1 Those Pesky Little A-holes!
"DAAADDDDD! Wake up already, we have school today!!!"
"Dad! Where did you keep my science project?"
"DDAAADD!!! BREAAAKFASSSTTTT!!!"
"Goddammit! You pesky little—"
SMACK!!!
"Watch what you speak! Also, get up already, its 8 a.m." said Indu, my cold-faced and multi-talented wife.
"Urghhhh…" I replied with a disgruntled sigh but, like always, she was grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me out of my bed.
"Wake up already, you sleepy-head!!!" she shouted loudly in my ears and forced made me off my beautiful bed.
"Geez…" I said disgruntled but didn't dare go back and lie down. It would spell certain death of me and even in half-sleepy mode, my unconscious mind was telling me that the 'demon' was standing near.
"DDDAAADDD!! BBRREAAKFASSTT!!!" shouted those two pesky little critters and with nothing to do, I replied, angrily, "Coming for fudges' sake!!!" Damn, nearly shouted fuck, man!
"Now, get a move on!!" said my wife as she kicked me out of my room, while she changed into her work uniform.
"Hey, at least give me a shirt—"
BAM!!
And thus, after going for a small hunt for a t-shirt, I head to the kitchen to make breakfast for the family. Nearby, in the dining table, the two little pesky critters were waiting. Who were they, you ask?
My answer, who could they be other than my two biggest mistakes of my life, my two daughters, Alia and Anya,14 and 8 years old respectively.
"Dad, how long until those bread is coming? At your pace, I think we will surely skip the first two periods?" Alia said as she browsed through her Instagram.
"Oh yea, then why don't you take a break from school today?" I roll my eyes angrily but since my back was facing them, they didn't see it.
"And who is gonna submit my science project?" she asks in an aghast tone.
"And who stayed up half-a-night to create that damn project, girl?!!!!" I shout back, indignantly.
"Shut up already, sis!" said Anya angrily in her cute squeaky voice, "Do you really want us to go to school empty-stomach?!!"
Anya's retort promptly shut Alia up and calmed my nerves down a little. Well truth be told, it took only 30 minutes to copy the contents from Wikipedia, remove the typos and print but who cares. What? What did I do the rest of the night, you ask? Heh! Of course, I browsed the net for some anime memes and finished a damn season of Saruto, Naruto Next-Next-Next generation. What! Don't look at me like I'm a weeb. I'm a professional freelancer, something which you can never be, so move on.
Anyway, while contemplating my own thoughts and setting the robo-toaster to auto toast the bread, I complete a perfect breakfast with four toast and two boiled eggs on each plate with salads and milk. As I serve the plates to the two devils, my wife had already dressed up in formal attire and suit and was all giddy-up to conquer the corporate world. The only problem, she worked in the Tax Department of the Federal Government.
"Ooh! What's the occasion?!" I ask surprised because even though she was quite uptight and strict, the most she would wear for her work would be a clean white shirt, black skirt and leggings. Other times, she would just go in jeans and a white shirt. And I don't blame her, after all, it's really hard for a government official to be true and strict to their jobs. It's the Southern Federation, after all, not Imperial Japan or EU.
In fact, I betted with my homies that she wouldn't be able to keep her uptight fashion for more than two months when she joined the department but damn, she kept her uptight profile for a whole half-a-year before relaxing. I lost a whole thousand creds to my homies for that but its been nearly seven years in her jobs and she had settled in. Perfectly.
And thus, it was quite a shock to me to see her in a suit.
Unfortunately, the only answer I got was a sigh.
"Oh! Is mom seeing a guy? Hehe!! Is he handsome? Muscular?" giggled Anya mischievously to which my wife's only reaction was, an eye roll.
See, I told you, these kids are nothing but little pesky critters!!!!!!!
But anyway, I'm not too worried that my wife will leave me and go for another guy. After all, my wife is a single most special specimen in the whole of the human race of 10 billion humans spanning across the entire solar system.
Do I love her?
Hell yeah, I love her with all my life and soul. After all, if I didn't, I'm pretty sure half the male population of the whole human race would have their dicks shorn off or smashed into pieces and the other half, impaled to death, including me. Now, I don't consider myself a hero but as I said, my wife is special. I mean, have you ever heard of a wife who nearly breaks off their hubby's third leg in their honeymoon night or completely wreck a gang which had international backing just because one of her hubby's friend was their official members?
I never did before marrying her. She is a warrior girl, I say and I'm protecting the entire human male population by shielding her from all the evils in the SolarNet. I-I don't want to brag but give me some credit here, guys. I bet all the husbands of warrior girls would know my pains, won't you?
Anyway, seeing that her teasing was getting nowhere, Anya pouts cutely and shoves the entire boiled egg in her mouth.
"Hey, eat slowly. We don't want to clear your corpse after you choke to death!" said Alia.
"Says the one who's scrolling her Instagram while eating. By the way, did Oberon really like that slutty picture of yours? Hehe!!"
"Watch your mouth, you little—"
"Guys, can we please have a little peace here. At least while we are eating?" I say in a pleading tone.
"Hmph! Bitch!"
"Slut." They both retort to each other but I am powerless to stop them. After all, I'm merely a human while these two are spawns of the devil. Fortunately, I have the devil here.
My wife glares at both of them and says in a gnashing tone, "The one who speaks the next word, dies."
'Hiiiiii!'
'Hiiiiii!'
Both of them stopped at once and focused back on their breakfast.
'Thank you, my beautiful wife…' a few invisible tears roll off my cheeks but I didn't dare voice my feelings. After all, her 'no-words' warning did include me too.
Anyway, after completing our breakfast, we silently go about our own jobs. The schools for the girls start at 9 am and my wife's office starts at 10 but since they go to different schools, my wife drops them to their schools before driving to her office.
After doing a round-check of their copies and books, I strap their bags and hand it to them. Both of them take their bags silently and Alia her science project which I kept safely in my work-room before silently making their way towards the hovercar which was parked securely in our parking space.
"Have a nice day at work," I smile beamingly at her and in return, she lightly kissed me on my cheek. Surprising.
She smiled sweetly at me and replied, "It's a good luck charm for me."
"Eh? But isn't it the other way around?"
"Nope! Your kiss only brings bad luck."
"Yea guessed it. By the way, are you really not going to tell me what's with the suit?" I asked, expectantly and looking at my curious face, she couldn't deny.
She sighed and replied, "T-the vice-president of the Eastern Federation Income Department is coming to visit our office."
"Only that?" I asked, digging a little deeper.
She sighed a little more and replied, "And there's a party at night."
"Nice, have fun!" I say beamingly but she correctly guessed my intent. She rolled her eyes and replied, "Fine, I will bring a whole plate of chicken lollipops for you."
"And chicken nuggets, too. I will prepare the sauce." I say excitedly to which she could only smile lovingly and nod. After saying our goodbyes, she headed towards the car where the demon-spawns were raging a verbal battle and drove off to the urban horizon.
"Huh… that means I need to take care of those devils for a whole 6 hours. It's a tough fight but it's all for those chicken pops! Alright, Ave, let's do it!!"
….
So, let's start with a simple introduction. I'm Ave, a 35-year-old freelancer/househusband. I have been married to Indu for nearly 14 years and for the most part, it was a happy marriage. I, unlike now, used to be an employee of a medium-range MNC with an average salary and had quite a good office life. I was one of the few among the young adults, who not only got a job they wanted but a job they liked to do. I worked for a total of five years in that company before I left.
Why did I leave?
Oh! It was all because of my wife.
You see, before coming here (the city where we are currently living in is called Fortune City and is one of the newly constructed cities with only 30 years of history), we used to live in the capital city of the Southern Federation, the Imperial Delhi. It was one of the largest cities in the whole of the earth with nearly 50 million occupants and extremely congested apartments. It was a hell of steel and technology with hovercars whizzing past, honking at empty air, people cursing at each other for silly things and cutthroat competition.
Fortunately, I was lucky to be employed in a humane private corporation but my wife wasn't so lucky. She was, after all, born and bred up in the Imperial Delhi and therefore she was competitive and to top it all off, she was quite a genius. The only problem was, she was trying to climb the corporate ladder but didn't have any Killing Intent. And therefore, even though she earned a bucket load of money every money, she was never at peace. Always, worrying about her job security and whatnot, she nearly had a panic attack and had to quit her job. I mean, I MADE her quit her job.
Fortunately, after a few months of job hunting, she got a government job in the tax department but it was for the branch in Fortune City in Eastern Federation. It was a tough choice for her to move out but I did it in a snap of a finger. I quit my job and relocated to the Fortune City with her and our daughter, Alia and bought a magnificent three-storied house in the suburban area. It was cheap because the city was newly built and pretty unknown but it was a great catch for us.
After this, she joined her government job and I turned towards my faithful computers and SolarNet to do medium-difficulty freelancer jobs for various people and corporations. And now, 9 years after moving in, I'm normal in every way possible. Except for those devils' spawn.
…
