Apologetic Fool

I walked down that hallway for longer than I can remember. Thinking about my mom and how long it may take for her to recover, if she even does. How I am being forced to live with someone I can't stand. And not having a single say in it at all.

I got lost wandering the halls. So I decided to turn around to try and find a doctor or a nurse to redirect me when I spotted Oliver following me. "Grace," he gasped with a sadden look on his face. "What!" I spat as he walked closer to me. I haven't seen him in years and I'm already tiered of his stupid face. He's caused so much pain I don't want anything to do with him. "I want to talk to you, could we talk?" He pleaded. I shrugged my shoulders at him, signaling that I didn't care if HE talked I wasn't going to say anything.

His face lit up with excitement and he motioned in a direction with some chairs. I took the hint, walked over, and sat down. "Look Grace, I'm so sorry that I left. There were some things that your mother and I-" "nope!" I interrupted, standing to my feet ready to walk away. "Okay, okay," he sighed, grabbing my hand gently. I quickly snatched my hand away from him. I turned to face him and studied his pathetic face with disgust. "What you're not going to do is blame my mom for the reason YOU left me," I started. "YOU left without an explanation why. I went looking for you for months after school and you were no where in sight," I said feeling the tears coming back on as the memories flooded my mind.

"You were my saving grace Oliver. And when you left me, mom got worse in her drinking and even more abusive. There were all kinds of strange men in the house that I didn't feel safe being around. I would lock myself in my bedroom for days and not come out because I was afraid they would hurt me," I broke down. Tears finding their way out again, my body shaking at the memories of me being back there. Locked in my room, sitting on the floor in my closet behind my winter coats while the strange men knocked on the door for me to let them in.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry Grace," he apologized, his eyes cloudy with tears as well. He held out his arms and captured me in a hug. His body feeling warm on mine, I was in my safe place. I missed being close to him. It made me feel how I felt when I was a little girl again.

"Get off me!" I snapped, shoving him when I realized what was happening. "You can't just come in here with a few sorry ass apologies and expect everything to be okay. It doesn't work like that," I explained, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"I wanna make this right Grace, you don't have to forgive me now. I know that's not how it works with you. But please at least give me a chance. I promise I will NEVER leave you again," Oliver begged as the tears that had been clouding his vision fell down his face. He looked genuinely upset, but I'm not giving in so easily. He caused a lot of pain and hurt on my end and he's gonna have to work to get his Leilani back.

"I'm not saying I forgive you and I'm not saying that we're on good terms either. I hate that I have to live with you but I have a few months til I'm 18 and that's all that matters," I spoke with my eyes towards the ground at his feet. I hate seeing him upset, when I was little and he would be sad I would try my hardest to get him smiling again. It's not the same case this time around though. And even though he caused me a lot of pain it still hurt me to see him upset.

"Okay, I can accept that," he sniffed. "Do you wanna walk back to your mother's room and see what else the doctor says before we leave?" Oliver asked. "Sure," I said making the mistake of looking up into his deep blue eyes. They were puffy and around them they were an dark red color. He was actually crying.

~

We walked back towards my mother's room and met with the doctor one last time. "We will keep you guys updated on what's going on with her every week. Just make sure to keep your phones on," the doctor explained. "We will," Oliver answered. I looked over at Monica who had been crying and walked over to give her a hug. "I'm gonna miss you baby girl. Take care and make sure you call me and let me know what's going on with you okay," she said, rubbing my back while she spoke.

"I will, I promise," I agreed. We exchanged smiles and i walked over to my moms bed. She looks so peaceful and at the same time so horrible. Her small body bent up and plastered in casts. I can't get over how dead she looks. I feel bad but at the same time I don't. Does that make me a horrible person? "I love you mama, you're gonna make it out of this," I whispered to her before I kissed her sweaty forehead and went back over to Oliver.

"You ready?" He asked solemnly. "Sure," I sighed turning to glance at my mom one last time before walking out of her room.