The List

Elijah...

"Hnmm... it is nice." Liam says trying his best to hide his disappointment. But I know this shit I drew is nothing compared to what I used to draw before.

"You can say it man. I know it's bad."

"No no Eli, it is nice man, really. You have got your skills, alright. What it misses is any kind of emotion." It feels like he trapped me in a mirror room and now I don't know what to do or where to go. I look away from him in the other direction, biting my lower lip. I have recently discovered that it somehow helps in controlling your emotions from overflowing. Liam calls my name and says,

"Okay so I got this amazing idea. You know what, make a list of all the places that you can think of and that are worth drawing. Let's draw all of them. I am sure someplace will finally strike it up for you." I look at him in utter shock. I mean just drawing this one was so hard. How can he.... I shake my head and get out of the house in desperate need of some air. I cannot believe this. How can he be so insensitive? I can't do it. I just can't. I didn't even knew where I was driving until I parked my car in front of my house. mine and Scarlet's. I went inside after struggling with the spare keys. Dropping on our bed, I can't stop the sobs escaping me. Covering my eyes with my hands, I just let it all out. A few minutes later, I hear footsteps and see Liam settling beside me on the bed.

"I can't do this. It's too much Liam, too much. No uh (hiccup) No..uh..ot fair." He just lays beside me and says," I know Elijah. It is definitely not fair. It is wrong. All wrong. You want to be miserable right now? Okay be as miserable as you wanna be. But stop fighting it. She is not coming back man. And you can't bring her back. Accept it."

"No no Noo please. I want it to be nightmare. please.."

"But it is not. It is real. No matter how wrong it is. It is real Elijah. And trust me when I say this it is out of your hands. The only thing in your control is how you live from now on. You paint and you paint good. She loved seeing you paint. Do it for her man. Please do it for her."

I keep looking at him all this time, with an urge to punch him. Taking one last look at my friend, I get up from the bed, grab my keys and walk out. He wants me to forget her. Like hell, I will ever forget her. Never. Right Scar? Just then I open the car door and my bag of paints and brushes falls on the ground, spilling some of the stuff out of it. My attention diverts to a piece of paper lying on the road, with light blue color spilled on it. I pick it up and turn it to find Scar's name written on it, in beautiful golden calligraphy. And just like that a wave of realization hits me and I know for sure this time.

She is not coming back. and It's all memories now. I wanna beg for one last hug, one last kiss. Heck her one smile will satisfy me and then I can die peacefully. But I am not getting it. I can't get it.

I feel like it is a sign that Liam was right. May be Scar does want me to paint. She wants that. If that's the case then I will have to do it for her. I can do it. Right scar? You will be there for me, right? I know I have Eve and Liam. But I still need you too. Be by my side baby.

Liam comes to my side. He says nothing. Just takes the car keys from me hands, guides me to car and then getting in the driver seat, he starts driving. It is pin drop silence when I clear my throat and say, "I will do it. For her. I will do it for her." He remains silent once again, but I can see a small smile appearing on his face. I hope I can do it.

After going through the map of New York almost five times, my list is finally complete. If I am gonna do it for my friend, I am gonna do it good.

Eve enter's in my room with a box, wrapped in a black paper. "Hey! You still up?"

"Yeah, was reading something. What's up?" My face as expressionless as my voice.

"Oh yes, I got you a know phone."

"You didn't have to do that. I was going to buy it myself."

She flailed her hands in the air and said,"Naah it's nothing. And let me know if you want help with anything else. Alright. Good night lil boy." With that she closed the door of my room and went away. I put the box aside and pin the list to the headboard above my bed. Eve's gonna kill me if she sees the amount of glue her velvet headboard holds right now. I chuckle to myself, blow a kiss to Scar and drift into a deep sleep.

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To begin with my list, I first went for the empire state building. I was sitting somewhere on the roadside, when I saw a small kid, looking up at the building holding his father's hand. It seemed as if the father was telling him something about the building and he was looking intently at it, with his head falling all the way back, to verify the facts. I observed the entire seen so keenly that it was imprinted in my head for the entire day. I didn't have to have a picture to know what I needed to draw. I stopped by my house on the way back to collect some old tools I used to use for painting. Liam didn't bring them, because he thought that it was just brushes that paint a beautiful picture.

I was suddenly inspired to paint. I drew it horizontally. In the background was a dark shady silhouette of a young boy supporting an old man(his father). It was just a simple outlining. Then in the middle of that outlining, was going to stand the empire state building. I just drew simple rough lines of the architecture and left the details for the next day. This is going to take time before it reaches anywhere I want it to be. I just hope that it's worth the wait.

The next morning I was up even before 5 a.m.. All night, I couldn't get a blink of sleep because I was busy planning what to do next with my painting. I was narrating everything in a hushed tone as if Scarlett was right there beside me, smiling and listening to my rambling. It wasn't until morning, when I was almost forced by my own body to realize that I was all alone. Still, I took a deep breath, got ready, made myself a smoothie and went out with my weapons to win this battle and make Scarlett proud. I was on a mission.

It took me another five days to finally complete the painting, with all the minor details. In the middle of the painting, the empire state building stood just like we all see it everyday with all the minor details and glory. Coming down horizontally the the building changed into a mere shadow with a blend of black, yellow and orange colors. Then at last in the end-center of it stood the little boy looking up the massive building, holding his father's hands, who was telling him something while pointing towards the architecture. Raw, but it was still something. I drew it again and again until I finally got what I wanted. By the end of the month I had my piece of work ready just as I had imagined it to be in the beginning. Liam called almost everyday and visited twice or thrice a week. seeing him tired from work reminded me of my days. I was still exhausted, but it felt good in some way. To me painting was like loving Scarlett. I could loose myself in those colors and hope to never be found. There was a part of me that only my Canvas knew, just the same way a part of me died with Scar that day in the accident.

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"So? What do you think?" I asked Liam crossing my arms in front of my chest and biting my lower lip.

"I.. uh.. oh.. God Mannnnn. This is beautiful. I don't know what else to say. I am not sure if I even possess the IQ to even fully understand it." his face was full of astonishment.

"Okay, no need to exaggerate. I hope it works for you. And yeah I am going to do another favor for you. I think I have finally got the gist of paints again. So I will be drawing all those places. It will be like New York through your eyes." all this time he kept looking at me with a weird appreciation in his eyes. But then instead of thanking me or saying anything at all, he smiled. It felt as if he was proud of me. And I knew it right then. I could hear his thoughts. Clearing the lump in my throat, I nodded and left, leaving my painting there with him. I had signed it with my signature name "E.S.R"

The rest of the day I spent at a mall or something. Just before heading back, I went to see the game zone. It had a sign of "Be Prepared, War Front Ahead" just outside it. My shadow was falling on the board. The lean figure looked so defeated, even without the expressions. It was all alone. Clicking a picture of the scene in front of me, I went back home.

"For so long. I have fought with you beside me,

that now, without you, the battle is lost already."