Facing your flaws

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"I was born in a rural town, far from the Imperial City. When I was little, I used to have a childhood friend called Sarah. A redhead and the daughter of the baron governing our town, We would play everyday, like catch and tag. Sometimes we would play with other children… but it was mostly just the two of us." Berg said, gazing at the stars. "Though sometimes I would be… treated not as well as the others because of my colors. I would be sad and Sarah would comfort me in my house. Mom and Dad were usually gone, working long hours while I usually sat at home alone. But that was the way of life then y'know, simpler times, when all you want in life is just dumb fun with your friends."

"Do you think I've experienced it before?" Frei asked.

Berg giggled softly as to not let Frei hear him, "Hopefully you did. You won't know how much you will miss those times until it's gone. I'm sure that back then Sarah's parents didn't want her to associate herself with me, probably because it was believed to bring bad omen." 

"Why? Because of your color?" Frei asked innocently, not know the touchiness of the subject.

"Yeah…. exactly right, mistreatment against a different color is not uncommon here, just how the world is. People are so used to seeing things, that when they see something they're not, they scurry and pretend they aren't human. They treat them different. Though Sarah was different, she was…" Berg paused for a moment, trying to find the right word before continuing. "... a great person. A person that is braver than most. She'd do things that others told her not to. I don't know if it was stupidity or bravery that drove her to do things this way but it's something I can admire."

All of the sudden an image of "Gloria" pooped in Frei's head, that she resembled Sarah in a lot of ways. He thought.

"The way she smiled before was very mesmerizing. It couldn't be put into words how beautiful she was, however I don't think back then I really valued her at all. Heck, even any of the moments we shared, I don't think I valued back then, the kindness she showed me, the generosity…" Berg continued on and on, lifting up each of his thick, rough fingers as he listed down all the things Sarah had done for him. Eventually there weren't any more of his fingers that he could put up even though there's more he wanted to list out to Frei. Berg smiled looking at all ten of his fingers as if the blood on his hands were gone. "...There were more than ten good things about her. Heck, I don't think even twenty fingers are enough." Berg said, enthusiastically. 

"So why wasn't I aware of those things when we were together?" He murmured angrily to himself.

"Why did you beat her then?" Frei asked, curiously.

"I-I don't know, I don't really remember, all I know is that I did." Berg said as his face contradicts his words, showing a mixture of emotions, fear, anxious, shame. Berg wasn't sure whether he was intentionally lying or he just didn't want to admit the truth. Memories of the past flashed within his mind as he recalled the moments he spent, drinking, gambling, laid out unconscious in the street. His eyes widen as he inhales deeply, preparing to talk. "...I was weak, couldn't bear all the stress and mistreatment I've faced during the time and I… lashed out on her. I knew she was strong so I thought that she could take it." Berg said.

"We moved to the Imperial City together after she proposed to me, I didn't know why then still don't, now. We don't really match each other, she was the strong, confident one, rich too mind you, however I was the complete opposite. Anyways, the economy there was better and there were more opportunities for the both of us than our hometown. Well, for her at least. There wasn't much for me though, only heavy workloads and farm work. It was all fine till I started feeling a little bit… unlike the men there."

"..."

"I was feeling a bit insecure, doing things that's known to be lower than the others and especially when you are surrounded by tons of better looking, better educated men. It makes you feel weak and lower, but I think that's just me." Berg said. "Yeah, that's just me. Sarah was also the one pulling more income into the household, she was a court physician and there she was surrounded by even better-educated men, which made me feel that I myself was completely worthless. And everytime I would be down there carrying logs, basking myself in the heat of the sun, I would look up at the window of the mansions and buildings near me. Seeing them living their luxurious life inside, just added more salt to the wound."

"And when I see Sarah up in those buildings working as a physician. I got jealous." Berg said, playing with his hands. "And eventually, the jealousy manifested itself and things escalated from there, progressively getting worse each day as I lost motivation for work during the day and at night I would drink my jealousy away, using the hard earned money she worked for us both. I still remember the first time I ever hurt her physically, at first she was tolerant of my behavior, maybe hoping that I would change for the better until I slapped in the face while she was lecturing me."

Frei placed his bloodied(now dry) and bruised left hand gently on Berg's back, hoping to soothe him, out of instinct.

"I think I felt bad at the time, it was the first time I've ever harmed her physically after all. But I don't think I showed it back then, my pent-up emotions. After that, she immediately stopped, and went upstairs while I was still busy drinking, even though I was drunk then I could hear the silent sobbing coming from upstairs. But I didn't mind it at all." Berg said, unaware of Frei's hand on his back. "A-and I think even worse is that, at the same time I felt a little satisfied." Berg chuckled softly yet slightly maniacal . "Haha, I FELT BAD AND SATISFIED AT THE SAME TIME. It just… doesn't make sense right?!" Berg exclaimed as he swept Frei's hand aside and forcefully grabbed both sides of Frei's shoulders, looking at him face to face, eye to eye.

"I…I missed her, Frei. I…I should've talked to her more often. I should've treated her better!" He cried, tears streamed down, flowing down like rivers from his eyes.

 "I want her back…But. It's too late now, of course, after all that abuse she would leave just like any other sane person would… I want to apologize, say sorry to her, for all the things I've done to her."

Frei, not knowing how to respond, moved slightly forward to the tall, muscular yet vulnerable man in front of him, he brought out his arms and encircled Berg, hugging him. Giving Berg an unexpected yet comfortable warmth.

Berg, slightly bewildered by Frei, said, "Thanks kid. I needed it", with a slight smile on his face, and returned back to his original position of sitting beside Frei, finally calming down. "And after she left me. Well… I became even more depressed, living day to day living in the house that me and her shared, this time alone. Then eventually, I couldn't pay the rent anymore and got into lots of debt which then I was forced to leave the house, leaving the only memento from her behind. Then I got turned into a slave, the same story you heard before." Berg said. "However I don't mind this life, this life in Freiheit, not because I like it or anything, it's just… I feel like I deserve it, plus I am also used to mistreatment anyways." He continued, gazing at the bright, bright stars in the sky, contrasting the dark blue sky and the radiant crescent moon.

Then the noble on the floor woke up, frightened at the sight of Berg and Frei, their innocent faces resembling the devil to him. He stood up shaking from all the injuries and pummeling he suffered, once he stood up, he ran quickly towards the big fire coming from the estate where he first came from.

"Shouldn't we catch him?" Frei asked

"..." Berg stayed silent. "No we shouldn't, the punishment will be harsher." He stood up determined and no longer looked sad, in fact he had a smile on his face. "Go back to the stables Frei, It will be alright." He said as he followed the noble, towards the fire.

Frei didn't understand why Berg had asked him to do so, but he felt that he should trust him. He slowly walked back to the stables a short distance away from him, only stumbling a few times due to his shaky, numbed legs. When he reached there, he lay down on the stacks of hay and reflected on what had happened today. Then he slowly shuts his eyes closed with his legs spread out comfortably and his hands laying over his body. For some reason, he felt protected with no harm in his way, then he fell asleep, like a baby.

The next morning, when Frei woke up. Berg was nowhere to be seen.