Still here, Somewhere

Elijah...

I couldn't sleep the entire night. It is like the house is haunting me. Everything reminds me of her. Every minute of every hour I had to stop myself from going to the basement and bringing her things back. I can't even bring myself to understand, why in the hell would I ever want to give them away? Give her away? As the sun rolled up in the sky, I just couldn't take it anymore.I finally rushed off to the basement and brought all her stuff back. Unpacked the boxes, arranged everything as it was, in its rightful place. At exactly 8:58 a.m., home felt like home again. Just two minutes before I have to be in the office. May be half an hour late won't be so bad for once in my life. As I walk into the bathroom, a familiar fragrance of her bodywash engulfs me. My body relaxes somewhat and I take a good long shower. Walking out, I can't help the sinking feeling in my stomach, when I see the drawn curtains in the room, the messy bed and takeout boxes on the floor.

She isn't here!!

"Oh God please. Just stop it already. Let it be a nightmare. Let me die." And just like that I am on the floor again pleading for whatever it is to be anything but a reality.

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The entire office is looking at me with pity in their eyes. They all observe from a distance. No one talks to me and I step into my office, all the time looking down at the floor, with no idea where to start all this work from. Suddenly my office door opens with a thud and my best friend aka my best colleague enters in the room. Liam Collins.

"God Elijah! I am so sorry bro. I am so sorry. I don't... I.." I look up at him and see his sad eyes. He was on a business trip for two weeks. I am assuming he came to know about Scarlett just now. I stand up from my seat as he walks towards me in a rush. Taking me in a tight hug, he starts once again in a much huskier voice.

"I...I...Shit! How are you holding up man?"

"I uh (clears throat) I don't know Liam. I don't know. I have no idea how to do this without her. I am dying inside, Liam. I couldn't save her. I wasn't there when she took her last breath. Oh My God Liam, Kill me please. I don't want to live without her. Please." I loose all strength as he holds me. I am in no condition to stand when he pulls back and taking a hold of my shoulders, he settles me into my chair.

That's when I notice, he has been crying with me. The moment our eyes interlock, I break down again. He just keeps hugging me from my shoulders. After a few moments, I settle back and he walks towards the other side of the chair and sits, wiping his cheeks.

"I am so sorry Elijah. I really am. I can understand how difficult it must be for you. Just don't give up please. You are a strong man, bro. You have got this." He says looking directly into my eyes.

"I don't know Li. I don't know how not to give up. There are times I just want to die and be with her wherever she is. I need time to even digest the fact that she isn't here. That I won't see her, touch her ever again. That I won't hear her ever again. That it's just me for the rest of this life now."

"I get it man. Take all the time you need. Be patient with yourself. Take it one day at a time. But just don't give up. You never did and you won't now." giving my hand a tight squeeze he continues, "I will be here for you, whenever you need me. Okay? Take some time off. I'll handle here."

"Thanks man. It means a lot." He nods and starts walking towards the door. Stepping into the frame, he turns and adds,

"I will miss her. I still can't believe it." he says with a sigh.

I nod and say,

"That makes the two of us, Liam" He nods and walks away.

Putting my head in my hands, I whisper,

"Scarlett!!"

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Flashback________

31'st December, 2009

9:30 P.M.

"Ready Scar? We need to get to the party this year only" I state in a sarcastic tone.

"Yes I know Mr. Smarty Pants. I am all ready." she says, coming out of our room, looking like model from the vogue. My Model.

"Take a picture, it will last longer. And shut your mouth Mr. Ross. We don't want to welcome a fly in there, do we now?" She walks past me, forcing my chin up on her way and giving me a subtle wink.

"Someone's too excited." I state curiously following her.

"I don't know.. I just got this great feeling that this year is going to be something extraordinary. We will never forget it." she replied with a grin.

"Alright! let's go then, mi amor."

Click...

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Present Day_______

Elijah...

I will never forget it. Aah

I clean my table and prepare myself for some work. My laptop takes quite some time to turn on. A picture of me and Scar pops on the home screen. I set it as my wallpaper, the moment I started working here. It is a picture of me and Scar as 10 year old kids on a swing laughing our hearts out looking at each other. I feel like she is gonna come out of the picture and laugh with me all over again. My wedding band feels heavy on my finger as I rub my eyes in frustration.

I am not sure if he is the same Eli who knew what he wanted to do.

I feel as if it is someone else walking beside me.

I miss sitting beside him.

Those are the rarest moments, that I miss him.

What did she mean by this? Was I someone else? But only when I was at work. How? Looking around the office, I get an idea.

"Amelia, send for Liam Collins now. Tell him it's an emergency and I wish to see him." I speak into the intercom. I still have to buy a phone. It is weird how I don't even feel like I am missing on something. Liam enters the room breathing heavily.

"What? What is it? Where is he? what did he do?"

I look at him with a raised eyebrow. What the hell is he going on about?

"Oh Good God. You are okay." finally taking a long breath he says,"So what is it?"

"Uhnmm Uh I uh actually wanted your help with something." Now its his turn to raise an eyebrow. "When you look at my office does it look like mine?"

"I beg your Pardon?" He almost chokes on his own words. "Oh My, Oh Shit he is going insane." he screams standing up.

"Shut up, will you? And sit down for heaven's sake. I meant that you did an extra course of psychology right? So with all your knowledge and seeing that you have known me since college days, I want you to look at my office, analyze it and tell me if it looks a place where Elijah Ross could be spending 15-17 hours a day? Can you do that for me? Of course without the special effects of screaming like a maniac." I finally stop and take a sip of the water placed very neatly at my desk. Amelia has always been really great with whatever she does. I couldn't have asked for a better assistant.

Liam is looking at me curiously when I snap out of thoughts.

"Hnmm okay. Let's see"

He walks around the small space, noting everything minutely.

After almost seven minutes, he sits back down on the chair and is about speak when I interrupt him.

"Please speak the truth."

"Okay! So..... No it doesn't look like a place where Elijah Ross might be spending so much time. First, you never like white walls. As far as my memory lane goes, they remind you of hospitals. So I don't understand why you would go for it in your office. Second...." I interrupt him.

"But that's what a banker's office should look like. You can't expect me to go on and have orange walls, can you?" I explain.

"I uh (he clears his throat). Just because that's how it should be doesn't mean that's how you want it to be. And now let me finish my observation." Giving me the stink eye, he continues.

"You see my point. You did it all so people can think that you are a serious banker, not because you feel like one. Secondly, It is too clean to be your office. You have always been a messy man. You don't know how to work in clean surroundings. If it wasn't for Scarlett....." he trails off, unsure what to say next. "So yeah that's it. It seems like you are desperately trying to be someone you are not."

Oh Shit. So that's what Scar meant. Oh God, Why Why . Ugh...