1 Just move on, please
<b>This is an one shot story. </b>
around 9000 words !
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„Hello , Lucy . What's up ?"
„Hey , Marielle .Do you still remember our classmates in the senior years ?
They want to do a union with other classes from the same year after leaving school 10 years ago . It would be cool , if you could join us. So your answer ?"
„ Depend on which day ,…. but if I have time on that day ,perhaps I could make it ."
„Ah yeah , we planned it on the 24.07.2030 ."
„ I … will think about it .I will call you again."
„Come on , Marielle Cheong, please come !
Without you ,it will be going to be so boring . My BEST friend , not accompanying me ?
A NO-GO ."
„ Come on , now you exaggerate it . You was always our party mood maker . How can you not make it exciting ? Ain't this the reason why they wanted you to join the planning ? "
„ Yeah ,yeah . Still I miss you !!!!!!! I miss you very much ."
„ ....Okay, I will come . Since I know you won't stop pleading me ."
„ YEEEEEEESSSS ! The power of annoying you wins !"
„ Now I have to continue my work ."
„ How cold , can't you spare some time for your best friend ?"
„ Now, now , Lucy . I have to end the phone call. Good night . Love you ."
„ Hah …okay , good night . Love you too ."
Beep….
The end of the phone call resounded in the living room . The woman put her mobile on the table next to her , placed the lap top back to her originated position, while comfortably laying herself on the big armchair and finally returned to her work . The New York's night lights shone through the window wall mural reaching even to the darkest corners of the room and gave her enough light to see the furnitures of her two- stock- apartment . Only the typing on her computer and her low breathing could be heard. As she sometimes sipped from her hot chocolate , she occasionally looked at her phone . Frustrated that she couldn't concentrate anymore , she put her lap top aside ,tousled her waist-long hair and took off her glasses .
„ I just hope that this person won't come too . I don't want to see him since last time."
Suddenly her phone rang . A notification came on her display .
„Sorry , that I forgot to tell you , James was going to come too . Please don't be mad at me . Just see it as a chance ."
She paused for moment .
…..
….
….
„Are you kidding me ?! Fuck ! Why didn't you tell me beforehand ? More like she did it on purpose ! ….Just see it as a chance… What a joke ! Oh man I really don't want to go anymore …
I really wish to move to Seoul right now .Only one month left …."
James Connor.
He was my childhood friend as well my first love .
We've known each other , since when we were both just 11 years old .
Before I came to America , I once travelled to different countries because of dad's work as an engineer working for an international company . When I was just 11 years old , my family moved to New York where we lived for 7 years , which was the longest time ever staying in one country . Since my father felt guilty that my mom and I had to constantly change our surrounding , he decided to take a longtime work place in his hometown , an offer from his agency .
While my mom came from Korea , my father on the other hand was from America . They met each other in college in Seoul . My dad was so interested in the Korean culture ,that he decided to take engineering in an international university , whereas mom took Korean literature and music as her course of study there ( An interesting combination I have to say 😂 ) .
After that she worked as a Korean teacher or music teacher in different schools . During our stay in New York ,she worked in a university specialising language and culture .
Back to my childhood.
In the past ,when we just moved to New York, my parents decided to buy a house with a garden outside from the city ,because they preferred a quiet livelihood . This was where I first met James Connor . His family were our neighbours at that time. We always played together since childhood and enjoyed our slow living.
I became his best friend and he became my best friend since then .
From a young age , James was already well known for his gorgeous and cute looks .Sometimes he even got model jobs . Over the time he became more and more handsome and manlier , so that he lost his once androgynous appearance .The previous doll- like face was substituted by refined and strong features now. Straight nose ,big green eyes , thin lips and sharp jawline .
Because of this he was also very popular in high school .
In contrast to him I looked pretty average. The only special traits were my blue eyes and bright skin that I inherited from my father . Normally ,you would expect to look pretty much like a fairy due to the mixture of the two cultures , but not everyone had the luck for it .
After entering high school many people questioned us , if we were a couple because we were always together ,which we constantly denied it .
That's why James began to slowly distance himself from me at school claiming that he wanted to avoid trouble for him and me.We reduced it to only greetings and occasionally talking when we were alone . Only at home we would play together again as always .
After my 16th birthday , I became aware of my feelings for him ,as my heartbeat got stronger whenever he was around me .I became more conscious, but I tried to not let him know it .This shouldn't change our interaction ,that was what I thought .
One day I accidentally saw girls , who liked to follow him , became touchy with my friend in the school yard . It surprised me that James didn't mind them at all. Later on , I became irritated by the sight and was even thinking of confessing my feelings to him .
Yet I was unsure , if he even saw me as a woman .
We always treated each others as siblings , so I became afraid that I could end the relationship of us like that.
Losing my patience ,when we both reached our 11th grade , I decided to reveal my love for him.
So I went to his home . His parents weren't there at that time , so I thought that if I was going to be rejected , at least I could run away with less embarrassment . Luckily , James' family trusted me so much that I even got a substitute's key for their home ( I had to say that it was still dangerous to do this. Nobody should trust someone easily 😓).
Then I almost arrived in front of his door , I heard strange noises coming from his room . As I kept my ear to the closed entry , nasty voices resounded in my ear . James' and an another girl's voices mixed with lustful moaning in their screams filled the room and the floor under my feet shook slightly . I wasn't stupid to not know what happened behind the door, so I ran away from this place as fast as I could. In my room I cried a whole day to the point my parents became worried about me.
Never did I want to experience love ever again was my thought .
Next week I asked him , if he had a girlfriend . I found out , that they were already together for a year and he claimed that he planned to tell me ,but didn't know how , fearing that I would distance myself from him in consideration of his girlfriend .I became very angry by this excuse , nevertheless I calmed him down by denying such statement in the end .After that he happily introduced her to me.
She was Jessica Walker , the prettiest and most popular girl in high school. They fit perfectly together. That came through my mind, when I saw them . Both popular , clever , good looking and sporty .
In some way it felt like they were fated to be together , so I tried to give up on my feelings for him. My heartbreak lasted more than half a year . After this experience I believed nobody would see me as a woman ,as I didn't had the looks and charms for it .I began to think everyone would prefer beauty over anything else . Well ,I was also no different in some way.
Slowly ,I found myself thinking of me more and more ugly than before to the point that I didn't want to see my mirror reflection anymore. After my friends saw me in this terrible state , they decided to support me strongly ,so I could come back to my old strength .
It was a harsh period for me , while for James it was the most wonderful one.
I remembered , that whenever I visited him , I saw his girlfriend snuggling in his arms. Affection showed in their eyes ,as they looked at each other . I sometimes caught them kissing deeply in high school . Usually ,they always lost in their own world ,so they didn't notice the gazes around them . Every time I saw them like this , I felt my eyes becoming moist and my chest hurt badly . The worst moment was when they kissed each other in my presence and after the kiss James would shyly smile at me with cheeks dyed red in embarrassment. Never did I want to see this face ever again. If it continued like this , I will lose myself again .
So I came to the conclusion that this I should distanced myself from him. Naturally ,James would become confused and sad .That's why I explained him ,that my parents was thinking to fly back to Seoul at that time, which was actually true. As the result I claimed that I wanted to get used to this distance ,so I won't be sad as much as possible . Fortunately ,James was an understandable person and kept his distance as I requested it ,but still occasionally messaged me from time to time.
To forget him completely ,Lucy advised me to start to approach other boys , eventually become friends with them and even let them hug me , whenever we parted as a " rule of conduct " . I wasn't comfortable with males in general , but there were some exceptions too. It was a challenge for me at first . I was just happy ,that my friends helped with this .
Once I got my graduation , my parents left America for Seoul since they missed the food there .
I on the other hand flew to Great Britain to follow my dream ,where my most favourite book came from . I was inspired by its creativity and its way to captivate the readers ,so I wished to become an author from the young age .I kept this flight as a secret from James , since I wanted to cut contact with him .
...
.....
But when I saw the news of an accident in our neighbourhood one year later ,I was shocked . Fire broke out in James' home . At that time only James and Jessica were there .
My childhood friend survived , but Jessica not .
I took the next flight to support him through the difficult time . My family ,as well as his friends , seemed to have the same idea . I remembered that he felt so guilty ,that he even thought he himself killed Jessica . I always reassured him that it never was . Later on ,we found out that the electrics in his mansion were outdated ,so it came to short circuit ,but this regrettably didn't lessen his burden . I stayed with him and comforted him for 6 month before I had to go back to continue my studies .
Soon I finished the course of study ,which was business and literature, with degree after 4 years in university in London . After that I travelled the world collecting new materials for my stories . I shed blood, sweat and tears to finally gain recognition as an author . My latest book became a bestseller and I earned a lot of money to live comfortably (That was the most important thing for me😚) .
The sells skyrocketed as time passed by and I became famous to the point that they made films of most of my stories .
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25 years old
6 years had passed since the accident. I didn't hear anything from James anymore. I thought that this time I could sort out my feelings ,so I decided to visit my old high school to reminiscence my past there.
Surprisingly, as time passed by ,I became somehow pretty, not to the point like Jessica , but was still charming . My mom told me in high school that when she was younger , she was also like me , only after passing the 20 years mark she looked totally different . This was so funny that puberty hit me pretty late , but I thought ,it was better this way, since I could find my true friends in school.
Later on, when I visited my old home, the door of my neighbour's new renovated house swung open all of a sudden.That's when I saw a man in his late tweeties wearing a suit with styled hair in front of this house . At first glance you could already imagine him breaking thousands of girl's hearts, was my thought . He became really manly. We looked each other for a long time .
„ Is it you …..Marielle ?" I could clearly remember his confusion and a bit of longing in James' eyes that time . I was also surprised to see him again like this .
Soon we sat next to each other on a bench in the park , where we loved to play in the past.
„ You changed quite a bit ."
„ Yeah ,really ? You too ."
He looked much colder , not his usual warm self anymore.
He became a CEO of an entertainment company that could even rival with the top entertainment agencies in America .
Soon, silence prevailed.
…
…
„ Why didn't you tell that you would fly to England to study ? I found out after you already left."
I hesitated for a bit ,but soon answered him.
„ Because of my dream ,you remember ?"
„Yeah, you became a famous author . Congratulations !"
„ Thank you , also congratulation to you success !" I smiled .
Later it became comfortable to speak and we talked like our old self . I was happy that he was still the cute ,happy boy from my memories.
I visited his apartment for dinner. It seemed cooking became his hobby. We went to his small bar , where he brew some cocktails for us . I sat on one of these typical chairs in bars and watched him . He looked like a professional ,I had to admit .
„ Now how did you live , did it become hard after that ?", I asked .
He paused for a while ,then proceed :
„ Yeah , it was bit hard at first , but thanks to everyone I could somehow overcome it . Thank you ,Marielle !"
„ You don't have to thank me . We're good friends , naturally I couldn't let you alone ."
„ But because of me you had shift your study , I really wanted to compensate you that time ."
„ No no , you don't need this !" , I laughed awkwardly.
He silently looked at me for while to the point it became uncomfortable and later continued :
„ I wanted to ask you for a long time ,but didn't have the courage to ."
I looked at him strangely and responded :
„ James ,you can tell me everything . What is it, that you want to tell me ?"
….
…
After some hesitating , he explained :
„ Do you remember when you went back to England for your study ,once you finished helping me through this harsh period ? After I overcame it ,I interrogated Lucy . She spoke about you loving me and that she wished that I don't ever come near you because I hurt you so much .
Is it true ?"
My eyes shook, I hold my breath in and slowly looked away from him with my ears unknowingly becoming red .
I really wanted to forget ,but it seemed like my past caught me in the end .
„ It's true ."
He looked at me shocked and didn't utter a word . An uncomfortable silence prevailed .
Soon he moved in my direction .
As he walked closer and closer to me , I looked up awaiting his answer until he only stood 10 cm before me .I became startled ,surprised by the short distance. His head tilted down looking deeply into my eyes .My eyes widened in shock, nervousness filled me due to the unwavering stare , my legs became soft and my cheeks became hot as a result .Embarrassed by my own reaction, I rapidly avoid his gaze to my left side. All of the sudden he stretched his arms out ,supported himself on the table frame and slowly cowered down a bit to match my momentarily height. I became flustered and accidentally looked at his abdominal muscles visible through his white shirt . Just from one glance I knew he trained a lot in the gym . At that moment my instinct told me to run away , however I couldn't do it as his arms on each sides still blocked my way . Because his veined hands were positioned very near my arms , our skin sometimes rubbed each other accidentally . The places where he touched me by mistake became warmer . Afraid of being touched again , I instinctually fell back even more to the table ,already feeling the hard stone table frame on my back .As if he noticed my move he began to come closer . I became more nervous . From the outsider's view it looked like he would embrace me closely .I felt his hot breath against my forehead. Just then I realised our position , sweat began to form on my hands and my eyes wavered. As if the silence became uncomfortable , James soon called out my name with a hoarse voice :
„ Marie"
I flinched .
„ Y-yeah ? "
I didn't dare to look up and just let my view wandering on the floor.
„ Please look up at me ."
„ Then let me go first, please ?"
„ That's not gonna happen."
[ Why...… ?! ]
„ Because you would run away , before you could answer any of my questions . Probably blocking my messages too."
[ Is he mindreader ? ]
„ No , I just know you enough ,to see through you . You're so true to your emotions. You're the same when we were small." , James chuckled .
„What ?! The same ?! I totally changed ! You…"
„I know . You became more beautiful ."
Such a cringed line and it still made my heart pound fast. Never would I image something like this would be possible . Unknowingly, my ears and cheeks became redder as the result .
„ Do you have a boyfriend already ?"
„ N-no."
[ Don't tell that he likes me ? Now way . He only saw me as a sister. That was something I bitterly learned from interacting with him for many years…]
He took my chin with his right hand and lifted it up. I tried to look away again ,but his grip was too strong. Suddenly I felt a soft sensation on my lips. Before I realised it, he began to suck my lips. Because of the pressure I had to hold on his left arm to support me. Slowly his right hand reached the back of my head and held it tightly . His left hand embraced my small waist strongly, so I couldn't escape . His body pressed against mine .I shuddered from the sudden touch and lost my breath .At that moment when I opened my mouth to breath, he took the chance to invade my small mouth with his tongue. I thought that I was going to become crazy . The kiss became deeper and more passionate as time went by ,while he tenderly caressed my back and carefully stroked my cheek with his thump . His hot and slippery tongue slowly moved around , savouring the inside of my mouth. Wet noises could only be heard in the room , filling my brain and I began to lose my rationality . I was so distracted from the kiss , that I didn't notice the hand moving from my waist along my hips to my slender legs .Later on ,he stroked my thighs with his rough hand and slowly made his way under my skirt . As I just felt the unknown sensation under my clothes , I broke myself from the kiss and pushed him away . A silver of saliva fell on my chin.
[ Did I become crazy ?Why did I let him kiss me ? Dammit ! ]
After the push a slap on his cheek followed .A red hand mark was visible afterwards. Soon I wiped away the proof of our kiss from my face.
„ Why did you do this ?!" I glared , tearing a bit up .
James responded :
„ I love you ."
I was confused. Shortly ,I yelled back :
„ Don't joke with me !"
„I meant it . I noticed my feelings when we were still in high school ."
„ Really ?"
„ Really ."
I paused for a moment and continued :
"Then why do your eyes say otherwise ? You know , whenever I was with you and Jessica , you would look at her affectionately . But after our kiss , I only see desperation in your eyes ."
He was shocked and looked away from me.
[ I know you very well too. Sadly…..]
„ I'm not a substitute for your Jessica .I'm not her. Please understand this ! Move on."
„ No ,believe me .I meant it ." , James protested .
I continued with my reasoning without letting James to speak out.
„ You liar ! You never saw me other than as your sister. We knew each other too well to love each other like this . You mistake love with this ."
„So you only notice me after I became bit pretty ? I'm disappointed in you ." I bitterly smiled.
„ Did you only want to compensate me ?"
„ Just tell me the truth , that you felt lonely . That's why you're like this. If it was really the case , you could have just contacted me. I'm always there for you .Just like your family, my family and friends !"
I sighed .
„ I will forget that this ever happened . Don't play with my feelings ever again otherwise we should act as strangers from then on."
Since there wasn't going to be an answer , I went out , leaving a dejected man behind. When I reached my car , I began to cry and hit my steering wheel.
[ Why ? I was so convinced that I mistook this feeling as sibling love ? I read many novels and heard lots of advises from everywhere to confirm that love will never happen between us . As I was finally over with this and moved on , he tells me now that he loves me ? Why do you have to torture me ? ]
So I left the scene and we never saw each other for the next 3 years .
Due to missing my family , the wish to change my environment and also leaving my sad past behind , I decided to also move to Seoul in one month . 10 years passed after I graduated , now I am 27 years old.
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The day of our class union came
[ Fuck !Today is the day . ]
„ Can I go back ?"
„No"
„ I could fake that I'm ill."
„ Don't be ridiculous !"
„ Just tell that I don't live here ."
„ Oh man, a lot of people know you .You have even your own biography on web stating you lived momentarily in New York . Nobody would believe you ."
„Come on , reconcile with him. I don't know ,what happened between you guys again , but it can't go on . You are childhood friends. Besides, who don't want to showcase his pretty friend in front of these people ? HAHAHAHA" Lucy laughed maniacally .
I smiled bitterly .
I wore a long white off shoulder-dress emphasising my black hair and skin .At least I could give them a good expression from me, was my thought .
As we walked in , we saw a group sitting near the corner drinking liquor and beer . I came closer and suddenly the people who noticed us looked at us with unbelievable eyes.
„ Are you really ,Marielle ? You became really pretty . You face is the same ,but you matured . Took you long , heh ? " , one classmate spoke.
„ Yeah, a totally different vibe ."
„ This dress fit you perfectly ."
The compliments made me embarrassed ,so I followed Lucy to take a seat on a free table . As soon as we reached I saw James sitting there . He knitted his eyebrows in displeasure.
[ Shouldn't I be the on who is unsatisfied with this position ?]
I took Lucy with me to a corner and whispered to her ear :
„ What the heck is this ?!"
„ I didn't plan it . For real ! Look on the other tables . Nowhere were free seats."
After looking around the bar, I really didn't find any free seats . I sighed and dejectedly sat down on the seat in front of James. Thick atmosphere surrounded us . Both didn't speak at all. Uncomfortable with this, I looked away and just began to speak with the man next to . The man was my previous class president and he had a reliable and responsible personality .
We talked a lot and laughed at his jokes. I had more fun than I expected . Suddenly I felt a strong stare on me .When I looked around , I suddenly made eye contact with James . James rapidly retracted his eyes from mine and started to talk to the girl next to him. The girl was shrilled at the opportunity to speak with him.
„ Whoah , as expected from James . As popular as always . He became more handsome than before too . Successful, intelligent , sporty and handsome ."
„Yeah ,sure ."
„ But I'm sure you're already popular too, Marielle."
„ Heh, what do you mean ?" I asked back.
„As far as I know ,you became pretty famous as an author and in addition to this you became really pretty ." He grinned.
I blushed a bit at his compliment .
„ Ah, Mark . Come on . Don't exaggerate ! Besides you became an engineer in Germany . You're also successful . Also you're good-looking too ,you know." , I shyly smiled.
[ It was true .Because of his looks he became pretty popular in our class.]
He blushed and scratched his head ,while I looked down .
Cough* Cough*
A noise disturbed us .
Soon we followed the voice and found out that it was James .
Mark asked : „ Are you okay ?"
„ Yeah ,it's okay .I just swallowed some tea ." ,James responded back.
„ Should I bring you some water then ?" To this James nodded and soon Mark stood up.
„ Wait . I also come with you .I want to reserve some food and new drinks for me ."
I couldn't stand the atmosphere , so I also wanted to go too . However before I could even reach him, I stumbled upon my shoes and almost fell .
[ Shit , I shouldn't have taken them . I'm really not used to high heels ,even it was only 5 cm high.]
But instead of an encounter with the hard ground ,I felt strong arms encircling me. I sighed in relief and thanked the person. When I looked up , I stopped with widen eyes as I realised the distance between our faces. For a short moment we stayed still motionless . A cough disturbed us again.
„ I think It is enough . Are you hurt somewhere ?" James glared at us .
We stood up very fast .
„ Thank you again, Mark ! It seems that I'm still not used to heels." I laughed embarrassedly.
„ Hey , no flirting here !"
„ That ain't a date here !"
The colleagues called us out . Both of us became red .
„ No , it's okay ." Mark scratched the back of his head again .His ears had turned red.
[ It seemed like he is flustered .He must be embarrassed because of this. I should better stay here not to cause any more problems for him .]
„ Sorry, I will sit here for a while . I'm afraid that I could fall again."
„ Yeah , it is better ." Lucy replied . „ I will brings some food and drinks for you."
„ Okay , we leave now ." Mark waved to me and I waved back .
I noticed James' gloomy mood who just stared at the back of the leaving Mark.
„ Now , now . That's some vibe emanating there . HAHAHA ! But no wonder, since you became pretty ." A girl told us .
I was displeased that the topic always had to be my appearance. Well, I did work hard to reach this level, but to only be restricted to beauty is irritating .
When I wanted to point it out….
„ You know, not everyone only like appearance .The inside counts for a long lasting relationship too."
I turned my head and saw James reminding the girl sternly.
„ Whoah … You know ,it's not very convincing , when our most popular student in high school ,who also dated the most popular girl there, said this ."
„ I know that it's not convincing , but do you think that I would last long not getting to know her personality . If her personality was really nasty to begin with , I wouldn't had dated her for that long."
I looked at them absentmindedly and somewhere in my chest hurt again .
„ Yeah, I agree . Whenever I was with them ,I could tell , they loved each other innately . There was no mistake . In addition , Jessica was always nice , friendly and helped me in my homework . Anybody would like her as a girlfriend ,for sure."
[ I agreed to him. If she wasn't a good person , I would never have let her be James' girlfriend ,but after knowing her I knew that I should just give up . ]
When I saw the expression on James' face , I became startled .
[ Heh… ? Why does he look sad ? Isn't this what he wanted to tell them ?]
„ Okay , I agree with you ." , the girl admitted .
After that we all continued to chat amusingly and a lot asked me about my book ,since some were my fans . Occasionally , I would notice some glances coming from James .Not taking it anymore ,I wanted to get up to get some fresh air ,but got stop midway by James . All of the sudden he took my legs and shoulder and lifted me up . P-princess- caring !
All our high school colleague looked at the scene stupefied .
„ You sprinkled your feet ,when you fell before." James explained .
Soon without anyone responding to it he took me to one of the balcony upstairs. Receiving strange stares on the way , I covered my eyes with my hands.
As we arrived , I just noticed that it was evening already . While I admired the city view, James went out to bring some bandages .
Knowing that he wanted to do the bandages I immediately declined , but still thanked him for his consideration . I tried to do it on my own ,however it seemed to be harder than I thought .
I heard a chuckle from my left side . I became annoyed and looked away.
„ Please let me assist you. I already have enough knowledge about this . I really didn't mean to laugh." he smiled .
I knitted my brows and became more irritated .
„ You know ,that your wound surprisingly looked more worse than I thought . Could it be that you walked in these shoes the whole day ?"
I didn't respond to his suspicion . But the silence seemed for him to be already enough to confirm.
„ I will bring you to a hospital later ."
„ No, I don't need that ." I protested .
„ So you want to walk with this feet around ? I already noticed that you endured your injury ,as you sometimes had a painful expression on your face. The people around us didn't notice this ,but I could already tell from it ."
I really wanted to refuse , however as much as I liked to , I had to agree to this statement regretfully. It did hurt a lot . Only because of my pride I should refuse this , but in 2 weeks I would fly to Seoul. So I had to give up on my pride.
I nodded .
As if he wanted to end the silence ,while helping me, he soon would start :
„ Do you know Mark ?"
„ Heh? Why do you ask ?"
„ … Because you both looked close when I saw you chatting."
„ Oh, yeah . I was with him as a vice president , so we talked a lot together ."
„ Ah… I understand ." he murmured .
[ Is he perhaps jealous ? I'm not sure …. NO ,don't get your hopes up .You worked so hard to forget him , don't waste your effort !]
„ You know with this getup any guy would come for you. You shouldn't wear this."
„ Mind you own business ! I can decide what I wear."
„Sure ,but you attract too many guys . They could do something to you .", he hurriedly said .
„ Why can't you just say that you find me pretty ?" , I sighed .
„… It would be complicated when I fly to Seoul… " I murmured, when I looked at my injury . Although I said it quietly , he could still hear me .
„ You will fly to Seoul ? Visiting Aunt and uncle ? When will you fly ?" He asked while concentrated to cover my wound.
„ In 2 weeks ."
„ Oh, nice . What do you want to do ?"
„ Eating , shopping , sightseeing and visiting friends and family ."
„When are you going to be back ?"
…
…
„ … I don't know."
Surprised by my answer , he stopped his movement and looked up .
„ What do you mean ?"
...
…..
„….Just that I will move to Seoul . I will leave New York ."
I watched his expression and noticed that his pupils were shaken slightly . Soon he returned to his previous task and didn't continue to speak anymore . We remained silent for the whole time.
[ He looks hurt ]
„ Should I bring you to a hospital now ?"
At first I wanted to refuse ,but when I saw his sad expression ,I couldn't say no and so I nodded .
He took my waist carefully and my arm encircled his neck . We explained our friends and classmates that we will leave for the hospital . Luckily, I didn't bring my car ,since Lucy drove me there ,so I didn't need to bring my car back later on. I took the behind seats and then the engine started. We silently drove on the street .
All of a sudden James called me out :
„ Why do you want to leave New York ? Was it because of me ?", he said sadly .
„ No, it's not because of it. It was just that I want to start anew . I wanted to get new materials for my next book ."
„Sure ?"
„ Yeah, believe me . I had planned even before I met you after all that time ."
„ I somehow don't believe you .This can't be your only reason ."
„ Come on , you know that…. Please be careful there is truck !!!!!"
James became distracted by my answer ,so he reacted too late for it .
After that accident, we died .
….
….
….
That was what I thought . After waking up , I only saw the ceiling of an infirmary .I watched my surrounding . At first I wanted to know what happened , so I looked at my phone. I noticed an old- modelled phone type which I had in my high school next to me. Then I opened it up. I was shocked what I saw .
It was 21.05.2010.
We are back to 10 years ago . NO WAY !!!!
Suddenly a curtain next to me was swung open, the younger James got up from his bed ,hold my shoulders and shook me .
„ Are you okay ? You also noticed that we are back , right ?"
„Yeah ,we really returned. When did you wake up ?"
„ Only 15 min before you ."
„I was sure that we died ."
„ Me too."
„ What is the meaning of this ?"
„ I don't know , but nobody can answer us anyway ,so let it go . It must be some time travel shit ! Nobody will believe us .We can investigate later on . "
"James …."
„ Yeah ?"
„ … Did you know…that …we came back to the time….", I found it hard to talk to him at that moment.
„ Yeah ,you shouldn't do this !"
A beautiful female voice could be heard from the corridor . When I heard it , I couldn't help but shivered and became pale . The voice which I heard long time ago that I thought , I wouldn't hear it ever again.
When the door to the infirmary was swung open , there stood the girl ,…
who was the most prettiest,
who was the most popular girl in school and
wo was famous for dating James .
Jessica stood in front of us in that moment . I looked up at James to see his expression.
But soon I regretted it, as my blank face just watched the protagonist of this story crying .
James slowly walked to her and look at her from head to toe . A sudden hug followed to that Jessica reacted surprised .
„ What is it ?"
„ You're really real !" he sobbed between his tears.
„ I will definitely protect you ." he exclaimed .
As I watched the drama unfolded in front of me, I became motionless . Not because I didn't want to disturb this emotional moment or I wanted to be careful not move too fast due to the recent events. It was because I felt empty inside seeing this scene . I didn't feel anything anymore . My sadness reached to the point ,where I closed up all my emotions .
Some kind of a protection instinct .
After all this time I still loved him. At first I came closer to him ,since I got the "chance" after Jessica's death , but I felt ashamed for thinking like this . Instead I just tried to get rid of these feelings and helped James to overcome the death .
But by seeing them hugging each other at that moment, I knew that as long as James was still single I couldn't give up on him, because I still felt like having a " chance" . However I could see how happy James is now seeing Jessica alive .
So… our plan was to save Jessica now .
We continued our school life. At first it was hard to study since we didn't have the subjects for a long time, but thanks to our friends ,who knew about our circumstances ,we could keep up with our studies . Slowly ,we became used to this situation , yet we didn't find the cause for our time travel. Nevertheless we just took it as a second chance and lived like this .
To not change the past too much , we decided to let the relationship of James and Jessica to be continued.
James and I worked on our plan to save Jessica in the library .After finishing the details ,I gave him a paper.
„ When we finished saving her , we will cut off contact with each other."
„ What do you mean ?"
„ You know why …. I want to keep my distance. Promise me ."
„ Do we … need to keep ….distance with each other ?"
„ I want to be your sister again. That's why I needed this ."
„ Do you want us to be like back in the past." James asked. He knitted his brows and contemplated.
[ Why does James look dejected ? I should feel hurt , not you . Why are so unfair !]
„ So deal ?"
James hesitated for a while ,but soon agreed to it .
As planned , we told James' parents of the electronic issue ,so it was later restored . But to make sure that it will be okay , James went on a date with Jessica on that day while I was in England .
Hearing the good news , I congratulated him and continued my studies.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 years later
In London, I walked around the library looking for a book . When I found my specific one , I wanted to reach for it , but I couldn't get it . Suddenly someone else's hand reached for mine .
„ Wait, I was the first to borrow it."
When I looked up to the person , I was shocked and staggered .
„ James ,why are you here ?"
„ …I wanted to visit you ?"
„ No, what was our deal for ?"
„ Didn't I lost contact with you like you wanted ? I didn't get any information from friends ,family and anyone else in this life time ,… but I already knew where you was in the past. Back there, I had connections to find you. Besides you didn't tell me the specific amount of time for our deal ."
I looked at him with unbelievable eyes .
„Marie , where are you ?" A young man who asked for me , came with his friends around the corner. As soon as they saw us . Their eyes sparkled .
„Who is this handsome man ?" , my female college friend asked .
„ Your boyfriend ?" , another girl exclaimed .
„ No way !" , I protested .
„Come on ! Don't make him sad !"
The young man from before bent his body and whispered in my ear : „ Who is it ? "
I sighed and answered : „ My childhood friend ."
„Oh" , he responded .
Suddenly the man got startled . Surprised by this , I looked for the cause and saw a glaring James .
An idea struck through my head ,and I desperately called my friends out :
„ Please block him. I don't like him , but he stalked me for some reason. ", I lied .
At first confusion fell upon them ,but soon action followed knowing that they will get the reason later anyway.
After I gave my request , I ran away as fast as I could . When James saw me running away , he tried to follow me , but my loyal friends stopped him .
„ Please let me go . I'm her childhood friend ."
„ But she told us ,that she doesn't like it . There must be a reason why she told us ."
James became annoyed and explained :
„ Yeah, I know our relationship is complicated ,but I want to solve the problem ."
„ But as far as I can see ,she doesn't want to see you ."
„That's why I want to meet her to solve this problem."
„We can't do this ."
„How about this , you could come and see for yourself what I do to Marie ."
„ …do to Marie . Do even listen to yourself ? You shouldn't phrase it like this ."
„But don't you want to know why we are like this .Please, I really want to meet her ."
They argued until the librarian got annoyed by these loud dispute and wanted to kick them out .They eventually stop it and he could finally follow Marielle in the end.
I already reached the exit by now. I couldn't effort to anger the librarian , so I didn't run ,but only went faster . When I was about to get out ,I noticed one familiar figure running at my direction .
Out of fear I ran as fast as I could after I exited ,but because of my heavy bag I was slower than I thought. Soon I reached the bus station and just hoped that the bus would come earlier ,before James could even reach me . While I was trembling about these thoughts, my light of hope finally arrived in front of me . I took one fast glance to the back to know how far James was.
[ How can he be so fast ? He almost reach me . ]
I got in fast and the bus went away leaving James behind who just reached the station now . I sighed in relief .
I carefully went to my apartment and was happy to not see James again .
But just as I felt relaxed and arrived my room , I suddenly saw James sitting on my bed.
„ What ?! How could you get in ? How are you faster than me ?"
„ I got the key from my cousin , your roommate . Also I lent a car from my friend who also lived in England."
„ For real ?!" , I became frustrated by these news ,but soon gave up. „ So what do you want from me ?"
He walked up to me . Remembering the events of our last dinner , I tried to avoid him this time , but he instead went past me and just closed the door in the end.
„OMG , why did you do ?!"
„ If it was opened ,you would run away again ."
While I contemplating ,how to flee , he leisurely walked towards me again. I tried to run around , but to no avail , he always shifted his body to the side where I wanted to go. Soon I found an opening and directed my way there .
As if this was planned , he embraced me from behind , carried me to the bed and lay me down . After some struggle , he eventually trapped me between his arms , each hand holding my wrist and my legs encircled his waist . Everyone who saw our position , would immediately misunderstand that we were about to do the thing .OMG !!!!
„ You pervert ! Let me go !", I angrily yelled at him .
„ Please calm down !"
„ How can I calm down in this position ?!"
„ Then you shouldn't have to run away from me."
„ You just came to my home without permission and even closed the door of my bedroom .Anyone with common sense would flee !"
„ I didn't close the door with a key or so . It's still open . Besides I got permission from your mom."
„ Mom !!!!"
„ Na na , please relax . As long as you won't run away again, I won't do anything to you ,okay ?"
„Why should I believe you ?"
„ You know me enough ,that I won't break promises . Also you had nothing to lose in this situation."
After thinking about it, I reluctantly agreed to this deal . Shortly he let me go and we sat next to each other on my bed .
„ So what do you want from me ?"
….
….
„ I broke up with Jessica ."
„ What does this have to do with me ?" , I shrugged .
„ You know, ….after we saved Jessica ,…. I planned to confess to you again. But because of our deal it was for me impossible to tell you. I knew ,that I hurt you immensely ,so I wanted to let you have your time for yourself .
That's why I agreed to your deal willing for you could recover ."
„Why are you doing this ?….. I would had cut contact with you anyway ." I protested .
„ I knew you would react like this." He smiled bitterly.
[ Naturally I'm still afraid . I don't want to get hurt again.]
„ Did you remember what I told you on that day when we were together in my apartment ?"
[ How could I forget ? He just kissed me .I'm still angry about it .]
„ What I told you was true . I didn't lie ."
I smiled sarcastically .
„ Since when did you love me ? After Jessica's death ?"
„ No , I noticed my feelings when you suddenly distanced yourself from me . It was at that time while I was still dating Jessica ."
I questioned :
„ Didn't you just mistake it for love since I suddenly wasn't around you anymore ?"
„That's what I thought at that time too, so I tried to confirm my feelings .I noticed my heart racing every time I was next to you . When you was talking with some other guys , I became really jealous. Always when we do something together , I liked to stay longer with you .
With Jessica I felt more sexual attraction , but with you I enjoyed every minute with you. I recognise this feeling as love because I always wanted to be with you . I'm sorry . "
My eyes widen and I looked down .
„ You didn't tell last time in your apartment . Now you can ?
Why didn't you notice it beforehand ? I began to notice my feelings around the time where we're 16 years old . How couldn't you notice this yourself ?"
„I wanted to tell you that time , but I was so shocked because of your outburst .I knew that you was angry ,but not to that extent . Also you didn't let me speak up . I was afraid to lose you . I didn't want to break our relationship .That's why I wanted to erase these feeling so much ,not knowing that the most important person in my life became hurt because of my action. I just didn't take these feelings seriously that time ,so I didn't notice that it was actually more. I was too used to be with you . I relied too much on you."
„ Too late . I can't forgive you right now. My heart still bleeds ."
„ I'm so sorry."
James continued to apologise to me again and again as if this was a chant . When I looked towards him again , I became startled . I stood up and searched around for the pack. As soon as I found it , I took it with me .
I wiped with the tissue the tears on James. He covered his face with his own hand later on, not daring to look at me anymore . I quietly listened to his crying.
„ As soon I got to know of your feelings. I understood why you kept your distance at first . I felt guilty for what I did to you ,so I distanced myself from you after you helped me overcoming the death of Jessica as well. I ran away from my problem ,so I made up my mind to contact you again this time ,when I became 22 years old , but you changed your number, place and so on. I only get to know where you was , after I found out through reliable resources . It took me so long to find you . I need at least one year , you know ?
Over time I became colder and showed less emotions . All these years apart from you ,I thought how to explain it to you .
When I first saw you in front of your house again , everything what I wanted to tell you disappeared from my brain. I just wanted to see you. …..I was surprised of how beautiful you became , but for me you was always pretty . I brought you to my apartment to explain the situation and my feelings..…
But when I saw you becoming shy and embarrassed , I really wanted to tease you . How cute you was back there !
In the end I lost control and hurt you again . I wanted to apologise for it too . Before I knew it you moved away again. Do you know how frustrated I was ? You're not the only person who was hurt here ! "
„ Do you know how happy I was that you were still the same girl that I knew back there ."
James narrated all his complaints to me while crying. I just listened to his story.
„ I only wanted to tell these. After that I won't appear in your life anymore, if you still truly wished for.", he looked at with reddened eyes . I could hear his determination in his voice.
I came to the conclusion that I was just like him .
He also ran away from these feelings being afraid to cross the line and he wasn't the only person who was immensely hurt .
At least he was better than me in this one . Just when he knew that he couldn't leave the problem like this , James tried to find me . He didn't run away like me , instead I made it harder for him to apologise . As his best friend I should have stayed by his side when I also should have tried to understand him . My emotions controlled me back there and I blamed everything on him for my failed love.
I'm the only one here ,who didn't move on. James already moved on and even wanted to restore our relationship too.
„ It was also my fault . I should have listened to you .I shouldn't have run away. I should have confessed to you at least ,before leaving you. This way I could have moved on , but I was just a coward until the end. I can't accept your apology in this state . Can you first forgive me, too ?"
Tears fell from my eyes as tried to form some understandable sentences .
James looked at me surprised and hurriedly began to wipe my tears with his thumb .
„ Can I confess to you this time ?"
He paused for a moment.
„ I loved you, James . Can you forgive me, too ?"
The hand who stroked my one cheek before, abruptly placed himself behind the back of my head and
pulled me to the person . A passionate and deep kiss followed afterwards . Before I knew it , I was lay on my bed , positioned under him. His right hand entwined with my fingers and his left hand hold on my waist pressing against his sturdy body . Soon he let me free from the long kiss and asked me with his hoarse voice :
„ Do you still love me ?"
Longing and desperation could be seen in his eyes . I felt his hands shook slightly.
[Ah , that was it that he showed me that time in the apartment , so he just longed for me . ]
After I hesitated a bit , I whispered : „ Yes." .My cheeks became red slightly.
„ Then I don't have to hold back anymore."
[Did he hold back that time too ????]
All of the sudden he strongly kissed me again, breaking me away from my thoughts . While we entangled our tongue with each other , he pressed stronger on my body moving back and forth against mine rhythmically, as he sucked my lips in different directions. He noticed that I soon lost my breath, so he let me go for a short moment and kissed me again . My brain became muddy and I became exhausted from these sudden attacks .
He placed his other hand on my back and fast positioned himself between my legs . He stroked my thighs while he caressed my back tenderly . I opened eyes only to see passionate and affectionate eyes looking at his precious prey . Before it could escalate, I tried to stop him and pushed him a bit with my free arm. His hand ,away from my thigh back to the back of my head , stroked my hair a bit . James soon placed kisses on each of my cheeks , forehead ,nose and chin marking me as his own .Just from these gestures I became more redder than before . Shortly, he bent down and whispered to my ear .
„ Don't be afraid . I won't do anything to you until you want it too."
I could feel his breath next to my ear making me nervous. I hold my breath.
„ So let me hug you , okay ?"
I was afraid , if it would be really okay .Before I could even refuse , he already lay himself next to me and embraced me from the side carefully like a treasure .So we ended up sleeping together in my bed .
