1 The First Day of the Last Year

"Get your ass up loser! Do you really want to hear 'I thought you wasn't comin' after you bang on the bus door while it leaves your street?" came the loud recording of my voice from my phone across the room. I have to have my phone across the room, otherwise my alarm would never get me up. One of the many lessons I learned from last year after I nearly failed school. Not because of being a moron, but because I couldn't be bothered to wake up so damn early in the morning like most human beings. Okay, so maybe I was kind of a moron for allowing that to happen. Anyways, my dad leaves early for work and returns to the house late in the evening. I live too far from my magnet school to walk, so if I miss the bus, I miss the day of school. Whoever thought it was a good idea to make kids to go to school so early must've had one of those cop mustaches you see in 80's movies that are dead-giveaways for type A schmucks. The kind of people who believe mainstream media at face value and look down on the generations after them. The worst kind of people.

Through sheer annoyance rather than will, my body moved limb by limb. Memories of the better world I had just woken up from faded fast. I think the dream had something to do with being successful. That and fast food, which I never get enough of. I hurried to silence my phone before the recording reached the more insulting part. A quick swipe revealed an additional hurdle; math. Damn my more sensible self for putting me through this. If I weren't trying to curb my self-destructive behaviors, I'd sabotage that guy. I solved the problem right as my phone was calling me some choice curse words.

I swayed where I stood as my brain figured out how to compensate gravity and the earth's rotation with my minimally muscled skeleton. An old Christmas song played in my head as I brought one foot in front of the other to my bathroom door. A shower is the only thing that can give me the necessary amount of lucidity required to make coffee. If I can make it to my coffee, I could make it to the bus. If I can make it to the bus, I can make it to school. Unless the bus fatally crashes, which at this point my morning, isn't an unwelcome idea.

After I was clean enough to hear my butt squeek, I met the cold air just outside my shower with irritation and hard nipples. It's always too damn cold in this house, and being wet just makes the cold go from bad to unbearable. I was drying myself like it was an Olympic sport. I rushed to put on clothes without looking in the mirror because I hate how my body looks, especially when it's cold. Not as macho, feel me? Also, I'm too skinny for what I think is ideal.

A basic combover and a lotion lathering later, I shivered myself down the stairs. The only thing I like about my mornings was being alone. My dad leaves the house earlier than I wake up. I don't know how he does it, but I always assumed it was with the assistance of narcotics. The Keurig gave me my elixir of life, and I gave it pets like an obedient dog. I had a dog, but my dad abandoned it to a shelter when I did so poorly in school last year as a punishment, if that gives any insight to his character. I hope a functional family adopted him.

Sugary cereal complemented and compounded the energy my coffee provided. Now I'm truly awake. The time is six fifteen in the morning and my bus arrives in five minutes, and leaves in five and a quarter minutes. Damn. I must've taken too long in the shower. I knew that shower felt too good. Comfort can be a distraction, I guess.

I locked the door behind me, then made like a Jamaican and sprinted. If any other early risers in the neighborhood took out their trash, they would've seen me running like a madman. Not that I would care, this past year has numbed my feelings of shame from the overexposure of it. I see the last kid from my area climbing into the bus at the end of the street just as I turn the corner. I aggressively picked up pace like that bus driver owed me money. Right before I reached the door, the wheels of the bus began to turn round and round. I knocked on the door, almost politely, and the bus picked up pace. Then I hammered that thing like it was Noah's ark and the flood came. An extended moment of the driver's obliviousness passed. Then, as though suddenly she was paying attention to her surroundings, she turned to lock eyes with me. An astonished expression preceded the screeching brake calipers. It was the same driver as last year. I knew what was coming before it even happened. I looked at her apprehensively as her mouth opened to say,

"I thought you wasn't comin'!". I hate her so much. Panting and nearly exhausted, I lumbered to the back of the bus where the cool kids sat. Aka just me. Aka the only senior who seems to still be taking the bus. I have a license, so at least that's not the problem. The problem is I haven't really done anything to deserve a car. I may be bold, but not bold enough to ask my dad for a car. I know it seems stereotypical of a teenager to say, but I know exactly the kind of response he would have. My dad's not what you would call a great communicator. He's a reactor. He would just blow up, then relay his same psychological assault about my failures laden with a few of his favorite insults. The kind of insults he's called me since I was in elementary school. I'm somewhat numbed to them, but if I'm being honest, parents seem to have direct access to the core of whatever it is that we are. It still affects me, but I'm optimistic that that sensitive spot in my soul will eventually harden into scar tissue.

The bus is a place where I like to think. Every other area of my life seems to just distract me, but this environment makes me contemplate life. Today, being the first day of senior year, my anxieties were numerous. Will I have any friends in my new classes? Will I know anybody at lunch, or will I have to, God forbid, sit alone. Will I be able to get through the pressures and graduate? Are people still talking about me from last year's near-failure? I know these things are childish, but being a child, they matter to me. If only my awareness could nullify my feelings.

My bus is usually the first to arrive, so thankfully no one gets to see me because the cool people arrive fashionably close to the first bell. I'm not exactly in with the cool crowd, more like adjacent. I'm good friends with some people who are in, and those people aren't that close to each other but they provide a good word. My best friend, Anthony, is one of the coolest kids, and gives me the majority of my street cred. I exited the bus, and traumatic flashbacks momentarily halted my advance. Gripping the straps of my backpack tightly, I mechanically moved towards the school entrance.

I still felt hungry. It turns out a few bites of sugary cereal wasn't enough. Luckily, I'm poor, and live with a single parent, so I get free breakfast and lunch at the cafeteria. After entering my student id, and getting my complimentary breakfast, I scanned the early school crowd for someone I was on good terms with. David, a complete geek that played pirated multiplayer games in the library after school, made eye contact with me. Even though most that are around my upper-middle level of popularity wouldn't dare befriend such a person, I've been fortunate enough to develop a reputation of having a socially diverse circle. Smiling warmly back at him, I made my way to his lonely table. I shared what I had from my lunch with him. He normally skips breakfast because his parents force him to get to school even earlier than me. They're busy people who treat David too strictly for a nice guy who gets all A's.

"Long time no see my man" I say.

"Yeah Mike. Did you really go to summer school?" David asked.

"That's just a rumor. I'll have you know I passed.. barely." I ended with a nervous chuckle.

"That's surprising. You do as well as me on the tests.. when you take them"

"Everyone knows that tests don't matter in high school if you don't do your homework and show up for school." I said nonchalantly.

"I guess so. I don't think it's right. Listen dude, I'm getting a car soon! I almost saved enough from the summer job my parents made me get. In about 5 weeks, if you're ever late to the bus, I can come grab you!" David offered. That warmed my heart. He's one of the two people I talk about my problems with, and the only person whom I know could keep things private. Twenty minutes of friendly chat passed. I eyed the clock carefully for the time when my best friend usually arrived.

"I'm gonna head out man. It's good seeing you, and I appreciate you man." I said to David.

"You too dude. See you around, Mike".

I walked slowly to the parking lot. I tried not to look too eager or in a rush because it would be unbecoming to a person of my social stature. Not that it really matters, but for some reason, it feels like it matters. Right as I stepped onto the lot, my friend Anthony pulled into his usual parking spot blasting his music through his Corvette's subwoofers. I flipped him off endearingly, and he returned the gesture with a grin. Based on how things were going, I anticipated a good first day, and a good year to come.