Blurred Vision

During the car ride over to the hospital my mind wondered to all sorts of horrible things. Some sad some comforting, but all of them ending with my mom lying dead in a cold hospital bed. I'm not a horrible person I swear, but as I sat and had time to process what had happened it didn't seem too bad.

For starters she wouldn't be hitting me anymore and I won't have to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around a bipolar ragging monster every time I came home from school. Not to mention she's still alive…just not able to walk, talk, open her eyes, or breathe on her own. "Where here," the officer said, snapping me out of my thoughts while he out the car in park. "..okay," I gulped, slowly unbuckling my seatbelt.

I got out and started walking to the large hospital building. I normally didn't mind hospitals. They're where people get better. It really never bothered me before…well I guess until you have to walk into the building for someone you know. "She's in room A22 on the 6th floor in ICU," a lady at a desk in the lobby told the officer and I. "You go ahead hun, I have to get some papers sorted out first," he said turning towards me. I nodded my head and slowly approached the elevator to go up to my moms room.

~

"What do you mean I can't take her? I'm her godmother!" I heard coming out of the elevator. "Where else is she going to go?!" I heard again as I came closer to my mother's room door. "Monica," I grinned realizing that was my mom's best friend..but mostly mine. She's great, one of the funniest hot heads I've ever gotten the pleasure of knowing. Not to mention what an amazing cook she is, gurlllll could that woman burn up some pots.

"Hey," I smiled as I walked into the room almost instantly zeroing in on my moms nearly lifeless body. "Oh my gosh," I gasped slowly walking closer to her bed. I felt all eyes on me as the room fell silent and I came closer and closer to my mother. They had put casts on all her limbs. She had huge blue and purple marks on her face. The parts of her chest that the gown didn't cover was bandaged up and you could see the blood spots on the bandages slowly growing larger. They had all kinds of machines hooked up to her, she looked dead. I wouldn't be surprised if she was.

"Hi sweetie," Monica cooed as she approached me from behind. I placed my hand on my moms as a tear fell down my face before responding. "Hey," I sniffed not being able to hold in the storm of tears that suddenly found their way out. I'm not sure why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden, I was fine in the car. I made up in my mind that this happening to her was going to be good for me in the long run. So why am I crying?

"Come here sweetie, I got you. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay," Monica comforted, giving me a big hug while rubbing my back. I hate crying in front of people but I couldn't stop the tears from coming out.

~

After I cried with Monica for awhile, we made our way down to the hospital cafeteria. I hadn't eaten in 2 days so I was pretty hungry. Mom hasn't gotten me any ramen lately and my bus gets to the school too late in the mornings for breakfast. Since I'm doing so well academically I also have early dismissal so I get out before lunch. It's okay though, I should loose a few pounds anyway really. Mom always says that "I'm becoming a cow," so it wouldn't hurt to starve myself for a little while.

"Get anything you want hun, it's on me," Monica smiled. "Thank you so much. Everything here looks a little too expensive could I just go to the vending machines?" I asked Monica looking around at all the prices in the cafeteria. When I was younger and my mom was still kinda sober, she would always always tell me, "Never get anything expensive when someone else is paying for it. We're not greedy people, always stay grateful and humble for what people do for you." Ever since then I've never complained about anything anyone ever gave me and when they give me the choice to choose I get the cheapest thing possible. Beggars can't be choosers.

"Are you sure?" She asked me with a look of pity on her face, the same one that cop had when he told me my mom was in the hospital. "Mm hmm, I'm sure. I think I saw a fruit cup in there. I love fruit cups," I quickly said turning to walk back towards the vending machines.

I grabbed my snack and we took a seat in the lobby area near the machines. "So I have some news," Monica sighed. "What kind of news?" I asked concerned. Monica only says she has "news" when it's bad news. "I'm not able to take you in…legally," she frowned. "What do you mean? Where am I supposed to go? A shelter?" I asked in a panic. I don't want to go to a shelter I've been there before, it's terrible. No child should ever have to go through that. "Nonono hun calm down," she said taking my hands into hers. I took a few deep breaths before she continued.

"I don't have power of attorney over you, but someone else does," she said with her eyes glued to my hands. "What do you mean? We have no one else but you," I said with furrowed eyes. I'm legit confused on who would have power of attorney over me if we know literally NO ONE else.

"Umm do you remember Oliver sweetie?" She asked. "Oliver? Oliver?...oh you mean the Oliver that left my mom and me without an explanation. The Oliver that triggered all of my moms drinking and abusive streaks?! The Oliver that claimed he had my back but left me on one of the days that mattered most?!" I asked rhetorically. I thought I'd never see his pathetic ass face again. "I'm sure he didn't mean it that way hun. Sometimes adults go through things and they try to keep them secret for the child's sake," Monica explained in her sad attempt to defend him. Her kind words about him meant nothing to me. HE broke the promise that he said he would never break, and I paid for it well on after her left.

"Could we go back up to my moms room?" I asked to change the subject. Monica gave me a sad look before she nodded her head yes.