Stories

Elijah...

These days I just keep wondering. if Scar can see me, hear me, feel this emptiness that I carry within me day by day. I don't know the answer to it. Guess, I'll never know as well. And then there is this place I call home, New York. This bus, I am currently sitting on, has so many people around me that it's practically impossible to feel lonely, isn't it? These transports, these random people I know nothing about, have somehow become my life in the past month. I know more about them than myself. Just like this woman standing diagonal to me. Everyday she takes this bus at 7:55 am, curses her boss for deducting her salary at her being late because apparently, the office starts at 8:00 am and she reaches ten minutes later. Fascinating.

Or this man sitting in front of me, with a 5 year old girl on his lap. He takes her to a day care everyday before going to a factory to work, earn and feed his daughter. It is the most beautiful relationship anyone could ever come across, if you ask me. You will understand my point, when you will see him dancing in the middle of the road at next stop, because his girl is crying and he has to see her smile one more time before going on his own war. Gorgeous.

And then finally there is this Kid sitting beside me everyday without any mistake. Like most days he is going to pick up his dad from a bar where he passed out the previous night. Other days it is just a stop where he hopes to find his dad, when he doesn't bother to show up. He is the only person I have actually talked to in this bus. I don't know if it was me being a mature, elder person or me just being too nosy. I thought he might need someone to talk to, but he is stronger than I could have ever estimated. He has got plans where he dreams to work hard and finally live the life he wants for himself. He inspires me, a lot. I don't know his name neither does he mine. But we are getting along just fine. No judgments, no lies. This relationship of mine doesn't even require a name. Amazing.

When I get off the bus, the first thing I do is look for Mr. Burton. Out of all the people, I have enlisted above, he is the one I look most forward to interacting to. I somehow feel that he's got the answers for me. He is a 65 year old man, mostly seen at this station I am currently standing at, with an antique cigar case in his hand, waiting for a bus. The bus leads him to what he calls his "Solace", his wife. She died 5 years ago. Alzheimers. Every morning he visits his wife at the graveyard with one single, hand made Belgian Chocolate in a tiny paper box, tied securely with a royal blue ribbon, which he eats with her. Blue?You ask. Well! his wife never liked the cliché red. The cigar case contains one last cigar, that he wishes to smoke, on his last day, laying beside her. When I see him, it feels like my love for Scar is nothing in comparison to this. But then again every bond is different. His is Flawless in it's own way.

"Elijah! My son. How are you this fine morning?" he exclaims excitedly.

"I am fine Mr. Burton. How are you?" I ask with a slight smile. He tends to do that a lot to me.

"Same old same chap, eyeh. This old man is on his way to the love of his love one more daaiyy." suddenly his eyes are scrutinizing me. "Can't say the same about you though, eyeh son? Why so withered?" He asks while taking a seat at the bench and signaling me to do the same too.

"Not really. Just the usual. You said your daughter was coming to meet you this week. Did she?"

"Aah!" he continues with a sigh. "She did, son. She very much did. Stayed for day and then got tired of this old lad here. She doesn't like the idea of me visiting her mother's grave everyday. She thinks that it is useless, because it won't bring my wife back. She doesn't understand that I need to talk to her mother everyday to survive. So now I do it anyway I think I can. I have promises to keep you see aah. She might be gone. My words to her are still alive." Just like that, once again I am speechless in front of him. I need Scar like I always did, like I always will. I was on my own train of thought when he asked me,

"Now you tell me, what is it with you and the pout?" he asked with a tone that clearly said, 'I know something's up so don't even dare lie to me.'

"Really Mr. Burton, it is nothing new. I just keep questioning whether Scar can see me paint or not. If she even knows what I am doing for her. I don't want it all for nothing. If she can't see it and be proud of me, if it isn't what she wanted, then I don't want it either. It is all for her after all."

"Why?"

"huh?"

"Why do you want her to see it? Why is it so important that she knows you are doing it for her? Why are you even doing it for her in the first place?" he asks being genuinely confused and now he's made me too.

"Uhnmm. I uh. Because this is what she wanted. Of course I am doing it for her. I have to."

"Oh my dear Lord. Bless this confused lad here." he says looking up and I scratch the back of my neck in confusion.

"No Elijah my son. No. You are again doing something for someone else. Because you think that it will make them happy. You are not doing it for yourself. You wife never asked you to paint. She asked you to do what makes you smile, what makes you get up early in the morning, what makes you crave for more. She just wanted you to be happy, just like anyone else who loves you."

"What are you saying? Am I not doing what she wanted?"

"I don't know. From what I have seen in this past month is that you are not doing it because it is what you want, are you? Always Remember, the road to keep your loved ones happy goes through your happiness first. Pretending is always temporary. It's the "REAL" that makes all the difference.... Aah here comes my bus. See you tomorrow son. eh." And with a pat on my shoulder he was gone.

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Yesterday after talking to Mr. Burton, I went to her grave. No not making it a tradition. Just to think. It felt good. And I have finally come to a conclusion.

I am going to stop thinking now. I have to move forward. I talked to Evelyn too about me finally moving out of her place. I am sure she and Neville need their long denied privacy now. Even though she tries to convince me otherwise. They agreed. And I will be out of their hair by the end of the week.

This past month when I was drawing the Statue of Liberty, I knew I was content at that moment and I can't go back to office now. I won't even be able to work. I started working quite young. So I have quite some money saved up. But I still have to work and not just sit free.

Today I was going to try and paint The Central Park again. It has always been one of my most favourite places. Even though the land brings a thousand memories, it still has a way of bringing me peace. The trees, the wind and fragrance of wet sand, they have been my favorite for as long as I can remember.

This time I didn't plan on painting the bridge, instead I went to the area with most people walking around. It was refreshing to see people relax and stop to enjoy life. I saw a teenage couple sitting on a blanket and drinking juice from a bottle. Probably their first date. Then there were different people with their respective kids. But still nothing that I could find worth my painting. Moreover who knew if they would be here tomorrow or not. I need models for my painting. I kept looking and looking but still nothing intrigued me.

I was just walking on the trail when from a distance, I saw her. HER.

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Every day we come across thousands of people. And they are all mere actors in our version of their stories.