Chapter 26

Lora walked into Doctor Lin Williams's office and sat down. She had been working with Doc Lin for one month and a week. Doc Lin could tell she had her hands full with Lora.

Lora was a very young intelligent woman with a strong self-image. Lora loved herself: the way she looked, her life at the time, everything.... until she found out about Ralph.

"My life was perfect until Ralph decided he had the right to be jealous of me. He introduced the parties to us and we enjoyed them. He saw that Marshall was enjoying himself with me and that I liked it; yes, I admit that I liked it, but that was the point, and he got angry and jealous. He raped my best friend because of his anger and jealousy. Then at the second party, he decided that Marshall and I were having too much fun and raped her again. How could he do that? Well, he is dead now... dead. I can now rest; my life can get back in order." Lora breathed deeply and laid back in the chair.

Doc Lin noticed in most of the sessions Lora would talk about the rape of Denise but not of her own rape or the evening she called "Ralph's night".

She prodded Lora, "Tell me what he did to you and how you feel about it."

"He hurt Denise, that is enough."

"No, Lora. It is not enough. You have to release all of the pain to heal. Please tell me about what happened to you and how you feel about it. Please, Lora."

Lora's face went blank. She sat on the floor on the rug and sighed. She looked Doc Lin straight in the eyes with a look the doctor had never seen before and started talking.

"He hurt me. He tried to break me but I wouldn't be broken. You see Ralph was just looking for an excuse to do what he did. He had it planned all along. If it wasn't his jealousy, it would have been some other shortcoming."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"It was a deliberate act of torture. He enjoyed kinky, weird sex and this was probably just him fulfilling one of his fantasies. It was part of his way of showing his love. He did love me. His love was so strong that if I wasn't as aggressive as I am, it would have swallowed me up and I would have never been me again."

"Tell me what he did to you."

"Why do you want me to talk you through it? Do you get a kick out of hearing a person's shame? I just don't want to talk about it. I would rather remember the happy times we had together." Her look became solemn and then dark. She finally got up, gathered her things, apologized, and left.

Doc Lin felt that she was really about to break and wasn't going to let up. She followed Lora and found her at a park in a secluded garden.

"Why are you pressuring me? I hope you know that I hate you for this," Lora was crying, "And I am not paying you for following me."

"Tell me, Lora, let's get past this barrier. Talk to me."

"Ralph made a night that was planned as a night of lovemaking between him and me, into a night of pain, suffering, and shame. He made me disbelieve my best friend and then destroyed my trust, love, and belief in him." Lora then started talking about the night of torture. She always talked as if it was just one day. "I will never know who had sex with me or who touched me or who had sex over me and spewed their body fluids on me. I don't know who I can trust or who likes me for me not because they had me already and liked it. I hate Ralph. He ruined my life and my trust in the world. I am glad he is dead."

Lora was crying, really crying. Doc Lin knew that Lora had taken the first steps and could finally start to release the fears and pains. Doc Lin sat with Lora the next week at Lora's new house letting her cry, talk, scream, and heal. Doc Lin was there when Lora woke up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of her lungs from a nightmare or vision of Ralph and a thousand people looking at her naked body. Lora would be lying rigid on her back unable to move till she was awakened by Lin.

"Lora you have got to release the thoughts that threaten your sleep and the calmness in your life."

"I know Doc., but I just can't seem to tell you. I wish you could understand."

"Try to explain why you can't open up to me."

"You remind me of one of the faces in my nightmares. I can't talk to you because I feel you already know what happened and want to torture me some more." Lora couldn't explain it to anyone. She just had a problem talking with a lot of people. Her parents wanted her to open up to them, but she could feel their shame about the whole situation. Especially her dad, since he tried to push Lora into marriage with Ralph. Tracy knew most of what happened already. Lora didn't see the need in telling her again. Denise had grown so distant that Lora didn't want to push any more problems on her. Then there was Doc Lin. Lora would be happy when she could get rid of her. Doc Lin was very good at her job, but she gave Lora the creeps. Lora was never sure what Doc Lin was thinking or writing down about her. Doc Lin would look at her weirdly and when Lora woke from a nightmare, she would be smiling at her like she was enjoying watching Lora suffer. She just couldn't tell Doc Lin all she wanted to know.

Doc Lin pushed the issue even harder. She wanted to hear the events from Lora's mouth and in Lora's words. She would have to find a way to get her to talk. "She'll never trust me." Doc Lin thought. "I need the satisfaction of hearing her pain. I will get her to talk." "I see." Doc Lin said to Lora. "What would you like to do about this? You know it is necessary for your healing to talk about what happened. You can trust me. I want to be your friend as well as your counselor."

"I don't know but I just can't talk to you about what happened. So just drop it!" Lora became frustrated and left the room.

Doc Lin had to find someone Lora felt comfortable with so that Lora could tell it all and take the next steps to heal.