44 Newfound pride

Choi Seung Hyun's POV

— Hyung, wake up! Hyung! It's late already, wake up, remember today is our meeting with PD-nim.

I suddenly woke up being shaken by what seemed to be Young Bae's voice, a little disoriented.

— Young Bae, just five minutes more — I replied, too lazy to even open my eyes.

— Hyung, if you don't wake up now, I'll have to tell Jiyong — said Young Bae once again.

My body immediately responded to the comment by shooting out of the bed, into the closest bathroom, just outside of the storage room that was our room, while stumbling trying to put a shirt on, as well as some pants.

Jiyong could get really nasty when mad....

Just as I entered it, I could hear Young Bae's voice saying.

— Don't forget it is your turn to wake up Chris-ah today.

I couldn't help but sigh at my first task of the day. I couldn't believe how hard it was to wake him up at first, but still, it's a mess.

With that in mind, I entered the bathroom and took the pink toothbrush by the side of the sink, and started brushing while thinking about my plan to wake Chris-ah up. I mean, I could throw water at him, but that was too used up.

I could also put some food near his nose, as I do sometimes with Young Bae, but then I noticed that he was the one that makes our food so there's no actual food other than rice before he wakes up.

While I was brushing my teeth, my thoughts were once again interrupted by Young Bae's voice from the "living room" in the apartment.

— Hurry up Hyung! Byung Hee-noona just called and said that she's already on the way here, it seems she'll take us there today — My immediate response was to shake my head and wash my mouth to immediately respond.

— That's not good at all, you know Chris-ah won't go if he can't take a shower — as there was no response to my comment, I could imagine Young Bae shrugging.

Now, the moment has come, I went back to the room and noticed a big blanket bundle in the middle of our handmade bed, that was just a lot of old mattresses thrown into the floor.

— So, I guess I could just lift the mattresses but that's just too normal, Chris-ah deserves something better — I thought out loud. As the door of the room was left open, I could hear the old radio that we had in the kitchen.

— Good Morning, beautiful people, it's January 10th today, all of the staff of the broadcast station of H-radio once again wish you a good day and a spectacular year 2006 — said the broadcaster, with a half excited half sleepy voice.

Concentrating once again on the task ahead, a perfect idea came to my mind, making a smile creep on my face. So, I lied just next to him and delicately hugged his back, while quietly whispering by his ear.

— Oppa — I tried to pull off my best feminine voice while trying to contain my laughter — Oppa, wake up.

I could sense how his serene breathing was cut, followed by a sudden trembling and his voice saying.

— Hyung, I'll definitely have nightmares because of that voice. Get off of me — That was quite a new record on waking him up. Laughing out loud, I immediately replied with a playful smile on my face.

— Why? Am I not as good as that Yoona girl of yours?

— Shut up, Hyung, Now what's the deal? — He immediately changed the topic, but knowing what he told us some time ago, I decided to not continue teasing him with the girl and said.

— Oh yes, almost forgot! — I said, faking obliviousness — Byung Hee noona should be arriving any time soon to get us to the meeting, so... you don't have any time at all.

As I said that, I immediately shot out of the room, but still, I could sense his attempts at catching me, followed by his signature.

— FUCK! Hyung! You know I need time in the bathroom! — I ignored him and watched him rapidly get out of the bed while I waited outside of the room.

I have to admit, the young boy that I met some years back was nowhere to be seen. A young blonde man about my height was getting up while trying to fastly make our bed while whispering curses at me, or so I think.

A sharp chin and kind of wide shoulders were some of the signs that the young boy was now a man, but some baby fat still on his cheeks betrayed this image. However, some firm muscles could still be seen on his bare chest. Finally, and probably the most strange thing was the dried gourd that he constantly carried on him since that day he came back from Mokpo, as well as the old photo that he pasted onto it that same day.

As I was deep in thoughts, something soft hit me, followed by a modulated voice.

— What are you looking at, pervert? — as I pushed the object, a pillow, that hit me out of my sight, I could see the soft smile plastered on the young man's face.

Smiling back at him, I simply said.

— Now, enough jokes, go shower or whatever, Byung Hee noona will really be here any time soon — as I told him, I simply exited the room and sat down by the low table that we had on the apartment, noticing that Young Bae was now sitting in front of me, while Jiyong was just by my side.

Jiyong was the first one to break the silence.

— Hyung, do you know at what time did he get home today? — he asked, frustrated.

— Around 3 or 4 am, not sure, could be later than that— I said while shaking my head at Jiyong.

All of us sighed at the same time, and I could perfectly understand how they were feeling. All of us are grateful for the sacrifice that Chris-ah was doing, but still, we were really worried about him. He doesn't sleep well, his body is starting to accumulate fatigue because of all of the training that he pulls off, which is significantly higher than all of us, as well as the part-time job that he's doing to help all of us. Some of us tried telling him to let some of us work too so that we could help him alleviate some of his burdens, but he always refuses, leaving us like this, thankful but frustrated.

That way, we spent our time silently staring at the table.

— Why the long faces? — a playful voice sounded. As I turned, I could see Chris coming out of the bathroom while drying his hair with a towel while going to the kitchen — is there still rice?

— I think there's still a lot in the rice cooker — Jiyong replied, to which he nodded — thanks, Jiyong — he teasingly said.

— So.. as there's no time left, should we just eat egg fried rice? — he continued, waiting for our answer. All of us simply nodded and he proceeded to cook, leaving us in our thoughts.

I couldn't help but still find him off. He's been off since that day he came from Mokpo some time back. It's not that he's acting strange or anything like that, he just feels different, his smiles awkward, his jokes forced, his voice a lot less playful, little details like that were different.

And it wasn't just me, Jiyong and Young Bae noticed too, he's changed. He told us what happened, and that must have been painful, that's why we haven't bothered him about it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't make us even more frustrated about it.

With that being said, I couldn't help but remember that day he came back.

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YEARS BACK

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As we were doing our daily routine of training, Byung Hee noona came inside the room crashing the room.

— Guys! Guys! Chris is back! Chris is back! — she said while gasping for air and holding his chest.

The first one to react was actually Jiyong.

— When did he come back?! — he excitedly said, but then he realized his overexcitement and quietly repeated himself — when did he come back?

— Just now, it would seem, he's talking with PD-nim right now, who asked me to call all of you for some news.

All of us instantly tensed up, but still nodded, and started quietly walking towards YG's CEO, Yang Hyung Suk's own office. Tension could be grasped in the air, but still, we somehow managed to arrive at the office with Byung Hee-noona and entered it.

— They've come at last — an extraordinarily nasal voice said — Jangsu-yah, now that they've come, let me ask you this once more. Are you ready for whatever it takes to debut?

All of us were initially surprised by the question, but still, immediately turned to Chris who was already firmly nodding. No hesitation at all could be perceived in his expression, even though he was wearing his usual setup that covered all of his face.

I was really shaken by his determination, but still confused about what kind of conversation were they having to end up with that question.

— I hope you don't regret that decision later — PD-nim said while shaking his head — but anyway, I didn't call all of you here just for that, I have some bad or good news depending on your thoughts. The company has come to an important decision, we're planning to debut a group in the following year or two — PD-nim slowly scrutinized us, waiting for our reaction.

All of us waited for him to continue.

— You've matured a little bit seeing as you're not that excited, but still, you won't like the rest of it — he deeply sighed, but continued — we've agreed to decide on the members of the group with a survival program.

I gulped, a survival program meant that I was basically the only one in danger, as I was the one with more problems. I was a little bit relieved that the other ones weren't in real danger until YG himself broke my dreams once again.

— And we expect to introduce 2 or 3 other trainees to the survival program — Yang Hyun Suk-nim said.

I immediately could hear a little crack, and as I turned to the sound, I noticed that the sound came from Jiyong's clenched fist. I'm pretty sure that YG could hear the sound but just decided to ignore it, as his intervention hasn't ended yet.

— And before you make a mistake, that goes for Young Bae and Jiyong that seem confident, we don't know how many people we'll debut, that means, depending on the survival program, we could decide to simply not debut anyone. Do you understand? — all of us nodded at him.

But still, there was a big elephant in the room that was being completely ignored. Before I could even ask about it, Young Bae anticipated and asked.

— Sorry to ask, but... what about Chris? — he timidly asked.

— That was what I talking about with him right now, we've decided to let him participate and if we consider he's good enough, he'll debut— I could see how all of us were visibly relieved at the comment — BUT, if the public considers that hiding his identity is a problem, we'll immediately take him out, no matter how much time has passed, no compromises — he finished saying.

All of us were astonished, he could be pulled out of the group even if he's skilled enough to debut, that we all know he is. How could that be fair at all? All of us know he's the most talented between us, even Jiyong with his pride admitted it, and PD-nim was telling us he could possibly not keep with us, even though he's skilled enough. As I was getting worked up, I said.

— But isn't that really unf- — before I finished, I was interrupted by Chris-ah himself.

— Hyung, it's alright, this was my decision — I kept staring at him. And even though I couldn't actually see his expression, I imagine he has that bitter smile that makes all of us so frustrated.

— Now, little guys go ahead and prepare yourselves, because things will get a lot harder.

I remember how we quietly trained the rest of the day, not even talking between us, and we continued like that until the end of the day.

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— Now, Tempo-hyung, help me serve the food, it's ready.

Chris-ah interrupted my dive into my memories of that day, but still, his food was worth it. I kind of smiled at my joke, but still, helped him serve the food, hoping that a good breakfast meant a good day.

But still, that day had quite a few surprises for the four of us.