Silhouette

Evelyn...

"May be we should just stay here. I mean he can't see us, right?. I don't want to leave him alone right now. Not in this state." I whisper to Neville as soon as we step out of the door. Giving a big sigh he turns to me.

"He needs it, babe. He needs this time with Scarlett. I know you are worried for Elijah. But come on, just think about it for a second. A girl he loved from the age of five, died in an accident. For God's sake, He didn't even get to say his goodbyes. No matter how hard we try, we can't put ourselves in his shoes and feel what that man is feeling right now." He almost whispered back. I knew he was right. He was always right.

"Damn you" I said in his chest as he hugged me safe. I cry uncontrollably as I think about my little brother. He is inside, shattering bit by bit every second as I stand here. I miss Scarlett. I miss her being the strength of my brother, I miss her being his smile. I can't do anything, no one can.

He has to go through this alone.

He has to find a way out.

"Ohh Scarlett!! He needs you. Help him"

Elijah...

My hands are trembling as I try to unlock the diary. I can't. I am not ready for this.

After 10 minutes...

This may be the closest thing left to me as Scar. Taking almost a decade, I finally unlock it. On the first page, sticks a picture of her. I took this one. I remember this one. She was writing something in her notebook, in the lunch break. We were in high school. The cool breeze from the corner window, she was sitting beside, caressed her beautiful face. Her hair swayed with the whispers of wind. That was the first time I had seen her for something more than just my best friend. I had seen her as a Girl, I was madly in love with. I took the picture, so I could always remember the day I fell for her, All Over Again.

Just under the picture

was a note,

"Eli said he clicked this picture the day he realised he was in love with me. I never told him this but when this picture was clicked I was confessing my love for him in my another diary that day.

I think we really are soulmates. I don't wanna tell him. He'll think it's cliche. But my boy was made for me.

My Eli"

I was breathlessly sobbing by the time I turned to the next page.

I wanted to read everything and still didn't want to know what she had written. I just didn't want to know. Is this sane to have such confused feelings in a moment? Such contradictory thoughts?

No, I know, I don't want to read it because every word is taking her another mile away from me. It is establishing the fact, I want to keep in denial.

She is not coming back.

June 20th, 2008

I have been waiting and waiting for Eli to get on one knee and say the magical speech. But that idiot just doesn't understand, does he? Everytime I feel he is about to say it, he just gets nervous, like he is asking me to be his girlfriend all over again. Absolute Idiot. I swear on my book if he doesn't ask me in two days time, I will ask him myself. There's a limit to waiting for heaven's sake.

Eli recently started working for this big shot firm as the Investment banker. I am working as a head jounalist for New York Times. Everything's perfect! What the hell is he thinking? Mommy was asking me last weekend if things were getting any serious. Apparently, his parents and mine are just too eager to get us married and have some grandchildren.

Even the thought of being called Mrs Elijah Ross gives me butterflies.

Just ask already na, Eliiii. But then I think if he needs time, it is for the best. I don't want him to regret his decision. I should get going. We are going for a party. yayyy :))))).

S.A.

I giggled a bit. She was literally going to propose me. Stupid Girl. Of course I was nervous. She was always too good for me.

That was the day and the party where I finally bent down on one knee and asked her to be my wife. She shed a few tears before saying yes. My Girl. There is a smile on my face as I turn to next pages.

"I could never regret anything with you Scar. If only I could keep my promise and be there when you needed me the most. I am sorry Baby. I am so so so sorry"

Almost all the pages are about me, us, our life. Some are about work too. I never knew I had these many tears in me. I got to know about so many things about her. As if she was talking to me. For a moment I coukd feel that she was there, sitting beside me, her head on my shoulder, her arm entangled with mine. And the next moment, the reality hits.

She isn't here.

Why is everything suddenly so messed up?

I am in the middle of my labyrinth and no I did not know the way out.

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

I am at the end of the diary. I couldn't breathe now. My chest was aching. I was trembling. I had read it all, our marriage, our rare fights, our discussions about the future, about the kids we wanted.

She even knew I wanted a daughter. I never told her. But she knew, she always knew.

I bent down to pick up the paper bag and put the diary safely back in it. There was something else inside. An envelope. A deep scarlett shade. Her signatures on the far right corner

I open it, afraid of what I am gonna find.

There are pictures. several of them. We are right there smiling at each other, she with her Mum and Dad, with Alison, a few with her teachers. Then there are three pictures tied in a white robbon.

Two of them have a letter tapped to them on the back. First one was our wedding picture.

I am holding her by her waist, her arms around my neck, she is laughing at something I have said, her head falling back, her veil beautifully attached to her bun with a blue flower pin, gently falling on her bare shoulders.

I am just staring at her. Love and want in my eyes. My bow hangs loose around my neck. One can see our rings, perfectly placed on our fingers. Nothing ever felt more right, more real.

I turn the photo and there it is written in bold letters.

My Happy Place...

Mine! Forever...

I made her happy. I made her happy.

Another infinite string of tears vent out of me. I can't take it anymore.

"I wanna die too, Scar.I just wanna die"

Then a picture falls out of my hands.

It is her and David (her father).

He is swinging the five year old Scarlett in his arms. She was always a cute kid.

Behind it is a letter.

2nd March, 2009

Daddy is gone. He is no more. Cause of death- heart attack. He went away in his sleep. We never got to say goodbye or tell him how much we love him. I was sitting by Mommy's side all the time during funeral. She hasn't said anything. Doctors say she might be going into a shock. It is normal they say. I was holding her hand when minister was saying the prayers. For a moment, my attention went to Eli. I couldn't help myself and think what would I do if something ever happened to him?

No! I shouldn't be this negetive. I mean, why think of something absolutely surreal. Impossible.

But of course, we all know the fact other wise.

I can't live without him. Not now, not ever. My life would stop. I would want to die. While I imagined all the scenarios, my gaze was on the ground. I shifted it to Eli, again. There was all love in his eyes for me. Will he want me to stop living? Will he want me to die? I knew his answer. Because I knew mine. NO.

I would want him to live, for himself and myself. I would him to be happy. To be what he really is. Hence I will have to reciprocate what I want for him. I know he would want the same for me.

ohh Daddy! Even now he keeps on teaching me. I will miss you Daddy. I will miss you so much. I love you, I always have and I always will.

S.A.R

This is not a coincidence. It just can't be. Scar wanted me to read this. She is actually saying all this to me right now. She knew. She knew the kind of state I would be in.

How could she do this to me?

How?

Why Scar?

Why would you?

A hand taps on my shoulder and I flinch.

It's not Evelyn.

"Hello! Elijah" she says.