Chapter 14

…How many loops have we gone through?

I was yet again confined to my hospital bed, drifting inside an endless void. Why do I always end up like this? Even though Aki-Kun is always trying to help me? His voice calling my name gradually grew heavier and darker. It's like he's slowly being torn apart by regret.

'Aki…chan…I'm…sorry…'

My words remained voiceless, reaching nobody. But, I continued to say them over and over, like a chant.

'Aki-Kun…Aki-Kun…'

Inside the darkness, someone slapped me on the cheek. I heard the Sound it should make, but I felt no pain. I then realized that it wasn't something that happened in reality. It was just another hallucination, or maybe even a dream.

'Why are you alive?'

The voice asking me that…belonged to me. Like I was looking at myself in the mirror, an exact copy of myself stood in front of me. I was crying, as I glared at myself.

'It's your fault.'

It's obviously a dream. My feelings of guilt and regret took shape as me. And even though I knew this was just a dream…

'It's because you're alive that Aki-Kun keeps suffering.'

My own words stabbed me like knives.

'I don't want this anymore. Let me die. Please, let me die. If you're gone, Aki-Kun will stop suffering. If there's no way out of this, I'll end it all. Because he has hope that he can save you the next time, it brings me to despair. Because you're alive, Aki-Kun can't give up. If you're dead, Aki-Kun will probably be lonely for a bit, but with Yumiko-san by his side, he can get up again. Isn't that right? This is just mindless suffering. It's enough. So why…are you still alive?'

Something cold and grotesque climbed up my legs. It's like I was being filled with water, unable to breathe. Myself in front of me began to shake, change shape, and now turned into Aki-Kun. But…

'Ayaka…It's okay. It'll be fine. The next time, I'll save you for sure…'

But compared to how I knew him before, he looked like he was in tatters, resembling a walking corpse, as his eyes were empty of any emotion, large bags forming under them. He was pale as tapestry. He turned out this way because of me. And yet, he's still trying his best to save me. Unable to bear that, I screamed, despite knowing full well it wouldn't reach him.

'Ah…Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry…!'

'It's okay, Shinomiya-san.'

A gentle voice reached me. And…it felt like someone placed their hand on my shoulder. Standing in front of me was Yumiko-san, smiling.

'It's okay. Yamada -kun has me with him, after all.'

Darkness, never-ending. It took me a moment to realize my dream had passed. After all, nothing had changed. In fact, a dream allowed me to see more than in my current state. That's why—if I could just stay asleep forever, would everyone else be happier?

I raised my head, feeling heavy like iron, as I immediately turned around to look at my phone, like I was crawling toward an oasis in the middle of the desert—July 7th, Wednesday.

"…Ah…Ah…Finally…"

I came back. The loop had activated. Spending day after day next to the immobilized Ayaka felt like an eternity. Each day felt heavy and long like the clock hands had turned into lead. I spent my days in fear and dread that maybe I had lost my chance. That Ayaka would never open her eyes again. I prayed every single day, wishing for time to turn back.

This time, I won't make her suffer. I'll protect her. That was all I wanted, and yet I failed. Terror and despair only weighed down on me strongly each time. No peace or relief was allowed. But, I couldn't afford to stand around. I put on my clothes and went to meet Ayaka. I wasn't just rotting away while sitting next to Ayaka. I opted to change my course of action. I'll approach this differently.

"Ayaka, there's something I need to tell you."

Arriving at her room, that was the first thing I said to Ayaka, who gave me a bewildered look.

"Aki-Kun?"

"What I'm about to say…might Sound unbelievable to you, but please…Believe me."

I decided to tell Ayaka everything. That I've been trying to protect her this entire time…and failed. That we should work together, and that this might lead to the correct path. That I came from three years in the past…and that I've been going through loops to save her…only to fail in the end. Normally, it Sounded like unbelievable nonsense. And yet, Ayaka—

"Aki-Kun." She took my hand and looked at me. "Thank you for telling me."

"Y…You believe…me?"

"Of course I do. It's what you told me, after all. And when you show me that face…How could I not?" She put her palm on my cheek, rubbing my eyes as she wiped the tears away. "I'm sorry…You've gone through so much all by yourself…It must have been unbearable."

"…Ayaka…"

My eyes began to burn hot. Even though she just wiped the tears away, I now felt the urge to cry again. It really is odd.

"No. I'm the one who should apologize. I keep making you suffer…"

"You really don't get it, Aki-Kun." She looked at me and spoke with a clear voice. "I don't remember what happened during those previous loops…but if you really tried to protect me all those times…and stayed with me even after you failed…Then you have nothing to apologize for…Not to mention! This time, it'll be fine! You told me about it, so I can protect myself! I'll be careful, I promise!"

"…About that, Ayaka."

"Hm?"

"Let's go somewhere far away. We're gonna run away together, just the two of us. To a place where no tragedy can strike."

I told her what I thought of before traveling back to this time. It Sounded like an elopement, but it wasn't anything as adventurous. So far, even when I tried to protect Ayaka by keeping her confined in her home, it never worked out. If so, maybe things will be different if we go somewhere. We're running away…to a place where the devil's hand won't reach us. Ayaka blinked at me once but quickly nodded.

"…Okay. As long as I can be with you, I don't care where we go, Aki-Kun."

Right after we decided that, we packed our things and left. We may have decided to go far away, but neither of us has a driver's license. For that reason, we chose a taxi. With a train, I could almost vividly see her getting pushed onto the tracks by someone and getting run over by it. And I wasn't going to let that happen. That's why I chose to use up all the money I had saved and chose the safest option. I don't care about money, as long as I can save Ayaka's life.

"Ayaka, you okay? You're not feeling unwell anywhere, right? Tell me immediately if anything's wrong."

Inside the taxi, we sat next to each other. But of course, I didn't have time to enjoy the sights changing outside the car. The previous tragedies were all caused by accidents or other people, but there's no guarantee she won't suddenly suffer from a disease or die a sudden death. Everything happened so suddenly and abruptly, I was forced to learn that.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Thanks for worrying about me, Aki-Kun."

She said with a smile, but I couldn't relax in the slightest. Something will happen eventually. Everything around us looked like a weapon that could hurt Ayaka.

"…Aki-Kun."

"Wha—Huh?!"

Ayaka pushed her face closer to me and teasingly blew air into my ear.

"Ayaka, you…!"

"Hee hee, sorry. But you had such a stern look on your face…I couldn't take it." She took my hand, gently wrapping it between her two small palms.

I realized how cold my fingertips were thanks to this.

"…It's okay. It'll be okay. I won't ever let you experience that again. No matter what happens, we'll overcome it," she quietly whispered to me to not worry the driver. "Aki-Kun…I love you."

"…!"

I could feel my body relax like my body of ice had begun to warm and melt.

"No, listen…the current me isn't really used to hearing that, so…"

"Ah…Right. Your body is still Aki-Kun, but you're the Aki-Kun from three years ago…Or if anything, you're still Aki-Kun, but those three years ago, you and I weren't even dating yet…"

All this Aki-Kun, Aki-Kun talk has started to make me go crazy. And even though I couldn't afford it, I was slowly more at peace. Despite those three years between us, Ayaka is still Ayaka. She's my guiding light. The hope that gives me life…Just like that summer sky. I tightly grasped her hand.

"…Ayaka. Let's make it through this together."

I shouldn't have carried all this by myself. If we are honest with each other and hold hands like this, then there's nothing we can't overcome. With that philosophy filling my mind, I could feel my exhausted heart rest. I wasn't being careless or inattentive. However, by confirming our love, my desire to protect her grew even stronger. And even so, like snow melting in water, I had to fight against my tears.

We'll run away from tragedy. Run, run, and run further. Until there's nothing to be afraid of. And then, we'll just laugh about all of this, saying "Hah, that wasn't so bad after all."

—A crashing Sound pierced my ears. I only realized a moment later that it was the signal for my hope to be crushed yet again, as well as the eerie screech that belonged to the tires as they tried to brake. Inside the closed car…there was no blue sky. Only hell and crimson-red blood.