Ep. 38 – Semblance Shows Its Worth, First Ransacking

We were shown to the Ravenclaw Tower by a house elf. It looked ugly. Like, really ugly. Just as much as a wrinkled ball sack with shitty hair and a pillowcase on its sickly thin body. Yeah, Kreacher levels of ugly.

Anyway, we were presented with the Ravenclaw thingy that asks annoying questions. Apparently, responding to a riddle is a tradition the house elves won't break.

"Who wants to try?" I asked.

"Eh, I'm too old to do this kind of thing. Let's just break it down!" said Yang. 'Never would have thought that a girl would call herself old.'

"No, you're not old my dear. Give it a few more years, like another 20 or so, and you might be barely considered mature." I got a full power punch. "As for the door, let's put my semblance against magic. It has worked on the train, don't see why it wouldn't work on this thing."

I knocked on the door and the door knocker talked: "When you need me, you throw me away. But when you're done with me, you bring me back. What am I?"

"Shitty question. An anchor, now open up. Oh, I forgot about testing the semblance… I'll try again tomorrow. Lefty, right? Show us the rooms."

"Yes, esteemed guests, Lefty will show." Lefty said. 'So we got upgraded to 'esteemed' guests. Gold really does miracles. Also, wizards give weird names to house elves. This guy is missing two fingers on his left hand, I hope he's not actually a lefty.'

Anyway, we were shown to our rooms which were pretty much like a very expensive, ancient suite. Pretty sweet actually. It wasn't too late so we met up in the Ravenclaw common room. There were some students, but they just stayed there reading and didn't disturb us. We sat on the couches in front of the fireplace. On a side note, did I ever mention that we have casual clothes to use on top of our under-armor? I didn't, right? Well, we do.

"What do you think? Pretty different from Beacon or any other place in Remnant, huh?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's pretty cool. It just screams 'I'm a magical castle!'. Even though we still need to study here, I'm getting pretty excited!" said Ren.

"Just imagining the things we could do with magic… Oh, I'm so looking forward to it." Said Blake, looking towards the library.

"I think we should first study the theory, which should take a few days going at it like madmen, then we can participate in a couple of classes to check where our level is. And I am sure that you boys have already found something to do after that." Proposed Weiss.

"You got it! Sun has had an excellent idea!" I looked around, then me and Sun said at the same time: "Treasure hunt!"

"Like the treasures in the four academies, there must be something similar here. It's a magic school and a magic world! Just imagine how many ancient treasures we can find!" he continued.

"Oh, I'm in! Wandering the world in search of treasures is my thing!" said Yang.

"An adventure with friends!" said Ruby.

"We will need supplies…" said Pyrrha.

"Magical supplies!" added Jaune.

What Pyrrha and Jaune said is true. We need supplies, and I know just the place. Now, for a cover…

"Hey, you! Yeah, you!" I said, pointing towards a kid in the upper years. "Where do we go to buy supplies?"

He looked confused but still answered: "Diagon Alley?"

"Ok, where is it?" asked Blake

"In London. You can enter either through the floo network or by going through 'The Leaky Cauldron', a pub on Charing Cross Road."

"Cool. We can go there tomorrow. How about money, how does that work?" I said, then continued by asking something important. 'Faking ignorance is seriously annoying, but I can't just tell everyone 'Hey guys, you come from a fictional universe I read about in my past life and many of you should have had a tragic ending.' That would be seriously difficult to accept and raise many more questions.'

"We use Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. You can exchange muggle currency at Gringotts… I guess you don't know what a muggle or Gringotts is. Muggles are people without magic while Gringotts is a bank. If you somehow actually get to Diagon Alley, go to the North side. You can't not see it." The student said and was about to return to his book. He stopped for a second, then asked: "Do you mind telling me who you are? It's already pretty strange that you found Hogwarts without being students, but to not know of Gringotts, Diagon Alley, and so on is definitely strange."

"Oh, no problem. We come from a pretty far place where magic is a very special gift and only six(?) people can use it. We don't have this Gringotts you talked about and we surely have different currency. Anyway, to answer your question… We are space magicians!" said Ruby.

The student nodded, though he looked very confused. He was staring at his book but didn't turn the pages.

"Space magicians, seriously?" Weiss asked her, lowering her voice.

"Yeah, we come from space and can do some sort of magic thingy. Therefore, space magicians!" Ruby responded.

"She's not completely wrong. Warlocks, in particular, are basically magicians." I said, patting Ruby's head. Such a good girl I married. Well, all three of them are good girls in their own ways.'

"Well, for now, I will start cramming knowledge in my fantastic metal head. What are you guys doing?" I said. I am planning on using my semblance to learn everything in the Ravenclaw library.

"I'm kind of in the mood for a drink. Do you have any of that good stuff from the store next to the Ramen shop in the city?" said Jaune.

"Yeah, I'll join you. A little toast to our adventure!" said Sun.

And so, I brought out some booze and we drank a couple of glasses, without any regard for the poor students who were glaring our way. 'Heh, nerds.'

The gang decided to 'hit the sack'. I seriously doubt that with how their wives are looking at them.

I looked over to my wives and winked. "I still want to check out a couple of shelves at least. Shouldn't take me more than five minutes. You three can start going back, I'll be there before you know it."

They agreed since I am a man of my word. Five minutes are all they need to get ready. 'Well, if I give them some more time, it might be better.'

Anyway, I went to the library section of the common room and looked at the books. There were… Many books. I activated my semblance and started looking at them. I had already tested this in Remnant and books count as something technological. Now, these should be some kind of magic books, which means my semblance might not work on them.

My worries were proven wrong when I got a massive influx of information. I roughly knew what subjects were taught at Hogwarts from reading the books and watching the movies, but actually getting knowledge is… Wow, just wow. Not in a good sense, mind you.

Thanks to my wish, I have knowledge on all sorts of civilizations that used something like magic. That is because their 'magic' is still something like a formula. You put pieces, or runes for instance, together and get a certain result.

No, these fucking wizards just jacked off while writing these books.

There is almost no 'math' involved in them. That Arithmancy thing… It's bullshit. It came after the spells, probably to explain magic and make it more accessible to the in-breeding fuckers.

All in all, I did find some useful things and came to a conclusion. Magic is bullshit, inefficient, and based on what a centuries old maniac wrote while jacking off. Good news is, since it's bullshit, I am a master at it.

Let me explain. Magic here works basically due to 'convincing' it to do something. You have to 'convince' magic to create a shield and so on. If I mix this aspect of magic with my pre-existing knowledge, I should be able to use 'math' to 'convince' the magic to do whatever the fuck I want. Which is great for me.

Now, I just need to actually start taking in magic with my body, hopefully connect it to my Akashic Engine just like Aura since I am a cheat, then wreak havoc in the wizarding community. The wizards are born with some kind of magic core, nucleus, pool, whatever you want to call it. We, obviously are not. However, I think we can get magic by training. Basically, we will 'convince' magic to get into our bodies and either create an immaterial organ that will give us magic or just have it create some sort of 'core', like a dantian in Chinese medicine (or novels, depends on what you are familiar with).

In the end, I quickly went through all books in the Ravenclaw common room. It took 7 minutes. My semblance is every student's wet dream. On the same note as wet dreams, I had a very enjoyable night with my three wives. Did I mention that I love my robotic body, though I can't have children, yet?

The next day, I was woken up by my worst nightmare: a house elf staring at me.

"Fuck! What the fuck?!" I started shouting, then I examined the thing better: "Ooh, goddammit. Never and I mean NEVER stare at people while they wake up!"

'That will give me nightmares for a few days. Fuck whoever said that these things are cute or not so bad. They're creepy little ball sacks. Discussion closed.'

I saw that Weiss, Yang, and Ruby were waking up due to the noise. I calmed them down. Luckily, the house elf either became invisible, which would be honestly disturbing, or apparated away.

We got ready and went to the common room. There I saw Ren, Jaune, and Sun all looking exhausted. And I know the reason. "House elves?"

"House elves." They responded

What were you thinking? Pervs!

Anyway, we soon saw the students come out of their rooms and go to the Great Hall for breakfast. We followed them since we really needed food after our creepy 'alarm clock'. Food is the answer to anything, from heartbreaks to shitty mornings.

By now, I was pretty sure that Dumbledore was just a senile old man who loves money. He didn't try anything strange last night, so he should be 'clean'. I still activated my 'Tattoo of Radiance' to make sure no one else (*cough* Snape *cough*) would put something funny in our food or drinks. 'Ooh, I already hate wizards. Shitty magic, creepy servants, old senile fools… Too much in less than 24 hours.'

Arriving in the hall, I saw that there were no extra places at the teacher's table.

"So, where do you guys want to sit?" asked Jaune, noticing the same thing.

"These guys look like fun!" said Yang, pointing to the Gryffindors.

"Those guys look like smartasses, so no." said Ruby, pointing to the Ravenclaws.

"Over there we have the snobby ones…" said Pyrrha, looking to the Slytherins.

"And here we have the… Average ones?" said Blake, moving towards the Hufflepuffs.

"I say average." Said Ren.

"Fine by me." I said. Nora obviously agreed with Ren, while Weiss just couldn't care any less about the students. Sun would follow Blake to hell and back, so we decided to sit with the Hufflepuffs.

"Hello kiddos, scooch over and make us some space." Said Sun.

The Puffs made space, so we sat on one end of the table. There was coffee, toast, jam, and the other very British breakfast items. 'What's that? Beans, sausages, eggs, some magical fuckery, muffins, porridge, and some other magical stuff? Should have learnt more about food.'

I went for a safe coffee, toast, and jam. I also tried some of the 'magical fuckery' and it was… Okay-ish? It was just strange. 'Probably only me though. No, Weiss didn't like it as well. Hah! Look at her face! Oh, note to self: prepare a worldwide food tour, first stop Japan. I also want to see if I can snatch some traditional Japanese sword. Not an expert, but they'll be great exposition pieces in the chalet. Maybe I should get some magical creature and embalm it? No, that's too gross. I'll just take some paintings then. Good thing that we all agreed that this universe would be treated like a playground. I can just take a lot of souvenirs!'

We were about finished with our breakfast when Blake asked a Puff: "Hey, do you need that wand to do magic?"

The girl was a little put on the spot, but she answered: "Y-yes, you need a wand. Some can do wandless magic, but it's really advanced."

"And where can we get a wand?" Pyrrha asked.

"Ollivanders is the best place to get one. It's in Diagon Alley." The Puff responded.

"Great. Dear, let's go there after breakfast." Said Weiss.

"Sure. Let's go shopping in a magical commercial district with six girls, what could possibly go wrong?" I said jokingly.

"Do you remember that time you didn't know what dress I liked and you bought the entire store?" Ruby asked.

"Yeah, we should be the ones worrying about shopping with you!" chimed in Yang.

"Well, in the end I did get you the right dress, along with a few more, so it was fine! And I promise I won't buy too much stuff."

"Who knows what gimmicks we will find? I really want to try some magical conditioner on my tail." Said Sun, waving his tail.

'Not very discreet. Eh, who cares. Even if they wanted to attack us, wizards are a joke now. Maybe some ancient fuck might be different, but not these guys.'

Sun noticed that basically everyone was staring at his tail, so he hid it in his clothes as he usually does and scratched his cheek.

"Well, let's get ready and go. We need to find that pub to get into Diagon Alley." I said, finishing up my coffee.

Getting back to the Ravenclaw Tower was, in absolute, the hardest challenge we faced in the last year. This castle is an absolute architectural abomination. Who creates moving stairs?! Why?!

Anyway, we eventually got to the door knocker. I used my semblance and got the answer to all possible riddles. I sent it to MoonRay who then shared it with all the other Ghosts. 'Heh, like hell I will stay here and answer riddles all the time.'

We got ready just in time for the first lessons, though that isn't important to us. The gang and I got tired of trying to remember the way, so we asked our Ghosts to make a self-updating map of the castle. I present to you the 'Marauders' Map 2.0', a 3D, hard-light map of the Hogwarts School of whatever. 'Oh, how much I enjoy dissing wizards. They have reality bending powers and live in the middle ages… We will have a lot of fun in this universe.'

We quickly reached the entrance from last night and went outside.

"Showy or discreet?" I asked.

"Discreet." Answered Weiss, which was met by various approval nods. Nora and Yang wanted to be showy. 'We will have the opportunity in the future.'

We trasmated to the ship without removing the cloaking. MoonRay flew towards London and we arrived in a couple of minutes. The distance to there isn't as great as the long train ride would suggest. It's just that the Hogwarts Express has to run almost exactly on the leyline, so it takes many useless detours.

Once we arrived in London, we trasmated in an empty alley near Charing Cross Road. We were wearing casual clothes, so walking on the street wouldn't attract too much attention. Our weapons were in ball form. Yes, I made it so that all of our weapons can collapse into a ball for easy storage. Anyway, we started walking and no one really paid attention to us. Except a group of thugs. They were staring a little too much, so we (read as 'me, Ren, Jaune, and Sun') destroyed them in the middle of the street. No need to follow them, just break their knees!

After our brutal display of strength, we were not stopped again. I was worried about someone calling the police, but it seems that nobody cared enough about the thugs.

We quickly found a place that all 'muggles' seemed to be ignoring.

"Lo and behold, 'The Leaky Cauldron'! Let us go, ladies and gents, to do some magical shopping!" I said. The gang snickered a bit, then I saw that some strangers were looking at me like you would a madman. 'Maybe saying that in the middle of the street wasn't a smart move.'

Upon entering the pub, I could smell the 'old'. The place reeked of alcohol and smoke, so I quickly moved to the counter.

"Good morning. Could you tell us where we can find Diagon Alley?" I asked the innkeeper, Tom.

"Hm… Sure, right around the back." He said.

'I see… He wants money or to embarrass us. I will remember this.'

I left a handful of gold nuggets on the counter and said: "Mind opening the way for us?"

He took all the gold and stuffed it in his pocket, then he looked at us and said: "Follow me."

We moved to the back and he tapped that weathered brick wall with his wand. I could have just come here and tried tapping with my finger, but having Tom open up the way was faster than possibly having to go back and ask him after failing.

The wall opened up and he said: "Welcome… to Diagon Alley!"

I nodded and went through the now open wall. The gang followed right behind. It was in the middle of the morning on a Monday, so there weren't many people just walking around. 'I guess wizards have to work as well. Makes sense, otherwise what would they do all day? Jack off?'

"Well, here we are… A magical commercial district. We should head to Gringotts, then we can go crazy and buy whatever we want." I said. So we did.

We headed North and found a white, wavy building. How is that even practical?! Anyway, we entered the bank and were faced with that very ominous plaque.

"Sun… We are totally coming to this place for our little pastime." I said, pointing to the plaque. He grinned and made a thumbs-up gesture.