Twists and Turns

My life has taken some turns since I left the farm. Normal ones, such as joining the guild in Chorrol, where I learned how to fight like a warrior. Then not so normal turns, such as my arrest on arrival in Skyrim and the near death experience I had in Helgen. Unbelievable turns, such as learning I was Dragonborn and the apparent saviour of all life from Alduin, the World-Eater. But all of those paled in comparison to the experience of sitting down on top of the Throat of the World and, I must admit, enjoying a conversation with a dragon. The old saying 'Don't just a book by its cover' does appear to ring true.

Asking me to actually Shout at him was a request I hadn't expected but Paarthurnax stated I was honour bound to do it. 'Strange that a dragon would be concerned with a concept such as honour.' Further proof, I guess, that I actually knew little about dragons. Come to think of it, nearly all of us – mortals, that is - were working with little information, relying on texts passed down through the ages and ancient murals that could be misinterpreted. Sure, my previous experiences with dragons had involved fights to the death, but perhaps there were other dragons out there, such as Paarthurnax, who chose to live in peace? It was something to think about.

After we exchanged Shouts, from which both of us remained unscathed, we spent time getting to know each other, for no other reason that he mentioned not having conversed with anyone for many years. I'll admit I actually felt a little sorry for him so I spoke of the life I had lived so far. He didn't show much interest in life taking place far below him, saying the lives of mortals did not interest him, but he was pleased that I made the effort to at least converse for a time. But he eventually asked what I had travelled up the mountain for. He wasn't surprised when I said I was there to learn the Dragonrend shout. And I wasn't surprised by his response.

"I do not know the Thu'um you seek. It cannot be known to me."

"Why is that?" I wondered.

"Your kind – joore – mortals – created it as a weapon against the dov… the dragons. Thus, our minds cannot even… comprehend its concepts."

"Damn…"

"Tell me, Dovahkiin. Why do you want to learn this Thu'um?"

"The prophecy speaks of…"

"No, dovah. That is not what I asked. I asked why do you want to learn this Thu'um?"

"I want to stop Alduin from destroying the world. I like this world. And I think the rest of us do too. I don't particularly want to die either. I can't let Alduin win and end existence."

"Hmmm. Alduin… The elder brother. Gifted, grasping and troublesome as is so often the case with firstborn. But not ending the world is as good a reason as any. There are many who would feel the same as you do, though not all."

"What do you mean by 'not all'?"

"Some would say that all things must end, so that the next can come to pass. Who is to say this world should not end? Would you stop the next world being born?"

"Quite the philosophical question."

"One has time to ponder such questions when at the Throat of the World. But the question is valid, all the same. Perhaps the return of Alduin, at this time, is the Gods suggesting that this world should end and a new world be reborn in a new image."

I shook my head. "I don't believe that. The Gods don't want our destruction. And the next world will have to look after itself. According to the prophecy, it is Alduin who precipitates the end of the world. If I end Alduin, the world remains safe."

"Hmmm. A fair answer. Even we who ride the currents of Time cannot see past Time's end. Those who try to hasten the end, may delay it. Those who work to delay the end, may bring it closer."

"I'm not working for either. I simply want to defeat Alduin and ensure we all live through this."

"Another fair answer, Dovahkiin." Then he paused, apparently in thought. His next question surprised me. "Do you know why I live here, at the peak of Monahven – what you name Throat of the World?"

I shrugged. "Because of the seclusion? And I've been told that we'd generally find dragons at the peak of mountains."

"Both are true responses. But there is a particular reason why I am here at this very spot. Few remember that it was here where Alduin was defeated by the ancient Tongues. Perhaps none but me now remember how he was defeated."

"I assume that was with the Dragonrend shout?"

"Yes and no. You see, Alduin was not truly defeated." I gathered that much. "If he was, you would not be here today, seeking to… defeat him."

"So what does Dragonrend do?"

"The Nords of those days crippled Alduin with that Shout. But this was not enough."

"What else did they use?"

"The Kel – the Elder Scroll. They used it to cast him adrift on the currents of Time."

"I guess they didn't plan for him to arrive back right now?"

"No. I assume they would have hoped he would be gone forever, lost to the ages. But I knew better, knew he would eventually surface one day. Time does flow ever forward."

"Is that why you've waited here for millennia?"

"For thousands of mortal years I have waited. Being immortal does have its advantages, and also explains why Alduin cannot be defeated, at least in this mortal realm. But I knew where he would emerge when he did return, simply not when. But I am patient. One has to be, not knowing when the time would come."

I looked at Lydia, who had listened to our conversation in virtual silence. She returned a look of confusion, shrugging her shoulders as to what a lot of this meant. I think I was following a lot of it but I still didn't have the answers I sought. Or, at least, not a simple answer that I could use to defeat Alduin. Paarthurnax obviously sensed this as he continued.

"The use of the Elder Scroll by the ancient Nords shattered time, creating what is called the Time-Wound. But, if you were to return the Elder Scroll here, you may be able to cast yourself back, to the other end of the break. And, once there, you may be able to learn the Shout from those who created it. That may help you defeat Alduin."

I turned to Lydia. "So we now have to find an Elder Scroll. Any ideas?"

"One or two, I guess."

"I'll ask Arngeir. He said the Greybeards wouldn't offer any more gifts, but finding an Elder Scroll shouldn't offend them. Right?"

Lydia shrugged. "I have no idea how they'll react."

"The only other person I can suggest is Esbern, but I don't feel like riding all the way back to the temple to ask a simple question."

"What about the College?"

"You mean the one in Winterhold?"

"Yes, my thane."

"You think they'll have an Elder Scroll there?"

She laughed. "No, my thane. But I think there's a good chance they'll know where we can find one. Perhaps they'll point us in the right direction of the very one that opened the Time-Wound."

"Trust in yourself, Dovahkiin. Find the Elder Scroll and return to the Time-Wound. I will be here for guidance once you do."

I wondered why this dragon was peaceful compared to the rest. I suppose he had his reasons, and I did want to ask, but I wondered if that may be a personal question, one that he may not want to answer. I'd only just met Paarthurnax and didn't want to abuse his trust already. A weird thought, trusting in a dragon, but he had already proven nothing but helpful, though he did speak in riddles at times. No surprise, considering he lived in isolation at the top of a mountain.

I bade Paarthurnax farewell after we conversed a while longer, asking him simple questions about his life on the mountain, and also about his relationship with the Greybeards. 'I wonder how those below us would react if they found out the Greybeards master was a dragon?' The more we spoke, the more I was left thinking he must have been lonely, though I knew a dragon wouldn't want my pity. I guess being immortal does have its downsides.

We made our way back down the mountain to High Hrothgar, going down far easier than going up, as usual, though we were both worn out by the time we'd walked through the doors of the monastery. We searched for Arngeir, finding him meditating near a fire along one of the vast hallways that made up the building. I got down on my knees alongside him, closed my eyes and meditated alongside him until he spoke first.

"You spoke with Paarthurnax. The dragonblood burns bright within you."

"That we did, Master Arngeir. A most knowledgeable master of the Thu'um."

"Did he tell you what you wanted to know?"

"No. He didn't know the Shout either. But he suggested another avenue of investigation."

I heard the sigh. In a way, I didn't blame him. "So be it. If he believes it necessary for you to learn this, then we will bow to his wisdom."

I opened my eyes and looked at him, seeing he was already looking at me. "I need to find an Elder Scroll. Not just any Scroll but the one the ancient Nords used. Do you have any idea where I could find it?"

He shook his head. "The Greybeards have never concerned ourselves with the Scrolls. The Gods themselves would rightly fear to tamper with such things."

"He speaks true," Lydia whispered, "The Elder Scrolls are not to tampered with lightly. They have immense power. Enough to rival the Gods themselves."

"Your companion speaks true, Dragonborn. But, there is always those who wish to use such things. Such blasphemies have always been the stock in trade of the mages of Winterhold." The old man shrugged. "I guess they may be able to tell you something about the Elder Scroll you seek."

"Are you aware of any other way we could defeat Alduin?"

"Let me ask you a question in return, Dragonborn. How do you know that Alduin is not to be defeated? He is called the World-Eater for a reason. We all have a reason to exist. Perhaps that is the reason for his existence. He was not defeated before. Those who overthrew him in ancient times only postponed the day of reckoning. They clearly did not stop it as Alduin has returned. If the world is meant to end, so be it. Let it end and be reborn."

"You don't mind dying?"

"All things born must die in the end."

I could have tried arguing the point, mentioning the immortality of dragons and vampires, but when looking at the lives of men and mer, even despite the long life spans of elves, everyone died eventually. But the whole world? I don't think anyone would expect existence to end it its entirety. I thanked Arngeir for his assistance and decided we should leave immediately.

Most of the walk back down the mountain took place in silence. I have no idea what Lydia thought of everything but my own mind was in turmoil. The master of the Greybeards was a dragon. The Greybeards apparently didn't care if the world ended. The Blades had their own ideas of what I should do. And I knew, if they ever found who or what Paarthurnax actually was, they'd want him dead. I knew I was going to pulled in two directions. The Greybeards would want me to follow the Way of the Voice. The Blades wanted me to become a dragonslayer. I obviously couldn't be both.

We'd left the snow behind when Lydia finally offered an opinion. "Should have realised Paarthurnax wasn't going to be human, living at the top of a mountain."

"Never gave it a thought, to be honest."

"What about the fact he's a dragon?"

I shrugged as the village of Ivarstead came into view below us. "He's lived for centuries in peace. And he's done his best to assist us. Like wild beasts and even vampires, I'm not just going to slaughter every single one I meet."

"The Blades will freak out if they discover this."

"If…"

"I assume you're not going to tell them?"

"They want any and all dragons dead. So the answer is obvious."

We departed Ivarstead the next morning, planning on reaching Whiterun by nightfall. To be honest, I was in no real rush as a journey to Winterhold would take some planning, as not only was there trying to enter the College itself, and I had no idea how they would react to me showing up and asking about an Elder Scroll, but the chances were high that we may be sent somewhere completely different to actually get it. And considering everything thrown at me and any of my companions so far, I had no doubt it would be another dangerous and death-defying adventure.

Lydia headed home as I walked up to Jorrvaskr, braziers illuminating the old building in an orange glow. I walked around the back but found no-one outside, wandering in to see a few people enjoying dinner around the fire. They greeted me with hearty calls of Harbinger before turning back to their plates of food or tankards of mead. I was looking for my fellow Circle members so headed downstairs, hoping they were not out on a mission of their own.

Aela was actually relaxing in her room, rapping quietly on the door, causing her to look up from her bed in surprise. "Harbinger, I wasn't expecting to see you again in quite a while. Glad to see you're still alive." She gestured to a seat near her desk. "What brings you back to Jorrvaskr?"

"Are Farkas and Vilkas here as well?"

"Aye. They've just arrived back from a contract. Why?"

"Do you mind grabbing them and meeting me in my quarters in a couple of minutes?"

She looked curious, if not a little concerned, but agreed. I wandered into my quarters, wondering if I shouldn't just hand it over to one of the other three, though I knew they wouldn't accept it. I sat in the chair against the wall, looking back down the large hallway, the treasures from thousands of years of contracts lining each wall. The room I was in had plenty of trinkets left over from Kodlak's time. I hadn't changed a thing since the day we'd sent him to Sovngarde. Far as I was concerned, the place could remain as it was as the day he died.

Aela had grabbed Farkas and Vilkas, all three taking a seat at the table with me, greeting me with the usual pleasantries before Farkas enquired as to why I had requested their presence.

"I'm heading north to Winterhold again and wondered if you wish to accompany me."

"What are you heading there for?"

"I need to enter the College."

Aela laughed. "You looking to become a mage, Harbinger?"

The twins also chuckled at my expense. I simply returned a rueful grin. "No. It's possible they may be able to help with the dragon crisis. That's the hope, at least. But, while I'm in the area, I know you two," pointing at the twins, "Want to be cured. So I figured two birds with one stone. I'll help you with that first then head to the College."

"When do you want to go?" asked Vilkas.

"First thing tomorrow."

The three shared a solitary glance before they nodded in my direction. "We'll meet you at the stables at sunrise, Harbinger."

I returned to Breezhome, Lydia having prepared an evening meal for which I was grateful, thinking back and realising I hadn't eaten since leaving Ivarstead that same morning. Famished as I was, I devoured at least three bowls of food before we enjoyed a bottle of mead apiece. I told her of my plans for the next few days.

"Will Aela be joining us too?"

I shrugged. "Probably. She'll want to help Farkas and Vilkas despite her own desires." I took a sip of beer. "You're not going to be awkward, are you?"

She pulled a face of shock. "Of course not, my thane. Whatever would give you that idea?"

I shrugged again. "Just thinking of some of our previous conversations. I just want to make sure you two get along."

"I'll do nothing to put the mission in danger, my thane."

I nodded. "Very well."

I left the issue alone after that. I was left with the feeling she was offended by the question, but I had a good memory and remembered her reaction when she found out I had spent the night with Aela the first time, and subsequent conversations after that. Whether it was purely innocent or actual jealousy, I didn't know and, to be honest, I didn't want to know. But I also figured if the two spent time together, while I didn't think they'd end up being friends, if there was at least respect between the two, then I wouldn't be left with the feeling of awkwardness I sometimes felt.

We woke at first light, meeting Aela, Farkas and Vilkas at the stables with the sun still barely over the horizon. Wrapped in furs to keep out the cold, we mounted our horses and after a quick discussion of ideas, we rode fast all the way to Winterhold, only stopping for lunch, with the sun high in the sky though providing little heat on the barren but beautiful snow covered landscape. Our journey took place without any major incidents, the wild animals crossing our path giving us a wide berth, the castle which had injured the twins so grievously last time thankfully remaining empty of bandits or witches.

Night had fallen by the time we walked into the Frozen Hearth Inn. We purchased rooms to sleep, food to eat and mead to drink, gathering around the open fire to warm our bones, near frozen as the weather had closed in the closer we approached Winterhold. The five of us were talking amongst ourselves, thankful that Lydia and Aela were actually sat next to each other and appearing friendly. 'Hope that lasts.'

The next morning, I left Aela and Lydia at the inn as Farkas and Vilkas would accompany me to the tomb. Farkas carried Wuuthrad this time as we clambered down the narrow path to the seaside. Once again I nearly froze as we crossed the bitter water, rising above my crotch, causing me to yell out in surprise. I heard the twins do the same thing so I wasn't the only one to suffer. The tomb was as we left it after our last visit, Farkas placing the giant axe in the statue's hands and thankfully both stone slabs lowered, meaning we didn't have to go the long way.

As neither had made it to the actual tomb of Ysgramor before, I had to explain how it all worked. Thankfully it was a simple explanation and after weapons were unsheathed, I handed a head to Farkas for him to throw on the fire. After handling his wolf spirit, we did the same for Vilkas. The wolf spirit of each twin was incredibly strong, and wondered if it had something to do with where each spirit was expelled from.

They each took a seat on the ground once we were done. I joined alongside them, taking a moment to gaze around the enormous chamber. "How do you feel?" I eventually asked.

The twins looked at each other and grinned. "I feel good," Vilkas replied.

"Aye. It's like relaxing into a warm mug of spiced mead. I'm losing aches I didn't know I had," Farkas added.

Vilkas nodded his agreement. "This is how a warrior should feel. Alive and aware. Not clouded with thoughts of the hunt."

"What about you, Harbinger? When will you cure yourself?" Farkas wondered.

"Once all of this is done. I still need the advantages the blood gives me."

"Knowing the cost to your soul?"

"I've learned things in the past couple of days which make me wonder how clean my soul is even without the beast-blood."

"What do you mean?" Vilkas asked.

"It's to do with learning Shouts. The simple explanation is that learning a Shout means you become one with it. And there are some I may learn which could darken my very soul."

"Is there anything we can do to help?"

"Keep me on the right path. I need friends like you to remind me of who I truly am and why I fight. The most important is the Way of the Voice. Don't worry, you won't know anything about that. It's something the Greybeards have told me about."

The twins nodded. "That we can do, Harbinger."

"Okay, I'm going to head back to the inn. You coming?"

The twin looked at each other again. "I think we'll stay here for a while, Harbinger. Neither of us came this far last time. Don't know if we'll ever return again. We'll meet you back at the inn once you're done with the College."

"Of course. I'll see you back there."

Despite the low grey clouds that greeted me upon exiting the tomb, it was still daytime as there was plenty of light so finding my way back to Winterhold wasn't difficult, though the path up the side of the cliff leading towards the city wasn't comfortable, my feet continually slipping on the icy surface. Aela and Lydia were surprised to see only me walk through the door, Aela immediately wondering if anything had gone wrong. I had to chuckle before I allayed their concerns.

"The twins are fine. They just wanted to explore the tomb awhile so I left them to it."

"So what will you do now?"

"May as well try and get into the College."

"Will you need me to accompany you, my thane?"

"Not this time, Lydia. I'm hoping they'll just let me in, I can ask whoever it is I need to about finding an Elder Scroll and I'll go from there. If not, then I may be back quicker than expected."

"Will you be joining us for lunch?"

"No. I'll go now. Sooner I get in, the sooner I'll find out where the scroll is." I turned to Aela. "Will the Companions remain here?"

She nodded. "Depending on where the Elder Scroll is, I figure you may need all our help. Correct?" I nodded. "Then I'll tell the twins to wait until whenever it is you return."

Gladdened to hear that I would have more assistance if I had to search Skyrim for an Elder Scroll, I exited into Winterhold and headed straight for the College. I had little to no idea what to expect once I'd crossed the stone bridge into the College. What I didn't expect was to be stopped at the very first arch before I'd even contemplated crossing the bridge. An Altmer stepped from the shadows, hand held up high as a signal to halt where I was, making sure she also blocked my path at the same time.

"Cross the bridge at your own peril! The way is dangerous and the gate will not open. You shall not gain entry!"

I looked left and right, feeling slightly bemused at the welcome. Then I returned my attention to the Altmer. "Er, listen, I'm actually here to enter the College."

She looked me up and down with a cautious eye. "Really?" she asked. I could hear the sarcastic tone in her vice. "Another Nord wishes to join us? It's utterly surprising we even have one Nord student."

"Well, I'm not exactly here to be a student. I'm more after information about something."

"We don't allow visitors to wander the campus. Only those wishing to become students may enter the College."

"Seriously?" She nodded. I sighed. "Very well. What do I have to do to gain entry?"

"Tell me. What is it you wanted to learn in the College?"

"I'm…" Did I really want to share the fact I was Dragonborn? Probably not, and I doubt it would make a difference anyway. "I've been tasked by someone in finding an Elder Scroll. I was informed that this would be the best place to ask of their whereabouts."

Now she looked surprised. "There are those within the College who have spent their lives researching the Scrolls. What you seek does not come easily and can destroy those without a strong will." She paused a moment, then nodded to herself. "Very well, the College may have what it is you seek. But what can you now offer the College in return?"

"I'm Dragonborn."

I watched the jaw drop wide. "You're what?" she asked, incredulous at the thought.

"You heard me."

"Prove it," she asked, the smirk sarcastic.

"Very well." I took a couple of steps back, turned away and Shouted, watching as the flames burned a couple of trees in the distance. I turned back, knowing I had a self-satisfied smile on my face. "Is that evidence enough?"

She stumbled over an apology. "I mean it's just been so long… And none of us have heard… Normally we'd ask for a display of magical aptitude but, for you…" She smiled. Even stood at attention a little. "You would be a superb addition to the College, Dragonborn. Please, follow me."

I followed her across the bridge, thankful I wasn't afraid of heights as sections had no stone barrier and the drop was a long way down. "What's your name, Dragonborn?"

"Ragnar of Whiterun. You?"

"I'm Faralda. You may see me around the College, so if you're ever interested in learning destruction spells, let me know and I'll see if I can help. Otherwise, you'll want to speak with Mirabelle Ervine, our Master Wizard. She'll point you in the right direction once you're inside."

I followed her as far as the gate, which she kindly opened for me. She actually bowed slightly towards me before turning back towards the bridge. I wandered into the courtyard, snow covering the ground though there were a few snowberry bushes. It was certainly peaceful, barely a sound. In the middle of the courtyard was a statue overlooking what appeared to be a pool of water, though on closer inspection was something magical. I wandered around the statue and came to a halt, my hand moving immediately to the hilt of my sword, as two people conversed without noticing me approach.

The woman was human. More than likely from Cyrodil but could be a Breton. I couldn't see her face but she wasn't elven or Nordic. But it was who she was in conversation with. I had to resist stepping forward and cutting him down immediately, the usual thought I had whenever I saw someone like him nowadays. All I knew is that I would now become a student at the College of Winterhold and find out why he was here.

The man she was talking to was Thalmor.