Chapter I - Falling Towards Death

To the sound of the wind, on a sunny December afternoon, I climb the stairs leading to the rooftop of the tallest building of the splendid school where I study. There, I contemplate the beautiful flowery view of the surrounding garden.

Seeing the lush vegetation with trees like the Purple Ipê, Magnolias, and even Cherry Blossoms, and flowers like Roses, Tulips, and Peonies, I realize it's spring.

"This is a beautiful sight."

Today is the last day of lessons for my class, as we are in the third grade, and this view seems perfect to conclude our journey here. But this reality doesn't apply to everyone.

My name is Jonnathan Gray, a young recluse with a slim and short stature, and pale skin that can be called gray.

I endured bullying for the past 6 years, hoping to graduate from this prestigious elite school to provide a better life for my grandparents. I endured being kicked and punched, humiliated and degraded, enslaved and abused, all for my family, my grandparents. And now they are gone, leaving behind only sweet memories of our time together.

So, I came here today to put an end to my suffering.

Looking forward, I see that this beautiful world filled with springtime joys doesn't sympathize with my grief, nor my pain. But it's not the world's fault; it's mine for expecting sympathy from anyone.

"Sorry, grandpa. Unlike you, I was never able to stand up to my abusers," I said to myself as tears streamed down my face.

In this world, the only thing that matters is family, and beyond that, everything is optional, even the suffering of others.

"Sorry, grandma. Grandpa was right; I hid from you what I was going through in school. If I had valued you more, if I had loved you more, maybe this moment in my life wouldn't be so painful."

"Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"

A storm of emotions sweeps through my heart - the pain of losing my family, the accumulated and endured suffering and abuse, the shame of failing as a human being. All of this piled up and mixed inside me, leading me to one "rational" decision.

"Someone like me doesn't deserve to live."

Advancing straight to the edge of the rooftop, I feel my tears welling up in my eyelids, streaming down my face and dripping onto the ground.

"Life isn't worth living."

Stopping at the rooftop's edge, I look at that beautiful spring afternoon landscape one more time, perfect for the incredibly rich and pampered teenagers living a carefree life in this school, blessed and happy. But they will never understand it and how fortunate they are because they have everything they want, when they want, and how they want it. They will never understand my pain.

"Maybe it's just envy, knowing I'll never be happy like them, but that doesn't change the fact that most of them don't deserve such happiness."

All the pain of loss, all the scars accumulated on my body and in my heart against my will, all the humiliation suffered, all of it strengthened and further motivated my decision.

"If I die, I'll stop suffering."

Looking down, I see the entrance to the school, 20 meters away from me, now empty because it's during class hours, with only the janitor visible.

"Goodbye, cruel world," I said these words, taking a step forward, falling towards death.

They say that when we're close to death, we can see the world pass by slowly before our eyes and relive all our memories. Well, I can confirm that's true.

20 meters to impact.

"This will probably stain the school's reputation...but that makes me happy."

19 meters to impact. All I see in front of me is the clean ground of the school's entrance, which I've walked on countless times since I was admitted here.

"The first time I set foot here was on my admission day. On that day, grandma and grandpa were happier than I was."

15 meters to impact, and all that comes to mind is the day I talked to the teachers about the bullying I endured, and they ignored me because I was a scholarship student.

"I shouldn't have trusted them in the first place. They couldn't possibly listen to a scholarship student despised by their boss's grandson. If I remember correctly, Ulisses found out everything, and that day was the first time I was used as a human ashtray."

12 meters to impact.

"There was also that day, five years ago, when I was forced to be a punching bag for the karate club. And that time, four years ago, when they made me swallow a live frog. There was also the time they used a blade to torture me... From this place, I only have bad memories."

10 meters to impact.

"Why am I remembering all these terrible memories now? I'm killing myself precisely to forget them forever!"

9 meters to impact.

"I'll forget the day I was trapped on the rooftop during a storm, and the next morning, grandma had to take care of me."

8 meters to impact.

"I'll forget the day they beat me unconscious just because I had the highest grade in the class, which made grandpa suspicious that something was happening at the school."

7 meters to impact.

"Yes, that's why I want to die. No one ever listened to me or stood by my side in this wretched place, and the only ones who supported me are gone now. Without them here, I have no reason to live in this corrupt and rotten world!"

6 meters to impact.

"I hate this world that denied me! I hate this stupid elitist school! I hate that I suffered from bullying! And above all, I hate myself for enduring everything in silence!"

5 meters to impact.

"Come to think of it, what did I do wrong? I was always obedient to my guardians and teachers, always got the best grades, even though I knew I would get beaten. I always strived to be the best, but look at me now! I'm a wretch who tried all his life without real results. In the end, only those born with power can thrive in life, and the weaker ones are just meant to be stepped on and used to make the strong even stronger."

4 meters to impact.

"I didn't do anything wrong; they did! They were the ones who deserved to die, not me!"

3 meters to impact.

"I miss grandma and grandpa. They would know what to do at this moment."

2 meters to impact.

"I miss our breakfasts together, grandpa's sermons about me being a recluse, grandma's warm hugs, the days off when we went fishing, and even their stories about the past. But none of this will come back. Still, I'm glad to know that these memories are still alive within me."

1 meter to impact.

"Come to think of it, I still want to live."

At that moment, a strange light emanates from the ground's surface, so intense and bright that it would blind anyone. Yet, it was extremely brief, like a super-powered camera flash that illuminated everything for a millisecond.

When the light disappeared, everything seemed to be in its place; the garden was still blooming, the ground remained clean, and my body that had jumped from the building was no longer there.

Continuing from where we left off:

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Feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin and the dry dusty wind entering my nose, I slowly opened my eyes to see where I was.

All I saw was a clear blue sky, devoid of clouds or birds, with the scorching yellow sun at its zenith.

"Where am I?" I questioned, shielding my eyes from the bright light that was discomforting.

"If I remember correctly, I definitely jumped from the school building. Did I survive?"

Indeed, I had attempted suicide, so how had I survived?

It was a five-story building, which, theoretically, would make it impossible for a human to survive without severe injuries. Yet here I was, lying on rocky ground beneath a scorching sun.

"…Thinking about how I survived doesn't matter. What's more important is where I am."

As I rose from that hard, rocky surface, all I could see was an extensive, barren, arid plain. It had a soil of clay and was strewn with jagged rocks.

There were no signs of life or any water source in sight. I could only see the wind lifting dust and blowing it away and a blinding brightness that hurt my eyes and burned my pale skin to a worrying extent.

"Gulp... Is this place... a desert? No, that's impossible; I can't be in a desert."

"So, where am I?"

Closing my eyes, I could vividly remember jumping from the building and the entire trajectory until the ground. But I couldn't recall hitting the ground or anything afterward.

"I'm still wearing the same clothes, and there are no bloodstains on them, which means there was no impact or...–."

"Is this the afterlife?"

It might sound insane, but it's a quite plausible theory.

I jumped from a 20-meter tall building and woke up in a barren desert, with no signs of any injury or blood on my clothes.

Considering this, there were only two possibilities to explain the situation: either I was teleported to this place before the impact happened, or this was indeed the afterlife.

"Ha... I guess it doesn't matter which case it is, because I still feel the pain of losing my grandparents in my heart, and this useless, scar-covered body followed me even in death," I said, melancholically.

"Wait... if this is the afterlife, does that mean I could reunite with my parents and grandparents here?"

It was a naive and childish thought, which could only pass through the mind of someone who was reckless or immature. But it was this immature thought that gave me the strength to keep moving forward.

"I think it's worth betting on this hypothesis for now. But first, I have to get out of this place."

Looking ahead, all I saw was a horizon lined with rocks, a lifeless, rocky terrain, bathed in the midday sun and dry winds.

"Grandpa, grandma, I'm coming to find you."

With renewed hope, I took my first step on this journey.