1 Chapter 1: Hated by Life Itself

Amidst my wails and sobs, the forest is suddenly singing to me of danger back at my home.

For a moment I can only sputter in surprise. Terror taking a few moments to overcome the morning's grief. Then I am darting through the underbrush, humming a guttural magical harmony in answer, demanding the foliage and branches part for me to sprint at full tilt.

Wha… how did they get so close without warning? How are they already at my home?!?!

The warning song from my ward doesn't tell me much, just that there are almost a dozen very large… people? Humanish shaped things that burn hot with Amwella just outside the heart of my refuge.

In moments I am within a distance that I need to transition to a silent creeping, and alter my magical song to beseech Her forest for stealth over speed.

A line of trees and heavy growth acts as a wall around the little clearing where my home is woven into the base of a large tree. I arrive at the back edge, and waste only a second to confirm none of these intruders have moved to the back garden or into my home.

Then I am across my back yard in a heartbeat and pressed against the tree. Little talons and the tree's rough bark let me scale him and arrive unnoticed amidst the branches. I peer down at the scene playing out in front of my home.

At least… Yes, nine of them. All women. Each at least seven feet tall, various dark skin tones and rippling muscles covered in scars and tattoos. flexible armor of some kind of chitin hangs over some wrists, shoulders, shins and kneecaps.

All just like My… my friend, Undreka.

My friend who rejected me this morning. Who called my… my advances and feelings for her abominations. Who looked and hissed at me with such hatred and–

Shaking the painful thoughts free I focus on their Amwella, their magical strength–

My heart plummets.

From each, starting at their core, it spreads and blossoms to engulf almost all of their body. Unseeable to anyone without a magical sense, but terrifying to anyone who knows what power such a collection signifies.

My own barely holds my heart within itself.

Undreka, tall, lean and all hard muscle, stands in the middle of three of them. Poised ready to fight. Her own flame, which was such a beacon of vibrancy when I first met her, easily twice my own's size, is nothing compared to their blazing infernos.

She can't beat them, can't fight them. She's had to spend so much of her own power healing and recovering. And… she wouldn't let me help her beyond basic herbs and medicinal aid. But… even at full power she would still be outnumbered.

A soft rumble of language passes between them. It's… it's so beautiful!

Low a purring, with a flow that reminds me of my more... cat-like songs. Just like the way she talks. I don't understand any of the words, but I gather from their positions that it's not friendly.

Why didn't you run, Undreka!?! Why let yourself get surrounded?

As I consider this, and how to help, the tallest of the group seems to step forward.

She's… oh wow. Not just tall but… Dreamer's Tits. She's definitely the leader of this group.

Everyone at least tilts their heads to listen. Where the others bear either no hair or a simple braid. She carries an entire mane of braided hair pitched with midnight hues. Eyes are a vibrant jade green, almost aglow with her intensity.

Her Amwella is also twice the size of even the largest of the group. Seems to caress and dominate the air itself for almost three feet around her.

Her words must barely be a whisper, because even with my Fae hearing they are lost to a subtle breeze.

I furiously go through my coterie of magic. Scramble for something that can help. My songs and hymns and little muses of pain. Self-change and forest love songs, some healing. That's all I know! If these were humans I… could maybe… no. Not even then. The forest is my shield, my protector. Even the Fae folk won't venture into the Dead Dreamer's domain.

Especially not for me.

But these women… fuck I'm not sure what they are? My Fae mother told me nothing about them. Had no warnings about this, even in my hastened escape. How had they even got here? Standing now at my home's doorstep without even alerting me to their passing?!?

Undreka bows her head, but not in submission, but a quick nod. Flexes her fingers and replies with a beautiful low humming of words.

I… I only catch a blur of motion. Undreka's Amwella flares, the women around her move. Then there is a… well a crack. In the space between a breath, or a blink of an eye, and whatever threat of violence had been leveled was over. Carried out like a bolt of lightning.

Next thing I know two of them lay a dozen feet back, arms or legs twisted in odd angles. The third tumbles over the leader's head, impacts a tree, then falls to the forest floor.

My heart sings in hope and triumph! Dreamers Tits! Skill and execution will always subdue raw strength!

Undreka cracks her neck, clenched claws seem to almost… yeah they seem to flicker with Amwella lightning and raw violent energy.

There is a… a rumble? Laughter? I hope that's not what seems to pass through the remaining intruders. The leader smiles then, and shows a similar row of sharp dark teeth to what Undreka has.

Fuck… I… I advance on my branch, move so that Undreka is just a dozen or so feet in front and below me. Consider dropping and… um… maybe I can bluff being as good with dangerous magic as Undreka? Perhaps–

The leader spreads her hands, inviting, and whispers something to Undreka again. All mirth and anticipation. Two of the injured three do rise, arms and legs cracking back into place. But… they don't seem but mildly annoyed by the damage. The third that hit the tree is taking longer, but is still recovering. The rest stand ready, but don't move.

No… no no no. You can do this! I can help. I'll drop down at the right moment. Scare them into–

Undreka sighs, shakes her head, flexes her talons. More subtle cracks of energy. Then… ever so subtly… She adjusts her stance.

The leader smiles wider, and moves like the shadow of night across a field of dying sunlight.

If I barely caught the motions from the violence before, I'm even less aware of it now. It's… like hearing the thunder after spotting a large crack of lightning on the horizon. One second Undreka stands ready to fight, the next… the next she is broken beneath the leader.

One leg twisted so far around I'm surprised no bones have pierced the skin. Both arms are pinned and crushed by the leader's larger hands. Her… her face is also… like… Pulped fruit. Beautiful strong features torn and scorched as if by a goddess's wrath. Long raking scars run down her chest, cut clean through the Amwella that seems to bleed from her core.

I stifle a scream. Feel tears begin to gather as I watch the leader rise and step back. Content to loom over her fallen prey.

Undreka sputters out something, still beautiful and haunting. No one is laughing now. The leader's shoulders seem to sag an inch or so. Then she turns, waves a dismissive hand to the three now recovered women. They move quickly, but not urgently. Pull some kind of dark rope or metal cords from pouches and proceed to Undreka.

As they pull her up, begin to bind her still twisted and broken form, I turn on my branch and face the canopy above.

She… they'll probably just leave now. Don't seem to care about whoever owns this hut. They're… they're like her! Worse case you'll just run! Hide in the forest till they lose interest. I mean… even if they try to tear down or burn my home I can just sing myself a new one. No problem.

She… they…

I peek back around my branch. Sure enough the rest seem to be waiting patiently for them to finish binding their prisoner. Preparing to leave.

And then you'll be alone again.

I bite the bark of the tree. Alone… is fine. I've always been alone. People are terrible! First the humans, then the other Fae, and now Undreka. She… she didn't like you anyway. Hated you! Found you vile. Used you for healing and… and…

Even now I can't believe that last part. She owes you nothing. Selfish. Not horrible just because she wasn't attracted to you. She's… you were falling in love with her because she was so kind and beautiful and so amazing at fighting to live! She also understood… knew what it was to run from a past you'd rather forget… You almost considered telling her your own–

Undreka's core has healed by now, no more Amwella leaks. But they don't seem to mind binding her arms in such a way that they hold her flesh so it can't heal easily. At least not until released.

Too bad her past seems to have caught up to her.

They'll leave soon, and I'll be alone again. Probably forever this time. Undreka and these people like her are the only beings I've ever seen or heard of that could enter these woods.

But how could I even save her? What magic do I have that could possibly contend with their strength?

But the answer is there… just… not one that would end with my being alive anymore.

"No one!" She had yelled, pushing me off the edge of her treetop home. "No one will ever be worth sacrificing your happiness for. Don't ever try to live in misery for another!"

My Fae mother's last words to me burn at the idea. I can't help but picture her face, her smile and laugh and… and… how much she would hate me for what I've already decided to do. For how I can save Undreka. For how I'm about to kill my little slice of happiness I'd worked so hard to claim.

"Is that what you did?" I whisper to the memory, "When you adopted me? When you made me your daughter in all things? Did you sacrifice your happiness so I could find mine?"

I'd never know. But I was already using my sharpened talons to carve the cursed mark into my flesh.

I roll and drop fifty feet from the branch, my silent song falling away as I land in a crouch on the soft bloodstained grass. My body is so light and soft that no fall could ever do harm so long as my feet get beneath me.

In the time it took me to prepare the Lament, they've drug Undreka almost to the edge of my clearing.

They hear the soft sound, which… I'm not sure if I'm surprised by that. Only a few turn, curious to see what little forest creature has thought to wander so close. I need to meet her eyes, get a clear line of sight.

So I take a deep breath and decide to make a show of my death. To use this morning's rejections to fuel–

I weave a wailing song together and hiss it across my little grove at the intruders, all bleating sorrow and self-loathing. A harmony of rage and fear and threat at being violated by their very presence.

It almost works too well. Anyone in the group who either didn't hear my fall or didn't care now jerks around at my challenge. The leader turns with a lazy, albeit surprised, annoyance playing at her face. Jade eyes dance toward me and–

I lock eyes with her, and release the final notes of my curse within my screaming song.

The air grows cold and everything seems to lean away from me. The grass bows as if from a great wind, the trees at the edge of my grove creak and seem to wail, even the light seems to try and flee.

Burning. A searing fucking fire stabs into my Amwella. Worse even than when I had re-woven my flesh and body into the female Fae shape it holds now.

I know bloody tears drip down my face, but I clench my jaw tight and remain standing as I complete my Lament. Take a quick, and hopefully subtle, gasp to reclaim my breath.

Don't fall, can't show weakness here. These are predators. Fucking monsters who can and will pounce unless I convince them I'm just as scary as they are.

The leader flinches, confused at her own sudden pain. Looks down to see an angry red brand forming on her collarbone, touches it with her fingers, stares at their bloody tips.

The rest stare at one of us in clear surprise. Some flex claws and look to be ready to move to kill me. One seems to have some kind of… really really large bow, they notch an arrow as thick as my arm and begin to aim in my direction.

Undreka perks up a little, tries to glance back as the song fades and its echoes die in the wind.

"Lyra!" She calls. "Leave!"

The leader doesn't even look at her, Jade eyes flick up to regard me.

"I've…" I swallow, try to muster my courage and false confidence. "I've come to negotiate for Undreka's life and freedom."

Low rumbles… not… not laughter. Some amusement from a few, but others… Well, it's not anger or annoyance at least.

The leader's eyes narrow. "Little forest Fae?" She purrs, voice a thrum of barely concealed danger. "You scratch me, then offer to sing the wound closed for a boon?"

I shake my head. "No little scratch. That's a Lament…a… a curse. Set and burned into you now. Not even I can remove it. Even if you killed me it would remain."

"Ah." That's a low rumble of… annoyance? "So… what is there to negotiate? The details? How I might nullify its bite?"

"No." I drop tired hands as I feel the curse wrap around my own soul, slowly draining my Amwella. Like sap from a tree. "You get that for free."

That gets a raised eyebrow, a quirk at the edge of her lips. A non-verbal, I'm listening.

Deep breath, then…

"It's a Lament of sympathy and spite. For as long as you pursue or keep Undreka it will leech your Amwella. For as long as she is a person you desire, in any capacity, and you try to fulfill that desire it will draw out and disperse more and more of your Amwella."

She does laugh then, low and threatening.

"It'll keep getting worse. Way worse." I quickly add. Voice getting a bit higher pitch from my sudden fear that she might act before I finish. "And if you do kill me it'll double… instantly."

"Lyra!" Undreka calls out again. "End it. Just run!"

A shake of her bonds causes Undreka to hiss in pain. I wince as the curse flares. The leader doesn't seem to react, but her eyes do seem to glitter in… amusement?

"Hmmm…" A head tilt, "Why?"

"Wh… why?" I stammer, not expecting the question. "Why what?"

Because she didn't hate me? Because I'd hope she'd hold me and love me and... Because I'm too stupid and tired of just trying to survive in a life that hates me. That I'd rather… rather die here for someone I genuinely care for than watch her leave me?

"Why would it double? If you were killed?"

Oh. right. She won't care about me. About my petty selfish broken reasons.

I reach down and pull my hair and shirt aside to reveal an identical mark to hers on my own collarbone, "Because I'm currently bearing half its burden. I anchored it to me first to make sure it took maximum effect. If I die, you get all of it."

That gets genuine surprise from her, a glance back at Undreka's bound form, then to me. Disbelief? It's gone then… fuck she is really hard to read!

"If… if you can see Amwella you'll see the drain. If we don't let her go, or you kill her, it'll get really big and horrible really fast." I call out.

Jade eyes sparkle, focus on my mark. She has Amwella sight? She sees it. Sees the truth of the curse. Then her eyes flit over… well kinda my everything. Drinking in the subtleties and twists of my Fae-changed flesh.

I can't help but hug myself and shiver against the observations, and the gathering cold. I'm only wearing my simple torn sleeping shirt and little pair of sorts. The curse is far far worse to me than her. My little fire wouldn't survive a few weeks of even this drain. False strength is useless at this point. Now comes the… well my offer.

"You said you wanted to… negotiate." She doesn't move, doesn't shift, just… locks her unreadable gaze on me. "What is it you offer then?"

I sigh. It should be obvious. When I glance up to see Undreka's slowly healing face, it's plain she knows what my offer is.

I've killed myself for her.

"Me–" I look past them all. Struggling to speak the words. A deep breath steadies me. "You get me instead."

A low rumble goes through the group.

"Hmmm…" The leader considers.

"What… whatever it is you wanted from her. Whatever she was to you. I'll suffer it." I harden my gaze, meet the leader's stare. "Or… well whatever. I won't resist. Won't turn any magics against you or yours. Even… even when you decide to kill me."

Her eyes bore into mine. "Undreka was... Is, ours."

Well… that makes me bristle.

"One way or another. That's behind her now." I grit my teeth. "You can either accept that, let her go and accept the revenge you can take out on me. Or… well, try and live with that Lament as it bores a hole through your Amwella."

She… Well, to call her next sound a growl is to call a blade of grass a tree. It's a complex noise that blends a ton of things together into a low rumble. I shudder again and look away.

"No one gets what they want out of this." I murmur after it fades, "No me, not you, not… well I guess Undreka gets her freedom. But…"

I look at Undreka. Her face is plain horror and sadness and–

"Don't." I hiss at her. "Just… don't. It's done now. Nothing I can do. I'm… I'm sorry about this morning–"

"You can still run." She pleads. No one stops her this time. "Go! You don't understand what they'll do to you!"

"I really can't." I sigh, tap the curse mark. "Even if I run I won't last long. Unless you're freed and alive it'll kill me within a few days. I don't have as much Amwella as you all."

She chokes on an angry bite, then turns to whisper hushed words to the leader in their shared beautiful language. I wish I could understand any of it, but even then I know her desperate words are a plea for me. Begging for my life.

I expect… I don't know… annoyance? Anger? Dreamer's tits, even a reply of dark promises to make my death slow and painful seem reasonable. But instead the leader jerks her head back in surprise to stare at Undreka. Then slowly looks back at me with narrowed fascination.

"What… exactly, are you?" She asks.

"I… what?" I glare past her at Undreka. "What did you tell her?"

Undreka glares back with defiant resolve. "Enough to save you."

I shudder and hug myself tighter, huff at the wave of exhaustion that is dragging at me.

Then I let myself fall back and plop down on the grass. That makes most of them glace between each other, confused at the sudden motion of what they probably see as weakness.

She's just trying to convince her leader that a Fae slave would be better than a dead one.

"It doesn't matter. I… look. Just let her go and you get me. I won't fight back. won't–"

"Who gave you your songs, little human?" The leader purrs at me.

That stops my heart, freezes my blood cold.

She… I didn't tell Undreka this! Or… had I let something slip? Had… how could she have figured that out? Why would she tell this… this monster that?

My change was perfect. My Fae-mother had taught me the songs well, and I was resolved to scour away all traces of my old dead self. She was convinced that I would walk the summer pathways, accepted and loved in the Midday Courts by our kind.

Fae are not bred like other races. They instead adopt young forest creatures and raise them. Teach them songs, people thoughts, and where to poop. From there some find the ability to sing themselves into something more. Generally humanoid, but with the ability to shift other aspects of themselves if they have the songs and will for it.

But I was never a mouse or a squirrel or a bird, I was a human. Pulled from the edge of Death by my Fae mother's love and care.

I'd never been good at hiding my emotions, never spent enough time among others to develop the skill. So when she spoke half my past shame into the space between us my face must have shown the terror and hurt at the betrayal.

The leader laughs, first low and deep. Then a roaring harmony of joy and anticipation and… something else.

"Okay… little half-breed. We–"

"My name is Lyra. And I am Fae." I hiss and move to a crouch, then rise again. Keeping my eyes on her as I continue. "None of the court is born, we are taught to sing ourselves into being from the smallest of the forest! We are raised and loved to–"

"Yet here you are." Her voice, thought quiet, cuts me off and drives old pains through my heart. "Very… Alone."

That hurts so much I flinch, almost fall over, have to take a second to look down and balance my shaking legs.

When I look up she has already crossed three-fourths the distance to reach me. I almost fall back in surprise, but manage to make it a few paces.

"St… stop!" I stammer.

She doesn't, and I end up actually stumbling a bit. Only saved from falling when I reach the front of my home and bump into the door.

She only pauses when there are about three feet between us. From her display earlier, I know I am well and truly cornered, even if my Amwella isn't being drained by the curse.

"My name is Thendra," She purrs down at me, "A Reaver of the Thirteen. And I think I am ready to bargain, Lyra of the Fae."

I swallow.

Thendra only smiles at my obvious fear. "We'll let Undreka go, release her into a safe place. Never pursue her again. And you become mine in her stead."

I nod. "That… yeah that was the offer."

She holds up a hand, single finger pointing up. "No. There is one more thing you will give me."

I'm so tired and spun up tight with fear and anxiety and… well… her knowing my past is not something I expected to deal with! Being called a human and half-breed and… fuck there's only like… one other thing I could be called right now that could make this day any worse!

So I snort out a laugh, "What else could I possibly offer you? You already get my… well everything! And I won't resist. Won't sing magic or lay curses. Just–"

Thendra steps forward, lays both hands against the wall on either side of my face, levels her eyes with mine. I am dumbstruck, then, by how gorgeous she is. Undreka was… is amazing to watch. All hard feminine strength and confident steady control. But… Dreamer's Tits!!! Thendra is so much more than that. She exudes a… a beauty that defies logic. And even without activating my Amwella sight I can feel her soul envelope me completely.

"I want your songs." She moves a hand to hover in front of my face, palm up. Then she closes it. "Sealed and mute, unless I call upon them."

Her eyes make it so hard to focus. Two pools of glowing jade that seem to draw me in and hold my attention.

"Okay? Sure." I stutter, "I already said that."

She shakes her head. "Your word isn't good enough. I want your magic in my grasp. I want you to curse yourself, bind your magic to my commands alone."

I… I can't help but grow very cold and still at that. By showing her that I could lay curses, that they are at their strongest when I anchor them to me, I set myself up for this.

Dreamer take me, that… that's–

"Oh." Is all I can murmur. "Not… not like a general curse of… like… loyalty? Or–"

"No."

"How will you know I laid the right one?"

She smiles, taps beneath one eye. "When you told me what to look for, I could read it easily enough. If you place the wrong curse… well…"

She lets the threat trail off.

"Okay. Why? What could you possibly want with my songs? They're… just… little things. Forest things…"

She smiles, all tooth and hunger and so intense I cannot look away. She whispers "You are young and unique, little Fae. Your kind's songs grow and change and become a reflection of their musicians' will. I want to control that, direct it. Drink it."

My mind shudders at that… at… being wanted. I can't help but feel a part of my body I'd been ignoring since my disastrous attempts at seduction this morning rear up and take notice at her tone. She called me unique. Like I was special and…

Did she say Drink? Like... what does that even mean?

But, Dreamer's Tits, this isn't good! She wants me for my magic. Nothing else!!!

"That's…" I huff, "Okay, that's kind of… Just, give me a second to… to think."

She doesn't look away, doesn't shift a muscle. Just keeps staring into my eyes.

"What if…" I try to look past her, to Undreka, but Thendra is too big and makes no move to let my vision involve much else but her. I look down to my feet, voice dropping to a whisper. "I… I expected you to just kill me. Or worse… Not this. Not– My songs aren't just magic. They're a part of me. My soul. I'm not sure they would do much for you."

"It's either this, or there is no deal. And we eat you both." She murmurs, then reaches out and takes my chin in her fingers. And with very little effort, forces me to meet her gaze again. "Do you accept?"

I can feel the warmth roll down my spine at her touch. What the fuck am I thinking! This is really really bad. I'm about to give up my songs, my magic, to this… whatever the fuck she is, and am now letting horny thoughts left over from my heartbreak this morning make me feel better about it! She's more likely to torture, kill, and eat your corpse than fuck you! And even then, it would be as her slave.

But… that's the only option now, isn't it? Best hope she's a kinder monster than–

"Okay." I whisper, then quieter and quieter. "I'll… okay. I'll do it."

She doesn't let go. "Can you do it here? Right now?"

I manage to shake a few of the horny thoughts away to remember why I was agreeing to this. "Let her go first."

She quirks an eyebrow.

I huff, try to regain some of my earlier courage. "Her being here drains us both, remember? I don't have as much Amwella to spare as you do. Let her go so I can lay a second curse without killing myself!"

She smiles, and rumbles out a true laugh as she releases my chin, and I can't help but shudder in fear at how her eyes drink me in.