Chapter 15 - Happy

In spending time with my parents I hadn't known how much time had passed. It wasn't until I saw Adelphos standing at the edge of the door that I realised many hours had gone by. He seemed to be watching with eyes full of glee, at us spending some proper time together for the first time. Anxious about breaking the atmosphere of joy floating amongst us, he stood still, satisfied with just observing. I call out to him. 

"Brother, you've returned!" 

"Yes" he provides a small, shy smile "I'm back". Walking up to sit on the seat opposite my parents, I get down off the arm rest to sit in the seat beside him. 

It was oddly comforting being together as a family. Though the four of us had sat together countless time, something felt new. As if I had only just allowed myself to accept their presence where previously I was walking through an endless fog, unaware of anything but myself. I could feel change, all around me. In the way I spoke to my family, in my feelings towards them, in the way my smile finally began to form naturally, and in how I was no longer caged by my own emotions. In a strange way, I needed to feel sadness to appreciate happiness.

"What were you all doing?" my brother questions. 

"We were looking through some of Persephone's childhood pictures" my step mother started responding "while she told us stories about them". 

I could see the shock in my brother's face and I burst out laughing once again. "What's with that face?" I ask him. 

He shakes his head and smiles "nothing. It's quite unfair that you told them all of these stories and yet I've heard none." he hints. 

"I'll tell you all the stories you want to hear later. Right now though, I'm focused on the fact that we haven't eaten yet. How about we eat first and then I'll go through all the pictures again for you?" I suggest in an attempt to placate him, though I knew he wasn't actually offended. 

"Promise?" he holds out his pinky.

I wrap my pinky around his, "promise."

"Okay" my father claps his hands and begins to get up, "let's get moving."

With that we all made our way to the dining room. Our late lunch went well as the room was full of chatter. Nothing of importance was being said and yet I found myself paying full attention to every word, in stark contrast to when I would only talk when there was something of importance. Today time would not stand still, refusing to slow enough to allow me to appreciate every passing moment of peace. As I allowed myself to enjoy the company of my family, I ate without worry about eating before others. There were hardly any negative thoughts or worries. It was as though this was the first time I wasn't lonely, and their presence was warding off all of my usual negativity. 

"How was your time out with your friends?" I ask.

"hmm, it was good. Nothing too special. We just met up to hang out like usual. It was nice seeing them all together though." 

"Well I'm glad you seemed to have fun".

"While we're on the topic of friends, Helios and Elina will be visiting later for dinner", he abruptly mentions.

"You... probably should have mentioned that as soon as you came." His mother says, in a manner that is less reprimanding and more worried. I suppose she is still aware that despite being friends, they are still a level above us. 

"Don't worry", I try to interject her obviously racing thoughts. "You don't need to try to prepare anything special. Everything is fine as is. Helios has been here enough times. Although the same can't be said for Elina, she doesn't strike me as someone critical who cares too much about things like that." 

She smiled like she was comforting me while I was trying to comfort her. Something about that made flowers bloom in my heart that was once always in pain. Something about the reciprocity of good, something about being willing to give and more importantly, the willingness to receive. It made me happy. I had forgotten such a feeling, unaware that I would feel it again. I was surprised. 

I clear my throat, uncomfortable at that realisation. "We've still got a few hours before they arrive. There's enough time to take care of everything, so don't worry."

"Yes, you're right. Thank you." This time the smile she offered felt more genuine, carrying a different weight. 

"Will they be staying over tonight? I'm aware that Helios has stayed over many times but I'm not sure whether that would change now that he's coming with Elina. Especially when she's never done that before." I turn to Adelphos. 

He strokes his chin as he ponders over my question before answering. "I'm not sure. I think it depends on how she feels after the visit and whether she would feel comfortable with it. It would probably be best to prepare as though they were staying over, just in case."

"Sure. That makes sense." At Adelphos' words, his mother tells the maids to prepare anything that would be needed for a sleepover. As lunch quickly came to an end and the house was hectic with rushing to get everything ready, I sat in my room with Anna. 

"This might be a little awkward but... could you maybe give me some ideas on how to get along with Elina." I begin, in a quiet voice, visibly making myself smaller. "It will probably be fine with Helios and Adelphos around us but if we're alone, especially in the case of a sleep over, I'm afraid I won't know what to do. I don't want to be awkward..." 

"Of course! Since we're very similar in age, should I teach you some popular games to play? I can also bring board games or toys for you to use!" she beams.

She's aware that I have more than enough toys but they're all for one person, as I've never needed to play with others, but kindly omits that part. Anna is very quick to understand my feelings and match them well. That's probably why we get along so well. She's another part of me but also an ideal that I'm constantly trying to reach. At times, speaking to her allows me to understand things from an outside perspective and at other times, speaking to her allows me to see things within myself that I didn't know existed. She is someone that makes me want to be a better person. An irreplaceable existence, to the me who is afraid of holding onto anything. 

"That would be great, thank you." 

She spent the next while enthusiastically teaching me all of her favourite games. Overjoyed isn't a good enough word to explain how she seemed, there aren't enough words in any language to explain the pure happiness she exhibits. 

She is the sun I had endlessly been chasing after.