42 The blade is me (1)

Narrator POV:

"How does it feel to come back here?. Going back to where it all began, to the place where your path stopped."

Raindrops ran down Mikhael's face. But strangely it was not coldness that he felt in these.

Rather, they seemed warm, bringing him a nostalgic feeling. Remembering where that feeling came from, his eyes became a little moist.

He knew that perhaps it was just a vain illusion created by his mind. But those drops seemed to wash away the annoyance and anger he felt.

Something like a mother's kind hands caring for a child's knee injury that wasade while playing outside the house. An inexplicable but comforting care and tenderness.

"I don't know who you are or what you know. You're right about some things. But you're mostly wrong in what you said"

The words that came out of the young man's mouth baffled the owner of the voice. When she was about to ask what he was referring to, he began to speak.

"Whether it's about me, Kurma, or my path stopping here."

"I know that the happiness I currently have is only momentary. I know I have to work hard to maintain it."

"I was just enjoying the moment with them a little.Turning into a power-hungry madman would only be pathetic."

"Even though I am going to become strong, I will not stop giving importance to the reasons why I want to become strong."

Mikhael put his hands together as if he were praying, closing his eyes as he continued speaking to the voice.

The voice didn't interrupt him, she was sincerely interested in what he was saying.

"And I certainly doubt the motives of most of the chat members.I don't think they help me for free, pure kindness is a rare thing to find."

"But I would never doubt Kurma. You know, I was always very sensitive to people's intentions towards me since I was little."

"Whether it was my mother, my maid, Charles, Aurelia, Hermes, Emilia, the children of the orphanage, Kurma, my teacher, Hestia, or all the people who briefly accompanied me on my path."

Although he knew it was stupid and useless, the young man asked for forgiveness. For having been the only survivor that day. He really once doubted whether it was fair for him to always be the only survivor.

But he had not stayed in that place. His footsteps hadn't stopped before and wouldn't stop now. That's why he asked for forgiveness for his selfishness.

"For all those people, I will always feel deep gratitude. For putting up with someone like me who is afraid of loneliness and making me company on my path."

A sunny smile spread across the young man's face. There was a lot of suffering in his life. But there were also many wonderful people.

Even if his memories were to be erased, the feelings that were etched into the soul were unforgettable.

"Also, regarding my path stopping here..."

Mikhael opened his eyes as he took one last look at the car. Turning, he faced the crying child lying on the ground.

The voice was momentarily taken aback. She was supposed to pressure him to stop depending on the gift of that bookworm...

"You are wrong, my steps never stopped."

But the script went wrong since she made this space reflect his heart to make it easier for him to reach that sword.

And under her surprised gaze.

The boy shakily stood up as he cried. And although his cries echoed in the rain...

He turned and began to walk slowly, but without stopping, towards a direction beyond that place.

"Hey, Kid."

The boy's steps were not stopped by the voice that came from behind.

"That's hell you're walking into."

But he walked so painfully slowly that he could hear everything the young man said.

"If you continue walking in that direction, much more suffering than you are feeling awaits you."

"You will lose more people, just like what happened this time. You will go through a pain imaginable to your current self. And you will live a painfully short life without any real meaning."

The boy shuddered but gritted his teeth and continued walking forward. His small back seemed so fragile but so stubborn.

And Mikhael I don't need to ask him why.

That last wish drove him. Even if he ended up alone, Even if he would doubt if living really made any sense or if it would hurt him.

His steps back then could not stop, because he could not betray the wishes of those whom he cherished.

"Do you understand now? My steps never stopped."

The voice did not say anything. She simply observed all the events with curiosity and a certain fascination.

It seemed that she had underestimated him, as expected of the soul created by his creator. Even though she couldn't foresee what he would do, but it was still necessary to give him a few pushes.

Mikhael looked at the back of the boy who was going towards one direction of the street for a moment, just to then turn around. And start walking in the opposite direction to that of the child.

Passing by the side of the car that wasn't on fire, he didn't do anything special. He just kept walking. Without seeing the figure of a woman that appeared behind him.

"Have a safe trip."

But he did hear her words that cut through the storm, reaching out to him as if distance didn't matter.

Shuddering momentarily, but not stopping, Mikhael waved his hand with his back to the woman, bidding his farewell.

Without seeing the proud and satisfied smile at the corner of her mouth when she saw that firm but stubborn back.

The same back that got lost in the middle of the storm, disappearing into the fog that surrounded the street.

***

Mikhael advanced through a hallway with no apparent end in sight. He saw no end to it, only bottomless darkness.

In that hallway, there were a huge number of open doors, which illuminated the hallway with the light coming from the rooms.

Passing through the first door, Mikhael saw the first scene of his life out of the corner of his eye.

Where a woman cradled a baby in her arms while she played with the fingers that the baby extended.

The baby laughed under the woman's loving eyes. And looking at the baby, the woman decided something.

"From now on your name will be Mikhael, Mikhael Ascart."

A warm glow appeared in Mikhael's eyes. While his footsteps continued to echo in the hallway.

"I have some questions I want to ask you..."

"Sure. I have a feeling this trip will be a little long. I don't mind a little company."

The voice suddenly returned with a request. And Mikhael agreed as he continued walking.

From time to time he looked out of the corner of his eye at the scenes in the rooms. Most of them were scenes of the woman with the baby who was little by little growing.

"Why after so much time do you still cling to being a hero? Wouldn't you live a much easier life if you only cared about yourself?"

"Hmmm... I could say many things, but if I had to choose one it would be..." Mikhael moved forward a little while he searched for a particular door. "Oh, here it is."

"Mikhael, to be a hero, there is no need to take down a dragon or defeat an ultimate evil."

A woman sitting on a bed was talking to a child next to her. In her hands was a fairy tale about a hero who defeated a dragon.

"I believe that we are all heroes in our own way. Always conquering our fears, the evil in our hearts, daily and moving forward with our lives."

Unlike the curse, that a father left on a girl with hair golden as the gold. Those words had been the blessing that a mother left to a child with hair as jet black as the night.

"You're brilliant, so I know it won't take you long to understand what I mean."

The woman's hands gently caressed the child's head. And in his blood-like red eyes, a kind smile was reflected.

"Hero. They are the Incarnation of a spirit that humanity admires as if they were distant things that only a few reach."

"But the truth is that everyone has that same spirit, heroes are just an exaggerated representation of that spirit."

"By enlarging that small flame, turning it into a sun that seems to light the way and is admired by everyone."

"People often forget that we all have that little flame, warming our hearts on the nights when we are afraid."

The woman's words were just advice that she wanted to tell her son after he told her that he wanted to be her hero. They were just a simple pep talk.

"With little things like brightening someone's day with a joke. Telling a street address to a person who is lost. Advising a friend who has a problem."

"Lend an umbrella on a rainy day. Help elderly people cross the street. Prepare breakfast for your family. Give someone's hand to help them get up."

"They are trivial things that happen every day in the world. But all those who take a step forward, give a helping hand, and try to change a bad situation for someone else."

"Those who constantly overcome the evil in their hearts. They are all heroes. It does not matter if their actions are not recognized or acclaimed."

"Everyone admires the sun in the sky, but few recognize the lamps on the side of the street that illuminate our paths even a little."

"But still, humans undoubtedly have that spirit... and sometimes it spreads while creating a fire, achieving incredible things."

"I am sure that you will also grow, you will help many people, whether you are aware of it or not. And in the end, you will say with a satisfying smile that you lived as you wanted."

But she never expected that her words would be engraved in the child's soul. That even after decades he would not forget them.

And that a miracle would take a certain shape because of it.

Mikhael resumed his pace after stopping to listen to what his mother had told him that time. And the voice didn't ask anything more about that, apparently understanding his motives.

The scenes continued to change, with the only difference being that the boy was now alone in that room that had a bookshelf with fairy tales.

The lights in the hallway faded. Mikhael could barely see his hands. But he continued walking forward.

Because now he could hear it, the sound at the end of the lightless tunnel. A hammering sound, like a craftsman finishing his masterpiece.

"My second question was about your strange reactions to some people in your second life. For example, when you told Eina that she was special to you. You weren't lying, I don't understand it."

"Oh...that. Well, I'm a little embarrassed to say it, but I had some pretty embarrassing moments during my adolescence."

Mikhael answered the second question, a little embarrassed, as he continued walking even though he didn't see anything. Using the hammering sound as a guide.

"Not knowing what to do with my future. Not having interest in anything because everything was easy. Being able to feel the intentions of the people who approached me because of my family's wealth."

"At one point, I didn't even feel like continuing to live. But I lived. Living for the sake of living, in such an empty life. At some point I closed myself off from the outside."

Small lights appeared in the hallway, like candles, which barely illuminated one or two meters.

"At that moment, what helped me cope was, ironically, not something like human warmth, but something as cold as fiction."

In the interior scenes of dozens of doors. They could barely see a dead-eyed teenager reading mangas, watching anime, watching movies, series, etc.

He saw the adventures of many characters. He saw the fight of valkyries in a cruel world. In that world, he saw a pathetic clown achieving his long-held desire.

And for that clown that he disliked so much for his actions.

The teenager couldn't help but feel deep admiration.

Because the clown, after 500 years of tireless effort, managed to change the past and give a new future to his loved one who had died.

And the teenager couldn't help but feel deep envy.

In other doors there were other stories, which had caused him different emotions. Making him praise those authors' ability to create such...living characters.

In one of those, he saw the fight of a boy who looked like a rabbit. That boy was desperately chasing the back of a girl obsessed with revenge.

And in that story he saw many characters that he liked.

A half-elf who lost her best friend, but she moved on. A wolf who lost what mattered to him more than one time, but still kept fighting. An elf who was lost in revenge but managed to get her way back.

And many other characters. Seeing them, the teenager felt envious. Not because of how wonderful their lives were, but because of how strong they were to keep going.

He also felt a deep emptiness when he the stories ended. At that moment he did feel envious of the lives of some of those characters.

Because they managed to get a happy ending Along with their loved ones. And even though it was pathetic, he sometimes felt like he was left behind.

With an inexplicable sense of betrayal, the foolish teenager had longed for a story without an end.

One that he could read throughout his life until that last wish was fulfilled.

"But I managed to get out of that immature stage thanks to a certain annoying young woman. In her I founded a reason to live."

The lights came back on, but not for long before they left again.

This time, in the middle of the darkness that seemed like an abyss. Mikhael could hear the sound of water drops, as if it were raining in the hallway.

And although he felt drops of water falling on his body. Mikhael continued walking towards where the hammering sound came from.

He didn't know how far he had gone nor how much time had passed. It seemed to be an endless darkness.

"By the way, welcome aboard..."

But suddenly, the surroundings lit up as if the sun had risen, destroying the shadows of the night. The rain stopped like it never existed.

"The thirteenth, Nemesis"

Mikhael could see where he was. He was in a place like a corridor in a glass greenhouse. In this one, the ground was still wet as if it had rained.

Outside, there were scenes of an expressionless man next to a woman with a calm expression.

And as Mikhael advanced through the greenhouse. Both the man's and the woman's expressions changed. One became more lively and the other more cheerful.

The sun's rays coming through the glass of the greenhouse dried the wet floor. Any trace of rain was washed away.

However, as nature dictates, the sun has to go at some point, leaving only the moon in the sky.

And with the departure of the sun, the darkness returned. But he still had the guidance created by the hammering sound.

"Don't you regret your actions during your past life? No matter how much you reason, in the end, you are no different from those you murdered."

"I know, but I don't regret it."

Mikhael thought for a moment about how to explain. He had once doubted that. And it was part of the reason why before he couldn't accept his own actions.

"You know, I once heard something remarkable. Something a certain saint had said to a bishop before her death when he asked her if she regretted anything. That was something like..."

"There are three steps in our lives"

"The first step teaches us how to tell the right from the wrong"

"The second step teaches us that there isn't just the right and the wrong"

"The third step teaches us to do what we believe is right and take responsibility for the outcomes."

Fate was really ironic sometimes. A victim who embarked on a path of revenge ended up being the same as the perpetrators.

And in some way, like that bishop, he ended up building an orphanage. Same where he spent the remaining time of his life until he felt that his time was coming.

During his childhood, thanks to the teachings of his mother, he had learned to differentiate between good and evil.

During his youth, he had learned that not everything was black and white.

And when he recovered all of his memories when all the pieces of the puzzle came together.

He understood that he was not wise enough. He didn't fully know what was exactly wrong or right, nor was he the one to decide it.

Following a path without morals was wrong, but sparing the lives of villains who then took more lives was also wrong.

Therefore, he would simply walk his own path. Because from the beginning, his first wish had never changed...

"I see, I guess that saint was a wise and intelligent person."

Mikhael's eyes filled with remembrance for a moment. But as if he remembered something funny, the corners of his mouth curled up.

"Nah, she was just a gluttonous airhead."

Passing through the darkness, Mikhael seemed to see something in the distance. Narrowing his eyes, he recognized who it was. And he quickened his pace, approaching him.

"But she certainly was someone admirable."