Chapter 8

The university parking lot was quiet as Ronan sat in his car and gathered his thoughts. He removed his contact lenses and replaced them with his glasses, not willing to risk the contacts moving if he cried.

He glanced at his phone and sighed when he noticed it was 3:30pm. He had spent the last couple hours since his metting with Devin driving around in circles. He had wanted to stop to get a drink but it wouldn't be appropriate to show up to work drunk. How could he mark essays if he couldn't see straight?

He ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed the bag of pastry before getting out of the car. He double checked that it was locked and made his way to Alexander's office. It was already 4 o'clock when he knocked on the office door. He heard Alexander tell him to come in and he entered without hesitation. "Hello, Sir. Sorry I'm late."

He apologized politely and received a strange look from Alexander. The man examined him from head to toe, spending a particularly long time looking at his face. Ronan didn't have it in him to care and just let him look. He put the pastry on the table and joined Alexander, sitting accross from him.

"It's fine, you're not late at all. Besides that...," he paused, as if hesitating to ask further. "...are you ok to grade some essays today? You can go home for today if you don't feel up to it..."

"I'm fine..." Ronan's voice was barely a whisper. He refused to meet Alexander's eyes and pulled a pile of papers towards himself. He picked up one of the red inked pens from the holder on the table and began to look through the essay, reading in silence. Alexander frowned as he watched him. He had the feeling that Ronan was very fragile at that moment.

They both continued to mark papers in silence and Alexander raised an eyebrow when his eyes caught sight of the grade Ronan gave one of the essays.

100%... There was no way Ronan would give a 100% to anyone on an essay. The highest grade Alexander had ever seen him give was 95.5%. There was always something he could find to reduce marks, even if he wasn't in a bad mood. When Alexander took another look at Ronan's face, he was just in time to catch him quickly drying a stray tear.

Alexander felt something snap as he watched that. His Ronan was crying.

Alexander frowned at his thoughts and shook his head to dispel the strange feeling in his chest. Ronan wasn't his anything... Well, that was a lie. He was his TA...and a student...

Ronan suddenly got up and turned towards the door, "I've gotta step out for a bit..."

Maybe it was the way his voice cracked as he said that... maybe it was the way his hands were shaking... or the way he seemed so tense, like a rubberband a second away from snapping... Alexander didn't know why but he found himself standing up and catching Ronan before he got to the door. He found himself wraping his arms around the boy and pulling him to his chest in a tight embrace, holding him as if trying to shield him from whatever it was that made him like this. Even as he did it, Alex was confused. He promised himself he wouldn't get involved. But the second Ronan walked into his office that day, asking if he needed a TA, he was already done for.

He felt Ronan stiffen in his arms and then he felt him break. The feeling of hot tears on his chest nearly killed him. Alexander gently ran his fingers through Ronan's hair, not saying a word. He held him close as Ronan's knees buckled and he sobbed.

Alexander wasn't sure how long they stood there, but he kept holding Ronan even after he had calmed down. The boy was clutching at his clothes as if he'd never let go, his head burried in his chest. Alex gently pried him off and lead him to the sofa in the corner of the room opposite to the work desk. He sat him down and handed him a bottle of water. Ronan obediently drank half the bottle and handed it back, he didn't protest at all when Alex insisted that he lay down and he just laid there, dazed, as Alex wrapped him in a throw he kept in his office and went back to grading papers.

Alexander couldn't bare to watch Ronan just sit there like a lifeless doll. But what could he do about it? He had already gone too far based on his standards. He was the one that set the "no personal life" rule in the first place.

It was a rule he needed to follow. The rule was put in place just for Ronan. When the redhaired boy bounced into his office that afternoon asking if he could be his TA, he couldn't turn him down. He wanted to have him. But he was a student. There was a line and he refused to cross it. Alexander sighed and shook his head. He wouldn't cross that line.... but... how could he leave him like that?

******

Ronan silently ate his cheesecake as he watched Alexander grade papers. Neither of them had said anything since his little episode. He was grateful Alexander wasn't the type to bombard him with questions. He didn't think he'd be able to talk about it.

He finished the cheesecake and snuggled back into the throw Alexander provided. It was incredibly soft and warm...and it smelled like Alexander. Ronan grimaced at the thought and frowned. He pushed the throw away from his nose and closed his eyes. Maybe he just needed to sleep. He'd feel alot better after a nap.

He could almost hear his old therapist nagging him, saying that he couldn't always use sleep to run from his problems. He almost laughed. He was very willing to test that theory...