20 [19] - Memory of your scent
Chapter 19
"Jennie..
Jennie that's enough.
You can't stay like that! It's evening already!
Jennie!"
Lisa calls while she is standing at the door of Jennie's room, knocking, but there is no point as Jennie has locked the door on herself since morning and refuses to go out, not even to eat, and although Lisa is worried about her, she knows Jennie isn't that stupid to hurt herself.
She sighs helplessly and then turns away from the door and walks to the sitting area where Chaeyoung is sitting.
"What? She didn't open it?" Chaeyoung asks holding the TV remote control without looking away from it, when she feels Lisa is sitting next to her.
- "No." Lisa replies, dragging the O, as she throws her arm at the back of the couch behind Chaeyoung.
"So.. as we expected, they had a fight." Chaeyoung remarks and Lisa nods to her affirmatively.
"What shall we do?" Chaeyoung wonders, as she puts the remote control aside and turns to Lisa.
- "Tomorrow I will go and talk to Jisoo and you, try to talk to the drama mass inside."
"But can we blame her? I mean, look around.."
Chaeyoung runs her eyes around the apartment, examining it,
"It's.. lonely." She elaborates and breathes a sad sigh with the last word.
Lisa smiles as she looks at Chaeyoung and how frustrated she is. Jisoo has indeed taken her own place in their hearts.
Lisa sighs in despair and follows,
"It's precisely for this reason that we will do everything necessary to end this nonsense."
Chaeyoung turns to her and looks at her questionably, indicating her to continue.
"Especially since no one of them is willing to take the first step."
- "What about Jennie?"
Lisa stares at her and smiles knowingly at the corner of her mouth,
"First, we'll make her come out of her cave."
. . . . .
Lying on a Jisoo's bed on her right side in a fetus position, Jennie buries herself under the covers, except for her head.
She stares into the void in the dim darkness of the room, feeling her eyelids puffy as a result of their swelling for her constant crying, which would stop for a few minutes and then come back when she thinks about what happened and the image of Jisoo leaving as it is repeated over and over in her mind and now she feels the urge to cry again.
She would have done it, had she not started to feel too exhausted to even do that.
She has drawn in on herself, in her own world, and has no energy to get out of it.. she doesn't have the energy to even move.
She is afraid to get up. She is afraid to get up because she knows that if she got up now, she won't find Jisoo. She doesn't want to see what the place looks like now, she doesn't need to see it to see how lonely, empty and.. cold it has become.
She can feel its coldness all over her body and she doesn't mean the coldness of the air. She's frozen from the inside, and despite all the lights, she sees it dark.
She can imagine Jisoo moving around like she's still here and she can almost swear that she can hear her now searching and scattering her wardrobe, looking for a piece of clothing that she doesn't know where she has put it as usual.. and she can—
**
"You can't feel the absence of who you did not feel their presence, in the first place."
**
She takes a deep, shaky breath as an attempt to compose herself as she feels her eyes are full again, but it's a useless attempt..
She turns her head to bury her face in the pillow while she cries for moments and other moments she enhales its scent, Jisoo's scent.
Jisoo's last words ring in a loud buzz in her ears, isolating her from the rest of the sounds.. Loud buzzing scratches the walls of her heart.. Loud buzzing render her helpless.
"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid.."
She murmurs and berates herself with short, weak gasps.
What really worries her is how she made Jisoo think about herself, so much that she gives Jisoo the right to leave and that she deserves to be left, and all she can do is just drown in her sorrow.
She knows Jisoo believed her reasons, even if they were unreasonable, most importantly she knows she believed the problem wasn't her, and she will keep it that way.
There's no way she would tell her what really happened because then Jisoo won't take it well. She will think she sexually harassed her, she will assume that's why Jennie was avoiding her, because she was scared of her. She will blame herself endlessly and will probably hate herself, and Jennie doesn't want her to feel that way, not even in the slightest.
Because in reality what scared Jennie is the fact that she didn't hate it.
She was shocked, flustered and confused, but she didn't hate it.
That's why she kept it to herself and decided to work on her internal conflicts by herself. She didn't expect it to backfire this way.
She thought she was being subtle about it, she never wanted to hurt Jisoo this way.. or any way..
but she did and she doesn't know what to do with herself anymore.
And because she knows Jisoo well, she knows that her moving out extends to deep reasons that no one understands except Jisoo herself, and since she has an idea about these reasons, she knows that words of apology or excuses won't work, especially for a personality like Jisoo's; that gives the greatest value to respecting herself and her boundaries, and considers any statement outside these boundaries a manifestation of her weakness.
Not as if Jennie would see it as a weakness of her, but this is what Jisoo feels and she doesn't really blame her. She can't.
Because there is a huge difference between disclosing what you're bottling inside willingly and comfortably and doing it because it become beyond your endurance limits, because you can't take it anymore.
And that's exactly what Jennie pushed her to do.
Maybe it's good what Jisoo did, maybe they both need some distance now.. Actual distance.
Maybe the picture will become clearer like this because getting too close keeps you from seeing the whole picture. Maybe that's what it takes to fix their relationship.
Yeah.. that's right.
Things will be fine.. this is for the better. Distance from each other now is the best option.. yeah.. it has to be.
Nothing will happen and she will be okay—
Jennie stills for a moment as she thinks about it, contemplating it, and burst out crying again for another few minutes.
Hell, she needs to calm down, it's not like Jisoo is gone forever—
She stills again, her expressions invaded by the realization, because at that moment she thought about something she hadn't thought of before.
What if Jisoo disappeared from her life forever? What if something bad happens to her?!
The idea was so terrifying that it made her get up quickly, pushing away the blanket off of her, and extend her hand hurriedly to the nightstand and picks up her phone.
She has to hear her voice now.. she has to put herself at ease now.. she has to make sure Jisoo is there, safe and sound now!
She opens her phone, goes to the contacts, presses Jisoo's name, and when she's about to press on the call button, she stops with her thumb hovering over it.
**
"... don't bother try to bring things back as they used to, because it will be meaningless."
**
Her shoulders slump down in frustration.
What if she doesn't answer her call? What if she answered but didn't want to talk to her? What if she found her annoying? Is this considered selfish too? since she wouldn't be giving her the space she wants?
She breathes out grumpily, puts the phone aside, and throws herself back on the pillow.
She won't be okay at all!
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"Woah.. it's really very close to the company."
Lisa says, moving out one fringe of the curtain to the side and looking out the window at the K.S. building, which was opposite the hotel that Jisoo moved in to, and just across the other side of the street.
- "Yes, its location is excellent." Jisoo agrees as she puts a plate of jam on the table and sits down to eat her breakfast, which she ordered from a nearby restaurant.
Lisa pulls her hand, puts it in her jacket pocket, and turns to meet Jisoo.
"So.. what caused this whole sudden moving out?" Lisa asks as she sits at the table on one of the chairs.
"I told you, the new project requires me to be close to the company in case anything happens.." Jisoo says as she spreads the jam on the toast with the knife, She extends the toast to Lisa and adds, "Want some?"
"Yeah.. the project.."
Lisa starts off with a sarcastic singing note as she takes toast,
"The project that appeared overnight and coincided with the day that followed the argument that took place between you and Jennie.. yeah, right, I totally believe you."
She finishes looking at Jisoo with straight expressions, squinting and taking a bite of the toast while Jisoo just rolls her eyes and sighs as she slits the omelette.
"Really, Lisa, it's nothing."
She pauses, then sighs again and follows when she sees Lisa's Still-don't-believe-you expression.
"I just want to stay alone for a while."
- "Are you that mad at her? What happened?"
"It's not what you think, I'm not angry.. really." Jisoo says, letting her hands rest on either side of the plate and looks at Lisa.
Lisa purses her lips in thought as she looks at the table and says nonchalantly,
"Hmm.. it doesn't look like that to me when I look at Jennie.."
Jisoo furrows her eyebrows and blurs out right away, "What's about Jennie? Has something happened to her?!"
"What else could happen to her?" Lisa answers sarcastically throwing her hands in the air.
"Jisoo Syndrome strikes again!"
She continues, making Jisoo look at her with a double confusion.
"Jisoo syndro— what?"
- "All I'm gonna say is that thanks to you, we now live on restaurants.. because Jennie has been out of service since you left." She says, giving her desperate looks.
Jisoo stares at her a little, relief washing over her features because nothing bad happened, she leans back on her seat and sighs as she looks elsewhere before she turns to Lisa.
"So? What am I supposed to do? Why are you telling me this?" Jisoo asks, wearing a blank cold expression.
Lisa smiles a knowing smile at Jisoo's answer and at her attempt to look like she doesn't care.
"You're not angry, right?" She pauses for moment and then brings her head closer as she leans forward while looking straight into Jisoo's eyes, "Then show her that."
"You have to show her that the matter isn't as complicated as she think it is, because I can assure you that now she thinks like it's the end, like you will never talk to her again."
She falls silent again and quietly follows,
"She's not okay, Jisoo.."
She keeps the eye contact, as if letting her words take their place within Jisoo, because they're true and because she won't ever try to guilt trip her.
Jisoo turns her head to the other side, helplessly, and then turns it back, looking at Lisa with a serious face.
"How do you suggest doing that?"
Lisa smiles wide sideways and leans back in triumph as she places one leg on top of the other.
"Come and have dinner with us tonight."
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"Lisa.. ever since your return, I haven't been at ease with you. Why do you keep looking at the clock with these evil expressions?"
Chaeyoung questions after huffing impatiently and turning to Lisa, who was sitting next to her.
- "Did you talk to her?"
"Yes, and it didn't help." Chaeyoung replies with a grumble, but impatiently follows, "Now, can you tell me what's on your mind?"
Lisa turns to her and her smile widens as she say, "I told you we'd make her go out, right?"
Chaeyoung nods and Lisa elaborates,
"Actually, I would have waited a little longer until the afternoon, but since you mentioned it.."
She trails off and gets up.
"Watch."
She adds as she heads toward Jennie's room, stops at the door, and knocks several times.
"Jennie!"
She knocks again.
"I know you hear me! Don't you think it's time for you to actually come out?"
She says standing sideways and looking at Chaeyoung, who is looking at her with a questioning expression,
"You haven't eaten anything since yesterday!
Jennie!"
She pauses, then smiles at the corner of her mouth with a weak smile and continues,
"Fine! Do what you want! Stay like this so Jisoo can see you in this state when she comes this evening!
You don't want to see her anyway, do y—"
Before she can complete, the door snaps open with force, showing Jennie with her disheveled hair and swollen features.
"What?!" Jennie asks incredulously as she looks at Lisa, in shock.
- "Oh, good, you're alive." Lisa quips as she examines Jennie's look up and down.
"Lisa!" Jennie presses impatiently.
Lisa stares at her for a moment, amusedly.
"Jisoo is coming to have dinner with us."
- "And you tell me this now?" Jennie interjects annoyedly as she gets out of the room quickly and hurries to enter the kitchen.
Lisa stays standing looking at the kitchen side and smiles. She turns to Chaeyoung and sees her looking fondly as she makes a silent applause. Lisa proudly nods to her, and as she does, Jennie comes out of the kitchen, goes to the refrigerator, opens it, and begins to look inside.
"Go down to the store and buy us some chicken!" She orders, lifting her head from inside the refrigerator, carrying in her arms some vegetables and other containers, which Lisa doesn't know what they are.
"Quickly!!" She adds before entering the kitchen.
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Jisoo stands in front of the door debating on whether she should knock on the door first or open it directly with her personal key, especially since this is her apartment at the end, and at the same time she feels strange going in suddenly just like that since she has moved out.
She pauses, thinks for a few minutes, then sighs as she settles, knocking on the door several times. She waits for a moment, and the door opens, revealing a very happy Chaeyoung, looking elated to see her.
"Jisoo!" She exclaims and throws herself on her and hugs her, "I missed you!"
She says, swaying them together left and right, tightening her arms around Jisoo.
Jisoo laughs and chimes in,
"Me too."
Chaeyoung backs away and makes room for her to come in and closes the door behind her.
"Ooh Jisoo! Excellent timing!"
Lisa remarks when she comes out of the kitchen with a dish in hand and sees Jisoo arriving.
" We're about to set the table."she continues, as she heads towards the table.
Jisoo smiles at her, starting to take off her coat.
. . . . .
Jennie was standing in front of the mirror, checking her look and putting on the finishing touches of makeup, when she heard Chaeyoung squealing as she called Jisoo's name, announcing her arrival.
'Jisoo is here? Jisoo is here!'
And just like that she felt her heart beating so fast out of a sudden, like she had run for many miles without stopping, and her stomach began to twist and contract from nervousness.
"Relax Jennie.. calm down.."
'Jisoo is here!!'
"Calm down .. "
She coaxes herself as she wanders back and forth, waving her hands slowly up and down, and then stops, takes steady breaths, and looks at the mirror to make sure of her appearance, and then arranges her hair.
She wore black skinny jeans and a long turtleneck desert blouse that reaches her thigh with long sleeves, along with black leather boots. She let her hair down on one side with evening makeup, not exaggerated, but noticeable.
One last look at the mirror, and then she walks towards the door, with every step she takes she feels her nerves rising, accompanied by a continuous acceleration at the rate of her heartbeat, until she reaches and opens the door. She steps out, walking steadily, to see Jisoo standing and looking at the other side on the process of taking off her coat.
Jisoo turns toward the sofa and throws her coat on it, and at the same time she notices Jennie standing looking at her with hesitation as she fiddles restlessly with the tip of her index finger with the other hand.
Caught up in the moment, Jisoo can't stop herself, even for a few seconds, from looking at Jennie or noticing how good she looks this evening as the first thought that struck her mind was;
'Breathtaking.'
Unaware of the strange silence that filled the place at first, Jisoo snaps back to reality and turn her gaze away with false indifference.
"H-hey." Jennie says hesitantly.
- "Hey.." Jisoo replies with a stressed tone as she tries not to look at her too much.
The silence returns between them for a moment, until Lisa decides to break it, after she and Chaeyoung got tired of the awkward atmosphere as they keep looking between Jisoo and Jennie.
"Okaaay! How about we start having dinner now!" She exclaims, attracting their attention.
- "Ah..Yeah." Jisoo agrees calmly as she heads to the table.
Jisoo sits at the head of the table, and to her right is Lisa with Chaeyoung next to her, while Jennie remains standing, pouring food onto their plates, and as she does, Jisoo can't help but steal glances at her from time to time; at her hairstyle, her eyes, her lips, her scent..
What is this? This is not what she understood from what Lisa had said!
She did not expect to find her—
What was she expecting in the first place?
But this.. she looks so beautiful.. annoyingly beautiful.
In fact, she looks even better than her. Almost like she is telling her that she became better without her.. Is this really what it's about? Is this why she didn't try to call her even once since yesterday—
"For you.."
Lisa blurts out, noticing Jisoo's eyes that followed Jennie with a frustrated expression as she moved away from the table and went to the kitchen, drawing Jisoo's attention to look at her quizzically.
"In case what I think you're thinking is correct, then know that it is all for you."
She continues, dipping the spoon into the soup, and before Jisoo can reply, Jennie returns to the table and sits.
While everyone starts eating dinner, Jisoo takes notice of how all of the placed dishes are not without any of her favorite dishes.
. . . . .
Dinner was unusually quiet and silent, with only the faint sound of spoons or knives touching the plate. Lisa was eating while analyzing the situation and glancing at both Jennie and Jisoo, who were barely eating at their slow pace while fixing their gaze on the plate in front of them.
Of course, this is not what Lisa was hoping would happen. These two are worse than she expected when they're in an argument!
"Woah! This's really delicious, this soup." Lisa begins with a lighthearted tone, trying to break the bleak atmosphere, drawing the girls' attention.
- "Glad you like it." Jennie says softly, smiling at her.
No no no.. Jennie is definitely not being herself.
Since when she's this nice with her?
"Is there more?" Lisa asks as she points to the bowl of soup that is about to run out.
- "Yes, would you like me to pour more for you?" Jennie asks and about to stand up but Lisa stops her, raising her hand.
"No, no. I'll do it!" She declines and smiles at her.
When Lisa sees Jennie's attention returning to her plate as well as Jisoo, she shifts her chair back a bit as if she wants to get up, but she doesn't, and all she really wants is to get Chaeyoung's attention to turn to her, and when she does, Lisa winks at her and nods her head to a certain direction.
She repeats the gesture when she sees Chaeyoung's puzzled expression.
"What? Why are you winking at me?"
Chaeyoung asks, holding the chopsticks in her hand and looking at Lisa with complete confusion, oblivious to Lisa's hint, making her jaw drop for a moment, then quickly Lisa changes her expressions and begins to laugh awkwardly when she sees both Jennie and Jisoo looking at her.
-"what are saying?" Another chuckle. "It's just something got in my eyes."
She finishes, chuckling and wiping tye corner of her eyes, her looks wandering between them.
When silence returns between them again, Lisa tries again and this time she steps on the tip of Chaeyoung's foot lightly a few times to attract her attention, but it seems that this was not enough because Chaeyoung is still having a blast with the food and so she tries again with a greater force on her step.
"Yah! Lalisa! Why do you keep stomping on my feet?"
Chaeyoung exclaims in an annoyed tone as she turns to Lisa, who now looks at her with straight, lifeless expressions.
This bitch.
At first, lisa stays silent, mouth agabe, staring with disbelief, and then she comes backs to her senses when she notices the suspicious gaze of Jennie and Jisoo, as if they understood what she was trying to do, and to cover it up she lets out nervous laughs as she looks at Chaeyoung at one time and at Jennie and Jisoo at other times, acting clueless.
"What's wrong with you and these accusations? Haha, really.. I can't believe you!"
Lisa defends scoffing and gets up on a hurry,
"I'll pour me some soup!" She adds, lifting her plate with overexcited manner and goes to the kitchen, fleeing out of the scene.
She will get back at that human disaster later!
. . . . . .
"Are you really not going to stay to watch the movie with us?" Chaeyoung asks as she looks at Jisoo with a sad expression.
- "I have to get up early to work." Jisoo puts on her coat and smiles at her apologetically.
Jennie was standing across from her, and at a distance, Lisa, Chaeyoung, and Jisoo were standing opposite her at the door. She was standing with her feet tapping lightly on the floor, looking at Jisoo with hesitation, as if she wants to say something to her, but doesn't find the courage to do so and doesn't even know what to say, so she only remains in a spiral of confusion, just staring at her.
"Well.. see you tomorrow." Jisoo says smiling and waving goodbye to them, and they bid her goodbye as well, she opens the door and walks out, closing the door behind her.
The silence reigns among them, as the three of them stand still, looking at the door for a moment before Lisa turns to Jennie, wearing persistent features.
"What are you waiting for?" She inquires suddenly, making Jennie wince a little from her daze and grabs her attention, "Go after her!"
She adds, pointing towards the door for encouragement.
As if that was all Jennie needed to move, she nods to Lisa determinedly while she is still slightly drawn, speeding towards the door, exiting and closing it behind her.
"Let's hope this helps with something." Chaeyoung remarks as she looks at the door and then turns to Lisa to find her looking at her sharply and with serious expressions.
"What? what's up with you?" She asks her, but Lisa doesn't answer and just starts walking slowly towards her, with the same expression.
"Wh-Why are you looking at me like this?" Chaeyoung continues suspiciously, stepping back.
. . . . . .
Jisoo had just entered the elevator when she heard Jennie calling her name, to then she comes in behind her and stop the elevator, panting a little and trying to catch her breath, and now both of them are standing in silence, Jisoo looking with surprise at Jennie who is looking down before she looks elsewhere.
Okay.. now what?
What might be said in such situation?
Jennie constantly asks herself as she tries to find the head of the thread.. she doesn't know what she wants.. why did she run behind her again? The more she stood there, the more frustrated she was, feeling her mind crippled.
"What do you want, Jennie?" Jisoo says after her patience has run out, sighing, without looking at Jennie.
- "Uh..yeah.. um.. when will you come back?" Jennie asks her awkwardly as she raises her head and looks at Jisoo.
And this's how Jennie realized that silence is really of gold.
Is this the best thing her mind went out with?
"I don't know, it depends on how long the project will take to be completed." Jisoo answers calmly.
Jennie slowly nods with understanding even though Jisoo isn't looking at her, and despite knowing that this was never about the project.
"Jennie.. if there is nothing else, I really gotta go." Jisoo says in a taut and used up tone, as she rubs her forehead tiredly when the silence returned between them.
- "Oh yeah! Just one more thing.." Jennie begins trying in vain to make their conversation longer. "How are you.. doing?"
She continues in a low tone, as if afraid that she doesn't have the right to ask her this, not oblivious to the fact that Jisoo hasn't looked at her even once since she entered the elevator.
"Good.. doing alright." Jisoo answers her after staying silent for a while, slowly nodding to emphasize her answer.
Jennie nods affirmatively again and takes a deep breath as she turns her head towards the direction of the elevator door, realizing that there is no point in dragging the conversation any longer.
"Go-goodbye then.."
Jennie says in a low tone reluctantly before she steps out of the elevator, and Jisoo replies with a cold nod.
Jennie remains standing outside the elevator, back facing it, as she hears the metal door close behind her.
. . . . . .
Jennie enters the apartment and closes the door behind her forcefully, she sees Lisa sitting on top of Chaeyoung on the couch, strangling her, while Chaeyoung was trying to push her away, who both stopped when Jennie entered as she looked like she's about to cry.
Jennie steps back a little and leans on the door feeling utterly frustrated, and at the same time Lisa gets up off Chaeyoung as she looks at her with a worried expression, followed by Chaeyoung.
"What happened?" Lisa asks, standing in front of Jennie with Chaeyoung at her side.
- "She didn't even look at me.." Jennie answers defeatedly, her lips trembling as she tries to stop herself from starting to cry.
They stare at her for a moment before they both look at each at other and exchange looks, and then Chaeyoung approaches Jennie, wearing a serious and resolute expression.
"So? you will try again."
Chaeyoung begins with a firm tone as she stares directly at Jennie.
"Even if she pushed you away once more.. you will try again. This is her right, she has the right to get angry at you and to punish you in her own way, and you have to give her that."
She was talking while tapping Jennie's upper chest with her index finger steadily and repeatedly, causing Jennie to stay in place, feeling intimidated because Chaeyoung looks scary now.
"Jisoo is secretive. She won't tell you and she won't explain.. she's like that, and our responsibility is to keep it like that. We can't take her granted. We can't force her limits."
Jennie was still looking at Chaeyoung, listening closely to her, as she felt a tingle in her chest at every phrase Chaeyoung said, a burning sensation in her eyes.
What would she do if she told her that she already did? She already messed it up?
Chaeyoung pauses, still looking at Jennie sharply, before she lets her features soften, crosses her arms and continue,
"Look, I'm not trying to judge you here. I'm telling you this because I know that you surrender to your fears and worries easily.
Don't.
Especially with Jisoo.. because she is Jisoo, as simple as that.
Don't let your fear get in between what you two have and ruin it."
She finishes, placing both her hands on Jennie's shoulders and pressing on them a little reassuringly, and from Jennie's expressions, she knows that her words have sunk in.
"Woah.. I didn't know you know all that.."
Lisa chips in breaking the atmosphere between them as she looks in wonder at Chaeyoung.
Chaeyoung rolls her eyes and breathes in despair, then turns away from Jennie and towards Lisa and follows,
"How do you think I've coped with you all these years?"
"You didn't have to attack me like this." Lisa says in a monotone, looking at her blankly.
Chaeyoung rolls her eyes again, turns to Jennie, and sees her wearing a sad expression, as she looks at her, too.
"Jenn—" Before Chaeyoung can finish, Jennie steps forward and hugs her while surrounding her waist with her arms and resting her head on her chest like a child who had realized her mistake and is met with forgiveness. Chaeyoung smiles and hugs her back.
"Me too!!" Lisa exclaims cheerfully, after watching them bonding and goes and throws herself at them while letting her arms surround them together.
"And together, we become the Powerpuff Girls!!"
She continues in dramatic and loud tone as she tightenes her arm around them despite Jennie and Chaeyoung's attempts to shove her away playfully.
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"You know?" Matthew starts with a pained tone after Jisoo had dropped him for the third time on his back, and tries to get up. "When I invited you out, I was thinking of something more.. peaceful?"
He says sarcastically, stretching his back muscles and shoulders, looking at Jisoo who was wandering back and forth looking at him and smirking.
"There is nothing better than this for recreation," she says, tightening the wrapping around her hand.
- "Yeah yeah.. for your information only, you managed to flip me over because I was lenient with you because you're a girl."
He reasons out, looking at her with faux seriousness, causing her to laugh.
"Yeah, that must be it!" Jisoo quips, pretending to be convinced with exaggerated enthusiasm.
Matthew stills and looks at her quizzically, squinting his eyes.
"What? you don't trust that I can defeat you?"
- "Hmmm.. who said that? I didn't say anything." She says, raising her hands in surrender, wearing clueless expression.
"Okay okay.." he starts nodding, "I will seriously practice with you from now on, and you will see." He promises, raising his hands in a boxing stance.
- "Show me what you got." She challenges, beckoning him, and they begin to walk in a circular path around the perimeter of the boxing ring, while they look at each other carefully.
"If I beat you, you will have to make it up for me." He says, making Jisoo look at him with confusion.
-"Make it up?"
"Yeah, I told you, something more peaceful." He says with his eyebrows raised, hiding his smile to maintain his seriousness.
Jisoo smiles at the corner of her mouth, nods to him, and follows,
"Which is.."
- "You will go with me to the cinema," He says while stopping, making Jisoo stop as well, looking at him with surprise.
"Hey! That's so cliché!" She protests in disbelief, accompanied by chuckle.
- "Whatever! that is what we will do next." He interjects, shrugging indifferently.
"That is if you overpowered me." She conditions, raising her hands in a fist again.
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"Then we pour the milk."
Jisoo murmurs to herself as she reads the recipe on the iPad, takes the milk glass bottle, and begins to gradually pour it into the pot and begin to stir its contents, as she does, comes to her mind what happened today with Matthew and smiles to herself at the memory.
In the end, Matthew managed to flip Jisoo over and drop her on her back after several unsuccessful attempts until he became desperate and decided to take the matter really seriously. She still feels the urge to laugh whenever she remembers his reaction after his victory as he was howling alone and looking around at his imaginary fans, he didn't stay quiet about it even when they went out to the movies, and even when it have finished.
Well at least he left the movie selection up to her.
Her thoughts are cut off when she smells something burning, she whips her head towards the pan in which she put the sauce, and rushes to it immediately and turns it off and sees it has burned on the edges.
"Ugh! damn it.. how did this happen? They said put on a low heat!" She groans trying to mix it up, wearing a creased expression, forgetting the other pot that she left in a hurry and doesn't remember it until it smells too.
"Shit shit!!"
She blurts out as she dashes toward the pot, and instead of holding its handle with the designated piece of cloth, she forgets and holds it with her bare hand to feel a direct sting and quickly pulls her hand away. Instead, she stirs it with the spoon with the other hand as the steam rises up more, she turns it off and moves away from the stove, standing frustrated and upset, looking at the mess she made in the kitchen.
Great try for her first cooking! Hurrah!
She hears the sound of the bell ringing several times and then pausing, she sighs grumbling and takes a look at the piece of cloth in her hand and throws it on the counter and leaves the kitchen, heading to the front door.
Who might they be now? Did Lisa come again?
She reaches the door, puts her hand on the handle, and with the other hand unlocks its digital lock, and then quickly opens it, revealing the last person she expected it to be.
She remains standing, staring in surprise as she looks at them standing with bags in their hands and looking back at her nervously.
"Jennie?"
Jennie remains silent for a few moments as she adjusts her grip on the bags, looking at Jisoo sometimes, and at other times lowering her gaze, seeing Jisoo's shocked expression.
"Can I come in?" Jennie asks with a surprising question, as she looks at Jisoo with hopeful eyes, drawing her from her shock.
Jisoo blinks several times as she turns her gaze away and then moves away from the door and stands aside as a signal for Jennie to go inside.
Jennie goes in and walks until she reaches the wide chest of the apartment and puts the bags on the floor. She removes her scarf and puts it on the sofa, and as she's thus, she hears Jisoo closing the door, she stops and turns around to meet Jisoo, who is now standing at a short distance from her.
"How did you know the address?"
Jisoo begins with her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised. "Ooh, wait.."
She digresses quickly before Jennie can answer her, when she realizes how. "Lisa."
She adds, helplessly nodding as she looks away, and then sighs, partly looking back at Jennie.
"What are you doing here, Jennie?"
Jennie licks her lips and takes a breath to prepare herself to talk while still feeling self-conscious of her sudden appearance like this.
"I'm here to cook you dinner." She answers with glistening and shy eyes, as she tucks one of her hair strands behind her ear.
"I know how much you love home-cooked food than restaurants' food, that's why.." Jennie elaborates in a laidback tone when Jisoo remains silent, looking at her with puzzled eyes.
"What? What about Lisa and Chaeyoung?"
- "I already cooked for them." Jennie answers simply and right away with confidence.
Jisoo sighs again, understands her reason, looking the other way, and then turns to Jennie.
"You tired yourself for nothing. No need for this." Jisoo begins making Jennie look at her in surprise, with expressions cushioned in gloominess,
"I was fine before you came, and I will be fine after you too."
She finishes staring directly at her, her words carry an underlying meaning.
Jennie remains silent, taken aback by Jisoo's words, as she feels her courage disintegrating, her pain waking up and her desire to back off and leave renewing.
**
"Even if She push you away, you will try again."
-
"Don't let your fear get in between what you two have and ruin it."
**
Jennie takes another deep breath as she pulls herself together, remembering Chaeyoung's pep talk, wearing her assertiveness again, and turns to Jisoo and looks at her with renewed determination.
"Is that why the burning smell is all over the place?" Jennie sarcastically deadpans as she wears a surprised false questioning expression, taking Jisoo by surprise.
- "Uh.. umm.. that.. that is nothing." Jisoo dismisses sheepishly, acting indifferently.
"Jisoo," Jennie starts taking a few steps in front of Jisoo and continues, "You can't stop me. I'll go in there now and I'll start making dinner."
She informs firmly as she looks straight into Jisoo's eyes.
"Unless you're thinking of forcibly getting me out." She adds in a calm tone, challenging her, knowing that Jisoo will never do that.
She won't do it..
Right?
The two of them keep staring at each other silently for a while, like Jennie is leaving a room for Jisoo to protest, and holds in her smile when Jisoo doesn't say anything and just turns her face away.
"Good." She quips contentedly, feeling proud of herself, and then she turns around and takes off her coat and hangs it by the door along with her bag. She walks to the plastic bags and carries them, and heads to the kitchen, Jisoo follows her after a few moments.
Jennie enters the kitchen and stops in her tracks, looking at the mess caused by Jisoo, and when she feels Jisoo is coming behind her, she looks away and continues to walk until she reaches the island counter and puts the bags on it and begins to take out its contents while hiding her smile as Jisoo stands at the entrance with her arms crossed, a little embarrassed.
"You can go and rest. I'll call you when it's done." Jennie offers, resting her hands on the edge of the counter, looking at Jisoo.
"I mean, if you don't want to stay.." Jennie elaborates trailing off, looking back at the groceries.
- "Uh.. I'll just.. I'll clean this up." Jisoo says awkwardly, pointing to the stove's mess and scratches her temples sheepishly, but Jennie stops her.
"It's okay.. I'll do that on my way." Jennie reassures her.
Jisoo doesn't protest and just nods to her slowly and walks out of the kitchen.
.
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Jisoo was sitting on the sofa watching TV, but she wasn't really watching it, as her mind was elsewhere, it's been more than half an hour and Jennie is still in the kitchen. She can hear some of the noises from her movements and she can't prevent herself from feeling weird about her sitting here while Jennie is close to her and in the same place, but in the kitchen.
Far and close to her at the same time.
She was shaking her leg up and down nervously, while resting her head on her hand, letting her finger wander over her lips at an accelerating pace until her patience was intolerable, and she decides to take a look.
She gets up and begins to walk in steady and careful steps, poking her head forward gradually through the entrance to the kitchen cautiously, until she catches Jennie moving from place to place immersed in her cooking and all her focus on it.
When she feels that Jennie is about to turn around and sees her, she moves away, turning on her heels quickly, and strides across the apartment discreetly. She plops herself on the couch, grabs the remote control quickly, puts all focus on the TV, and begins to change the channels as she pretends she has been like this for a long time and at the same time Jennie comes out of the kitchen and walks towards Jisoo.
"It's complete."
Jennie declares calmly and then walks back to the kitchen when Jisoo turns to her in a faux surprise and nods to her with understanding before following her.
Jisoo enters the kitchen and sees Jennie pouring a plate. She keeps staring at her for a moment and then walks to her until she is standing next to her, drawing her attention, and takes the plate from her.
"Thanks.. I'll take it from here. You can go now."
Without looking at Jennie, Jisoo says as she takes the large spoon from Jennie's other hand, making her step back a little.
Jennie stays quiet for a moment, looking at Jisoo with a little agonizing frustration, but ignoring how she feels, she follows before she walks out.
"Tomorrow.. I will come again."
-"Don't." Jisoo inserts putting the plate aside, pushing Jennie to stop and turns back to meet Jisoo, and so does Jisoo.
"You don't have to come. If and must, you can cook at home and send it here." She continues, explaining to Jennie as she looks away.
"It will arrive cold by then." Jennie remarks, after remaining silent for a moment as she decides to get on the ship of stubbornness with her.
At that, Jisoo turns to her and looks at her sharply.
"I'll warm it up." Jisoo counters.
Another silence, and then,
"It won't taste the same as it does when it first cooked."
Jennie counters back in a defiant tone, she turns around, huffing childishly, and leaves the kitchen, leaving Jisoo roll her eyes and sigh helplessly. Staring aimlessly, she glances at the dish that Jennie has prepared and stares at it a little.
**
"For you..
It's all for you .. ''
**
She breathes out and then speeds up behind Jennie.
. . . . .
🎶▶️ Before You Exit - The Butterfly Effect
After walking out of the kitchen, she goes to the clothes hanger that was close to the door, takes her coat and starts wearing it, and when she's finished she takes her bag, hangs it over her shoulder and heads to the door.
"Wait!"
Jennie stops in place before reaching the knob when she hears Jisoo's call, and she can't prevent herself from feeling excited for it. She thinks of various reasons as she turns around to meet Jisoo.
"How did you get here? With who?"
Jisoo asks her seriously, letting Jennie's hopeful expression fades away again as she feels silly for her thoughts.
- "I got here by cab, alone," Jennie answers her calmly.
"Wait here. I'll be back in a minute."
Jisoo says and then speeds up to the top floor of the apartment, moments and she returns with her jacket in hand and puts it on as she gets off the stairs, walks and stands next to Jennie. They stare at each other a little, and then Jisoo breaks the eye contact and reaches for the knob, opens the door, and stands aside, signaling Jennie to go first.
Jennie walks out, Jisoo follows, and closes the door behind them.
Jennie saunters toward the elevator calmly and Jisoo is behind her a few steps away until they reaches it and Jisoo presses the ground floor button and stands in front of the metal door, waiting for it to arrive.
And while they were waiting, Jisoo was looking around, fidgeting, stealing some glances at Jennie from time to time, just like Jennie was doing, both looking away whenever they felt the other one is about to look their way, until they heard a ding sound from the elevator, announcing its arrival.
The door gradually opens, revealing the inside of the elevator, only to find that there are two people already inside. Jisoo gets in first, walks and stops at the end corner, followed by Jennie. The elevator door closes and begins to go down one floor by one, until it stops again at one of the floors and opens to show them that there are three people who want to climb up as well, who don't waste any time and get in.
That caused the elevator to be crowded and changed the arrangement of their positions, as Jisoo stepped back further until she her back became in contact with the elevator wall at the corner slightly while Jennie became standing in front of her, her back facing Jisoo's front, obscuring her vision, and very close to her.
And because Jennie is wearing a fluffy coat that makes her look like a ball of soft fur, Jisoo is almost invisible behind her.
As the elevator began to descend, Jisoo was trying to keep her gaze or attention on anything around her, anything except Jennie, but the scent whiffs that came from her prevented her from doing so, only to find that her gaze was automatically driven back to Jennie, she kept staring at her dreamily.
Gradually and slowly, with an unnoticed and involuntary move, like being pulled by a magnet, she brings her face closer until the tip of her nose comes into contact with Jennie's hair. She closes her eyes, and smells it deeply for extended moments, and then partially opens her eyes without looking away.
What if she buried her face in the back of her neck now?
What if she began to inhale the areas from the beginning to the crock of her neck?
What if she wrapped her arms around her now and hugged her tightly?
She tilts her head slightly to the side and sees Jennie's chubby cheek slightly sticking out and smiles to herself at it.
The elevator dings, announcing the end of their destination, pulling Jisoo from her thoughts and restoring them to reality, she pulls her head back and adjusts her posture, waiting for the rest of the people to go out.
. . . . .
Jennie stands on the sidewalk waiting for Jisoo to come back as she asked after she left to speak with someone in the reception area.
The cold air of December makes her hair fly back as she puts her hands in her coat pockets.
"The hotel taxi will be arriving now." Jisoo declares after she returns, walking hurriedly, and stands next to her, she puts her hands in her pockets as well.
Jennie nods with understanding, and the two stay standing, waiting for the car, which did not take long to arrive and stop in front of them.
"Next time, don't go out alone." Jisoo tells her as soon as Jennie goes to open the door, making her stop and look at her.
Jennie stares at her a little and responds calmly,
"OK.."
She intends to move when she realizes something and quickly follows, "Next time?"
She says it in a lighthearted tone as she looks at Jisoo with hopeful eyes, and from Jisoo's expression, she can tell that she wasn't aware of her words when she said them.
"Ah.. um.. I mean... just in case.. in case you insist on coming again.. um.. how do I know how your mind works..."
Jisoo blabbers, pretending to be nonchalant as she tries to rectify the situation uselessly while looking the other way and rubbing the back of her neck.
Jennie doesn't comment, just keeps looking at her, smiling faintly. she heads to the door and opens it, and before she climbs up she stops and turns to Jisoo and looks at her for long moments.
"Till we meet again.." She tells her softly, putting her heaviest feelings with it, in hope they reach her.
They stay staring at each other, their gaze holds a lot of words than they let on, the air around them cold and thick with emotions as they exchange one last knowing look before Jisoo replies in the same tone.
"Till we meet again."
She repeats, and then Jennie goes inside the car, closes the door, and the car begins to gradually drive away from the sidewalk and onto the street.
She remains standing, watching her getting further away, she sighs and turns around slowly and starts walking back to the hotel.
. . . . . .
Jisoo enters her apartment, closes the door and leans against it tiredly. She keeps staring at the distance, and as she does, her gaze falls on the sofa, specifically on the scarf thrown on it, Jennie's scarf. She must have forgotten it.
She moves off the door and starts walking toward the sofa until she reaches it and reaches out, takes the scarf and sits down.
She holds it in both hands as she looks at it thoughtfully, like she would find something if she kept looking at it with great interest.
Gently, she runs her thumb over its smooth material and folds it between her hands a little. She then buries half of her face in it and inhales it as she closes her eyes, sensing the presence of Jennie from her scent only.
Damn.
She misses her so much.
🎶⏸
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"Yes, Jin Young, what do you want to talk about?" Jisoo starts in annoyance as she crosses her arms and looks at Jin Young that is sitting in front of her.
After the end of the second shareholders' meeting at the university, Jin Young tried again to talk to Jisoo to give him some time and sit down and talk, and this time he insisted too much that he didn't allow her to go, and she had no choice but to agree to get rid of him permanently. And now both of them are sitting at one of the tables in the university's cafeteria.
Jin Young stays silent for a moment, then sighs and says, "I'll part ways with the head company of my family and establish my own business.."
Jisoo furrows her eyebrows and looks at him with surprise, before she follows,
"Why are you telling me this? What is my business?"
Jin Young becomes silent again as he leans forward slightly, placing both hands on the table.
"If I want to fix what I did.. if I want to get you back.. I have to start over the right way."
He says, leaving Jisoo silently staring at him blankly.
Jisoo stays like that for a while and then laughs sarcastically, shaking her head in disbelief.
"And here I thought you would actually say something worthy." she says, wandering to carry her things and gets up, but Jin Young acts quickly and stops her as he grabs her by the wrist.
- "Please hear me to the end. This is all I ask." He says while looking at her pleadingly.
She looks at him a little, and then pulls her wrist out of his grip and adjusts her sitting back to face him, putting her things back and looking at him sharply, signaling him to continue.
"I apologize, for everything." He starts on a calm note, sounding very sorry, "I know that an apology doesn't work, which is why I'm trying to show you how sorry I am with actions."
- "How will you apologize for your cheating by actions?"
Jisoo takes him by surprise in a taunted tone as she looks at him seriously, and then Jin Young turnes his gaze away, feeling ashamed.
"Or about you spreading rumors about me?"
"Never!" He protests immediately, turning to her in panic, he falls silence a little, and then follows in a firm tone, "I never spoke badly about you, and these rumors, it wasn't me who started them. Yes, I made a mistake, and a big one as well, but I didn't spread or start these rumors. It is impossible for me to do so."
He finishes, looking at her with anticipation, hoping that she will believe him.
- "But you didn't deny them either."
Jisoo adds calmly, looking at him with disappointment, and with that, she carries her purse and things and gets up, leaving him silently staring into the emptiness.
. . . . . .
"She's late." Lisa says as she looks at her phone watch.
- "The meeting must not have ended yet." Jennie says as she looks fidgetly ahead.
"What is the matter with these meetings anyway? She started attending them a lot recently." Chaeyoung remarks questionably.
-"I know right?" Lisa agrees.
They were on their way to the main entrance, about to exit the corridor that leads to the closed square in which most of the students gather at the beginning or end of periods inside the university building, and while they were walking, they spot Jisoo coming from the direction of the cafeteria, walking with hurried steps with a seemingly annoyed expression.
"Hey, isn't that Jisoo? What is she doing going like that?"
Lisa says after stopping, looking in wonder at Jisoo who didn't notice them yet. Jennie and Chaeyoung mirroring her expression, Jin Young enters their line of vision, running behind Jisoo.
"Wait wait.. isn't that—"
"Kim Jisoo!"
Jin Young calls out loudly as soon as he was at some distance from Jisoo, drawing their attention and the attention of the students around them, and prompting Jisoo to stop in her tracks and silence to take over the place.
"Listen to me well, and everyone listen to me too!"
Jin Young starts on the same loud deep tone as he insistently looks at Jisoo. Jisoo remains still for a moment, then slowly turns around to meet him, looking at him sharply with questioning eyes.
"Jin Young! What are you trying to do?!" Jisoo hisses at him while trying to keep her tone low.
- "No more lying and games. Now.. everyone will know the truth!"
He pauses while he stares at Jisoo, who is looking at him with great confusion, hearing the students begin to talk among themselves, surprised and puzzled as well, some of them even pulled out their phones and started recording.
Thirsty for the drama.
"All the rumors you have heard about Kim Jisoo is nothing but nonsense!" He starts in a loud determined tone. "Everyone that tells you that Kim Jisoo manipulated the feelings of someone, know they're a bunch of gossipers and liars!
Know that well because.. I am the one who did the manipulation!"
When he says that, everyone breathes in a sharp gasp, and everyone falls in a shock, while Jisoo is still looking at him with straight expressions and helplessness, feeling utterly embarrassed.
"I am the one who cheated on her! I am the one who tricked her for my own interests and not the other way around!"
He falls silent for moment, and then follows in a steady and calm tone while looking at her sadly,
"Jisoo did nothing..
And in order to make amends for my mistake, in front of everyone now, I offer my sincere apologies before her."
He says and straightens his posture before he bows to her in 90 degrees angle to express the depth of his apology, making the students amazed more and more and their hustle and bustle increases while Jisoo just closes her eyes from the embarrassment that she feels and then walks to him, to make him stop.
"Stop this. Stand up!" she says as she tries to make him stop bowing.
- "I won't until you accept my apology."
Jisoo rolls her eyes as she looks at the students and sees them looking back at them and talking.
"Okay, fine! I accept it."
As soon as she says that, he stands up straight again, seeming happy about it. He remains silent a little while he stares at her.
"Jisoo.." He starts softly taking her hand and approaching her. He looks down at her hand, and then looks back up, making the place drown in silence, attracting everyone's attention, "I will do what I can to show you how serious I am. I will do what I can to make you look at me with these brown eyes again."
He gently holds the side of her face with his other hand.
"Please, allow me to." He continues in a calm, gentle tone.
Jisoo was silent, staring at him suspiciously and wondering while searching his face as if looking for answers and as she does, her gaze falls to the direction that is behind him and to the side a little, and she notices the girls standing there, specifically Jennie.
She saw her looking at them with an expression that she hadn't seen before and couldn't explain it.
Jennie was feeling annoyed since she saw him running behind Jisoo and all she felt was confusion and nuisance when he spoke and explained the truth until he bowed and Jisoo approached him quickly.
At that moment, she felt her heart suddenly contract, and her consciousness was isolated from those around her and only focused on them, she no longer heard anything from the students' noise and didn't see them anymore.
It was like a knockout when Jin Young grabbed Jisoo's hand and stepped closer to her, watching silently as he cupped her cheek.
And what started as a minor sting in the throbbing muscle inside her chest, ended as a huge hole in her heart.
——————————-
To Be Continued
——————————-
Hmm.. JinYoung? A second chance?
