One at a time unfolds

Elijah...

"Hello Elijah" she says in a husky, shaky voice.

I keep on staring at her. She is here. Finally.

Finally someone's here who can understand me, who knows what I am going through every minute. Who won't tell me to hold it together. Because God knows I can't.

"You are here" It comes more like a question than a statement.

I follow Aubrey's every movement as she sits on the couch beside me, bending down to collect all the contents of her daughter's diary that slipped out of my hands. Her gaze fixed on the picture. Like a string of rosary beads, tears flow out of her eyes. She purses her lips and hands the pictures back to me.

"You can read them if you want. I know you need to feel her too." I say as she holds my hand and begins to shatter. She looks at me with heavy eyes before clearing her throat and saying,

"I don't think it was meant for me to read." she gives a bit of smile. A forced one. I shift towards her, taking all the contents from her hands.

She cries in my chest as I hug her. We stay like that for a few moments, before she pulls away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"No parent deserves this Aubrey. No one"

I say thinking how unfair life was to her.

"I know" she whispers.

"You know, don't you? What she wants to convey me through this diary? But you understand me, right? You know I can't do what she is asking me to." I say. A glimpse of hope in my voice. Hoping that for once someone will let me be miserable.

"I think you left one. Did you read this?"

She asks pointing to a picture of me holding a paint brush and thinking something. She ignores my question and taps on the picture. There is again a letter taped to it. I look away not trusting myself to not break in front of her.

"No! I can't do this anymore. I just can't. This just isn't fair" I cry throwing my head in my palms. "You know what is written in there, don't you Aubrey?"

"No I don't." she says back. "Just like you I am seeing this diary for the first time. But I want you to read it for your sake. Maybe not now. I know you aren't ready. But still read it sometime."

She sounds exactly like her daughter. Calm and all figured out. It isn't easy sitting here with her when in everything she does all I see is Scarlett.

When I don't say anything in return, she continues.

"You know when David died, I was in the same position as you. Numb, cold, hopeless.

I hadn't spoken anything in days.

One day, Scarlett came to me. I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling, hugging a photo frame of me and David.

She held me by my arm and made me sit."

Aubrey takes a deep breath as if she was trying to remember the exact words and the courage to say them.

"Scarlett dropped her bag and held me tight in her arms. I felt nothing at all. And she too just kept holding me like that for a while.Then she suddenly hugged me and spoke in my ear, almost a whisper,

'Mom, he is gone now. He is gone'

I flinched at her words, Elijah. I was shocked and hurt for how could she say something like that about the man I loved with all my being, about the man who loved her with all his being, how could she.

I tried to push her away, to let myself free from her trap. But she didn't let go. I fought and screamed and fought and screamed and fought"

Aubrey was breathless. The next thing she said was almost inaudible as she was trying to get some air. But I heard her. I just know what she said.

"And I gave up. My barrier broke. I cried. I poured out every last of my pain. I screamed as loud as I could that I couldn't live without him, that I couldn't see anything ahead without him. Without him I had no future plans, I had no one to return home to or wait for, I had no one talk to, love to. I was alone. He left me alone.

Do you know what Scarlett said to me?

'But Mommy you have to. You have to live for yourself, plan for yourself, be happy for youself, smile, laugh for yourself and for him. Live it for him mommy. Breathe for him. Carry out all your plans, just as you two planned. He is not here. But you are gonna live every second for him, just the way he would have.'

'How can I?!

'I don't know Maa. But you have to. If you really really love him. I know it is going to be difficult. And there will be times when you just want to give up. But we will be there for you. Just do it for him. Take you time, but do it.'"

My throat was dry. I didn't know what to say. I was not crying anymore. Aubrey looked at me. Held me by my shoulders. I laid my head down in her lap and she whispered

"She is not coming back Son. She can not"

"Please Aubrey. Don't. Please. I beg of you. She is here. I can feel her."

"She is not, Elijah. She isn't here"

"But..." She cut me off.

"But she is there somewhere. I know she is. I know you do too. And she is crying with us. She is dying again seeing us so miserable. She is cursing herself for not fighting enough, for ever sitting in that car, for going to the grocery store, for not waiting for you to say goodbye. She is not at peace, Elijah. Because you are not. And I being a most selfish mother, are asking you, begging you to love her enough to let her go. To let her be at peace."

I closed my eyes. The pain was unbearable. I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and all I could see was her.

"Let her be at peace, Son. Love her enough to remember her, Love her enough to live for her Elijah. Live for her. I know it's not easy. But you have to live two lives now. You have to take care of yourself, for her."

"I can't live without her."

"Then live with her."

I sat back up in an instance and looked at her in shock.

"Live with her Son. Carry her in your heart. Fulfill your wishes and hers. No one knows her better than you. You know what she would want, how she would want it. Be happy for her, with her, Son."

She held my hand and placed something in it.

It was a locket. Scarlett used to wear it when we were in high school. A heart shaped locket. There were small pictures of her and me.

"Once again, I am giving you my daughter. Keep her safe. Love her enough and let her go Elijah. Let you both be at peace."

I knew what she meant. I had to let go. For her. For her.

After an hour or two Aubrey left.

Evelyn came back, made me some dinner. Neville asked about office.

"I will go back in a week"

"Are you sure?"

I smiled and nodded. He returned the smile.

Evelyn and Neville left too, after much convincing.

I laid back in our room. Cried my eyes out and told her that I missed her.

I was still stuck in the middle of my labyrinth. No idea about the way out.

But hell I was gonna find out.

"I love you baby"

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Two Days Later...

I woke up comparatively earlier and fresh this morning. Made myself some breakfast. Cleaned the mess I had created in last three days and sat in the living room for a while. Cried again like I do all the time these days. I still don't think if I can ever let go. I can't even digest the fact yet that she is gone.Taking a long sigh, I went for a run. Nothing's the same without her. Ever since the moment Aubrey left, I can feel Scar, every where. I miss her. I miss her with my every breath. I still go numb all the time. But I am trying. Just for her sake. I am trying.

I am not in the middle of my labyrinth anymore. I have taken a step towards the journey out. I don't know if its the right direction or not. If is it the reality or just a mirage. I don't know. It is a long way. But I have her with me. We have gone through so much. We will overcome this too.

Right Scar?

Right!!!