Chapter 2 (I wonder)

"Help me!Please..Please help me!" I cried out to the unknown as this dark figure attacked me with a butcher knife. I had been running for ages and my body was now giving up on me. The dark figure stared down at me with these sorrowful eyes as I was laying there ,powerless. I screamed in agony as the knife neared my skin and - Tringgg!!Tringgg!!The alarm clock buzzed loudly. I don't know why I forgot to turn it off.

It was a Saturday and I didn't have school so I just decided to do my laundry. It was still early though but they say the earlier the better so whatever. I connected the washing machine as quickly as I could and put my clothes in as equally fast to avoid bumping into my step-dad. He wasn't someone I had conversations with and it was good that way. It only ended in brief greetings as he was an older person and I was taught to always greet older people. I got into my room and shut the door after setting the timer on the washing machine. My sister had gone to work and I was only left with my step-father. "Tick tick" ,the clock on the wall ticked leading me to my never ending thoughts. I still remember how I sat in my abnormally cold room everyday while I was still in my grandmother's house. I remember how I cried myself to sleep every night. I still remember those days I'd spend in the same room staring at my door listening to the sounds of pots and dishes while my stomach rumbled endlessly for days. I still remember those times when I'd be constantly reminded that I wasn't part of their family and treated differently but still held on and played happy families with them. I still remember how my non existent self esteem went under the integer level everyday I lived or rather survived in that house. I hated their guts ,that's for sure but I wasn't gonna give them the satisfaction of letting it show.

I took out my phone from it's hiding place and logged into my Facebook account. I had just created it and it was my get away platform. No one on my friends list (except for my best friend) knew my real identity and I was comfortable with that. I couldn't really rely on my unreliable self esteem so this was just perfect. I could relate to this sad bunch of similarly unknown friends I had on my friends list and actually they were pretty amazing people. I could also freely voice out my thoughts. I scrolled down and felt better after a few minutes. I then went outside to hang my clothes as the washing machine was done with it's job. I came back and started cleaning my room while I played some music through my headphones. That surely put my mood in order as I had a quick workout session shortly after. BANG!!That was the kitchen door. He was in a bad mood again. I heard his car driving off and the gate shutting violently as he exited. He seemed to be in a bad mood pretty often, which is why I mostly preferred to just keep my distance. I took this opportunity and had a bath then shut myself in my room again before he decided to come back. I took my novels and read the day away.

I woke up later to the sound of a car driving in. I must have fallen asleep while reading..That's a first. I heard the kitchen door opening.

Her :(While laughing) My friend's so silly  though.

Him :Hehe..

That must be his main girlfriend. He always picked her up at night and let her stay over and drove her off the following morning. She used to be nice to us before but that has changed. I guess you can't pretend forever.

I waited for them to enter their room and tip toed to the fridge as my stomach consisted of thy emptiness . Just as I thought, alcohol bottles all over the fridge. "I'll never buy food for people who work ,never" ,were the words I heard from him as I passed by their door to my room. Well I guess history will repeat itself for the millionth time now ,nice. I felt my eyes stinging as tears threatened to come out. This is not happening again.

I shut my door and logged into my account again. Laughter was oozing out from all angles of the other room and coming right into my ears. It was pretty easy for them to show us how much they didn't care about us in different ways but it seemed more painful every time. It had only been 2 months but the pain was double the one I felt at my grandmother's house. This man had no emotion ,no emotion at all. I still remember the story my sister once told me of how my step-dad beat up my mother. How he teamed up with the rest of his brothers and tied my mother to one of the electric poles outside the gate. They then took turns beating her like a criminal with my grandmother and aunts cheering. They didn't even seem to care about the fact that my then young sister was watching. If it wasn't for the neighbors, my mom would have died that day. That made me realize how much of a coward my step-dad also was. A cold-hearted selfish coward who depended on using the vulnerability of people around him to feed his ego. My sister then arrived to my relief.

Her :What has your mom done now?Or was it your dad this time?

I'm guessing the misery on my face was that obvious.

Me  : They're not my parents -_-..They're yours

Her :What have they done?

Me :Well your dad said he won't be buying food for people who work..

Her : But he knows my salary isn't enough. I earn peanuts. I still struggle with transport money. I have to take care of my needs.

Me : I know..

My sister was forced to look for a job after matric as my step-dad (her biological dad) promised to pay for her varsity fees but ended up not doing it. He was able to buy a numerous  amount of cars and dogs with his humongous salary but failed to put his own daughter to school. I mean the word selfish doesn't even seem fit to describe him. Lemme just shut my mouth before I say some horrible stuff because wow ,I hate this guy with a passion shame I don't wanna lie.

Me :But everything's gonna be alright. There's always light at the end of the tunnel.

Her : And we're gonna come out alright and show them who we are. They'll regret everything they're doing to us..Mark my words.

Me :I can't believe we're suffering because we're simply our mother's children.

Her : It sucks right..But I'm now depending on you genius..

Me :(mid laugh) I'm not a genius but I'll make you proud.

My sister always seems to make everything better. I couldn't imagine how it would have been if either of us was alone and didn't have the other one to sob with. I would've ended my life a long time ago if it wasn't for her (and me being too chicken to do it of course)..(yea well my goals wouldn't also be fulfilled if I was gonna die)..(and uhm my belief is also against suicide ,so that also)..But other than that, she's my life. Even after everything that has happened in our lives ,we seem to be growing closer. We continued with our conversation and even talked about how annoying her fellow colleagues were.

I guess some things never end. I don't know why we even thought things would get better. We both went quiet after some time as each of us was deep in their thoughts.

I logged in to my account again and stared at the 'What's on your mind' writing plastered on the top of my news feed. After taking a deep breath I decided on just letting it all out.

One moment you feel good and you think it's gone..Then the next it all changes..I guess it never really goes away..it'll always be there..following you around like a shadow..It always finds a way back..

Were the words I wrote down before I pressed  'Post'. 

I logged out and just stared into space. My best friend didn't really know about my situation and I wasn't really keen on the idea of telling her. Apparently best friends are supposed to tell each other anything and everything, but I'd rather keep some of my things to myself. You can't really expect everyone to care ,no matter their status to you. I logged back into my account as I was now tired of thinking. My brain would probably abandon me from overworking it if it could and I honestly wouldn't blame it. I'm not saying my brain should abandon me by the way. I'd literally collapse and die from boredom so hell nah.

1 message notification..I wonder. I'm not wondering cause I don't usually get messages but I'm just wondering because uhm..The name was weird and the profile picture just made everything sound funny. I smiled as I came to this realization and opened the text.

Hey..I know you're probably gonna ignore this message but I just wanted to tell you that if you want someone to talk to ,I'm here for you.

Yea sure..We do hear these words a lot from 'concerned' people we come across, but something felt different with this one. I'm sure this sounds so cheesy. But wait..Did this person really say I was probably gonna ignore this text?Come on I'm not like that..Okay my profile picture may show off as of someone who's a bit mean but..Nah..Why am I even talking so much?Ughhh..I'm not even talking I'm thinking..Well I'm talking in my mind actually so..Lemme just drop this cause it's not going anywhere. Anyway lemme just answer him..He probably thinks I've actually ignored his text..He??How am I even sure this person is a he?I laughed at my own stupidity..Wow..That's the second positive action I've done in a few minutes. I wonder.