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Danmachi is a weird world.
Exceptional strength here relies heavily upon skills, skills which are often only granted to you by factors nearly completely out of your control; from who you were in your past life, to your current lineage, and even to bullshit like the story that forms around your actions in this life. The only elements within your control are the determination and grit you display and the accomplishments you can garner. The problem with that is, it's a lot easier to garner accomplishments that impress the gods when you have a skill in the first place.
And that brings you right back to past lives and lineage, which if are you say -like me- spontaneously teleported to Orario nude and without belongings, then congratulations! You have no past life to pull bullshit like the Argonaut skill from, your physique is mid and your lineage is limited to your family's history of heart disease. Nice!
So how do you fix this?
Generally you don't, best thing to do would be to settle down, and use whatever skills you have to ply a trade and just live out your life in boring Isekai hell -where they don't even have fucking showers- and eventually die well below the life expectancy of wherever you were yoinked from. If like me you want something a bit more interesting than whatever the hell peasants do in a medieval kingdom where books are scarce and the only entertainment is drinking and whoring if you're wealthy enough; then there can only be ONE option!
Fake it until you make it.
Your current life's story has to outweigh your lack of a past life, you need to live a life renowned enough to outweigh the great tales of old, all the while living in an era where more powerful adventurers ply their trade by the thousands and you have yet to even start. So how do you do that? Well, not all attention is equal when it comes to stories here; in particular the story obsessed divines are basically your best bet if you want to start things off with a bang.
From there it's pretty simple, you need know your target audience, appeal to their sense of aesthetics and view of the world and then hit them right in their strike zone...
Which is why I snuck into an abandoned church last night and nigh silently knocked on the door to the basement, before promptly camping out the night on one of the church's dusty pews. Side note, talking around absolute lie detectors is a pain in the ass, I could have just showed up at dawn and pretended to sleep on the pew. But no, I have to stay the entire fucking night just to give off the right impression.
Annny moment now my short stack goddess is going to come up those stairs, find my slumbering form and shake me awake. Normally that would lead to accusations of stalking, but Hestia in the anime doesn't really have a sense of danger and is more about poorly thought out displays of commitment than anything. So here's to her being naive enough to be moved by my 'dedication' to see her.
Any moment now...
Well, while I'm waiting, might as well explain more of master plan. Why Hestia you might ask, why not someone like -only insane people looking to be brainwashed pick Freya- Loki? And that's a good question. I don't remember if Loki familia training is ever shown, but common sense would dictate that by joining one of the best familia's, you'd have access to more resources than you would otherwise. Better training and potentially being eased into the dungeon experience with seasoned adventurers to watch your back.
Which neatly brings up the question of, why wouldn't you want that? Are you insane?
Yes!
Why? Because to on-lookers you would be nothing more than another member of that familia, your glory pale in comparison and your accomplishments shrugged off as mere examples of your familia's power. Your divine would have a hundred other children, many far more talented and interesting than you, with back stories that come straight from song... more talented and more interesting.
All you would be is just be another faceless grunt of Loki's.
But Hestia? Hestia has no children, her familia has no glory, any accomplishment you create under her banner are entirely your own. Hell, the mere act of raising up her banner by yourself is an accomplishment. As her child you are not a grunt, you are the captain and -look at me- I am in charge now.
I want to be the focus not the familia, and this is the closest I can get without gambling on the idea that humans can still grow like they used to in the age before the gods. Besides I can always-
Wait... is that singing?
I can't make out the words as distant as it is, but the tone is oddly beautiful. Before I could even comprehend it I was sitting up, listening in raptured silence as I stare at the door the sound is coming from.
It's a sad song, one that somehow conveys longing and... hope? Despite how little of it I can make out, it's almost-
The door opened and I stare uncomprehendingly into the jubilant face of the goddess Hestia, her mouth still open as she freezes in turn, her beautiful song cutting off with a, "Uwah?"
It took me a good long few seconds to realise that my plan of letting her wake me up was entirely out the window as she stared at me in confusion.
"Ah..." I state intelligently, blinking. "Lady Hestia?"
"Yes!" She answered with surprising excitement, stepping forward and leaning in to peer at me with an innocent expression of curiosity. "Hmmm... you don't look homeless and you're nice and fed, so... I have no idea what you could be here for! Unless! You want to be my child?"
Her expression brightened so much that I felt a smile creep up my face before I even knew what was happening, any thought of acting out of the window. "Oh! Did you spend the night waiting for me?" She exclaimed.
"I... yeah, I tried knocking last night, but I don't think you heard me." Very quietly, but she didn't need to know that, and I was still struggling to regain some level of equilibrium in the face of her godlike enthusiasm. "I tried waiting, but I guess I fell asleep at some point; I-I hope you don't mind."
"MIND!? OF COURSE I DON'T!" She shouted gleefully, running over to me and taking my hand. Before I could work out what was happening, I was on my feet and she was zipping around my form, inspecting every inch of me. "My first child haha! Oooh you're pretty built and pretty cute too, oh! And dedicated enough to wait the night for me? Uwah... you children sure are forward in what you want." She clutched her cheeks and hopped from side to side in front of me.
Divines are... a lot.
"To make the most of our short lives, we must be bold." I state softly, finally stopping the goddess's sugar rush as she blinks up at me with starry eyes. Chance! I can finally bring this encounter down onto my level, my speed! "So I'll be bold here too then Lady Hestia."
"My name is Elric Carne and I want to join your Familia." I smiled gently, entirely unready for the kettle noises that promptly burst out of Hestia as the goddess vibrated in place. I was also not ready for the flying tackle hug that promptly ensued.
"YES! Yes, yes, YES~!" The goddess shouted in total excitement as she ground her assets into every inch of me she could reach. Keeping up my reassuring big brother act, I simply chuckled heartily, returning the hug in a calm, collected manner.
This bubbling tea kettle of a goddess will not win! I won't let her drag me into her pace! I'm going for the cool heroic archetype here; nothing can bother me, nothing can throw me off my game! No matter how bubbly she is!
Her head finally popped up to stare at me with the brightest smile I'd ever seen, like joy and happiness given form, like condensed cuteness shot straight into my fucking heart. I'm not going to lie men, this smile? It almost broke me, almost.
"Ehe~ My first child... What a great morni- AHHHH!" She suddenly screamed, right into my face. "MY JOB!" Bursting out of my arms she wheeled around in confusion, glancing at me several times as she seemingly fretted over what to do with me, before finally freezing in place, a wide grin on her face.
"Umu~ I'm sure the boss won't mind if I take just one day off for my first child!" I blinked, for a moment almost getting caught up in her antics before I felt my stomach clench and I felt it...
Chance~!
"I'm sure they won't." You get the deal by now, gentle smile, gentle voice, big brother energy all around. "But even if they do, I have enough savings to support us before I can get started in the dungeon." Reliable and caring bois, reliable and caring; that's the vibe of today's performance.
And holy shit did it work, Hestia's smile is back with a vengeance and- yup, she's hugging me again.
"Ehehe... You're so reliable Elric-kun!" She giggled happily. "Oooh what do you want to do first? Tell each other our likes and dislikes? Uwah, I just really want to get to know my new child!"
I hummed thoughtfully. "How about we talk about it over a cup of tea? I have some bags in my pack, or we can stop by a place I know just outside of this district."
The goddess hopped back, before leaning forward and smiling up at me. "Trying to get into my bedroom already Elric-kun~? You're so forward..." Her expression turned impish as she fixed me with a half-lidded stare.
"The choice is yours Lady Hestia." I said calmly, tossing the ball back into her court.
"Umu... you're too composed Elric-kun, girls won't like you if you don't let them tease you a little y'know?" She lectured, spinning on the balls of her feet and walking off, only pausing to glance over her shoulder. "You're the first boy I've brought home, so behave ne?"
She bounced down the passage before I could respond, leaving me blinking in the wake of the goddess shaped tornado of bubbliness.
In all likelihood, that was about as well as that encounter could have gone; I've scored the right kind of impression with her and I mostly resisted getting caught up in tempo. Chuckling to myself, I hoisted the large rucksack containing all my belongings and trooped after my chosen Goddess.
Descending down the wrapping stone staircase, I found myself in a surprisingly cosy basement; it was small and perhaps too cramped, with various different living spaces blurred into a single room, but it was warm and it had a homely vibe that stopped me short and brought me back to my childhood.
It was nostalgic. It was home.
"You're missing home too huh?" The goddess standing amidst it all called out, her eyes seemingly seeing straight through me. "It'll get better. In fact, we'll make it better! Because that's what being part of a familia is all about~"
Pausing on the steps, I let the weight of those words settle on my shoulders, the sheer gravity of a goddess of hearth and home telling me that she wanted to make a home with me... "For now, this home is already more than enough. Thank you for having me Lady Hestia."
"Mou! You don't need to be so formal Elric-kun, you're making me feel old."
"My apologies, do you have a pot for tea anywhere?" There was a kitchen in the mixed space, but I couldn't see-
"Hey." Hestia was suddenly right there in front of me, her wide blue eyes staring into mine with an intensity that sent a shiver down my spine. "Do you know what I want to do right now Elric-kun?"
I swallowed. "Drink tea and chat?"
"No." She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a ratty double bed. "You are my first and only child... so you'll forgive me if I'm a little impatient... right Elric-kun?"
I stopped, pulling her hand to turn her around. "Always." I smiled.
She smiled back. "Then get that shirt off and get on the bed!" Wait is this...? The legendary Hestia horniness? "I don't have one of those fancy Falna chairs, so we'll just have to make do with this!" She announced, tugging me again to get me going.
...Is she doing this intentionally?
Giving her a wry grin, I set down my pack and stripped off my upper half. "So I just lay down face down?"
"That's right~" She sing-songed, pushing me onto the bed. "You're really well informed Elric-kun..."
"A lot of the people where I came from were more versed than you'd expect." I teased my knowledge, knowing the strange answer would take her off guard. Oddly she didn't react beyond humming as she swung her legs over mine and settled her bottom on top of my own.
Gloved fingers traced their way up the small of my back as soft whispers of a foreign language tickled my ears, whatever she was doing back there, the hairs on the back of my neck stood up in anticipation.
"Do you know this part Elric-kun?" The words shunted themselves into my mind as a droplet of eternity fell into the small of my back.
For the briefest of moments I could feel something more, a spark of celerity that went so far beyond humanity than I can't even begin to put it into words… and then Hestia pulled, and suddenly I was barely even human.
Having your soul pulled from of your body -even just slightly- is like dangling off a cliff; held up from an unfathomable abyss by the grip of a goddess you barely even know.
And here I was trying to manipulate said goddess.
"Now that I've got you right where I want you…" Hestia's words came across as still cheery and light hearted, but there was a layer of suspicion to them that hadn't been there before. "how did you find me Elric-kun~?"
"Waiting until my soul is bared before asking the difficult questions huh?" I laughed, though I could feel why she waited; my soul was quite literally in her hands and it felt like if she let go now, I'd be falling somewhere.
But that's fine, it just means I get to mess with her some more. "I knew where to find you from the very moment I came into this world."
Glancing over my shoulder, I chuckled internally at her uncomprehending expression as she cycled through various stages of confusion.
"E-Eh?" She recovered in record time and proceeded to slap my back. "Mou! I don't know how you're messing up my goddess powers, but that isn't funny! I only descended months ago y'know; so you're not as smart as you think you are mister!"
"Ah, but I only came into this world a couple months back." I taunted, smirking back at her.
Oh, her brow crinkles really cutely when she frowns. "Umu… you're going to keep messing with me aren't you? You big meanie!"
"Alrighty then… where were you born originally?" She smirked a smug Hestia smile.
"London."
"Mou! What country?"
"England."
She slapped me again.
"So violent~!" I teased.
"Continent!"
"Europe."
"Year!?" She asked incredulously.
"The turn of the second millenia." Looking back, I smiled a smug smile right into her gawping face. Taking her silence as my victory, I went on. "In case you haven't worked it out yet, I'm not from this world"
"...How did you get here?"
"No idea, I just blinked and there I was, nude." I play up the word, trying and sadly failing to tease the virgin goddess.
She pouted. "How did you know where to find me then?"
"In my world, this world is a story that you appeared in, it was accurate enough for me to find the ruined district of Orario and find your church."
"A story…" She turned my words over, staring at me in contemplation. "And what are your intentions now that you're here?"
"Become a hero, pick up from where the last generation left off and save the world." Best part? I actually meant this shit… just not in the classic way.
"You…" She pulled up short, staring at me in disbelief. "You actually mean that-? No wait, the story you mentioned… how did it end?" Her eyes turned intense.
"It didn't, it wasn't finished by the time I arrived here."
"Then…" She trailed off, but the unasked question was clear.
"The cues are all there; your future child -a boy named Bell Cranel who was raised by Zeus- has all the hallmarks and set up for a hero with an impossible challenge before him." I explain simply. "At best, the world will have lost too much before the end… I want to make it easier."
"Why?"
"Because I'm a noble and selfless soul?" I lie through my fucking teeth.
"Liar!" Her slap hit a little harder this time. "Mou, your first lie and it's for something like this…!"
"I'm allowed some secrets aren't I?" I chuckled.
"F-Fine damn it!" She pouted. "You… you said he was raised by Zeus? That old man is?"
"Yeah, still a perv." I laugh, choking a little as she pinches my side. "Oi, you're getting a little too abusive there woman!"
"Then don't talk about him like that! Only we're allowed to talk about him like that!" She protested weakly, sitting up on my ass and crossing her arms over her chest; frowning down at me.
"Only if you stop slapping and pinching me."
"Sure -fine- whatever!" I could feel her pout. "You said he was raising this Bell child right?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"He was- is the child of one of Zeus' children, and after being driven out of Orario I don't think he had much else to do." I give a quick backstory.
"Driven?"
"You don't know?" She gave me a look. "Weird, I always assumed."
"Mou, what's weird is that people I don't know are making assumptions about me because I'm apparently a character in a story!" Ah there it is, the turn away and pout combo. It's… adorable.
Like seriously, if she weaponised this shit, we could probably sue for world peace.
"A warranted concern, and it brings up some interesting multiversal theories that I don't mind explai- Ah!" Another pinch. "Okay geez, cool your jets… Zeus being driven off right? I don't know how much is known, but Zeus and Hera's familias got so deep into the dungeon that they got it into their heads that they could finish-"
"-The three great quests, that's common knowledge Elric-kun." She interrupted quietly.
"Then there's not much else to it, they beat two, failed on the last. The dregs of the familia that survived were driven out of Orario by Loki and Freya." I couldn't help be let my tone turn a little bitter here. "...Their grand reward for putting their lives on the line to try and save this world."
I'd never liked that about the Danmachi community; not enough people really gave a shit about that particular detail for my taste.
It seemed Hestia shared my reticence, since she too turned quiet from the topic.
"Could we finish up this Falna thing soon? I don't mind answering any of your questions, but I can't say I enjoy having part of my soul outside my body." Navigating this conversation while feeling like I was dangling off that particular cliff is taking some creative uses of willpower. Hell, at this point one could say I've gotten oddly used to the feeling.
That probably isn't a good thing.
She blushed furiously, staring down at the portion of my soul that was still in her hands, a small 'uwah' escaping her.
It was pretty cute.
"I-ah, yup! Can totally do that for you Elric-kun! Right away!" Relaxing back onto the bed, I tried my best to stay still as Hestia worked, tracing shallow lines across my back that tickled of rainbows. And yes I know that comparison doesn't make sense, but amazingly magic does not feel normal.
"Umu, time for the last little~" I felt something push my -me?- soul into place? Strangely it felt… cramped? as if it didn't quite fit anymore; like I'd just polished off an entire christmas dinner and tried to fit into my jeans, only everywhere. "Push!" Hestia sing-songed, and suddenly everything clicked and became so much more.
"Holy shit, I can fence."
"Eh?"
"Ah… nothing, don't worry about it." I laughed it off, trying to process the fact that I now had vastly upgraded memory. "How's it looking back there? I get anything good?"
Hestia sighed. "Elric-kun... you need to tone down those expectations! Almost every adventurer under the sun starts off with nothing but their base stats, you're just going to get let down if yo… th- eh?"
I laughed.
"Mou!" She hit me.
"Ah, my goddess is abusing me, send help please~"
"Shut up!" A double palmed slap struck my back. "Shut up! shut up-! SHUUT UP~!" Three more swiftly followed, I didn't stop laughing.
"Uuuh, you're such a meanie…" She whined.
"Guilty as charged." I chuckled. "That being said… I think threatening someone with their own soul is also pretty mean."
"Hmph!" Hestia audibly hmph'd me, making me blink. "I had to! Hephaestus warned me about suspicious mortals."
"She made you promise to be careful?"
"Yeah! We had this whole big conversation and she- Mou!" Another hit. "You and your dumb stalker knowledge!"
"Oi! I can't help that!" I protested. "How was I supposed to know I'd suddenly wind up here, and isn't it better that I'm upfront with this kind of thing?"
"How! You've got all this knowledge on me and- these things are supposed to be private!"
"True -and I feel bad about that- but the circumstances are outside of either of our control, I know these things and nothing is going to change that." I explain rationally. "The only choice we have is whether or not I try to hide that knowledge… and the way I see it, that'll just come between us as you wonder what I'm hiding from you."
"So, I should just be bold, right?" I ask cheekily.
"…" Hestia pouted. "You are so not cute Elric-kun."
"Yeah, I'm more of a handsome manly man." I bragged.
She sighed, exhaling a truly prodigious amount of air as she deflated and grabbed a sheet of parchment. "You wanted your stats right? Then face down mister."
"And after this, we'll see if you can explain this skill of yours."
I hummed, trying to ignore the parchment as it stuck uncomfortably upon my skin, the peculiar sensation of wet-yet-not sending a shiver down my spine. "We'll see."
"Here." The goddess bluntly said, holding the parchment out over my shoulder.
-
Elric Carne
Lvl 1
Str | I 000 |
Vit | I 000 |
Dex | I 000 |
Agl | I 000 |
Mag | I 000 |
| Magic |
| Skills |
[Qahnaarin] The bearer's existence in this world is a miracle, their steps an impossibility; they face this new world with the stars' guidance written into their soul.
-
JACKPOT! I knew telling Hestia about my world would pull something out of my ass, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Holy fucking based Elder Scrolls! Tod Howard you beautiful, terrible dev...
"Hoh…" I smiled calmly, knowing full well that it would drive Hestia up the wall.
"Hoh!?" She demanded. "That's it!? How are you so calm you lil- ARGH!" I really couldn't help the laugh that burst out of my throat, I promise.
After what felt like four 'calming' breathing exercises too many, she finally heaved out a response, "So… you know what this is then? I really hope you'll be forth coming with your explanation Elric-kun~!"
"You don't kno- Okay I'm kidding! Calm down." I laugh it off before she can pinch me this time, progress! "It's something from my world, and if I'm right, it's really, really good."
"Ooooh…" She perked up. "So what's it do?"
"...I dunno?"
"MOU!"
"Sorry, sorry." I laughed. "Not sure what Qahnaarin means, but it sounds Skyrim-esque… probably dragon tongue- dragon language?"
Hestia pinched me again. "Abuse! My Goddess is abusing me!"
"Baka! Just get on with it!" She whined.
"Baka, really? You gods and your weird culture." She tried to shoot me a deadpan look, but her blush ruined the effect. "So, Skyrim was another story from my world, not sure how your Falna knows about it when you clearly don't…"
"Well ex~cuse me! I had nothing to do with this skill- Wait! Eh...?" She trailed off, staring down at me in confusion.
"Don't you need to like, sort high class exp to form skills?" I reply, equally confused.
"High level excelia." She corrected absent-mindedly. "And I do but… Mou~ can you not be normal for two seconds?" She whined.
"Please, we both know you love this." She slapped my back weakly as I laughed. "You Gods and your boredom."
She pouted, but gave me a stare that practically begged me to just get on with it. Ah, my Goddess, your cuteness will be the death of me.
"Skyrim, it was like a story you could interact with, where you could play the role of the hero and make choices utilising… really, really advanced books." She perked up at the concept, looking surprisingly- wait, no that isn't surprising at all. Of course these neet Gods would be interesting in gaming.
"It wasn't perfect, you were still on rails for the most part, with the 'story' still having to be completed in the same preset way." Annnd the interest has dimmed. "But~ you could explore wherever, and approach combat how you like."
"And the skill?" She prodded.
"No idea." I laughed as she promptly fell sideways off his back with a groan, I took the chance to roll over onto my side, smirking at the groaning Goddess as she lay face first.
Eventually she turned a gimlet eye up at me. "You lied." She moaned.
"A bit." I agree.
"A lot!" She raised an arm to try to hit me, but I rolled out of reach of her grabby little gremlin arms.
"Elric~" She whined.
"Yes my Goddess?" I stated primly and also very properly.
"Your ideas…"
"What's the magic word?" I said with a smile that would give the Cheshire Cat a run for its money.
Hestia threw her slipper at me so I dived off the bed laughing.
"Sorry, sorry~ I'll tell you, so… truce?" Peaking over the bed I found her slowly nodding, her other slipper in hand, ready. "Skyrim is a story about a random guy discovering his heroic fate and going on to kill the Great Black Dragon Alduin; the Eater of Worlds, Bringer of the Apocalypse." I was laying it on a little thick here, in game you could absolutely merc the bastard, but she didn't need to know that.
"That's…" She whispered, clearly picking up the connection. I barely managed to keep the ravenous grin from my face.
"To do that…" I continued for my enthralled audience, her slipper slowly lowering. "You had a pretty wide skill system that would let you do everything from enchanting, to smithing to just getting better at different forms of combat, to Shouts, which were like... primordial magic."
"I could have some of that, all of it, or it might something else entirely. Hence why 'I don't know'." I finished with a smile. "You see anything in the skill; stars maybe?"
"Eeeeh…" She gave off an almost dazed sounding exhale. "I- ah… don't remember? Ehe~"
"A bit daunting huh?" I sympathised.
Her eyes met mine, a surprisingly serious expression taking hold. "More than a bit…" She smiled. "But you're my first child; you're worth it."
Ah... I really don't have a response to that. Damn, this Goddess really is emotional whiplash personified huh?
But I supposed I signed myself up for this.
"Well, let's just try some shit out, see what works."
