New Life

So I died…

…

Yeah, if you're expecting some long-winded explanation about the how and when that crucial point in my life happened then you'll be just as sorely confused and disappointed as me. Sure, I still retained memories of my life, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't think of any memory leading up to my definitive end.

Not to mention that all my attempts to force the memory to come to light, I distinctly start to feel dreadfully cold and strangely…happy? I couldn't pinpoint why that was since… FAULTY MEMORY DOES NOT COMPUTE and all that jazz.

Now I'm sure you're wondering: how can I exactly feel cold or anything in general despite passing on? And well it's hard to say.

At first, I felt nothing. No to be more precise, I couldn't feel anything at all. I freaked out as I sort of floated(?) around somewhere. Couldn't tell you how long I was like that. Being dead pretty much skewed my sense of time.

But then suddenly, I stopped feeling nothing and things began to get very warm. Warm, dark and…pulsing? Weird, but way better than just floating around the place while lamenting so many things from my past life.

That one time in high school where I put off asking my friend out to prom, only to have some other guy swoop in to ask her out instead. The fact that the other guy shared the same first name as me made things worse. In a way it was hilariously and depressingly ironic. My best friend mostly found it hilarious before consoling me with some ice cream and pointing out how much of a wuss I was for getting cold feet until the last minute.

Ah, he was such an asshole and perhaps one of the few friends I had who I can speak freely to without having to worry about accidentally setting off any conversational landmines.

Oh! One Piece! That's one more regret I'll have. I've been following that series since I was a kid. Introduced to it through 4kids before learning how terrible of a dub that station and watching the Funimation dub and sub. Took me a while to consider the manga, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Now I'll never know the end of it.

…Oh, I'm going to be so pissed if Oda end things off after the year of my death. I'll-I'll-!

…

Just continue floating in this dark and warm place.

Hm? You want to know about the other regrets I had? Especially about my loved ones that I left behind?

…I mean I do feel sad. Like VERY disheartened that I had to go out like…however I did. Still don't know, can't remember. But all in all, I can't say that I'm too messed up about things. When I was little, I had this whole existential crisis where I was kind of in my own head for too long and imagined stuff like…

What if I didn't exist?

What if the world didn't exist?

What if there wasn't anything to exist in the first place?

Then WHAM! I would imagine a ghastly void devoid of any life. That thought process freaked me out so much as a kid that I was even quieter than usual and I was downright quiet when I was young. That was my first taste of how insignificant anything including myself is in the grand scheme of things. So, after a few years, I just figured not to be terrified of the concept of death.

It's bound to happen eventually. Nah what you really have to fear is how you'll die because that'll suck. It can range from slow and painful to terrifyingly fast and unexpected. Fortunately, /Unfortunately, I still can't remember the events of my death, but it had to be very odd since I kept feeling so much contentment along with a frigid chill that jolted me to kick something.

Hold up, kick? That's odd, I don't…

Oh my god! I have legs again, but how? I'm supposed to be dead. Or was I? At this point I was just going with the flow since I literally couldn't much besides simply existing.

Still couldn't see crap, everything was dark. Couldn't smell anything either. The best I could do was that kicking thing and whenever I got bored, I would time my kicks with that thumping noise that I kept hearing. It was one of the only things left for me to do besides dredging up old memories to indulge my boredom.

But finally when I was too engaged with laughing at a memory of that one Bill Burr video. You know, the one about "Gold-Digging Whores". Yep, that guy had no filter and I freaking loved his material for it.

Anyways, yeah, I was in the middle of laughing(?) – yeah, it's still hard to tell what I'm doing while enshrouded in this warmth darkness – some pressure was beginning to push me. I began to panic because at first, the pressure wasn't as powerful when it first began until sometime passed and now, I'm currently wondering if my head(?) was going to get squashed like a watermelon.

Eventually I realized that I was being pushed somewhere since a gradual light began to fill my senses. Now I would have thought that I was finally walking towards THE light at the end of the tunnel, but I ran through the facts:

1. I knew I was already dead so I should have been past that point.

2. I'm pretty sure the tunnel was as, ugh, slippery and wet.

3. Well, I seriously doubt that God would be welcoming me to heaven by speaking Japanese!

And in such a vulgar manner too, I might have only known to speak English and 25% of Spanish and French, but even I detected some cursing in that shrieking voice tha-Holy crap, my head! My head! Something's crushing my head!

"That's good, C-sama! They're already crowning! Push! Push!"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M DOING YOU BASTARD!?"

"Y-You're doing great, C! You're so strong, I told you that everything will be fi-ggrchk!"

"AND YOU! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID THIS TO ME!"

"C-C…you're crushing my ha-aagh!"

"GOOD! NOW YOU'RE FINALLY EXPERIENCING A FRACTION OF WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH YOU MARVELOUS PIECE OF SHIT!"

"Ah-ah! You better watch your mouth, C-sama otherwise you're baby is going to come out swearing like a-!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND HELP ME BEFORE I FUCKING GUT YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCK!"

"Y-Yes, ma'am!"

Fearing for myself, eventually and worries that my head would be crushed faded as I eventually escaped the darkness and saw the glorious, blurred light! Plus, sweet-sweet oxygen! I took as deep a breath between admittedly hysterical screaming before I pried my eyes open to see my new environment.

Huh, a hospital? Why would I be in one of these? Hold on, could I have been in a coma this whole time and only now have woken up?

I seriously hope so, but it doesn't explain the darkness and the pressure and autistic screaming from earlier. So…if not a coma, then wha-?

I gaped as I was carried in the effluvia-stained gloved hands of a man in white scrubs. H-Hold on, this can't be happening right? T-There's no way that…

"Congratulations, Tanjiro-sama and C-sama, it's a boy!"

I tried to move anything but with minimal effect as I was put into another set of admittedly strong and calloused arms after having something on my midriff snipped off and getting coddled in some white blanket.

Oh dear god, I'm being cradled. So, this really is happening!

"Its truly wonderful to finally get to meet you, little one."

Taking a closer look at the face of who's holding me, my eyes widened. Were those red marks on his cheeks and chin birth marks? And did he seriously have white that really spiked up like that? Either way, if this really is happening then that meant that this guy was-! I'm so sorry for continuing to come up short in my thoughts. This is just too much to process.

"T-Tanjiro, may I…?"

"You don't even have to ask. Here."

I was soon placed in the lithe of arms of a woman, who protectively tugged me closer to her bosom. It felt motherly, hell who am I kidding it was motherly especially since I literally came from out of her. So, focusing my new eyes, I decided to take a look at my new-holy shit is that Yoruichi from Bleach!

No, wait, she looks like her, but her long flowing hair was midnight black and I'm pretty sure that Yoruichi didn't have green irides. Also, pretty sure that Yoruichi at least had pupils and her sclerae weren't dark.

Despite their initial unsettling look, I could discount the sheer maternal radiance that exuded from the woman's exhausted and sweat soaked visage as she lovingly stroked my face. Her eyes getting glossy with each shuddering breath she took.

"Oh so now you want to be calm. What? Those nine months of you kicking finally tired you out?" She breathlessly laughed and hugged me tighter. 'I'm so glad to finally meet you my little Kisuke."

Welp that pretty much sealed it. I've been reincarnated and I'm in the arms of some foreign woman who gave birth to me.

Faced with all of that, I did the only thing I could in this situation.

I laughed.

…Shut up, it happens whenever I get too nervous.

Six months later after my birth (yeah, I'm doing my best not to think about the process after piecing so many things together about that warm darkness I was trapped in), and I realized that I wasn't brought to be reborn in some ordinary world. It took me a while to fully grasp my surroundings since I was effectively an infant getting a grasp over my eyesight so I was basically unable to fully grasp everything that I saw.

After my birth I was whisked about in one pair of arms that belonged to my…I think my new dad then back to the arms of my new mother, then placed in the arms of some random person, and finally put to bed somewhere. The process of being carried, fed, and changed continued and kept continuing until I was finally discharged from the hospital's nursery and taken somewhere else in the arms of my new mom.

I still couldn't fully see jack all and could barely understand a word anyone was saying despite really wanting to whenever my new…parents said something to me with those hopeful smiles. This whole situation was beginning to make me feel lonely since my fragile infancy prevent me from even speaking already. The least I could do was hear their wishes for me since I was technically their newborn child.

What? You thought I'd be adverse to acknowledging them as my new family? Why? From what I've seen, no, still can't fully do that… From what I've experienced and could manage from the tones of their voices, they truly cared me as their own child. Especially my mother, who I've found myself in the arms of in every occasion.

One moment I was in my father's or one of the nurse's arms, the next, I'd almost certainly be snatched up and constricted near my mother's bosom.

And its not like I'm replacing the mother and father I lost in my previous life. They will always have a special place in my heart along with the family I left behind with my death. I willed myself to never forget them as the least I could do since they must be heartbroken over my passing.

…Welp before I get steeped in depression, I'll just clarify this and state that I won't do wrong with these two by denying them to not be my parents. They're joyed to have a child and I won't rob them of the experience by dickishly taking my frustration out on them.

Well, I'll try to give them that lovely experience. I'm pretty sure I freaked them out by my sudden laughter just after I was born and I barely cried since then save for wanting to be fed and changed. I was a pretty chill baby, which might have come off as odd to my parents and especially the nurses, but my parents still loved me nonetheless.

Now with that tangent done, allow me to reveal why I don't believe that I was born in my old world. And that would be because of my Tiger Mom. No, she's not trying to drill calculus into my adorable infantile brain. Actually, C – who I learned was her name from my new dad after his many futile attempts to beg her to let him carry me – was a very protective mother.

Anywhere she went, I would immediately be. Anytime I was given to be held by another pair of arms, be they young or old, I'd immediately be swept back up into her arms if I so much as showed any discomfort.

No, I called her Tiger Mom because was literally almost surrounded by live tigers and since I was always stuck by her, I had to be around the fierce and admittedly terrifying creatures. They were so much bigger than your average tigers too with some varying in size that I just couldn't believe.

And do you wanna know the real kicker? They could talk. I kid you not, I might know the language, but it was downright obvious to know that my mother understood them and they her.

And so, after a while I kind of grew to get used to their presence, especially this big white tiger that mother called Hageshi. When I became old enough to finally start to crawl around, I took advantage of it to explore my new home as much I could before my parents, or the other residents could find me. Sadly, these excursions were cut short since Hageshi was usually around to catch me by the scruff of my collar before I could go any further through the large Japanese estate that I now currently lived in.

The large tiger would always huff their annoyance at my insistence to crawl away whenever no one was looking. Probably grumbling about being ordered by my mother to keep an eye on me whenever she and father had to go away on important business. I took some joy in that since he treated me like a ball of yarn and rolled me around when I was only three months old.

Getting motion sick sucked. Getting motion sick with a body that lacked proper motor skills was worse. So, take that you fluffy bastard now its my turn to have vengeance! Usually said vengeance would be stalled since this Hageshi sometimes made for the perfect body pillow. It was a fine peace offering for the armistice, but the war has yet to be declared over!

I shall claim victory!

One day my exploration of my home was interrupted by my father, Tanjiro as my mother called him, and immediately he plucked me up from the ground and must've questioned how I climbed out of my crib without garnering any notice. A part of him sounded exasperated while I secretly knew he was technically proud.

It wasn't hard to tell since he and mother were so ecstatic to see me start to crawl around at an early age. I was getting sick of doing nothing but lie around and wait to get fed or changed so I worked to fix that of all things before I went crazy from inactivity.

Deciding against taking me back to my crib, my father walked me down the hallways of our home, which connected to the beautiful garden that stood at the epicenter of the home's estate. There were ponds, bamboo, grass, stones, and whoa that was a huge turtle…

Said huge green turtle was basking in the sun on one of the resting stones semi-submerged in one of the ponds. I figured that they were like Hageshi because one they noticed my gaze, they winked at me and returned to lazily relaxing. Yep, this world was beyond normal.

But what really sold it and basically confirmed where I was currently born. You see, my father decided to take me to this nice room where a wonderful wooden shrine was built with many lit candles and photos adding to the solemn ambiance. A household shrine. In my old life my mother had one in memory of her deceased parents, so it didn't surprise me that there'd be one

So, you'll be surprised when I saw who's faces were among the many commemorated up on that shrine.

Hashirama and Tobirama Senju.

I kid you not, that's who I saw up there, and while my father was busy possibly praying to them and probably introducing them to me or me to them, I didn't miss the way he mainly set his attention on the photo of the man, who was essentially THE Second Hokage, I started piecing so many things together that I nearly fainted from the realization.

One look at father, and I basically saw the uncanny resemblance between him and the framed picture of Tobirama from his white hair down to the red birthmarks on his cheeks and chin, save for father's blue eyes that he shared with the framed photo of a gorgeous and kind looking redheaded woman that was placed next to Tobirama's.

T-They were father's parents. Meaning that they're my grandparents.

…Meaning that Hashirama Senju was my Granduncle.

…Meaning that they're shinobi.

…Meaning that I'm in the Village Hidden in the Leaves.

…Meaning that I was essentially reborn in the bloody world of Naruto! The world where essentially child soldiers were a thing, bullshit eye powers were hax (*COUGH!* Sharingan *COUGH!*), and where basically one of the main antagonists, who's brother was killed by my grandfather is alive and tricked into planning to put the world under an eternal illusion by some ancient alien rabbit MILF, who's stuck on the moon.

So hit with this grand revelation, I, the newly reborn Kisuke Senju had only one thought that crossed my stunned mind as one burst of uncontrollable nerve-wracking child-like laughter filled the shrine room.

Well, at least I wasn't reborn in Attack on Titan…