Chapter 12: This World is Full of Regrets

It was unfortunate: Begonias had no fragrance, and roses had many thorns – this beauty was in fact a big bandit!

Xie Yun sat down beside Zhang Chenfei, and then turned to Zhou Fei, smiling: "My divination from the stars was right. See, we managed to escape without any trouble."

Zhou Fei couldn't help but say sarcastically: "Your definition of 'without any trouble' is a bit different from everyone else's."

"Eh, your expectations are too lofty," Xie Yun said gleefully, pointing at her and then himself. "Look, we are alive, can breathe, haven't lost any limbs, have food to eat, water to drink and a place to sit, with nowhere in the world that we can't go. Isn't that great?"

Zhou Fei arched a brow, saying: "You can't take any credit for this. What if I had done what you told me to do at first, and escaped alone?"

"That would also have been a wise choice. Didn't I tell you that something big was bound to happen soon? See, something big happened indeed. If you had listened to me and left earlier, you would've been able to avoid Shen Tianshu and his men completely." Xie Yun couldn't help but add sweetly, "Of course, while I would have gone to see my ancestors first, I would have done a major service to the world by preserving the existence of such a lovely cherry blossom[1] like yourself."

Zhang Chenfei felt his temple throb with rage at this oily young fellow's barefaced attempts at flirting with his shimei, thinking: Screw him, does he think that I'm a block of wood?

So with a loud and emphatic "Hmph", he started to interrupt, but to his amazement, this little shimei of his that he hadn't seen for a year must have eaten some kind of magic pill that caused her to mature overnight – a few years ago when Xie Yun had called Zhou Fei a pretty young lady, she had been dazed and confused. But now she was familiar with his antics, and laughed cynically: "Really? According to you, I'm not even half your height. Certainly not tall enough to bloom on trees."

She really knew how to bear a grudge.

Sniffing slightly, Xie Yun didn't seem to mind her words at all, continuing with a smile: "However, I guess that bloom is gone now, and all that's left is a kindred spirit – with a black face. People say that 'gold is easy to obtain, but a friend is hard to find', so I suppose this works out even better for me."

Zhou Fei stretched out a hand to wipe her face, and saw that it was indeed covered in dust. She didn't need a mirror to know how her face must look right now. Spotting a little stream nearby, she wondered if she should go wash her face like Wu Chuchu had done. But she couldn't be bothered to stand, her feeble vanity no match for her laziness. She thought to herself: Fine, I'll just be black-faced then.

Giving up on hygiene for now, she started munching hungrily on the fish in her hand.

Xie Yun feared that Zhang Chenfei was about to grind his teeth down to their roots, so loud was he gritting his teeth at his conversation with Zhou Fei. To prevent this young maiden's shixiong from beating him up, Xie Yun quickly turned to him and struck up a conversation. He had a talent for adapting his conversation to the person he was talking to – while he was full of nonsense, there was method to his madness – and often put people at ease, even leaving a good impression. A few sentences was all he needed to dissipate Zhang Chenfei's rage, and the latter began to chummily introduce him to the rest of the 48 Zhai's disciples.

"Many thanks." Xie Yun accepted a roasted bird that Zhang Chenfei had offered him. Sniffing it, he sighed: "It's been quite a while since I had a good meal. Making a living certainly isn't easy – that client of mine has probably perished, so I'm afraid I'll never see the rest of the money he owes me…it's a pity about my sword, I hope whoever picks it up in the end is discerning enough to use it properly instead of just flinging it in the trash."

Zhang Chenfei sensed that he was trying to hint at something, and asked: "Why, does Brother Xie think that Huo Jia Bao is in trouble?"

The old priest Chong Xiaozi, who was sitting close to the fire nearby, looked up at this, his eyes bright.

Xie Yun squinted through the steam rising from the bird in his hands, and said slowly: "Those fellows from the Big Dipper came out in full force, killing everyone on sight. They certainly weren't set on killing the Vermillion Bird Lord out of the goodness of their hearts. Other than Huo Jia Bao, there's probably little else worthy of Dubhe's personal attention."

Someone else said: "The Huo Clan has indeed been an unrivalled force in the Dongting Region for the past few years, and been bossing others around for some time. But you can't blame a group of hapless outcasts for wanting to find strength in numbers. Before Huo Liantao even forms an alliance, the Northern Emperor has already set his mind on crushing them. What a fearsome 'Son of Heaven'[2]! Isn't he afraid that one day the common people will revolt against his iron rule?"

Xie Yun smiled, saying: "Brother, let me correct you there – major sects and martial arts experts have always refused to submit to local officials, and to bow to the tax system. They are also prone to fighting at the drop of a hat, and killing those who offend them – just what kind of 'common people' are they?"

Zhou Fei was listening quietly, feeling like these people and these affairs were incredibly complicated. Everyone seemed to have their own way of looking at things, and their own set of principles, but did not abide by any rules, nor any sense of morality: the only way to solve problems was for me to try to kill you, and for you to try to kill me back – the Northern Dynasty took it that they were eliminating a group of mutinous bandits, the Southern Dynasty saw themselves as the rightful rulers, while the Huo Clan and their supporters felt that they were true heroes trying to overturn a tyrannical regime.

Zhou Fei thought hard for a while, but still couldn't figure out who was right and who was wrong – instead she felt that whichever way she looked at it, all of them just didn't seem like good people.

But then again, how exactly did you define 'good people'?

Zhou Fei ended up with even more questions than answers, and seemed to have lost her appetite.

Once a chaotic struggle for power had begun, it wouldn't be resolved quite so easily. There would need to be a certain force, either incredibly strong, or extremely vicious, that was capable of eradicating all other parties – who had their own legitimate principles or thought that they had their own legitimate principles – and thereby re-impose order and prosperity on these troubled lands. How many would be killed in this process? How many innocent people would die? How many tears would be shed, how much blood would flow?

Probably far too much to count.

Suddenly, a hand reached over, and rudely tore off the blackened tail of the fish in Zhou Fei's hands without asking. Stirred from her reverie, Zhou Fei looked at Xie Yun. The fellow had promised to treat her to a meal, but was now chewing with difficulty on a fishtail that was hers. He said critically: "It's bland – yours tastes even worse."

Zhou Fei blinked several times, then asked: "Are you really a swordsmith?"

"Just to make a living. I recently changed jobs." Xie Yun said.

Zhou Fei asked curiously: "What were you doing before?"

"I used to write little songs for the stage." Xie Yun said with utmost seriousness, "I'm not gonna lie, the song you heard the Vermillion Bird Lord sing was written by me. The entire piece is called 'Tower of Parting Sorrow', comprised of nine stanzas. 'Tears Ruin' is one of them. I'm quite proud of this masterpiece of mine. It was popular everywhere, performed by the most esteemed of songstresses, to the most lowly of street buskers. Just one or two stanzas is enough to get the crowds' applause."

Zhou Fei: "…"

Wow, what a big deal.

While she said this to herself in the most sarcastic tone possible, accompanied by a massive internal eye-roll, Zhang Chenfei on the other hand widened his eyes, and exclaimed: "What? You wrote it? Are you the composer who calls himself 'A Thousand Years of Anguish'? Wait a minute, don't they all say that A Thousand Years of Anguish is a beautiful lady?"

Xie Yun said 'modestly': "You flatter me. I am indeed a little beautiful, but I certainly don't dare call myself a 'lady'."

Zhang Chenfei started singing right there and then, clapping his hands to the beat: "There's a line that goes: The letter of tender words has yellowed, spotted with tears of red rouge, two lonely tracks of tears streak the face, and the old garden is…"

Xie Yun continued: "The old garden is buried in snow."

"Yes! That's the line!" Seized with excitement, Zhang Chenfei turned to see Zhou Fei staring at him with huge eyes, and felt the rest of the words catch in his throat, "Ahem…"

Zhou Fei said slowly: "Shixiong seems very familiar with this song. Pray tell, where did you hear it?"

Zhang Chenfei could see the words 'I'm telling your mother when we get back' written as clear as day on her face, and quickly tried to salvage the situation: "In inns along the way…we saw…ahem…an old and blind street busker…"

"Ahhhh." Zhou Fei made a delicate songstress' gesture with her hands,[3] and said: "Did the old blind busker sing 'tears of red rouge' just like this?"

Zhang Chenfei would never have thought that his upright-looking shimei had this cheeky side to her, and said angrily: "Zhou Fei! How dare you tease your shixiong? You little scoundrel who bites the hand that fed you – have you forgotten how I used to climb trees to get birds' nests for you and Yan?"

The other disciples started laughing at this, their lively banter echoing round the fire.

Xie Yun couldn't help but smile as he looked around at them. The 48 Zhai was comprised of 48 sects. While history had so often shown that such so-called alliances were in fact plagued with internal strife and in-fighting – this lone island still managed to stand tall and calm amidst the roiling seas, forming a unified whole that no outsiders could penetrate. Even a girl of few words like Zhou Fei had livened up considerably after meeting her fellow disciples.

Ah, I'm so envious, Xie Yun thought to himself, as he reached over to stoke the fire.

Once everyone had fallen asleep, Xie Yun walked off to a quiet spot nearby, plucking several leaves and testing each to see which one sounded best. Settling on the most crisp-sounding one, he lifted it to his lips and began to blow on this makeshift instrument. It was a cheerful little folk ditty of unknown origin, that made one think of a springtime field of flowers in bloom.

Zhou Fei was seated with her back against a tree, her eyes closed. She hadn't dared to fall into a deep sleep, a part of her still awake and alert. As she listened to that soft tune, she started to feel inexplicably cheered. And she began to think, that maybe what Xie Yun had said about having 'food to eat, water to drink and a place to sit, with nowhere in the world that we can't go' was quite right indeed.

The next morning, everyone washed up quickly and got ready to depart for Huarong City.

Zhou Fei had finally managed to wipe all the dust off her grimy face. Zhang Chenfei had been teasing her mercilessly for her lack of hygiene, but before she could deliver a scathing retort, she heard Chong Xiaozi say: "Miss Zhou, may I have a word?"

It was extremely difficult for a mere mortal to maintain a deity-esque elegance and dignity – such an appearance required the investment of a good amount of money and time. This priest looked for all the world like a roadside beggar, not like a deity in the slightest. But if one were to exchange a few words with him, one couldn't help but feel respect for him despite his dishevelled exterior. It was something about his aura – it compelled one to speak a little more politely, to be a little more civilised.

Zhou Fei hurried over, and asked: "Is there anything that I might be able to help you with?"

Chong Xiaozi said, out of the blue: "Young lady, have you ever been engaged in scholarly pursuits?"

Recalling how she had thoroughly embarrassed herself in front of him the night before, Zhou Fei secretly felt a little relieved – at least none of these people knew who her father was.

The only thing that she had inherited from Zhou Yitang was probably his looks.

Zhou Fei replied: "I've studied a little before….ahem, but I didn't put in too much effort, and have forgotten most of it. But I still can read and write, at least."

Chong Xiaozi nodded kindly, then pulled out a handwritten copy of the 'Tao Te Ching'[4] from somewhere within his robes and handed it to her, saying: "I have nothing much on me, and this is the only thing that was not seized when I was captured. Seeing as you pick things up quickly, let this be my farewell gift to you."

Zhou Fei flipped through its pages, seeing line after line about the 'Way' this and the 'Way' that, and instantly felt the kind of dizziness that always struck her whenever she opened thick ancient classics. She thought, with a great deal of bewilderment: In what way do I pick things up quickly? In being a Taoist priest?

She asked: "Senior, are you not coming with us to Huarong City?"

Chong Xiaozi stroked his long beard, smiling: "I have some personal matters to attend to, so I'm afraid that we must bid farewell here."

Zhou Fei's curiosity was piqued, but she refrained from probing further, since he had clearly said that these were 'personal matters', and it would be impolite to question an elder. She said: "I wish you safe travels…and thank you for your gift."

Chong Xiaozi bowed in farewell to the group around him. After a good night's rest, all traces of the drug in his body had been completely eliminated. With a soft swoosh, he leapt into the air, floating forward like a leaf in the breeze, and was gone in an instant.

Zhang Chenfei's easygoing ways hid a meticulous mind. Staring at Chong Xiaozi's retreating figure, his eyes narrowed, and he said softly: "This senior appears to be a person of great skill, perhaps even on par with my mother. How did he end up like the rest of us, falling so easily to that devil?"

While 'Wen Rou San' was strong enough to put down a horse, if one's internal strength was of a sufficiently advanced level, it was said that one could temporarily suppress the drug's effects. Even if it was only for a short while, wouldn't it at least have been enough to make a quick escape?

Xie Yun's eyes flashed. He had an excellent sense of direction, and was a born navigator. He had immediately discerned that Chong Xiaozi was heading in the direction of Yueyang City. The old priest must have heard his conversation with Zhang Chenfei the night before, and upon learning that Huo Jia Bao might be in trouble, must have wanted to hasten there to warn them. Most of the people gathered here had been captured by Mu Xiaoqiao because of their refusal to submit to the Huo Clan, such that whatever good feelings they might have previously had towards the Huo Clan were probably all gone by now. Chong Xiaozi had therefore not spelled out what he was intending to, only referring to it as a 'personal matter'.

Changing the subject, Xie Yun said, "We were just erstwhile travel companions. Let's not delay any longer, and set off now." He glanced at Zhou Fei, who was looking intently at the Tao Te Ching in her hand with a furrowed brow. Xie Yun patted her on the shoulder, and said: "Take good care of it."

Zhou Fei tucked it away, still utterly confused. Perhaps the old priest just couldn't stand the fact that she didn't even seem to understand basic phrases, and had therefore decided that the best farewell gift he could possibly bestow on her was a book? She thought to herself: But then why would he give me the Tao Te Ching? He probably should have given me the Three Character Classic[5] instead.

After a good night's rest, everyone had regained much of their strength, and they were much quicker on the road. They reached Huarong City well before noon. While the city was not a large one, it had an inn at least, which was practically heaven on earth for this band of erstwhile prisoners. It so happened that a secret post of the 48 Zhai had also been established in this city, allowing Zhang Chenfei and the disciples access to some money, as well as a means to send information back home.

Zhou Fei saw a short and skinny middle-aged man pay a visit to their inn, who was probably one of those manning the 48 Zhai's secret post here. He also met with Madam Wu, bowing deeply to her as he paid his respects. While he appeared frail, his eyes were bright – a savvy operator if she ever saw one. He only spent a short while at their inn before leaving, apparently to arrange horses and a carriage for them.

Zhou Fei finally managed to have a hot meal and a clean change of clothes. She first stuffed her face, until she couldn't eat another bite, then returned to her room for a hot bath. Feeling completely comfortable inside and out, she lay down on her bed in contentment. Massaging her aching muscles and joints, she decided that leaving home really was tough, and not fun in the slightest. After lolling about on her bed for a bit, she felt about in her robes for the book that the strange priest had given her. She started on the first few lines, intending to make some sense of it at least, but quickly fell dead asleep.

When she was awoken by a rapid knocking on her door, it was already evening.

Xie Yun had shaved, washed and changed, and even managed to procure a fan, which he now tapped provocatively in his hand, looking like a conman in the guise of a nobleman. The door opened to reveal a Zhou Fei who was still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her cheeks were suffused with a rare red flush, and she looked almost vulnerable.

Xie Yun's gaze swept imperceptibly across her from head to toe, and his voice softening, asked: "I saw Brother Zhang dispatch someone to convey a letter, will you all be returning home in the next few days?"

Zhou Fei rubbed her eyes, saying: "We left for the sole purpose of finding shixiong Chenfei, Madam Wu and the rest. Now that we've found them, it's about time we went back – although I hope that idiot Li Sheng has managed to crawl back home on his own somehow."

Xie Yun: "…"

He had just been thinking that she looked gentle and even adorable, but a few words out of her had promptly shattered that illusion.

He let out a dramatic internal sigh. It was unfortunate: Begonias had no fragrance, and roses had many thorns – this beauty was in fact a big bandit! If only she were a mute!

Quickly retracting his gentle tone, Xie Yun leaned lazily against the doorframe, saying with some amusement: "Then I'm afraid that I won't be able to accompany you all. Do you think your mother will try to have my head again if I personally deliver your new sabre to the 48 Zhai?"

Zhou Fei replied: "Probably not. In any case, I don't have a second father for you to kidnap."

Xie Yun didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

Then Zhou Fei asked: "Hey, Brother Xie, why is it that your qinggong is so good, but you can't seem to do anything else?"

Xie Yun arched a brow: "Who said that I can't do anything else? I can hammer steel to forge weapons, and I also…"

"Compose little ditties," Zhou Fei finished for him.

"Eh, I guess you don't know much of the world," Xie Yun said sagely. "It is said that 'Songs in times of instability are worth as much as jewels in prosperous times'. The more difficult life is, the more lucrative songs and plays are, much more so than forging swords – I put in so much effort to forge a good weapon, only to have my client die in the end. Who can I seek to get my dues now? As for martial arts, I have no grand ambitions to rule the world, so I only need to know enough to get by."

Zhou Fei couldn't believe her ears – that he would deem his penchant for fleeing at the slightest hint of trouble as 'enough to get by' was quite preposterous to her.

"Well, I shan't take up any more of your time – I saw a pawnshop on our way here, which might have a suitable weapon for you. Let me go choose one that can make up for the one that you broke in the valley." At that, he dropped the fan to his side and strolled leisurely away, humming all the while.

Zhou Fei felt certain that living with such a person would test the very limits of human patience and magnanimity. She stood by the door, trying to mimic Xie Yun's insouciant whistling to no avail, until her cheeks ached. Just then, the door of the neighbouring room creaked open. Wu Chuchu leaned shakily against the doorframe for support, her face scrunched up in pain and cold sweat beading her brow. She called out: "Miss…Miss Zhou."

Startled by her appearance, Zhou Fei asked: "Are you okay?"

Wu Chuchu looked like she was trying valiantly to hold something in, until her face was bright red with exertion. She finally whispered: "Well, that thing…"

Zhou Fei: "Which thing?"

Wu Chuchu was bent over slightly, a hand on her stomach, and Zhou Fei finally got it: "Ah…that…that thing…you…um…your stomach hurts?"

It was quite normal for young girls' periods to be quite inconsistent and painful, and this had likely been exacerbated by the frail and worrisome Miss Wu's extended stay in a cold and damp jail cell. Realising this, Zhou Fei found herself quite incapable of putting on her previous mask of bravado, and looked around her a tad helplessly. She whispered back: "Then what should we do? Should we…should we ask your mother for help?"

Wu Chuchu's voice had faded to an almost indiscernible whisper: "Mother has caught a cold, and is currently resting."

Oh boy, this mother and daughter were a sickly pair.

Zhou Fei had no idea how to deal with such a situation, but she was the only other girl in this entire inn, and therefore the young Miss Wu's only option for help. She had no choice but to simply sit Wu Chuchu down, place a hand on her back and try to channel a little of her chi[6] into the girl – but she didn't dare to use too much strength, as Wu Chuchu had never practiced martial arts before, and her meridians were fragile.

Zhou Fei's hands were warm and toasty, and Wu Chuchu's cheeks regained a little colour. But after only a short while, the pain started again in full force.

Zhou Fei tried the same thing two or three times, and realising that the pain would only subside a little whenever heat was being channelled into her body, said: "This doesn't seem to be working. Why don't I bring you to see a doctor?"

Wu Chuchu nodded her head meekly. As Zhou Fei had just finished channelling chi into her for the third time, she was feeling just well enough to walk out together with her.

Young girls of that age were inevitably quite shy about such affairs, and so the two tiptoed like thieves out of the inn, trying their darndest to avoid having to explain why they needed to go outside. Unfortunately, they still ran into that irritating shixiong Zhang Chenfei.

And of course, he had to ask: "Where are you girls going?"

Wu Chuchu's head was bowed almost to her chest in embarrassment, so it was up to Zhou Fei to say defiantly: "Out."

Zhang Chenfei looked sternly at her: "It's all well and good for you to be running around outside on your own, but why are you bringing Miss Wu along?"

Zhou Fei: "…"

Wu Chuchu stammered: "I…I also wanted to go out."

Zhang Chenfei couldn't really chastise this young gentlewoman who was a guest of the 48 Zhai, and so could only say: "Fine, fine, but don't go far. And you must come back before it gets dark."

The two girls quickly nodded their agreement, and practically dashed out the door. But just before they vanished out of his sight, Zhang Chenfei called out after them: "Fei, wait a minute!"

Zhou Fei turned around resignedly, groaning: "Yes, Old Mother Zhang?"

Wu Chuchu couldn't contain a soft chuckle from breaking out.

Zhang Chenfei nagged: "Do you even have any money on you? Hey! I'm talking to you young lady, how dare you run off like that!"

Zhou Fei was already dragging Wu Chuchu out the door and into the busy street, trying to get as far away from Zhang Chenfei's nagging as possible.

Only later would she think: if only she hadn't been in such a hurry to leave.

[1] In China, cherry blossoms represent love, and female beauty/sexuality/strength.

[2] The Chinese Emperor was viewed as having the Mandate of Heaven to rule, and was sometimes referred to like this.

[3] 兰花指 – Looks like this.

[4] This is a Chinese classic text credited to the 6th century BC sage Laozi. It is a fundamental text for both philosophical and religious Taoism. Its literal meaning, is the 'Way' – within the context of Taoism, this is the essential unnameable process of the universe – 'Virtue' – meaning ethics/morality – and 'Classic': Hence the Book of the Way and of Virtue.

[5]三字经 – Among the ancient Chinese classics, this is one of the most basic and easy to understand.

[6] 真气 – According to traditional Chinese medicine, chi is the most basic substance that sustains the activities of the human body. The vitality of human beings depends entirely on this chi. In wuxia, people could channel their chi into others to give them strength/healing.