1 Chapter 1: The Way I Am

Chapter 1: The Way I Am

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It didn't take a genius to recognize that there was a storm on the horizon. I heard it, I could practically taste the ozone. It was starting to make me nervous, I had Luca in the car with me and didn't want to get caught out on the highway once the rain hit. It didn't help that traffic was terrible.

I bent my head low to peer over the dashboard. Dark clouds, practically black and moving fast. Already the sound of thunder could be heard on the horizon. It's going to be bad when it hits. The only sound that disturbed my thoughts otherwise was the the soft snoring from the backseat as my son slept.

Turning around to check on him, I noticed he had stopped snoring and almost seemed to be choking as he started to fight in his sleep. He must be having another nightmare. Normally, I didn't like him sleeping in the car, but it had been a hard day for him at school. Most days these days had been hard for him, espcially after the accident that killed his mom and left him in a wheel chair.

He hadn't really adjusted well. But who would really? What kid wants to wake up one day and find out they can't play sports anymore. I didn't want to wake him up, but figured I'd help as I could. I reached back and grabbed the hem of his pants and shook him a little bit, hoping the bit of movement would shake him out of whatever bad dream had snagged him. Unresponsive, he's completely out.

I let him be and turned back to traffic. I checked the GPS and saw every route was backed up all in red. If it held, it would be hours before we could get home. Something must be blocking the road. We won't be able to move till it's cleared. The last time something like that had happened, it had been when a semi-truck carrying a chemical vat tipped over on the highway while heading towards one of the meat processing plants off the road.

The noise started up again. I looked back to see that my Luca was straining against his seatbelt. His eyes moving against his eyelies. He's waking up. I'll just let him come around on his own. So I left him alone and let him be. I figured he needed a little space without dad pestering him. The pickup at school had already been a little tense for everyone. He's embarrased that he can't ride the bus like everyone else.

When he started to move around, I looked through the rear view mirror and saw that he haf a look in his eyes I didn't like seeing. His eyes were unsettled and unfocused. Looks like the rest of the day is going to be one of those.

"Where am I?" He asked from the backseat, his voice strangely deeper. At least he's talking.

"We're on the road kiddo. About 10 miles away from the house, but it looks like it's gonna be awhile. This traffic isn't moving. That must have been some dream you were having."

I looked away, not wanting to see those eyes anymore. It was always hard for me to see him that way. Luca on the other hand, seemed to be processing the information and shut his eyes again, and when he opened them, that faraway look was gone. Teenagers, I'll never understand them.

"What time is it?" He asked, his voice having returned to normal.

I looked at the clock. "It's twenty three after three."

He considered the information for a moment before speaking. "Hey Dad, can we go to the mall and get frozen yogurt bowls like we used to when mom was alive." His words soumded wooden and forced. At least its an effort.

The request suprised me a little. Luca had made a point of avoiding talking about his mom altogether since the accident. Kiddo if taking you out to yogurt helps to pull you out of the slump your in, I'll take you every day. Anything to get you out of your shell.

I looked again at the map. It remained red for miles, no routes opened up. But when I looked back at him, I saw how anxious and tense he was. I'll make it happen. With a screech of the tires, I pulled off the road onto the shoulder and headed straight for the nearest off-ramp. The mall wasn't that far away.

"Alright kiddo, we'll be there in about 5 minutes. You lucked out it wasn't too far away."

In a matter of minutes, we were pulling into a mostly empty parking lot. The crowds didn't really hit like they used to.

"Give me one sec and I"ll get you out." I told him as I opened up my door and went around. He gave me a dirty look. "I can get it myself."

Luca didn't wait. He opened the door for himself and fell out, landing on the ground. What's going on with him? He knows he needs my help. "Alright, that was foolish. Just wait a second ok?" I said, feeling irritated with him as I went over and picked him up and put him back in the car. Once he was off the ground, I popped the trunch and went around to the back to pull out the wheel chair and brought it around to the passender side.

"Alright, now let me help you." I told him, raising my voice a bit. picking them up and putting them back in the car, I need to grab the wheelchair. I popped open the trunk and grabbed the wheelchair and brought it around to the passenger side. Even though I usually pushed him, today he insisted on pushing himself. The entire time a scowl was plastered on his face.

For a moment I thought about dragging him back to the car and heading home, but my stomach was rumbling and I kind of wanted yogurt too. Besides, if I didn't think this was good for him, I'd haul his ass back to the car right now for that shitty attitude.

"Love is patient." I muttered, reminding myself of the words that had recently become my mantra. "After you," I told him as I held open the door. But if he heard it, he didn't acknowledge it, Luca seemed to be in another place altogether with his thoughts.