Twilight of the Thunder God part 1

Anyway, I'll get on with this chapter. If you think the Forest of Death is going to be a shitshow, just imagine what else I have cooked up. And the name of this chapter was always going to be the one where the fight with Orochimaru happens from the moment I decided on Naruto's hair colour and affinities.

Fair warning: This chapter has graphic depictions of violence, this is Orochimaru we're talking about.

This chapter had to be split in two, possibly three parts because it would have surpassed 40k words and it almost caused my phone to melt. Part two will be out within after this. And they don't cover the entire section of the Forest of Death.

//////////////////////

"When Uzushiogakure was destroyed, about half of the 3rd regiment was all that escaped alive. Of those who made it out, another third were caught in the ambush led by the Sannin. I'd fought with some of those men for over twenty years. Afterwards, those of us that survived hooked up with a nearby Kumo force making a retaliatory strike on the escaped Uzumaki nin hold up along the Fuzi river. It wasn't the best thought out plan, but we were cut off from our leaders, tired, and operating on instinct. If not for our training, we probably would've never gotten past their improvised seal defenses."

Excerpt from journal of Ozawa Daisuke, Jonin of Iwagakure, Third Regiment, Second Shinobi War, Battle of Fuzi.

//////////////////////////

Sasuke woke up to his alarm going off and shut it off, straightening up from his bed and stretching his arms. He then swung his legs to the side lightly and got out of his bed, slowly making his way to his kitchen.

He tensed and jumped to the ceiling of the hallway when he realized someone was there, hearing a soft sizzling sound.

He pulled a kunai from the small holster he had strapped to his leg when he slept and slowly walked upside down to his kitchen, hoping to catch the intruder off guard.

Before he could do anything, he heard a familiar voice.

"Forget I was staying over?" Naruto asked, his voice coming from the kitchen.

Sasuke cursed himself for his forgetfulness and dropped from the ceiling, stowing away the kunai. He walked into his kitchen and spotted Naruto at the stove, cooking some eggs of course.

"Eggs again?" He raised a brow, noticing a pattern.

"Some people like Chimichangas, some like eggs." He shrugged, shifting the eggs around more.

Sasuke opted out of asking what a Chimichanga was, sitting down at his table.

"You do realize that's my mother's apron, right?" Sasuke pointed out, seeing Naruto wearing it.

"I hope it is," Naruto dumped the eggs on the plate, switching off the gas and pouring what looked to be some boiled rice on the side, "Can't imagine you buying a pink apron."

Naruto set his plate down, taking off the apron and grabbing a second plate from a storage seal, handing it to Sasuke.

"Can I use your bathroom?" He asked politely, trying to sound thoughtful.

"Sure." Sasuke shrugged, beginning to split the food made as Naruto left.

Naruto got back a minute later and began eating his own food without speaking. Sasuke took another bite and decided to sate his curiosity.

"Why are you better at cooking than Rin?" He asked, looking down at the food, "I'd think she'd be better."

"Cause she's a girl?" Naruto raised a brow, scoffing softly, "I was the one that practically raised the two of us. I basically had to be both a parent and an older sibling when I should have been growing up."

Sasuke's face tightened and he gave Naruto a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry for pressing about why the villagers hate you. I just couldn't understand why they'd hate the both of you."

"You could rationalize hating me because I'm pretty good at being a dickhead." Naruto said honestly, "But Rin is much nicer than me in temperament."

"Yesterday was her being nice?" Sasuke asked sarcastically, remembering how much her hits hurt.

Yesterday was different compared to their verbal sniping over the months. Yesterday was genuine anger boiling over and it made Sasuke sick to his stomach that he argued with Rin like that.

"I'd've been worse," Naruto said, "Especially with yesterday being a what it was."

That had Sasuke wondering why there being Jinchuriki here was that bad. Sure, it was concerning, but why was Naruto so worked up about it?

"What's wrong with Jinchuriki?" Sasuke asked, noting Naruto's eyes narrowing.

"There's nothing wrong with Jinchuriki, Sasuke," Naruto said, "It's the fact that the last time this many were in one area was a pretty shit time for us."

Sasuke gave him a questioning look, wondering when that happened.

Sighing, Naruto answered his unspoken question.

"My clan's village got attacked 20 something years ago, but I told you that already. What I didn't tell you was that Rin and I are 2 of the last descendants of the Uzukage. He was over 90 years old and killed 2 Jinchuriki and the Raikage." Naruto's voice had gotten quiet at the end.

Sasuke's thoughts ground to halt at what he'd just heard. The killing of 2 Jinchuriki and a Kage was bad enough of a curve ball, but the part about his age caught his attention.

"How did an old man pull that off?" He eventually asked incredulously.

"Something that you didn't consider," Naruto clarified, "Uzumaki live close to thirty or so years longer than everybody else. Rin and I will likely outlive the children of this generation."

Sasuke pursed his lips and tapped the table with his fingers, thinking of that tidbit of information.

"Healing faster and having more energy makes sense in that context," He said almost to himself, "So he wasn't 90 in the way an Uchiha or anyone else would see it?"

He would have probably been in his sixties physically speaking if a comparison were made. But that still was old.

"My Bloodline ability was almost exclusive to his family," Naruto continued, "And the female Kumo nin is the Jinchuriki of the Nibi. That was one of the ones killed by the Uzukage."

Sasuke thought of why that would be an issue, coming to a conclusion moments later.

"You think they'll connect the dots on you being related to him." Sasuke realized why Naruto was antsy about it.

Naruto had mentioned how having red hair was the norm for Uzumaki, almost as often as an Uchiha having a fire affinity. The thing Naruto hated was having the spotlight on him, mostly from it painting a target on Rin's back as well.

"Yeah," Naruto said emotionlessly, "Not exactly fun to think about."

They finished the food Naruto fixed in silence. The two eventually put up the plates and left the house, heading towards the meet up point.

//////////////////

Sasuke and I didn't feel the need to fill the silence between us with unnecessary conversation, just how I liked it. He was supposed to meet Team 7 near where the written exam was supposed to be and I was just tagging along because it wasn't like I had a team of my own to meet up with.

We got there and sure enough, Hinata and Rin were there with Kakashi. What I noticed, thankfully, was that Rin had armour on under her shirt, specifically the kind that was resistant to chakra strikes. I had my own on, but mine was a tier above hers, being a replacement for the one that got trashed in Nami.

"Hi guys," I looked at Hinata and my sister, smiling openly, "We're off on an adventure, aren't we?" I grabbed Sasuke's shoulder and pulled him a little closer, "Right, Sasuke?"

"Yes," Sasuke grumbled, prying my hand off his shoulder, "And I'm already done with today."

"I promise I'll keep my distance during the tests." I lied through my teeth, planning on being right beside them to stop Orochimaru from marking him.

Kakashi was giving me a less than friendly look, remembering yesterday's interruption.

"Now that you're here, can you give me back my little duckling?" Kakashi asked, eye smiling at Sasuke's glare, "I've missed him so much."

"Go on, little buddy," I stood on my toes to make the height difference between us larger, flapping my hand in a 'go away' gesture, "Be free."

Sasuke tried to smack me in the head, but I lifted my forearm up lazily to stop it.

"Please, Sakura-chan, not so hard." I snickered, causing Rin to giggle at Sasuke's look of disgust.

It was a running joke ever since Sakura kept trying to punch me when I did stupid shit to call anyone who tried to punch me by the name of the pink haired girl.

Sasuke pulled his arm back and walked towards the others, flashing an irritated expression towards everyone.

"I feel so loved." He said sarcastically, eying Rin for a moment.

Rin scoffed at him being dramatic. "Naruto only torments people he likes. I'm the target of most of his stupidity."

"It's not stupid if it works." I remarked, seeing Kakashi scoff good-naturedly.

"That sounds like something the ANBU should make as a rule." Was the silver haired man's reply, sounding completely serious.

"Including dressing up as a girl on a seduction mission?" I asked flatly, picking a ridiculous example.

"Neji would be the only boy able to pull it off." Kakashi mused, sounding just as serious as his previous statement.

I stifled a grin and saw Hinata frown at both me and Kakashi, shaking her head and sighing.

"But anyway, you're here to say farewell and good luck to us?" I asked, looking at Kakashi.

Kakashi nodded an affirmative.

"I'm proud of all three of you," He looked at his team with a glowing expression, "I wouldn't have recommended you for the exams if I didn't think you were ready. Stick together, and you'll get through this no problem."

A look I didn't recognize seemed to dance across the visible part of Kakashi's face as he gazed at the three of them.

"Go on ahead. I have something to talk with Naruto about." He dismissed the three, who nodded their understanding.

After they entered the building, Kakashi turned to me.

"Be on the lookout for anything suspicious," He said seriously, his posture shifting to a more serious one that was the antithesis of his normally laid back one, "We have reason to believe Sasuke will be targeted at some point. We don't know when."

'So they figured it out.' I thought to myself, thanking my good luck.

The village was more prepared, the Jonin having been training with us Genin. Hiruzen was not dying. He was there for me when I was lost, and no one precious to me was going to be taken by the traitorous bastard Orochimaru.

"You think it will be during the opening part?" I asked, clueing in to what Kakashi was saying.

"Unlikely, because of all the moving parts," Kakashi shrugged, "But no one ever got killed by being too careful." He quoted another ANBU rule.

"Words to live by." I nodded, seeing Kakashi's eye soften.

Kakashi stepped forward and placed his hand on my shoulder, lowering himself a few inches so our faces were level.

"It doesn't matter if you don't make Chunin or if you make mistakes," He said softly, "You are your mother and father's son, and they would be proud of you."

I smiled and returned a kind look to him.

"Your Sensei and father would be proud of who you have become too... Sensei." I said the last word with as much gratitude as I could possibly muster.

I didn't lie or embellish when I told Kakashi I saw myself when I looked at him years ago. Kakashi, out of everyone I knew, could understand having everything ripped from him. He was damaged and scarred from a lifetime of heartache and pain, but he emerged a better man from it.

Kakashi surprised me by pulling me into a two armed hug, the act unusual.

"Go in there and give them hell. You are the son of Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina. You were born for this." He then let me go and patted my shoulder.

"Thanks, Kakashi." I mumbled softly, feeling my eyes itch a little from the emotion.

I turned and walked to the building, preparing for the start of the next storm I was walking into, a storm that was far worse than Nami.

///////////////////

Rolling my eyes, I spotted the Konoha rookie teams had just gotten to the supposed room for the exams.

Discreetly making a half seal and tensing my chakra, the Genjutsu lifted and I saw the room number change.

"See anything weird about the sign, Neji-chan?!" I shouted, receiving a death glare from the older boy as I got near them.

"Naruto!" Lee shouted, bouncing on the balls of his feet, "We have not sparred in so long, my new rival. Come, let us fight!" He got in a Goken stance.

Ever since I was showing myself to be much better than Neji in blunt taijutsu, Lee declared me his new eternal rival. Kakashi thought it funny when I had my own spandex wearing exercise freak hounding me for challenges.

"Let's wait until later in the exams. We don't know if someone else here is stronger." I reminded him, "Save your strength, your teammates may need their youth reinforced with your own."

"Please don't say yo-" Tenten tried to say, but Lee beat her to the punch.

"Yosh," He gave me a grin and a thumbs up, "I will not be selfish with my youth. Thank you, Naruto, for setting me straight!"

I turned to Neji, who was scowling as he looked at the sign.

'Kai.' He made a hand seal and broke the Genjutsu on himself, looking at his teammates.

"We're under a Genjutsu." He said, everyone else clueing in and each making hand seals to break it.

That was when I realized Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji weren't here.

"Where's Team 10?" I asked, not seeing them.

My question was answered by a blonde missile running from behind me and jumping on my back.

"Hi, Naruto." She whispered into my ear, looking happy.

I grinned and poked her nose, making a pig snort as I did it.

"Ino-chan." I whispered back, stressing her name.

She pouted and hopped off, her turquoise eyes narrowed and arms crossed.

"That's not funny," She frowned, cocking her hip out, "But I'll give you a pass."

I smiled at her and looked at Shikamaru and Choji, both of them catching up seconds later.

"Now that everyone is here," I noticed Shikamaru looked at the sign and scoffed, tapping Choji's shoulder and mentioning the Genjutsu, both of them breaking it on themselves, "Y'all remember what my bunshin told you?"

They all nodded, looking somber.

"Don't tell anyone else." My gaze swept over them, "This is a secret for an allied village, so keep your mouths shut, okay?" I asked, letting my tone carry the weight of the situation.

They all gave nods of understanding, pleasing me greatly.

"Good. Now, since we're all aware of the little trick played on us, let's head to the right room." I began walking towards the actual location, everyone else letting me take point.

I couldn't help but think of what I had in store to screw with Anko some as we made a short walk. Sure, she'd probably try and cut my balls off, but it would be funny seeing her reaction when she realized what I did.

I'd hooked up a secret loudspeaker in the room weeks ago that was connected to a radio that a couple of my clones had holed up in a hotel. I had sent a Henged one to book the room last night, while a new set of clones had been sent to take up today's shift.

It was going to be spectacular.

We got to the door and I turned back to them, giving them a serious look.

"I don't care what the proctors say, you are Konoha Shinobi and more than just comrades." I said firmly, "You're my friends. All the other bastards behind this door don't matter to me as much as only one of you. Whatever happens, know that we're all in this together. They'll think us weak because we're rookies." I then flared my chakra some for emphasis.

"Let's prove them wrong." I pushed the door open, stepping into the room.

Several dozen genin were in here, almost all of them more than a couple years older than us.

Several of them were sizing me up, noticing that I was taller than average and carried myself with confidence unmarked by bravado.

The others came in and clumped in a protective formation centered around me, whether it was intentional or subconscious wasn't something I could determine.

I pressed out my sensing a little and felt three signatures that stood out, two in a bad way.

One was the most disgusting chakra I'd ever felt from a human, being extremely faint. The fact that Orochimaru could suppress his chakra signature to the point of only being caught because I familiarized myself with how Anko's curse mark felt wasn't a pleasant realization.

The second was one that was high Jonin level in strength, being muted as well. That one was from a silver haired, glasses wearing, 'Konoha' nin in front of us.

But the final was one that had me almost shivering in how familiar it was.

Karin.

'Aloha, cousin.' I thought, trying to stop myself from smiling.

Only Rin and our mother had similar chakra to that, Karin's having a certain feel to it that was similar to my mom's that Rin didn't have. That had to mean the Adamantine chains portion could be felt specifically. Good to know.

'I'm gonna sit by her.' I thought, deciding I'd whisper to her about me being an Uzumaki to her during the distraction I had set up for a possible circumstance like this.

I turned and plastered a look of politeness on my face as Kabuto came towards us.

"Hello, fellow Konoha Shinobi," I bowed respectfully, "What do you need?"

"I'm Yakushi Kabuto," He introduced himself, the light glinting off his glasses as he smiled politely, "And I can see you're rookie Genin. Been a while since this many rookies competed in an exam," He looked behind me at the others, "I think I can help you guys out."

"How and what price?" I asked flatly, giving off an unconvinced air.

Kabuto blinked at the thinly veiled distrust.

"It's for free. Us Konoha nin got to stick together, you know." He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a deck of cards.

"And those are?" I raised a brow, sensing the others walk closer to see and hear more clearly.

"These cards have information about the Genin competing here," He explained with a smile, pulling one out from Konoha as an example, "Hyuga Neji. He's a genin from the Hyuga clan and is on a genin team with Rock Lee, Higarashi Tenten, and their Jonin Sensei is Maito Gai." He read off the details, going on to mention his mission completion numbers.

A couple others asked some questions about him, Kabuto answering them like he really was taking this exam for the seventh time.

"What about Uzumaki Naruto?" Sasuke cut in, giving me a glance as he stepped passed me.

"Uzumaki," Kabuto mumbled to himself, looking up at me as he found the card, "Genin and...no genin team. That's odd, I normally have the cards filled out properly," He cleared his throat and continued, "87 completed missions amongst different genin teams. 61 D-ranks, 15 C-ranks, and 1 A-rank. The A-rank involved Momochi Zabuza being encountered. That must have been scary." He looked at me with what I assumed was an attempt to be sympathetic sounding.

The C-ranks had mostly been either clearing out bandits with Team 7 and 10, or a few that involved me making some complex seals for ANBU units about to go on mission. The ranking was C-rank because of the hazard pay from making dangerous seals.

"Anything about any specific teams?" I asked with a suspicious look, "Like who to avoid?"

Kabuto shook his head.

"I haven't got that kind of detail, but I know that this new village, Otogakure, sent a team of their's. They're a new village, so they probably aren't that dangerous though."

I realized why Kabuto said that when I sensed the three Oto nin jump into action. Kabuto wanted our trust in him cemented. Being attacked had a funny way of making you think someone wasn't dangerous.

"We'll show you who's weak, tree hugger." Dosu laughed, jumping up and over a desk with his teammates flanking him.

Not wanting to be caught by the sound attack, I jumped up and kicked away from Kabuto, using his chest as a springboard.

I heard him make a surprised 'oof' sound from my whole body weight being pressed against him as I jumped away, twisting in midair as I did so. I grabbed a kunai from my holster and flung it at Dosu before I even hit the ground, aiming at his gauntlet.

The force of my kunai hitting the gauntlet, the clang of metal on metal ringing across the room, redirected his aim towards where Kabuto staggered back from me 'accidently' kicking him, preventing anyone else getting caught by the sound.

The moment my feet hit the ground, I pulsed chakra into my brain to speed it up, Shunshining at where they were positioned to land.

None of them had time to realize where I was from how fast and accurate my jutsu was.

The two wingmen got a kick to the sides of their heads from me doing a split kick, while Dosu got a punch to the back of his leg, causing him to stagger.

I grabbed ahold of his shirt while he was stunned and unbalanced, lifted him over my head, and smashed him into the ground with raw strength.

I grabbed the kunai I flung from the ground and pressed it to his throat, his one visible eye wide in shock.

"You get invited to participate in a Chunin exam hosted by Konoha," I growled, Killing Intent leaking into my voice, "And you attack a Konoha Shinobi because he said one sentence. Did you think us weak?!" I shouted, yanking on his collar to pull our faces closer, "Attacking a Konoha nin in the heart of our village should warrant me breaking you like a twig!"

I then pulled him up forcefully and eyed the two groaning Oto nin who got their bell rung by the twin kicks to the head.

"There's a reason us tree huggers have emerged the victor in every Shinobi War!" I snarled at the entire gathering of genin in the room in challenge, "You send one of ours to the hospital," I glanced towards Kabuto's shaking form from vomiting the last several seconds, "And we'll send you to the morgue." I finished dangerously, throwing Dosu towards his teammates.

"Get the fuck away from me before I make sure an Iryo-nin won't be able to I.D. your corpses." I commanded, my Killing Intent not dropping a bit.

The three scrambled away and went back to their seats, not looking back.

I gave the rest of the room, not counting my friends, a sweeping look of contempt, turning to go help Kabuto.

"Sorry for kicking you, man," I helped him to his feet, hiding the grin that wanted to break out on my face, "I just reacted."

"It's fine." He managed to cough out, his face still tinged green.

I managed to fight the urge to turn around preemptively when I felt several chakra signatures coming down the hallway at a fast pace, one of them already sitting back in the hallway throughout the interaction. I didn't want anybody that wasn't close to me knowing I was a sensor.

Ibiki pushed the door open, standing all menacingly in his trench coat and bandana.

"The hell are you brats doing?" He demanded, looking at me, "You. Why did you attack a foreign team?"

"They attacked first," I shrugged like that was the only explanation needed, "You answer an attack with one of your own."

Ibiki shook his head and moved to the front of the room.

"Just sit down," He looked at all of us, "And don't do it again."

We understood the cue to move along and went to different seats, me making a beeline towards a certain chakra signature that stood out almost as much as her hair, hair that almost matched mine.

I grinned as I was given a wide berth by all the Genin, my little display obviously not being taken lightly. Killing Intent of that level from a 13 year was something to be wary of.

I got to an open seat next to Karin, giving her a reassuring look when she eyed me with no small level of anxiety from what happened just a minute ago.

"Hi," I smiled politely, "I'm Naruto." I offered my hand in greeting.

Karin looked at the offered hand for a long moment, before taking it and shaking it.

"Uzumaki Karin." She mumbled, avoiding my eyes.

I tightened my grip on her hand, causing her to flinch.

"Sorry." I said, adding false uncertainness to my voice, "I didn't mean to do that."

Karin went back to listening to Ibiki give his little intimidation speech, which I missed most of it.

Several Chunin and other Shinobi were selected as lookouts for cheaters, sitting down in different chairs as we had our tests handed out.

I looked down at my paper as it was set on my desk, looking at it with annoyance. I could answer most of the questions without too much issue, but it was still tedious and a pain in the ass to do.

I heard Ibiki shout 'Begin', and I began writing down a few answers to look convincingly inconspicuous.

After about 30 or so minutes, I heard the crackling sound of the loudspeaker break the silence aside from the scratching of pencils.

"-some bad shit, man." A deep voice said through the speaker, sounding assured.

Everyone's head perked up and tried to find where the source was, especially Ibiki.

"Who the hell is doing that?" He demanded, looking around the room.

What was said next had me almost face palming at what the hell my clones decided to talk about as a distraction.

"Them Hyuga girls sure are hot, man."

I could feel the embarrassment coming from Hinata, her back facing me from several desks ahead.

I heard a couple snickers at that, mostly guys.

"But, you see," another voice replied, "The trick is being able to tell the difference between the guys and women. I've accidentally asked out more than one Hyuga guy cause he looked like a chick."

And just like that, I felt Killing Intent coming from Neji, who was gripping his pencil tightly and his Byakugan was active.

I managed to stop from laughing, but my face still broke out into a grin.

"You just hate the Hyuga because of what that one bitch did." Voice One said, sounding exasperated.

"What's this have to do with us being in the break room for the Jonin and you 'educating' me on ANBU stuff?" A much younger voice asked confusedly.

'What the hell are they doing?!' I thought frantically, not knowing where the hell it was going.

They were going off script. This wasn't planned.

"As an ANBU of Konoha," the first voice explained, "Missions can be hard. You need to know how to relieve some stress.""

"And telling me which clans produce the hottest women will help with that?" The younger voice asked, sounding unconvinced.

I coughed into my hand to stifle the sound of me laughing, more than one guy laughing openly. Even a few of the proctors were snickering at the circumstance.

Ibiki was going ape shit at not being able to find the source and flung a kunai at some random genin, hitting right next to his hand.

"Caught cheating!" He shouted, signaling a proctor to escort the team out.

"Hotness don't matter. Look at the Akamichi." The second voice remarked, probably grinning, "They make up for anything in the looks department with technique."

I decided I was going to think of the Hyuga hater as 2, the sagely one as 1, and the youth as 3.

"Technique?" 3 asked, snickering from 2 being heard.

"They'll suck you off like it's a damn chicken wing." Was the answer.

I put both hands over my mouth and started laughing my ass off, muffling it as best I could. Choji was undoubtedly horrified, and half the room was laughing louder than I was.

At this rate, only a couple people were going to be caught cheating because the proctors were trying to look professional and failing spectacularly.

"I think I'd prefer a nice Hyuga girl." 3 said eventually, 2 scoffing.

"That's cause your one of them pussies that'll hit it missionary and not be a little adventurous. You want to look at those pretty eyes, don't you, amateur?"

'I'm going to kill those clones, I swear.' I gripped the desk to not fall out of my seat. I wasn't going to survive the next half hour, let alone everything ahead.

"Leave the kid alone," 1 remarked, sounding like the oldest, "He likes Hyuga girls, nothing wrong with that."

"Why don't you like them?" 3 asked 2 curiously.

"Because I had a bad experience with one." 2 grumbled.

"Tell him the details." 1 chuckled, goading the other.

"This was back like ten years ago, I had myself a girlfriend and one of my buddies said 'Hey man, I keep seeing this buff looking dude coming over to your place when you're on patrol. I think your girl's cheating on you'."

'I want to die.' I thought, realizing this was a bad idea.

"Wasn't he some kind of Jonin or something?" 1 asked.

"No, he was a fuckin ANBU. That's why I joined the ANBU a couple years later. They were getting allllll kinds of action." 2 dragged the word 'all' for effect.

"So I get back to my place and see this big, buff, motherfucker banging this girl... in my damn bed." 2 said irritably, his voice raised, "And the crazy thing about it, his ass was going halfway up to the ceiling...and he still wasn't out of this bitch."

I gave up and threw my head back and laughed, half the proctors laughing just as loud.

"I felt so worthless after that, man. I felt so inadequate." 2 said, groaning under his breath.

"But you know what you forgot," 1 pointed out, "You forgot she had her hands on them ass cheeks, squeezing. Wanting some more pressure."

It didn't end.

"But you know what he had on you. He had about 4 or 5 years on you-"

"Yeah and about 20 inches of dick, bitch." 2 snarked.

I fell out of my chair.

I couldn't hear myself from how deafening the echo was, the uproar was that loud.

Ibiki kicked out another couple of teams, saying it was for cheating. But I doubted it was anything other than him being pissed at not finding who the hell was broadcasting this.

The bit ended when 1 jumped in again.

"Is that thing on?" He asked suddenly, fiddling with something, "Son of a bitch, it is. Quick how do I shut it off?"

"Is that being broadcast to-" 3 asked, being interrupted by 2.

"The damn exams," He exclaimed, "The Hokage will have our asses for this."

A few seconds passed with the three trying to fix it.

"Quick, someone's coming." 3 said in a hushed tone.

"Just leave it on, they won't know who we are." 1 said, the sound of the three of them leaving out of one door and another opening a second later.

"You hear something?" I heard Kakashi's voice, making me start shaking.

My own genius frightens me at times.

"You're just hearing things." Asuma's voice said, the sound of him sitting down audible.

This was going to go down in history as a memorable one, even more so than before.

"I heard a little rumour about you and a certain purple haired lady from Kurenai." Asuma continued, Team 10's chakra shifting at that.

"And what rumour is that?" Kakashi asked lazily, the voice indiscernible from the actual Kakashi.

"Come on, Kakashi, you know how Anko and Kurenai are close to each other. Anko bragged to Kurenai how she quote, 'got her world rocked'." Asuma replied with a flat tone.

None of the rookie genin were laughing. They were all horrified at what two of the men that trained them were talking about.

Realizing I had an opening, I opened a seal discreetly and pulled out a piece of paper. I wrote down a message with the pencil and balled up the paper, tossing it towards Karin when I noticed nobody looking.

I looked at Karin, not breaking eye contact.

She looked away and opened up the paper, her eyes widening in shock and her entire body shaking.

The message read: I'm an Uzumaki too. I have a sister. You're not alone.

She started to tear up, turning and focusing on my hair. She furrowed her brow like she was concentrating, a faraway look in her eyes.

'She's probably sensing my chakra.' I realized, seeing her face light up.

I was pulled from my thoughts by my overly imaginative clones going on with something that was going to get Kakashi and Asuma killed by their respective women.

"Anko is better." Kakashi said flatly, the sound of a page turning being heard.

"Bigger tits aren't the be all end all, Kakashi." Asuma replied irritably, "My dad gave me some timeless advice. You wanna know what that is?"

Everyone went quiet in curiousity from wanting to know what The Professor had for an input in this particular subject, even the proctors set down their clipboards.

"What did the Sandaime give you help on?" Kakashi asked like he were talking to a small child, "Did he need to tell you where to put it?"

That was when I realized what 'Asuma' was going to say. This conversation was something I'd had years ago, back before I died.

"Funny, but no. He said anything more than a mouthful is a waste."

Cue another uproar of laughter, Ibiki giving up on trying to control his subordinates.

But it wasn't over.

"She's much better than Kurenai for two things," Kakashi scoffed, "that aren't attached to her chest."

My breathing was coming in rapid inhales from trying to not pass out. Anko was going to undoubtedly kill Kakashi. The shit I said to screw with Kakashi was going to be heard by everyone.

Kakashi's voice rang out across the room like the crack of a whip.

"Summoners sometimes adopt a couple traits from their summons," a perverted tone leaked into his voice, a slight giggle at the end, "Snakes are extremely flexible." The last part was what ended me.

"And they also have no gag reflex."

I heard Rin scream 'Gross' right before I started cackling, the Konoha rookies I could see having several different expressions.

Hinata's head was buried into her hands, likely embarrassed at her Sensei saying that, Shikamaru was snickering but had the presence of mind to keep his composure, Ino looked scandalized, and Sasuke was shaking his head in shock.

The Killing Intent coming from almost all the kunoichi in the room, Rin the most, let me know my mission was a success.

"What's that in the corner?" Asuma asked, picking something up.

"That's an ANBU radio." Kakashi answered, a gasp from the voice a few seconds later. "It's on. Shit."

The radio shut off and the torture ended.

There was only about 10 minutes left to the exam and there were several more teams than I expected at this point. Probably from the spectacle putting people at ease.

I counted down until the time was about up, Ibiki shouting to get our attention.

"Time's up! Put your pencils down." He instructed, stepping forward within a few feet of the front row, "Most of you will have noticed that there is a missing question."

Indeed, a question was absent.

"If you get this answer correct, you pass the written exam." Ibiki announced, several people perking up at that, "But, there's a catch. If you get it wrong, you'll be barred from ever becoming a Chunin."

Several people started yelling at that.

"That's bullshit," A Taki nin shouted, "You can't do that!"

"Your villages gave me the power to do it," Ibiki lied without hesitation, no surprise there, "You don't have to stay here and try to answer the question. The door is right there." He gestured towards the exit, "If you have doubts on getting it correct, then you can try again in six months."

Several no name genin left at that part.

"If one of your teammates leave," He added, "The entire team is disqualified."

How fortunate I don't have a team.

I kept my eye out for anyone from the rookies were looking to quit, but I still saw too many people in here still. The forest was turned into a warzone with all the traps and explosives set up. The only people tagged with masking seals were the Sand siblings, from when I discreetly planted the tags on them when I treated them to ice cream, and the rookie Genin from my clones talking with them last night about avoiding Gaara.

I turned to Karin and prayed that her chakra wouldn't trigger the traps. I'll send a clone and have it follow her to make sure she was safe.

Deciding I didn't want to kill an unnecessary amount of people, I stood up from my seat.

All my friends looked shocked that I, Uzumaki fucking Naruto, looked to be giving up.

I looked around the room and spiked my Killing Intent.

"Go on and leave. That's the only way I'm not going to rip your limbs off." I snarled, my intent filling up the room in a foul presence.

Several more left the room, whittling them down some more.

Pleased with the result, I sat back down like nothing happened.

Eventually, no one else was leaving. Thankfully no one from my group looked uncertain about continuing on.

After a couple minutes of no one leaving, Ibiki shrugged his shoulders.

"Everyone in here passes."

The collective mutters of shock had him continuing.

"You have no business being a Chunin if you're either too stupid to gather information, hence the test," I commented on the papers, "Or if you're too frightened to take the leap and risk it." He then removed his bandana, lowering his head.

The looks and gasps of horror didn't do it justice. That had to have been some of the most horrific moments imaginable. The skin was almost all scar tissue that was pockmarked from not healing well. Hell, I think a chunk of his skull might have been missing, it looked that bad.

"Good information is important, but getting it without getting caught is just as important." He put the bandana back on after he got his point across.

"Now, the proctor of the next part should be hear in-" He was interrupted by said proctor jumping in from a window, a banner being thrown before she appeared.

A couple of kunai nailed the banner to the ceiling as it unfurled, revealing a message.

"Second test's proctor: The unbelievably sexy Mitarashi Anko."

Anko stood in front of us with a look of enjoyment.

"Heads up, gakis, don't be celebrating just yet," Anko fist pumped, a predatory smirk on her face, "You've still got test number two with me, Mitarashi Anko." She held up two fingers and struck a pose.

Everyone was silent, several noticing her name, purple hair, and bust size.

"Tough crowd." She shrugged, looking a bit put out.

"Hey, Ibiki," She shouted to the man hidden behind the banner, "There's a bunch of gakis here. I think you're losing your touch."

"They're a little tougher than most years," He grumbled, "And they would have been leaving in droves if they didn't hear Hatake regaling Sarutobi with your escapades."

One unbelievably stupid Taki nin decided to shout what several guys were thinking, but were smart enough to not say shit.

"No gag reflex!" He shouted, cupping his hands over his mouth.

Anko's eyes widened impossibly large, her face turning red. I couldn't tell if it was from embarrassment, anger, or both because she was radiating Killing Intent like you couldn't imagine.

The fact that she reacted this way meant my joke to Kakashi from over a year ago was truer than I thought.

'I'm sorry, Kakashi.' I thought guiltily, 'It was for the greater good. I will name my firstborn Kakashi in honour of you.'

Anko flung a senbon at the Taki idiot, the thin projectile going at a fast velocity. It embedded itself in his hand, causing him to yelp in pain.

Given that it was Anko, I didn't doubt that it was laced with poison.

I recognized the symptoms seconds later when he keeled over and started spasming.

"Great, now the whole room is gonna stink like shit." I said loudly, wrinkling my nose in disgust.

"Just follow me." She growled, stomping out of the room.

I leaned towards Karin and whispered into her ear.

"Be careful," I whispered, "Find me after the test."

I then got up and followed the others where Anko had left.

/////////////////////

Anko was several yards in front of me, but I could still hear her muttering under her breath, the promise of murder in her voice.

Kakashi was fucked. And he was going to kick my ass when he found out his girlfriend was worked up and pissed because of me.

We got to the edge of the Forest of Death and Anko turned to face all of us.

"I'm not in the mood for you bellyaching," She bit out, grabbing a stack of papers from a storage scroll. "These are wavers, acknowledging Konoha is not responsible for any loss of equipment, limbs, or life. Sign it if you want to continue."

"That just sounds like a regular Tuesday to me." I shrugged, stepping forward and grabbing a waver.

"Do we need to use blood?" I asked, "Selling your soul normally warrants that."

Anko scoffed at me. "Don't scare the gakis. They'll piss themselves." She then went towards the other genin and began handing out wavers.

After they signed and returned the wavers, Anko started grinning.

"I probably should have told you this training ground is called 'The Forest of Death'." She giggled, looking slightly deranged.

"The objective is to get to the tower with a heaven," She held up a scroll, before tossing it to me, "And an Earth scroll." She grabbed another one, tossing it to the Taki team with the idiot.

"Anything goes for getting another scroll," She laughed, eying everybody sinisterly, "Anything. Killing is permitted."

Several genin looked worried at that realization, but Anko didn't give a shit.

"Now go over there and get a scroll." She instructed towards everyone else towards two more assistants several meters away, "And you'll get disqualified if you open them."

"Why'd you reveal what the hell I had?" I demanded, holding up my scroll. That was bullshit that they knew what scroll I had right off the bat.

"Like anybody would have the balls to fight you for a scroll." She deadpanned, grinning as she flung a kunai at me. She didn't wait until it hit me before she Shunshined behind me.

I caught it between my index and middle finger, the kunai being flung slower than normal on purpose.

She was behind me and grabbed the kunai from my hand, pressing her body up against my back.

"I taught you well." She whispered in my ear, licking the side of my face.

I shivered involuntarily at the act, knowing she did it because it made me uncomfortable.

"Good luck, gaki." She said affectionately, patting my cheek.

Before she could back away, I grabbed her hand to prevent her from moving away. At her look of confusion, I let her know a couple things.

"The red haired Kusa kunoichi is an Uzumaki," I whispered, seeing her eyes widen, "And the tall Kusa one with black hair feels dangerous. As in Kakashi dangerous." Kakashi was able to hide his chakra better than most Shinobi with his reserves. It wouldn't be realistic for a snake like Orochimaru to slip up and not conceal his chakra. Saying something was off was all I could do.

'I'll enjoy seeing you get steel rammed up your ass, traitor.' I thought, focusing on his chakra.

Anko, deciding to not arouse suspicion, pushed me away and lightly slapped my balls, enough to make me whimper.

"Pervert," She growled, her eyes alight with malice, "Trying to feel me up?" She sauntered away, flashing me a look of understanding.

I groaned at her choice of a cover-up, hating that it was the most 'in character' choice she could do at the spur of the moment.

Everyone got their scrolls and were directed to different areas to enter the forest, the realization of everything culminating into this event hitting me with enough force to make my breath faint.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven," I whispered to myself in English, trying to grasp at anything to keep my fear in check.

I heard Anko count down, the words striking me harder than any blow I've ever felt.

I clenched my fist and tensed my legs, molding chakra into my legs.

My fear was now replaced with fury.

Orochimaru tried to kill innocent people by having me attacked. He would take the closest thing I had to a grandfather from me, he would mark Sasuke and send him down the path of ruin. He experimented on men, women, and children because he couldn't let go of his fear of death.

'Death is but another path. One that we all must take.'

I heard the number two vaguely, paying no mind to it.

Orochimaru feared what I had already faced. What I had felt.

Orochimaru will die. Whether it be here, the Crush, or years from now. Nothing will stop me from mounting his head on a stake and sending the Akatsuki screaming into hell alongside him.

'And yet, the menace of years.' I repeated in my mind, words said in a forgotten world, by a forgotten man, 'Finds, and shall find me. Unafraid.'

One.

'What say you, serpent?'

I shot forward into the forest, avoiding the trees with ease as I Shunshined with the aid of the Raikages' greatest jutsu.

/////////////////////

'Unknown' POV:

The infiltration of the exams was an exhilarating feeling, something that had his blood flowing in anticipation of the hunt that he hadn't felt in years.

Uzumaki was such a delicious specimen to see in action. He showed no fear in front of a room of older, potentially hostile genin, using intimidation and fear to his advantage to take attention away from his fellow rookie Shinobi.

Such raw fury wasn't something he'd felt in a young genin in years, a certain black haired prodigy came to mind when he thought of it.

Itachi may have taken the exams alone at a younger age, but Sarutobi must have a reason to put such faith in Uzumaki to do the same, taking them alone without a team.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard an explosion to his right, the sound of it hinting at an exploding tag.

Oddly, it didn't have any follow-up sounds indicating an ambush. No clashing of steel. No jutsu.

He realized something was off when he heard a pop and a rock shot from the ground, two tags on it from him glimpsing at it. One tag was at the bottom of the rock and looked spent, possibly being a way to lift the rock up.

He avoided the second top tag exploding with a Kawarimi, the replacement log being torn to sheds by the explosion.

'Traps.' He thought to himself, his senses alert.

More explosions were heard by him, and again, with no following sounds of fighting.

'Someone laced the forest with traps.' He thought to himself, wondering who would have had the time to do it, and why.

That type of trick involving spreading the reach of shrapnel in the explosion was seen in another booby-trapped place he'd been to. The thought of this being even remotely similar wasn't pleasant.

He cautiously moved to try and find Uzumaki, for he had two chosen prey on this day.

/////////////////

Ino used the sensing ability she had and felt another genin team near them, ones that she didn't recognize.

"Shika," She whispered, the three of them concealed in the brush on the ground, "100 yards ahead. They're just walking."

Shikamaru was the planner of their team, so he took the lead in this situation.

It had already been over a few hours since they had been in the forest, the only sound being the extremely dangerous wildlife and explosions from all around the forest.

Shikamaru's expression was tense in thought, his eyes closed.

"Ino," he opened them, fixing her with a serious look, "How good is your water jutsu?"

Naruto had given her advice on working with water release, her father personally teaching her some after she saw how skilled Naruto was with it in Nami.

She'd managed to be confident enough in a C-rank water jutsu to use it in an ambush. But she didn't expect it to be as large as Naruto's. He had massive chakra reserves.

"I can use it in an ambush as an opening attack." She replied, Shikamaru nodding.

"Good," He looked to Choji, "You'll be attacking the one that isn't bound by me." He looked back to her, "You'll be in the trees above, they won't expect an attack like that from the trees." He then stood up and started stalking towards where the other team was.

They got to within attacking range, Shikamaru signaling for her to go to the tree.

"The one on the right," He whispered, the Suna team that thankfully wasn't the one with the Jinchuriki on it was their target, "I'll hit the center one and you'll engage the left one, Choji."

Shikamaru then signaled for them to get in position.

Ino creeped towards the tree that was the best one for an ambush and stuck her feet to it using chakra, climbing up quietly.

She got onto a higher branch and made sure she was sticking to it properly, crouched down to be a smaller target.

She kept her eye on her target, trusting Shikamaru to know when to signal.

Her hands were already up in preparation when Shikamaru whistled.

She made a few hand seals to stabilize it, just as her father advised. She felt water chakra pool in her stomach and leaned back and opened her mouth, blasting a jet of water out of her mouth.

Suiton: Teppodama.

The compressed ball was on point and struck its intended target, lifting him off his feet and sending him skidding into a tree, knocked unconscious.

His two comrades pulled kunai, but Ino saw Shikamaru's shadow dart forward and grab ahold of one before they realized what it was.

She glanced for a split second towards Shikamaru, whose teeth were gritted as he stretched his shadow to the edge of its range.

She saw the targets arm move involuntarily and flung his kunai at his own teammate, the last one barely throwing up his arm to stop it from hitting his chest.

The kunai still got lodged in his arm and he screamed in pain, his cries going quiet when Choji rushed forward and drove an expanded fist into his head, knocking him out, followed by him punching the immobilized one as well.

All in all, the whole exchange lasted 5 seconds from the moment she used her jutsu.

She understood now why Anko had beaten them black and blue on being covert, having to sneak up on her and get within a certain range of her.

None of them were injured, because they were quiet and Shikamaru used his wits to think of a plan.

Shikamaru whistled again and signaled for her to stay up there on overwatch as he went over to Choji.

Choji went to reach for the scroll, but Shikamaru waved his arms to stop him.

"Check if they put poison on it." Shikamaru said, "Suna nin are known for using poison sometimes."

Choji eyed the bag with concern, backing away.

Shikamaru made a rat hand seal and used his shadow to open the bag, nothing happening when he pulled it out.

"Damnit," He flung the scroll to his hands with his shadow, pocketing the scroll, "It's another heaven scroll."

Ino scowled at having two of a kind, but hoped one of the other teams might have one and was willing to trade.

She pressed out her sensing some more and thought she caught a flash of something. It almost felt like Naruto.

She pressed harder, but didn't feel it anymore.

Shrugging, she walked down from the tree and hopped to the ground when she was a few feet away.

"Kami, it's hot," She wiped her brow, sweat beginning to build up, "I'm already sweating."

Shikamaru scoffed and gestured to himself, sweat visibly dripping down his face. "Nothing gets you hot under the collar like hunting people down." He muttered.

"That sounds like Naruto." Ino frowned, certain she'd hear that from the red haired boy and not her teammate.

"That's because he told me that before." Shikamaru deadpanned, looking around, "Now c'mon, we need to get moving."

They left the Suna nin where they lay, the three already beginning to stir.

///////////////////

Rin had to pee, aggravated that it had to be now of all times.

They'd cleared through a random team that tried to ambush them with a practiced ease, the three being hogtied and a couple chakra suppression tags on them courtesy of her deft touch.

But she started shifting around uncomfortably, groaning slightly.

"Yes, Ms. Uzumaki?" Sasuke asked amusedly, "Do you have something to share with the class?"

She gave him a withering look and bared her teeth to get the message across.

Sasuke looked ridiculous, the heat of the day and humidity making his hair clump and stick to his face. But he still had that little grin on his face that was more insufferable than Naruto.

"I have to pee." She said simply, pulling her hair back to stop it from falling into her face.

The stupid team that ambushed them caused her to lose her scrunchy, making her hair stick in every direction in a spiky mess.

'Why couldn't I have kaasan's hair?' She grumbled, 'Naruto's hair looks prettier.'

She wouldn't say that to Naruto's face, actually, yeah, she would.

"Just go pee in a bush." Sasuke sighed, the three of them stopping.

"Turn around." She twirled her hand to signal him to look away.

Sasuke scowled at her. "Just go into the deep brush and pee." He said irritably, "Quit wasting time."

"I don't know how good your beady little eyes are at seeing through things." She snarked, heading towards the brush, "I'll tell you my pet name for you when I get back so you know I'm not an imposter."

Sasuke scoffed and gave a parting shot.

"I'll be awaiting your return, Rin-chan." He said her name with a tone she never heard before.

She brushed him off and kept walking into a collection of bushes, scowling at how he said her name. Not even Naruto used that tone, so Sasuke was just doing it to mess with her.

She got to a nice, secluded area and made several Kage bunshin to act as cover, letting her be free to do her business.

The snap of a twig had her spinning around and throwing a kunai right as she was done.

The kunai was covered in wind chakra and tore through the air with a high pitched whistle.

The target was an Ame nin, judging by his breathing mask.

Rin growled and shot towards him, striking at his face with a punch.

He leaned back and pushed her hand away, her fist driving into the tree next to them, taking a chunk of bark off.

The roundhouse kick he retaliated with was ducked by her and she ducked her shoulder, driving it into his ribs. He staggered back and several of her punches made contact with his ribs, a kunai she slipped into her hand finding its way into his shoulder.

He shouted in pain and tried to lash out with a haymaker with his good arm, but she blocked it with her left forearm and drove her right fist into his face, his mask breaking with an audible hiss.

He dropped like a puppet with its strings cut, his eyes rolling back.

She could hear the sound of fighting coming from where Sasuke and Hinata were at, making her realize they had been stalking them.

Slapping a seal on his neck, she pulled out her tanto and ran towards the sound of fighting, making several more bunshin in case another team was going to 'third party' them, as Naruto described it.

She skidded to a halt when she saw Hinata standing above someone who had just fallen over, her eyes active and her left sleeve slightly torn.

"Where's Sasuke?!" Rin shouted, flinching when Hinata glared at her.

She didn't expect Hinata to push her hand out and send a Vacuum Palm at her. Rin didn't avoid all of it and got knocked off her feet, getting blown back several yards.

"The hell 'Nata?" Rin shouted, glaring at her friend.

"What is my favourite food?" The Hyuga girl demanded, her eyes narrowed and fingers glowing blue with chakra.

Rin's eyes widened in realization. "Cinnamon rolls." She pointed at her tanto as a reference to it actually being her.

Hinata relaxed visibly and lowered her hands.

"Sasuke is over there," Hinata gestured towards a small clearing, "They had a trap set up and he sprung it to surprise them." Hinata explained.

Rin rushed over there, jumping over a bush. She got there and saw Sasuke was fine, cleaning what looked to be blood off his blue shirt.

His head jerked up suddenly and he flung the kunai in his hand at her head.

She swung her tanto at it and shattered the steel knife by pulsing wind chakra into her blade.

"The hell, Uke?!" Rin growled, "You trying to kill me?"

"I got ambushed by a girl that looked like you." His eyes flashed red, the blood staining his shirt being ignored, "She called me Sasuke-kun."

"You're an Uke." She snapped, raising a brow when Sasuke visibly relaxed similar to how Hinata did.

"Yep, it's you." He shrugged, scowling at the blood on his clothes.

She went up to him and glanced at the Ame nin that had a kunai lodged in his chest.

"Ambush?" She asked, expecting a yes from the boy.

Sasuke nodded, removing the kunai from the obviously dead shinobi's chest.

"Spooked the hell out of us when you left and supposedly came back with a bloody arm, saying you were ambushed." He remarked, spotting Hinata join up with them.

That'll have you on edge. Rin thought, knowing if either of her two teammates came out injured, it would worry her.

"On the bright side," Sasuke continued, pulling up the scroll left by the failed ambushers, "We now have a Heaven and Earth scroll."

Rin smirked at the realization that they could be out of here by the end of the first day.

"Let's make a beeline to the tower. We can do it." Rin said excitedly, flashing her teammates a smile as she bounced on her feet.

"We need to see how far away we are," Hinata pointed out, "If it's night time sooner than we get there, it would be better for us to find somewhere to rest. You two can't see in the dark and we've already been ambushed."

Rin blinked in surprise, forgetting that Hinata's Byakugan could see the outline of things in the dark.

"Broken Dojutsu," She grumbled, mock glaring at the two, "I'm the only one without a fancy set of eyes on this team."

"Don't worry, Rin," Sasuke smirked, walking up to her and patting her cheek like she did to him constantly, "We'll guide you around as you flail around."

Rin shivered at Sasuke accidentally brushing his palm against one of her whisker marks, the spot sensitive.

"Don't touch my face." She glared at him, not liking the babying voice he was using, "And stop acting like Naruto."

"One," Sasuke winked at her, "You touched my face first when you used your lips," She caught a flash of colouring on his face, but it didn't match hers at the reminder, "And two, if you can't beat them, join them."

"I'm not dealing with you, Naruto, and Bakakashi acting like this." She grumbled, walking towards the general direction of the tower.

The three decided to try and make it, but all agreed that it was likely they'd need to hunker down for the night.

Not like anything terrible was going to happen.

/////////////////

Part two will be out next. The whole Forest of Death will be five parts.