1 Introduction (1) - Josef's Past

It is sometimes said that the greatest struggle is the battle against one's own self. For Josef this certainly rang true. Once a promising youth full of talent, he had become all too familiar with the abyss of misery and despair. Having experienced trauma, depression and several nasty addictions throughout his life so far, he had hit rock bottom too many times to count.

Until his early teens, Josef was a force to be reckoned with... for a child at least. He was practised in karate from the age of 4 and was also competitive in sports such as swimming and archery. He played the violin and excelled in his academic studies, being regarded as one of the brightest in his year group. On several occasions he represented his school in mathematical and scientific competitions.

Nevertheless, throughout his youth, negative undercurrents persisted in the background. For a start, Josef's father was not what you would call a pleasant man. He largely neglected his wife and son and wasn't seen at home much. When he did pass by, he often left mental and physical damage in his wake. Lacking any semblance of patience, he was quick to resort to violence and aggression. When Josef was 13 years old, one particular physical confrontation led to him breaking all forms of contact with his father. His parents were already separated by then.

Josef's experience in school was also not smooth sailing. The reason he had started karate at the young age of 4 was due to being bullied by his schoolmates in the first school he went to. Josef's mother was Moroccan, and this gave him a tanned complexion. He was targeted for looking different and struggled to fit in with his peers.

It was a painstaking process, but Josef managed to prove himself against his foes in the playground and assert his dominance. He was finally treated with respect and no longer picked on. However, when he was 7 years old, he moved school and was attacked once again. Teachers always seemed to turn a blind eye to his plight, and he was left to fend off 7 or 8 assailants in the playground during every break. Deftly manoeuvring between them he would land a few swift strikes on one foe before quickly repositioning himself to avoid being surrounded. Despite everything, Josef somehow looked back on these memories fondly, as things were much simpler then. Those opponents that could be defeated using martial supremacy were hardly obstacles at all.

When he was 11 years old, Josef moved school for the final time. Instead of going to the same state-funded school as many of his peers, his mother had sacrificed her wealth and comfort to place him in a privately funded academy. She had always sought the best for him despite the harsh circumstances which left her alone to provide for him. Unfortunately, this 'academy' turned out to be a bane for Josef nonetheless.

Arrogant and entitled nouveau riche types were the ruling class among the students. Many kids were nasty and twisted, and they people didn't bully Josef using the same methods he had experienced before. Instead of fighting man-to-man like warriors, the sly bastards would find more devious ways to display their hostility. They would ruin Josef's belongings when he left them in a place he thought safe. When he discovered the situation and confronted the class, no one would own up to damaging his property. They were truly pathetic and cowardly in Josef's eyes.

Over time, the negative experiences Josef had with his father and his peers, caused him to suffer internally. This led to him withdrawing from social interaction and isolating himself. He hardly went to school and stopped playing music and sports one by one. These activities had previously filled his time and he was left with an empty void his heart. Perhaps out of stubbornness, he refused to re-join these activities regardless of his mother's perpetual encouragement. This was a great regret for the current Josef who knew that he had wasted his potential.

When he was around 15, he started smoking and using drugs. Maybe he was trying to escape his suffering or attempting to fit in with the popular kids, Josef wasn't too sure. Regardless, this only ended up messing his life up even further. In his last year of school, he chose to stay with relatives in Morocco, trying to stay away from bad influences, thinking that the grass would be much greener on the other side. This wasn't the case however, and he carried on smoking, becoming extremely depressed at the same time. He started self-harming to punish himself by putting out cigarettes on his skin. The intense pain that was accompanied by the smell of burnt flesh did little to fix him though, and he maintained his bad habits.

After failing to make the grades that would get him into his chosen university, Josef ended up going to a different one after finishing school. At university, he had a rocky start, as he fell into the wrong crowd amidst the culture of drinking and partying. Drugs didn't stop him from feeling out of place, and for the first time in his life he felt completely alone.

It was only after experiencing a mental breakdown that Josef felt as though he needed to change. Despite his efforts to turn his life around, it wasn't easy, and he relapsed countless times. It was March of 2023, and he was now in his final year of university. Josef hoped the coming spring would usher a fresh page in his life and a new beginning.