Chapter 9
Looking out of the window at the thunderstorm that came out of nowhere,sipping the hot chocolate Aunt Sayani made me and a thriller out of Kaitlyn's bookshelf, this is the most relaxed I've ever felt. The air crackles with romance, and as I lean back on the back of the chair, my phone lights up with a ping. Shahbad, I smile. The fight last night we had, well, I guess he's ready to apologise for that!
"Are you ready to apologise for your shitty behaviour last night?"
It takes me a moment to come out of my dreamscape.
My behaviour?
"What? First you tell me you can't meet me on my birthday, and then you're ignoring me! Honestly, girl. What do you think of yourself?"
I know where this is going, and I don't want to face it. I force myself to pick up my phone and type a reply.
"Sorry, I was in the bath. I replied as fast as I could. Sorry babe!" I say.
"And...?"
"And... What?"
"Really? I remember sending you a text not long before, asking you if you're ready to apologise for what you said to me! For refusing me! How many times do I need to remind you of that?"
"Shahbad, I'm not apologising for that. I told you. I have an appointment with the shrink on Monday. I don't have a lot of money to spend, and this appointment burnt a big hole in my pocket. I can't cancel it. I've told you a million times already." I take a deep breathe and hit send.
It takes a while, I knew it would. I pick up my half finished coffee and throw it in the sink, wash the cup, put the book where it was, and am halfway through putting the bed when the phone pings. And again. And again.
"So you think getting yourself a certificate saying 'YOU ARE CRAZY' is way bigger than my birthday? You do realise what a privilege you're enjoying? You know who my daddy is! He could easily fire your father from work if I asked him to. Do you realise it is because of me that you're even able to make this stupid appointment?"
"I knew I was being too lenient with you. I tell you not to talk to other guys, you never listen. You refuse to show me your phone, you refuse to share your passwords. I've given you too much freedom. You do realise that all those boys you talk to, they'd never have let you get away with this bitchy attitude of yours if you were their girlfriend. Thank your stars you're mine."
"Oh sorry, I forgot. It's not your stars that you should be thankful to. It's me. You should be thankful that I exist. I exist to listen to yours woes and pathetic sobs and stupid stories about how people bully you and make you feel bad about yourself. You know what? They're right. YOU ARE PATHETIC! All those boys you talk to, you claim you're talking to just because they share classes with you and you need their help? Do I look like an idiot? You think I don't know that you're planning to fuck some of them, or as slutty as you are, all of them? But sorry to say babe, they wouldn't even look at you twice. They talk to you because they feel sorry for you. Just like me. I felt sorry for you. But now I realise what a fool I had been. You're nothing but a bitch. You play victim card in front of everyone, so they take pity on you and try to help you. and then you show them what a slut you are. They wouldn't be attracted towards you even if you strip naked in front of them. So, that's how you get them, because surely you're not at all pretty enough to attract men. Someone without any choice, maybe, but not those rich, smart ones you're hoping for."
I stare at the phone, my face blank. So when Kaitlyn comes in and start preparing the bed, I just stand there and she doesn't notice anything. I don't notice anything as well, I just stand looking feeling empty. This is not the first time I've heard these things, and definitely not the first time he's said them to me either, but they always came in installments. One part in the morning, another two days later in the evening. Those parts hurt, this one big text message doesn't. I calmly sit on the bed and type a few words.
"OK. I'm sorry. I'll be there."