Spandex running shorts.

I laced my worn out canvas and headed out the door, I started with a steady pace, then began pushing myself more, I pushed myself to my limits and even further, when I ran, everything became a blur, I could pretend I was running away from my pain, I ran for two hours or more.

I wasn't counting before my legs gave away and I fell to the ground panting, I laid down on my back staring at the blue sky, wondering if any one ever questioned why the sky was blue as I did.

Couldn't it be pink or yellow or even bleeding red to show pain or black to show darkeness.

I lay there for a while before I decided I couldn't deal with Hildegarde scolding me this morning.

I picked myself up and ran all the way back to the orphanage.

When I arrived, the kids were having breakfast, I sighted Rashiel talking with Chantel at the kitchen counter.

I rolled my eyes at the flirtatious grin on his face, determined to slip in without them noticing, just as I was about to turn the corner into the hallways.

"Audrey!" I heard a booming voice from behind me, I jumped in surprise as if I had been caught doing something I wasn't supposed to.

I turned slowly facing Hildegarde, my body dripping with sweat, her eyes appraised me till they came to the bandages on my wrist and her gaze softened.

Rage filled me at the pity in them, I didn't want to be pitied, and neither was she in any place to sympathise with me after all she sent me away despite how much I begged her that I didn't want to stay with Harriet and look where it got us .

"I was informed of your return yesterday, but you were nowhere to be seen at dinner and out the door at first light, are you not coping well?". Hildegarde quizzed me as I took shaky breaths.

"I wasn't hungry, and I went for my run, I need to go have a shower, excuse me", I replied to her, my voice scratchy from lack of use.

"What happened to your hand?. Did you cut yourself?. " A quiet voice quipped.

"Didn't you say it was a sin and anyone that does it will suffer for eternity?" The little boy looked up to Miss Hildegarde for answers

I turned away immediately and walked out of the room ignoring the voices that called after me, once I entered my room, I locked the door behind me

I slid down the door and burst into tears.