15 Part 15 - Cersei's thoughts

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First off, I would like to address the POVs I'm writing right now. I would also like to advance the story to more interesting topics but I feel like these POVs are important to show the relationships of Escanor's family members with Escanor.

A few of you wrote about it being boring and I'm sorry but you don't have to read it. After a more or less 9-year time skip I wanted to somewhat showcase the relationships between the family.

In the future, there will be more of these POVs as it helps me explain the thought process of my characters. I'm not a very good writer so this may seem boring I understand.

But if you think it's boring then just give me a tip on how to change it and what I should rather write about. Just telling me that it's boring doesn't help me or the story.

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(Cersei POV)

281 AC

I'm currently sitting in the little study room I have for myself. If there were more female Lannister children of Tywin they would be with me right now. I look at the young boy in front of me. Though to call him a boy is not accurate. He already has the air of a young man and is not even 10-name days old.

Escanor takes a sip of the tea I had asked for. His movements are correct. Not elegant as a nobleman or a King but also not crude like the movements of a knight or a ... peasant.

It was the way Escanor was. He never truly cared about decorum and interacting with Lords and Ladies. I wasn't fond of my brother when he stopped me from punishing the little monster. Why would he stop me? He killed our mother...

I didn't care about his reasoning. I didn't want to hear it. The little monster killed our mother and he should just die.

Escanor explained to me that dwarfism is not something that should kill a mother during birth if the Maester knows what he's doing. He told me all those things I don't remember that sounded smart but I didn't understand.

Whenever I try to be angry with Escanor though I can't stay angry at him for long. He has this noble and strong feeling to him. His charming and warm smile just pulls people to him. And his strength is second to none.

He came to me a few minutes ago asking me about my stay in King's Landing. I told him all about it, happy to have someone to talk to instead of having to spend time with my bedmaids. Those two are so boring.

"So you came back because Father doesn't feel good and has therefore laid down his post as Hand of the King?"

"Yes."

Escanor looks at me for a moment. I can't help but compare him to Father. Whenever he looks at you it feels like he gives you time to tell him the truth. Like he's saying 'Come on, tell me the truth, I know it anyway'.

But unlike the look Father gives everyone, Escanor looks at people with ... pity. He looks at them like he pities them for their foolishness to think they can lie to him. He looks down on others and their pathetic attempts to outsmart him or showcase their power.

The look he gives me at the moment is not one of pity, it's more like ... amusement. The gentle smile he carries is all the indication I need to know that he must have a hunch about what transpired in King's Landing and why we're back. I just don't want my little brother to make me tell him.

"Cersei ... you can tell me everything. You know that. So why don't you tell me the truth? I know Father is anything but sick. The way he looks, he'll outlive us all. What I'm interested in is the reason how it came to be that Jaime became a Kingsguard."

"I ... I don't know what you mean. Father told me that the King disrespected him by making Jaime a Kingsguard. And he was angry and quit his job as Hand of the King. And now we came back. That's all there is."

"Ah yes. I know all that. But I wish to know how it came to be, that Jaime thought it correct, to go against Father's obvious wish NOT to become a Kingsguard and go ahead and become a Kingsguard."

"How would I know that? It was Jaime's choice to put his request forward to become a Kingsguard."

"Is that so? You don't have anything to do with his decision then? Not even slightly?"

I couldn't look at him. He knows! He must know. Why would he ask me like this otherwise?

"*Sigh* Cersei. It was your idea was it not? You told him to do it so that he mustn't marry Lysa Tully and can stay close to you in King's Landing. Or am I wrong?"

"... no."

"Cersei ... what did I tell you about consequences? Do you remember?"

Hmm, he was right. I forgot about that.

"You said that I could do anything if I know the consequences. And I wanted to have Jaime close to me in King's Landing. I knew the consequences!"

"Then you would have known that Father would be furious and might also take you back to not lose the last of his dignity by having his two oldest children stay in King's Landing. Especially a young beautiful woman like you. That would not be proper. So you didn't think about all the consequences when you gave Jaime the idea to become a Kingsguard."

"... no."

"No. And now you're here. And Jaime is in King's Landing, guarding a mad King."

I knew he was right. He was right like usual. I couldn't stand this. Normally I would explode and scream at the other person who thinks they can lecture me but whenever Escanor comes and speaks to me ... I don't know it just feels warm and he never truly blames me or lectures me about anything. He might tell me about my mistakes and coming from a 9-name-day-old child that is grand ... but he's never angry with me.

"Why is Father so angry then? Having a son in the Kingsguard is an honourable thing no?"

"Well, that's what it looks like from the outside, sure. But in truth, it's a stupid position to be in. You must protect a KIng you might not like. You swear an oath to never marry or have intercourse. In our case, this means Jaime is protecting a mad King that may order him to slaughter or burn anyone and can not help House Lannister forge bonds with other prosperous houses.

And what's worse is that historically being a Kingsguard is a job with a high mortality rate. In the 'Game of Thrones', you either win or you die Cersei, and you don't want to be the one standing in front of the guy that dies. Because it means you will die first."

I got worried. He was right. There were many cases of Kingsguard dying early. And I wasn't even in King's Landing right now. But having Jaime marrying another girl just didn't sit right with me.

I wanted him close to me and ...

"You wanted him close to you didn't you?"

"..."

"Don't look so surprised. I still remember why Jaime's room is at the other end of Casterly Rock. Sister ... you should look forward and pick yourself another man. I'm sure Father will try and arrange Prince Rhaegar for you to marry. And even if that doesn't seem likely, Father will do anything to marry you to someone with power and influence.

And until then ... you can spend your time with me and I'll show you the game I've been working on. I'm sure you'll like it."

"What? A game? What's it about? When did you create a game?"

"Haha, well you see, you're not the only one with boredom problems. The game is called 'Risk' and is a board game. I'm sure it'll keep us occupied for a looooooooooooong time. No, seriously it's going to take a while to finish and it's quite similar to real life.

Come I'll show you."