46 Reflection

It was done. A life of suffering put to rest in mere moments. No grand quests to avenge my self. The effort I put in to this was nonexistent. I might as well have been doing an errand for all it took from me. The demons that plagued my mind were named and executed with no fanfare.

The dead man laying in front of me caused me so much harm. Years spent fearing him seemed so useless. I allowed this man to torment my mind. Now his life was snuffed out effortlessly. The cooling body in front of me could attest to that.

The emotions swirling in me were not settled with his death. The effects on my mind that this man had inflicted could not dissipate with something like his death. He shaped me in to the being that I was killing him ultimately meant nothing in that regard.

I still hated the man. His death did not resolve him from the things he had done. Nor did it resolve the actions that I have taken in my own life. I could have spent ages tormenting this petty man but that would not have made me feel better. His death was a hollow victory in the end.

I could never heal from these wounds if I just chucked more and more waste in to them. The negative emotions that swirled in me could not be solved with murder. Something like that would not really bring me happiness.

That did not mean vengeance held no meaning. His very existence would no longer bother me. I would not have to worry about what this fool was up to in the dead of night. It did not heal the scars but it stopped me from inflicting more of them on my self in his name. 

Beyond the lackluster emotional pay off. I now had a corpse on my hands. I could leave it here for my mother to find. I was not sure how she would react to finding this corpse. Would she break apart as the man she loved died? Or would his death bring her closure?

I clenched my fists. This beast did not deserve her sorrow but he would have it anyway. Love was crazy like that. It drove people to do absolutely insane things. I don't know if this man ever really loved my mother but she certainly loved him. The devil could charm so many as he removed pieces of you.

I would leave this man lying in his own filth. I was not sure if it would break her but I was hoping it would bring her some closure. Instead of this monster disappearing it would be better if she knew he was gone. I did not want her to live the rest of her life looking over her shoulders for him to reappear.

I turned away from the scene of my crime and closed the door. I walked towards the stairs to see my mother. The stairs were the same shitty creaky mess that they were before. I silenced them with another snap of my finger. I did not want to wake her, not now. I was not prepared to talk to her just yet.

The second floor held their bedroom. The door remained open so I just entered. The room looked in better condition as this was the place that my mother hid away in. Still, it was filled with shabby furniture that was barely functional.

The room it self was irrelevant in comparison to the one who lay underneath these covers. She was curled up beneath them. Even in her slumber, she was not at peace as she shuddered every once and a while.

The clammy sickly pale complexion that once graced my face was prevalent on her. She was far too thin as a stiff breeze could knock this woman over. Her hair was in better condition than my own but that was because I brewed so often. She was just as bad as I once was. The stress that ruled her world caused my mother to age prematurely. Not that she looked like a grandmother. 

No, she looked exactly like a mother of a teenage son. That was the problem as our people held longevity. We could age in the hundreds so for her to actually look like my mother was a telling story. She suffered for so long and I turned a blind eye towards it all.

As she shuddered underneath those covers I wanted nothing more than to comfort her. To finally show her that the boy Severus Snape still loved her despite everything. That the choices that dominated her life may not have all been mistakes. I could only stand over her as it was not the time to do so. 

To wake this frail woman up with sudden physical contact would not be comforting. No, I imagine that such a scenario was likely to have her go in to a full on panic attack. There was a reason I was a light sleeper and she most likely shared that reason with me.

I would help this woman eventually. I could afford to wait a little while longer. I just hoped that she could hold on longer as well. I asked Fortuna to bring her good luck as well. There was no hint of reluctance in her at that request.

I then turned away and walked out of this place. This house held bitter memories for me and I wanted nothing more than to light it ablaze. Yet, this place held meaning to my mother. It might have been a monument to her mistakes but I was not sure if she hated it like I did.

I popped back to Hogwarts. I had no other place that I could go to. I felt like reflecting moodly on my actions. Not, that I ever stopped doing so but I wanted a moment of peace. I did not want to spend time avoiding my thoughts with work. I did not want to masquerade my emotions behind progress. I just wanted to feel these contemplative thoughts quietly.

 The beauty of the castle was a good back drop to the mood I was experiencing right now. Not the dark long corridors, nor the many class rooms that inhabited this place. No, the place that felt fitting was the great lake.

If you sat in a specific spot you could see the castle reflect beautifully in the massive body of water. It was only visible in the deep night as the critters in the lake calmed down. The glare of the sun no longer hiding the enchanting sight.

I once thought I would bring Lily here to see the sight. To sit beside her and just enjoy the magical sight. She was never one for rule breaking so it never happened. So this place remained free of her for now.

I was sure that it was a popular location to bring a girl you were trying to woo. I may have found it accidentally but I was sure the sight was a well known one. How could something like this remain hidden after all?

I took off my cloak and just stared at the lake. The small ripples spreading across the water seemed to reflect my mood well. I was calm but I was definitely feeling the waves raging inside of me. The bitter emotions that swelled beneath my skin were not pleasant but I wanted to feel them.

I kept far too much of my self bottled up for the longest time. If I allowed these emotions to grow and fester I would only be setting my self up for failure. I might as well contemplate them peacefully instead of blowing up and taking everything with me.

The serene nature of the sight before me helped calm those bitter emotions. It let me work through them. So I just enjoyed this bitter moment for what it was.

I was not contemplating some grand plan. Or plotting to advance all my causes. I was just living and breathing. One of the most basic forms of Occulemency. Just letting go of everything that was bothering you.

I was not letting go of everything to protect my mind. I was just letting them fall away naturally.

This peaceful bitter moment felt like it went on and on. Eventually, the sun started to rise slowly removing the hazy reflection on the lake. This last moment was probably when the beauty here reached its peak. So I fully focused on remembering it for what it was.

Still, as focused as I was I still noticed the presence beside me. I was not that far gone yet. I expected Dumbledore to come disturb my mood eventually. It was why I took off the Cloak in the first place. I was prepared to stand my ground and lay some ground rules. I was powerful enough to enforce those rules now so I did not need to dance to his tune.

The person that was beside me was not him oddly enough. I guess he was busy with other things. So some one else managed to snag this moment. I never even considered that she would be here right now.

Narcissa was looking over at me with a snarky look on her face. The rising sun seemed to have her hair shine in a truly luminous sight. The bleak peaceful moment that the dark lake once reflected was shattered by her like the sun. 

I did not expect her to be here as you had to go through several muddy paths to get here. It was not exactly a route that I expected this girl to take. Then again we had magic so maybe she flew over here.

Seeing that she caught my attention she huffed at me and came closer.

"You have made yourself a rather hard person to find Severus." Narcissa huffed out as she hovered over me. I looked back at her with a quizzical brow raised.

It has been a rather long time since I last talked to her. She managed to worm her way in to my rather limited friend group. Still, it has been two long years since I have last seen her.

I was surprised she recognized me as my potions have truly changed me. Not, to mention I have aged two full years since we had last spoken. I was a good bit taller than before. She might not be able to see that as I was sitting down.

"I had a lot of things on my mind." I let out quietly. The last time I saw her we had a pleasant chat just shooting the shit. Her snarky remarks less biting than Ashley's but equally amusing. 

I regretted not saying good bye to her before I left on my mission. I was a bad friend to this girl but I was not in the best place during that time.

Narcissa looked over me in mild concern. I was not quite sure why she was that concerned about me. Sure I disappeared for a bit but it had only been two days for her.

'I figured." She let out quietly as she sat down near me looking at the final reflection. I was rather shocked as the damp dirty ground was not something I saw Narcissa ever sitting down on.

I gave her a quizzical look but she just sat beside me quietly. The silence that built between us was bothering me but I had no idea why that was.

I just let it go I was not in the mood to pry in to someone else's mentality.

"Evans has recently experienced the Potter treatment." Narcassia spoke out as if her statement was a question. I chuckled lightly, figures Fortuna would move to punish that dumb naive girl.

"That so." I spoke out dryly. I did not want to think about Lily right now but knowing she was suffering in small ways did improve my mood.

Narcissa inspected my response with razor like focus. She knew I was behind it but the question remained why the hell was I doing it? Narcissa knew exactly how much I once loved that girl. So seeing her experiencing the same situation she must be confused. I looked away from the lake in to Narcissa's eyes.

"She crossed a line, she broke the only thing I had left. My trust." I spoke out darkly. Narcissa was my friend the least I could do was explain her unasked question. She was coming from a place of care after all.

Many emotions seemed to flick between her gaze before she looked away. That was certainly odd, she usually had a much better handle on hiding what she felt.

"I see." Narcissa spoke out quietly. She then leaned closer to me as if trying to offer me some sort of comfort. The sight brought a small smile to my face. It was a nice gesture.