1 This Life, Once More

Aria couldn't help but think how cruel the stars must be to have rid her of her only salvation - her death - only to have brought her back in time to the moment where it all began.

She awoke to a familiar sight. Fluffy pillows cushioned her while cream-coloured silk sheets enveloped her frail body. Even without moving from the bed, she knew she was back. Aria was back at Marquess Windsor's estate, her home.

Ten years… she'd travelled ten years back in time. How old would she be now? Ten years old, probably; with stubby hands and smaller feet. A miniature doll-like version. How laughable, Aria thought. To harbour the body of a ten-year-old with a soul and mind that carry a decade worth of grief, anguish and regret. Nauseating memories of her past life stirred in the back of her mind.

Although dizzied by many unanswerable questions, Aria calmly hoisted herself off of the bed and walked towards the mirror. She touched her cheek.

(Incredible... I really am back.)

The stars had granted her a chance to live life all over again. Would this be considered as one of fortune or of woe? Aria wondered. Just because she'd come back to a time before it had all gone adrift didn't guarantee her that the tragedy of the past would not unfold itself again in this lifetime.

Perhaps she'd always been destined to meet her demise in such a cruel way. To have had her father, her son and her own life stripped away from her by the man she loved, the Crown Prince. Looking back, she was miserably incompetent. It was her weak-hearted resolve and naivete that had caused her her own downfall. Despite her title as the Crown Princess of the Yuriana Empire, she couldn't do anything – no, she didn't do anything to save those who were dear to her. She couldn't protect her father nor her child and there was none to blame but herself.

She'd known how hopeless pining after the Crown Prince was, yet she'd persisted in her fruitless efforts to obtain the affections of that heartless man; all because she was spurred on by the Emperor's favour. What she'd gained in the end was only the Crown Prince's tacit rejection towards anything and anyone that bore any tie to her including herself, her father, and their son.

Aria couldn't help but let feelings of both spite and hatred for Prince Kian surge furiously within her. Now that she'd been given the chance to live again, would she use it as an opportunity to exact her revenge? To strip the proud Crown Prince of all his precious things one by one, including Angela Agnis, his true beloved? She could scheme torturous mishaps for the Crown Prince to see him writhe in pain as she once did, with no one at her side.

On the day of her execution, Aria's only regret was to have abandoned Aaron, her sweet newborn child. His fingers would often latch itself onto hers on instinct, reminding her of the joy she'd felt, though fleeting as it was, of being a mother. Aaron. Leaving him was both her greatest regret and her gravest sin.

Though awkward, Aria wept for her child in her ten-year-old body. She missed his loud cries when he's upset, and the inaudible gurgles he'd make as he slept. Aria would repeat the same mistakes all over again if it meant being able to see him once more.

(My Aaron, I won't forget you.)

Perhaps she'd been too loud when she cried because the door to her chamber swung open and an old, familiar face fell into view. A nostalgic presence. Emma, her personal maid, came rushing in. Both panic and worry were written all over her face.

"Young miss! Are you alright?"

"... Emma."

Aria seemed to be in a daze. It had been so long since she was able to utter that name again.

"Yes? Is anything the matter? Are you perhaps hurt anywhere?"

Emma rushed to Aria's side wiped the tears off of her cheeks.

"It's alright, whatever it is, everything will be just fine." Emma cooed as she stroked Aria's hair.

(How awkward, to be treated like a child again.)

For all the years she had wept in solitude, to have a person reassure her in this way...

(Perhaps this isn't so bad after all.)

…

The door to the dining hall opened and there, waiting for her, was Marquess Windsor. Aria had never thought she'd be able to see her father ever again after what had happened in the past. She felt a great well of sorrow and regret begin to grow in her chest until it was almost too painful to even breathe. Her father had died a pitiful death protecting her, who at the time, had been charged under false allegations for the attempted murder of Angela Agnis, the Crown Prince's true beloved and the Empire's sole Saintess. Despite having served the Imperial family for decades as a Knight Commander, her father was tragically branded as the Empire's traitor and an accomplice to murder towards his last moments. But what was even worse was that Aria had wasted her past life unaware of her father's affections until the very end.

She felt hot tears swell in her eyes once more. Was it because she was in the body of a child that it had made her especially susceptible to her own emotions? This was the second time she'd cried in one morning.

The Marquess sat up abruptly and rushed to Aria's side, with brows that furrowed deep in concern. Aria had never recalled ever seeing her father looking so disoriented, flustered and panicked before. She had always remembered him as a stern, taciturn man who always said and did the bare minimum.

Then again, Aria had become the Crown Prince's fiancée at the age of twelve and had left the Windsor estate so early in her life, that she hadn't even had the chance to acquaint herself properly with her own father who, prior to her engagement with Kian, was stationed to the country's furthest Northern borders.

"F-father..." Aria sobbed. "Father-!"

"Aria..." Marquess Windsor stiffened when Aria jumped into his arms.

It took the Marquess a couple of moments to relax as he held her albeit awkwardly at first, in an attempt to soothe the trembling child in his arms.

"Aria, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just glad I could see you again."

Marquess Windsor's eyes widened upon hearing his daughter's words. He wondered what had caused her so much pain to have made her cry so violently? Even her tiny body shook as she wept.

Was it because he was gone for too long? But it had already been two weeks since he'd returned from the expedition. It would've been understandable if she'd cried like this when he first arrived, but she didn't (though he would've preferred it if she did).

(Had this child been bottling up all her emotions just so she could show me that she had grown into a proper lady while I was away?)

Marquess Windsor's eyes softened after coming down to his own conclusions.

"I understand, I must've been gone for too long. It is my fault."

(Yes, this is fine. I wish you wouldn't try so hard to grow up too fast, my little Aria.)

…

Aria retired to her room. She couldn't believe how refreshing it had felt to cry. To show displeasure when she was displeased and to laugh loudly when she was pleased were things she'd long restrained herself from doing in the past, no matter how badly she'd wanted to express her feelings. At times when she wanted to scream in frustration or complain out of selfishness, Aria had always held herself back.

At first, she restrained herself because she was simply taught that it was improper for a noble lady to be too over-expressive. But, it eventually became Aria's obsession and sole purpose to accomplish everything in her power to become a Crown Princess worthy to stand by Kian's side. To become the embodiment of an ideal lady. A dignified, refined and loyal Princess to the Imperial faction who would uphold the Imperial family's honour.

In the past, Aria had always felt estranged in her own home, as if she didn't belong in House Windsor. She knew her fate was to be sold off in marriage and to take on her husband's last name. She would then no longer bore any ties nor responsibilities to the Windsor house. Back then, she had understood Marquess Windsor's eagerness for her marriage as his way of exiling her and freeing his hands of a daughter he'd never cared for, which reasoned why he'd engage her to Kian when they were but mere infants, and didn't object to their marriage shortly after.

To Aria who didn't have a place in House Windsor, the title of Crown Princess and being on the receiving end of the Emperor's benevolence and favour was both the warmth and affirmation she'd longed for; a pitiful sense of belonging and inescapable duty that gave her life a vague form of meaning and purpose.

Ever since she came to be, she knew her fate was tied to Kian's and since then, she'd strived to become a worthy Princess; but even more, she longed to be acknowledged by Kian for her efforts. Ultimately though, he never even spared her a second glance.

And later, as the years unfolded in the dark, lonely halls of the Rose palace, she knew it was pointless for her to even begin expressing herself. Was there anybody who would even listen to her? She was as good as an abandoned Princess, neglected and alone. Even the palace servants had grown the audacity to not pay her any heed and served her, the Crown Princess, half-heartedly.

Yet, what irked Aria the most in the past was how Angela Agnis, a ditzy woman who wore her heart on her sleeve and an unrefined third-rate noble from a questionable background - the very opposite of what Aria had believed and strived to be - had ultimately succeeded in winning over Kian's ice-cold heart that had only shown Aria detest and contempt.

Unlike Aria, Angela was quick to indulge herself in her feelings while Aria was taught to endure all the suffering in silent restraint so as to not inconvenience the Crown Prince. It's true, Aria used to be envious of Angela.

Aria closed her eyes shut and rubbed her temple. It seems she couldn't quite get used to living with the ashes of the past spilling into the new world with her. Would she rather have forgotten?

(The names of the people from my past… I wish I could forget them. But by forgetting them, I am denying a life where I was ever Aaron's mother. I do not ever wish for that to happen. Even if nobody remembers you in this life, I swear I will never forget you.)

Perhaps retaining the memories of her past life was a sign of mercy from the stars who had plucked her from the brink of death. If that was so, then this life that had been granted to her... was that a sign of mercy too?

Aria took a step out onto the balcony. A fresh breath of air breezed past, ruffling the hem of her gown. The balcony overlooked the garden and adjacent to it were the First Order Knights' training grounds where she would occasionally catch a glimpse of her father overseeing the knights' training. Even now, her father was there, supervising them.

Father and Emma… her life had always been so small. In the past, she had thought that Marquess Windsor didn't love her and had only raised her out of his sense of obligation and his lingering attachment to the late Marchioness Windsor.

As a result, Aria had sought affection elsewhere. She'd lived her life pigeonholed by her obsession with Kian in hopes of being loved back by the man she'd vowed her heart and soul to. However in this life, even if the world would eventually turn its back on her, she knew now that she didn't have to face it all alone and that there were people who'd be on her side no matter what.

Unlike before, her world was expanding, even if it's just a little. She could see the faces of the people who cherished her more clearly when all she could see before was Kian.

"Father!" Aria called out and waved her arms.

Yes, in this life too, she was not alone.

(I'm not alone. I never was. I was the fool who looked for love in an empty well when beside me was an overwhelming ocean. My father died to protect Aaron and I. This time, I vow to die protecting them instead.)

Marquess Windsor turned to face the balcony and returned Aria's call with a gentle smile.

The knights dropped their swords and a commotion began to take place.

"W-what was that?" gasped one knight.

"I'm not seeing things am I? Hey, Wesley, I'm not just seeing things am I?!"

"Did the Duke just… smile?!"

Aria laughed under her breath. It was quite a rare sight for her too, to get to see Marquess Windsor smile. Aria soon realised the reason that had brought about this change was the fact that she'd chosen to open up to him, when before, she'd lived avoiding her father out of a sense of guilt and confusion. There wasn't a need for that anymore. Marquess Windsor was her only family and it would be a shame to put up reservations in front of the only person who had ever truly loved her for all that she was.

(I will not repeat the same mistakes. I will no longer devote my life to you. Whether it be for devotion or revenge, Kian, I will no longer revolve around you. Rather in this life, I will rebuild my life anew with the people I love most. That is what I have decided.)

"Emma."

"Yes, my Lady?"

"Send a message to the Crown Prince."

"A message?"

A calm yet wicked smile played on her lips. "Yes, tell him…"

***

The same morning, in Prince Kian's study.

"Your Highness, the Lady…"

Kian didn't look up from his book. "Tell her I do not wish to see her."

Piot, Kian's personal attendant, scratched his chin sheepishly. "Actually, about that…"

Kian frowned, still not looking up from

his book. "Stop beating around the bush and tell me what it is, Piot."

Piot sighed. "Lady Windsor regrets to inform you that she will no longer continue with the scheduled morning visits."

The morning visits were an arrangement Aria had decided on her own accord. Kian paused for a moment yet his expression remained still, void of any notable emotion.

"Did she say why?"

"She says she will be busy since the Marquess has returned from his expedition."

Piot looked around nervously.

(It's so obvious that it's an excuse. It has been two weeks since Marquess Windsor had returned from the expedition and even then, Lady Aria had no trouble frequenting the Crown Prince's palace as if it were her own home. So why the sudden change of heart? And the fact that the Prince isn't showing any emotion is even more unsettling. Is he happy? Upset? Or could it be that he feels betrayed? If only he'd express his feelings a bit more, I wouldn't be so anxious!)

"Your Highness–"

"You're still here, Piot?"

"Pardon, your Highness?" (Huh? What's this? Did I miss something?)

"I thought you were done relaying Lady Aria's message. You are free to go now."

"Oh! Yes," Piot laughed sheepishly. "It seems I have overstayed, pardon my intrusion. I will take my leave now. Have a good rest, your Highness."

Kian's eyes wandered over to the window. Finally, he thought, some peace and quiet. He hadn't been able to enjoy a peaceful morning in a long time.

Kian was sure Aria had something else planned. She wasn't the type to give up so easily. If she was, she would never have returned after the countless humiliation he'd put her through just to be rid of her. But even then, was she really to blame in all

this? A part of him could, perhaps, have sympathised with Aria if only he'd been less stubborn and immature.

It was no secret that his father, the Emperor, had favoured their marriage. Even if Kian had pushed Aria away, neither Aria nor himself could go against the Emperor's wishes to tie their fates together. Even if he hated the thought of marrying Aria in the future, his acts of contempt and dissatisfaction were mere child play in the eyes of the Emperor.

("You'd do your best to not be so childish and accept your duty. Do not upset Marquess Windsor's daughter. Unlike you, she is bright and mature. She doesn't act up childishly as you do. She will be both your greatest support and asset later on.")

Kian furrowed his brows together. Why had he recalled such an unpleasant memory, now?

Aria Windsor, doted on by both the Emperor and the Empress, she was a metric that both his father and stepmother would continuously use to measure him up against. Yet nothing, no matter how hard he tried, could ever change how dull his achievements appeared in comparison.

When Kian first met Aria, he was awestruck. She was only six, two years younger than he was. Everything about her was so tiny and doll-like. Had the circumstances been different, he would not have loathed her the way he did and would admit to finding her quite adorable. Perhaps, even if he couldn't love her as he would a lover in the future, he would have treated her as a precious little sister or a comrade with whom he could share his burdens with.

But, as the years passed and Aria grew, she shone even brighter and her achievements gained the attention of many around her, among whom were, of course, the Emperor and the late Empress. Quickly, feelings of admiration towards Aria morphed into one of frustration and eventually, an uncontrollable contempt.

Kian sighed.

(Why am I thinking about things from the past?)

(Just what are you planning, Aria?)