A tale of two perverts part one

Not much to say, here's the chapter. I have several game and film references in this one, try and find them.

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The day after I told Rin about our father was still a little awkward. Kurama had refrained from saying any bullshit, likely from him seeing and hearing most of the conversation because of the two of us yelling at each other.

The clone I sent back to Kakashi's place had a left a note next to the replacement frame, explaining what happened and what was said.

Rin was still asleep right now, the time being about 5:00 a.m., and I was heading to Kakashi to check in on who I would be training with. I was going to get training, I don't care if it's from Kakashi, Hiruzen, or Jiraiya. The fact that Gaara was an unstable Jinchuriki probably meant Jiraiya was going to, that is if he's even here.

I saw that practically nobody was out at this point, which suited me just fine. I got to Kakashi's apartment and walked up to the door, knocking a few times. He opened the door a minute or so later and I got a good look at him.

He looked tired, almost like he hadn't slept, and he smelled faintly like alcohol.

"You been drinking?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

He grimaced and nodded, gesturing for me to come in.

I walked in and spotted the picture of Kakashi's team was beside the couch, the note I left right next to it.

Kakashi sighed and sat down, running his fingers through his hair.

"I take it that she wasn't pleased with what you told her?" Kakashi asked casually, looking at me with a resigned expression.

I didn't hold back a grimace at remembering how angry she was.

"Words were traded and she bit me," I said, hearing Kakashi sigh, "She ended up channeling some of the Fox's chakra from getting pissed and I had to restrain her and put a tag on her seal."

"I'm sure she loved every moment of it." Kakashi muttered sarcastically.

"I'm pretty sure her canines scraped against bone when she bit me." I said flatly, not wanting to think of whether my bite hurt Karin as much.

Speaking of Karin, I switched subjects.

"Where is Karin at now?" I asked.

Kakashi raised a brow at the subject change, but he answered me.

"She's in a hotel right now, under ANBU guard. The Hokage made the decision when he found out your apartment got trashed and she couldn't stay at your place."

I rolled my eyes at remembering that I still hadn't gotten a replacement bed.

"I'll send a bunshin to buy a new bed and a cot. She can sleep in the bed."

I'd slept on the floor before, I didn't have an issue with a cheap cot.

"But anyway," I switched back to the previous subject, "Rin's still upset with me some, but she's not angry. She was wanting to kill you and the Hokage for lying, but I admitted that I told you two to not say anything."

Kakashi looked grateful at me ensuring there wouldn't be a degradation in his relationship with her.

"Also, who's going to help me prepare for the finals, you?" I asked, seeing him shake his head afterwards.

"I honestly don't know what I'm going to do for the next month," Kakashi admitted, "It wouldn't feel fair to train either Rin or Sasuke because they're fighting each other, Hinata is probably going to be trained by her father, and you already have someone wanting to train you."

"Oh," I said with mock surprise, "Who's my secret admirer that wishes to bless me with this auspicious chance for training?"

"Someone that I think you'll get along with." Kakashi smirked, "Talk with the Hokage after while if you want to find him. He should be here today."

Yep. It was most definitely Jiraiya. I'm going to have fun fucking with him. He'll either love me or hate me, possibly both.

"Couldn't Rin just train with me and the random while you train Sasuke?" I asked, frowning at that.

"You're fighting a Jinchuriki, and a dangerous one at that," Kakashi reminded me, "This is a seal master and an S-rank Shinobi who has served Konoha for decades. It will be better for the focus to be on your preparation right now."

I made a show of thinking of who it could be, then looked at Kakashi.

"Jiraiya, huh?" I raised a brow, "You said I'd get along with him."

Kakashi scoffed at my response.

"Took you that long to realize who it was? I practically spoon-fed you hints."

"I was just being polite instead of just spoiling your fun."

"How considerate, but you didn't care when you sicced Anko on me by Henging two of your bunshin as Asuma and me." He gave me a dark look, his eye narrowing.

I started snickering at his expression, knowing Anko probably got her pound of flesh.

"To be fair," I raised my hands up, "I had no idea that she had no gag reflex."

Kakashi looked unimpressed.

"You suspected enough for you to make a bit about it in front of over a hundred genin."

"C'mon, it was funny." I protested, "You would have done something similar to me if you had the chance."

"Aside from your canines and birthmarks, I can't think of anything that could match that." Kakashi deadpanned.

I flinched when a gleam appeared in his eye.

'I don't like where this is headed.'

"I know dogs have a knot in a certain particular area, but do foxes?" He asked with a grin.

I choked on my spit and started coughing, my eyes wide in shock at the question.

"What the fuck?" I sputtered, caught off guard by that, "What kind of question is that?"

"Well, you talk about how women will adore such a feral lover when you're older." He reminded me of the comments I made to mess with Sasuke.

That is a nightmarish image. I would have murdered the fox if his chakra did that to me.

"I do not have a knot in my dick," I said flatly, shivering in disgust, "That's nightmare fuel right there."

"Just think," Kakashi eye smiled, "Your journey as a lady's man can die a fiery death with a well placed rumour."

I growled under my breath and gave him a look of contempt.

"What do you want?" I asked, my face flat.

"It would be too much for you to stop messing with me about Anko," Kakashi admitted, "But I want you to not pull any pranks on us about that until you become a Chunin, alright?"

I blinked in surprise at the rather low trade offer.

"What's your angle?" I raised a brow, crossing my arms, "That's too low of an offer."

"Better to get something than risk you saying to hell with it and calling a potential bluff."

I knew Kakashi would spread a bullshit rumour like that to mess with me. Rin would find it hilarious and Sasuke would be relentless.

"You're a bastard," I said simply, "But fine. You have a deal."

Kakashi grinned.

"Now that we've made a deal," He said, standing up and walking towards his room, "You wanting to get breakfast before you meet the Hokage?"

"Sure." I shrugged, seeing him disappear behind his door.

A few minutes later, he came out in his regular attire, vest and all.

"Ready?" He asked, walking towards the door.

I nodded and the two of us left his apartment, the sun having risen some.

////////////////////

"Any idea what I should expect to be learning from him?" I asked Kakashi, two empty bowls of ramen to the side of me and a half empty bowl being currently eaten.

I might have seen some of the stuff Jiraiya could do in the series, but that was nothing compared to what he could truly do. The man was a 40 year Shinobi veteran, someone who learned to be good or die in a ditch. He was almost as world wise as Hiruzen was, but he wasn't limited by age yet.

The things I've seen Kakashi do wasn't shown in the anime, nor Hiruzen. A show doesn't tell you how Hiruzen's chakra was one of the most terrifying I'd felt, not by its size, but by how diminished it was. The same way you can determine a person's height by measuring their tibia, I can tell by my sensing what someone's max chakra reserves are if they have nearly exhausted themselves.

A 70 year old man had more chakra than 99% of the Shinobi he commanded while his chakra felt slower, colder, and overall less potent than it should have been.

Imagining whatever the hell he was when he was in his physical prime is terrifying. To think that anybody could be greater than that, let alone the Uchiha that wants to put the world in an illusion, is unsettling.

So if the show didn't exactly show how dangerous the two of them are, then I assume the same could be said about Jiraiya. This isn't a show or manga, it's reality. A reality with demigods and teenagers with the power to level cities.

Kakashi looked to be thinking deeply, eventually speaking.

"It's a little difficult to say, it depends on what you mean by that." He offered, realizing that wasn't an answer I wanted.

"He's fought in two wars and is one of the most dangerous Shinobi alive, and I've seen him spar with your father."

I was paying close attention now, ignoring the bowl in front of me.

"He favours Katon and Doton jutsu, and he's creative in how he fights."

I grimaced, expecting that.

"The Hokage will be much better to ask, but you could just wait until Jiraiya shows up."

"Yeah," I went back to the bowl so it wouldn't get cold, "That's probably what I'll do."

I finished my bowl and Kakashi forced me to let him pay the bill, slapping down some Ryo.

It was brighter now and the two of us walked to the tower, Hiruzen's chakra emanating from his office.

I opened up the connection to Kurama to ask him something.

"Yes?" He asked, sounding bored.

'Question.' I began, a certain thought I'd had since I started thinking about Jiraiya's preferred elemental release ninjutsu.

Roshi had Lava Release because of the Yonbi having a fire affinity and he had an Earth affinity. A similar thing with Han using steam.

'Do you have a particular elemental release?' I felt his chakra shift minutely.

"I can use wind and fire." He answered eventually, "Why the curiosity?"

'Would that improve my ability to use fire jutsu?' I asked, 'Would your chakra influence ours?'

Kurama was silent for some time, causing me to notice that Kakashi and I weren't far away.

I heard Kurama sigh, the echo in my head never failing to feel weird.

"My chakra can influence the ones I'm sealed in, improving their ability to begin shaping their chakra for wind and fire release."

'I sense a 'but'.' I said, hearing him snort.

"But, you have an uncommonly strong water affinity, to the point that it would be extremely difficult for you to use fire jutsu even with my chakra having been slowly coaxing yours to be more malleable from being sealed in you since birth."

I knew opposing affinities were... difficult to handle when you didn't have some kind of kekkai genkai. Water likes to flow and gives in to manipulation, while fire constantly devours and is chaotic.

'What about Rin?'

"The vixen," Kurama said with a chuckle, never calling her by name, whether it be Rin, Uzumaki, or human, "Has no such issue. She can work towards a second affinity for fire faster than she would have if I wasn't sealed. Her chakra is much softer than yours to the touch."

I could only assume it was because of the circumstance of my existence. Chakra is a manifestation of body and mind, and the mind and memories of years more lived experience would make sense in that context.

I'd been thinking of what would be the best elemental release to work on as a third, whenever I got around to it.

'Anything else before I start my day? I'll be focusing on training, so I won't keep the connection open consistently.'

Kurama didn't say anything immediately, humming to himself.

"Continue with your stories tonight. They are... entertaining." He eventually said, his chakra feeling less focused, meaning he was done talking.

'Sure thing. Later, fox.'

There was not a single possiblity that Kurama heard any of the stories I've been talking about during the night, especially since they were originally written in a language that I couldn't understand.

Speaking of stories, 'my' book was starting to make a pretty penny. Sales were up ever since people started coming to Konoha in preparation for the Chunin exams from different regions.

A nice paperback to read when waiting for a competitive blood sport to happen is the mark of a sane mind, didn't you know?

We got to the Hokage's office and we passed the ANBU guards, the two eying Kakashi warily.

Shrugging it off, I walked in and saw Hiruzen behind the desk, a neutral expression on his face.

The door closed and I walked towards Hiruzen, his eyes flicking to mine.

"Kakashi informed me that you told Rin about Minato." He said.

I gave a simple nod.

"She didn't take it well, did she?"

"No."

"Would you be able to explain what you told her?"

I explained everything that was said and done, of how I told her not to use a Rasengan, the shouting match we had, and what I did to get her to see that Minato was our father.

The look on her face as she dropped the picture frame and staggered away from me was the one thing out of that entire exchange that almost caused me to fall to pieces.

I now knew the expression I had when I hadn't recognized her face years ago. It was on her face, in her eyes, when I told her to look back at the picture when I Henged my whisker marks and hair.

And I hated it.

"She was angry at all of us, and she bit me."

Hiruzen snorted, explaining after I raised a brow in question.

"She did the same thing to an ANBU when you were attacked. Left an impressive bite mark."

Rin seems to have a proclivity towards biting people, while I'm a dick to people.

"I'm a smartass," I said, "And she seems to bite people."

"You have to be smart to be a smartass, Naruto." Kakashi rolled his eye.

"You wouldn't know what smart is if it kicked you in the balls," I snarked, "Bakakashi."

Kakashi had a tic mark at his temple when I said that nickname.

"Your godfather will be proud of you." Hiruzen chuckled, shaking his head, "But I think your mother would consider you a disappointment."

I rolled my eyes, but laughed at the accurate statement.

Uzumaki Kushina would be even worse than Minato would be about her precious baby being corrupted, even if Jiraiya did absolute fuck all in making me a perverted little bastard.

But isn't it hilarious to drop a mess in other people's laps?

"Speaking of disappointments," I said, my tone being serious now, "Where's Jiraiya?"

"He sent a messenger toad, saying he would be here today."

"Did he say where?" I asked.

Hiruzen shook his head. "He did not."

Odds are, he'll probably be at the hot springs to peep at some of the women after a day's worth of traveling.

"I can guess where he'd be at." I said simply, shaking my head.

"Do be gentle with him, Naruto," Hiruzen requested, "I am aware of some of the things you're capable of."

"Like?" I asked innocently, a less than innocent grin being visible on my face.

"It was an unpleasant surprise when I woke up with the word 'pervert' written on my forehead with Fuinjutsu ink." Hiruzen said gruffly, the memory likely not being a fond one.

"Ah, yes," I smiled, pretending like I was remembering something nostalgic, "You got off easy."

"Hmnn?" Hiruzen raised a brow in an 'oh really' look.

"I drew a dick on Kakashi's face." I said, feeling Kakashi's chakra spike and some Killing Intent leak out from him.

"You swore you would never bring that up." Kakashi muttered, glaring at me.

"Use your Sharingan if you want to give me a death glare," I snickered, "More effective."

I then addressed his accusation.

"I promised to not bring up the dick I drew on your face that one time," I grinned, seeing Kakashi's glare intensify, "But not the 3 times before it that I had to erase because I couldn't keep my hand steady from laughing."

I was like a kindergarten student when I was trying to draw the dick on his face. I couldn't keep my hand from shaking because I was almost crying from laughing.

Kakashi looked like he was seriously considering breaking some of my bones, but Hiruzen cleared his throat to get our attention.

"As amusing as that story is," The old man had the decency to suppress a smirk, "I would like to ensure whatever plan you have to torture my student won't cause random destruction like your D-rank mission."

As if I could cook something up on the fly to cause that much chaos.

"That should have been an S-rank," I shrugged, being partially serious, "Simply because I got attacked by a bunch of naked and pissed kunoichi."

"You don't have to pretend that you didn't love every moment of it." Kakashi remarked, causing me to scowl.

"Oh, yes, any self respecting guy likes getting covered in shit, beaten by an Inuzuka girl, get their balls hit repeatedly, and get chased across the village," I rattled off, giving Kakashi a deadpan look, "If there ever comes a point I start enjoying pain, kill me."

Kakashi looked disgusted at the last part.

"You sure that's not why you take several hits and injuries?"

I felt my eye twitch at the question, especially the innocent tone he used.

"Believe me, Kakashi, you'd know if I did."

Kakashi should have thought better than to ask the next question.

"Really?" He asked with a touch of sarcasm.

For the record, I have absolutely no shame. Only a shameless degenerate would do what I was going to do to fuck with the cyclops.

"Oh, Kakashi-senpai," I simpered, the man flinching back at the tone I used, "Stab me deeper. Oh, cut me harder, senpai."

The visible part of Kakashi's face turned a disturbing shade of green, the man looking nauseous.

"Alright, you've made your point." Kakashi shook his head, not trying to say anything else.

I grinned and turned back to Hiruzen, who had a look of exasperation.

"Do what you want to Jiraiya, just don't blow anything up. And could you refrain from using that tone of voice in my presence from now on?"

"Sure, Jiji." I nodded, having only done it to screw with Kakashi.

"Go on," Hiruzen shooed me away, "Go and be a pest to someone else."

'On every leaf. On every stalk. Until there's nothing left of green.'

I ran towards the edge of the window of the office, deciding to pull a Jiraiya.

"I'm not a pest," I grinned, turning to face the two, "I'm a plague."

I then let go and dove off the tower, spinning around to head towards the ground, the wind whistling in my ears.

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'Hmnn, security is tighter.' Jiraiya mused, spotting several times more guards deployed around the village.

The sight of Konoha was a balm for his soul, having not seen it in so many years.

Even if he loved the freedom offered by traveling and being the village's spy master, the village that was his home would always have a special place in his heart.

He managed to evade detection as he walked through the streets, acting like it was a game. Most Shinobi never had the privilege of trying to track a Kage level Shinobi like himself, especially in their own village.

The hustle and bustle of the villagers didn't distract him from the excitement, but also fear, of how his godchildren would react to him.

Sensei hadn't told him of anything new over the last week, probably meaning nothing happened. But he was aware that Naruto had figured out that Minato was their father, and he wasn't pleased about it. Small blessings though, Naruto didn't hate his father.

Jiraiya had everything planned out for training the two, but Naruto took precedence right now, especially with his suspicions about who was supposed to be the Child of Prophecy between the two.

Intelligent, immense raw chakra reserves, and the Bloodline ability of his grandfather pointed towards him, not Rin, being the one.

He'll talk to Hiruzen after while about anything that was left out of the letters between them for security reasons, but right now, he was going to the hot springs. The long journey had sapped him of his inspiration. Research was required!

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I was suppressing my chakra and was discreetly making my way to the hot springs, my target undoubtedly being there.

Hiruzen seemed to assume the worst, but what did he know? Jiraiya will be awesome to talk with. It's not like the hot springs are going to get blown up a second time.

I ducked into an alley, pressing my sensing out to see if anyone was trailing me. The ANBU seemed to be sticking to the outskirts of the village and were patrolling in a familiar pattern.

Now that I knew the coast was clear, I made multiple clones and had them Henge as different people, ordering them to scope out the springs themselves, and the ideal spot to spy on the treasure within.

After one of them popped to relay a confirmation to me, I shut my eyes and visualized the image that I received.

A large man with spiky white hair that went down his back, red and green vest, and a chakra signature that was suppressed to a degree that only Orochimaru and Hiruzen could match.

And he was spying on the women.

Smirking at the idea in my head, I made a hand seal and Henged as a disguise that would be an excellent way to get Jiraiya's guard to lower.

Jiraiya was a Super Pervert, but there was something that he did not know, something that he was incapable of knowing. I was burdened with a grand and all encompassing knowledge of reality that he couldn't have known.

5 words. 5 words from one Super Pervert to another.

There can only be one.

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Jiraiya was switching between looking through his spy glass and jotting down notes, giggling at what he was seeing.

He was fortunate to have gotten here when more than one team of Konoha nin had come back from a long mission, judging by the number of kunoichi currently in the springs.

He peered more intently into the spy glass when two lovely specimens, one with black hair and a petite build, the other being a brunette with a more athletic build, began laughing and splashing one another.

'Ooh, yes.' He was writing down notes without even looking at the paper, being an immensely experienced multitasker. 'This will be amazing for my book.'

He was interrupted in his research by a soft, feminine voice saying his name from behind.

"Excuse me, are you Jiraiya the Sannin?"

Jiraiya's hand slipped and he broke his pencil, tearing his note sheet.

He bit down to stop from cursing and jerked his head towards the source, prepared to tear strips from them for interrupting his research so rudely.

Whatever retort he had died the instant he caught sight of the individual. His eyes widened comically at the sight of arguably one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen.

She was a blonde girl around her early twenties in age, with enticing blue eyes.

"Uh," He blinked, but recovered from the surprise very quickly, "Yes, I am," He jumped up and struck a pose, "I am Jiraiya the Gallant. And who may you be?" He asked with a soft tone, seeing the girl smile brightly.

"Oh," She covered her mouth and giggled at his display, the sound a soft tinkling one, "I'm Kasumi. You wouldn't know me, but you saved my father in the Second war."

There had been more than one relative of Shinobi he'd saved that had thanked him in person when the war ended, especially since he was more approachable than Orochimaru.

Jiraiya inclined his head and gave a sweeping bow.

"I am happy to meet a polite and beautiful lady such as yourself, Kasumi-san." He then lifted his head up to get a better look at her.

Her hair was a golden blonde that seemed to catch the sunlight, and her eyes shown like two captivating sapphires.

She giggled again and walked towards him, her hips swaying with each step.

Jiraiya was praying that he could stave off a nosebleed for just a little longer, this breathtaking girl was closing in on him and he drank in her delicious assets.

A white sundress contrasting deliciously with her sun kissed skin, her ample bosom almost taut against the fabric of the dress, straining to be free.

"I just wanted to thank you for saving my Touchan." She whispered huskily, her eyes alight with amusement.

Jiraiya bit down his giggle, but he felt some blood trickle down his nose, the goddess before him noticing it.

"Oh stop, Jiraiya-kun," She looked away, a dainty blush on her cheeks, "I'm not that pretty."

'This can't be possible. Even the most unrealistic scenes I've written haven't been like this.'

Jiraiya ignored his suspicions when she got on her tiptoes and traced her fingers across his vest, her face just a foot away from his.

If her eyes were an amber colour, he might have been able to almost fool himself into thinking it was Tsunade. This girl's hair was almost like hers, but it had more curls in it, and the toned muscles under the sinfully soft flesh could be seen as she got closer.

"I've never had such a large man," She looked him up and down, looking impressed, "But I'm sure you can help educate me, Sensei."

Blood started flowing freely from both nostrils, a perverted blush on his face.

He was giggling giddily as she closed the distance, her breath tickling his ear as she whispered a sinful secret to him.

"Make love to me, Jiraiya-kun." But the voice wasn't that of this delectable female in front of him, it was the voice of his teammate.

His male teammate.

He completely froze and his eyes widened, the girl giggling in that disgusting way Orochimaru did.

The next thing he knew, a foot struck him in the gut and sent him flying backwards, his back and head impacting something solid. A crashing sound, screams, and a splash assaulted his ears, the feeling of being submerged next.

He flailed for a moment and jump up, looking around as water dripped from his hair and clothes.

He'd been kicked into the hot springs, the women slowly getting over the shock of him crashing through the roof.

"Pervert!" Several screamed out, most of them covering their bodies with their hands as best as they could.

'Shit.'

Jiraiya, Sannin, lecher, trainer of the Yellow Flash, the Toad Sage of Mount Myoboku, was buried under a swarm of angry females.

He threw his hands out to protect himself, but there were too many. He was forced underwater again from all of them, several of them stomping on his face.

"Nft zh fcs!" He tried to scream, the water distorting it.

He broke the surface of the water and gasped for air.

"Not the face!" He shouted, blindly grabbing to find his Hitai-ate, which had fallen off.

His shit luck matched Tsunade's when he found something, but it wasn't his Hitai-ate.

It was too soft to be what he was reaching for.

He heard a shriek and felt a knee get buried in his groin moments later.

"The face!" He screamed desperately, collapsing to his knees, "Kami, please, the face!"

His prayers went unheeded as he was buried under the women.

///////////////

I was already cackling like a man insane when Jiraiya's ass crashed through the hot springs, blessing him with an up close look at the merchandise.

I started getting lightheaded from laughing and fell to my knees, my breaths coming out in a wheeze.

The screaming went on for I don't know how long, but Jiraiya's battered form was eventually flung out of the building, the man groaning and shifting around.

My vision was swimming from lack of air, the plan being flawlessly delivered.

Jiraiya got his legs back under him and his gaze jumped to me.

His expression shifted into anger, but I caught the sight of something flying towards the back of his head. His Hitai-ate got flung back to him and a *ting* was heard as it struck him.

"Pervert!" The women who threw it shouted, a towel wrapped around her.

Jiraiya stooped down and picked it up, stomping towards me.

The Henge was no longer covering me, so Jiraiya knew who had fucked with him.

He got to me and he growled as he started wringing out the water in his hair.

"What the hell was that for?"

I managed to stand up, swaying from the solid 5 minutes of me laughing until I was pretty sure I coughed up a lung.

Clearing my throat, I gave him an imperious look with my eyes flashing.

"You trespassed on my territory, old man."

Jiraiya scoffed, looking unamused.

"This has been my stomping grounds since before you were an itch in your daddy's pants, gaki."

"I don't see you name around here," I snorted, glancing around, "Jisan."

Jiraiya scowled and kept trying to get the water out of his hair.

"My hair is naturally white."

"Whatever helps you sleep," I said simply, "I'm sure your prostate does you no favours with that. It must suck to piss five times a night."

Jiraiya went to say something, but he paused before.

"You do realize who you're talking to, right gaki?"

I smirked at him.

"Indeed I know who I speak with," I raised my voice and threw my arms out, "I stand in the presence of the mighty Jiraiya, the man who trained the guy that slept with my sister's mom."

Jiraiya actually laughed at the last part, his irritation seemingly vanishing.

"That's one way to put it." He finished with his hair, putting his Hitai-ate back on, "But I have greater feats than that."

"I'm named after the protagonist of your first book?" I phrased it as a statement, the taller man grimacing.

"I didn't realize you knew that." He said, looking depressed.

"This whole spectacle was the one and only 'Fuck you' I'll ever say about it," I looked at him, seeing him look confused, "Kakashi and the Hokage explained the shit that went down because of the Kyuubi being unleashed."

Jiraiya's entire body sagged, a look of relief on his face.

"I was worried about how I would need to explain that, but it looks like you already understand."

I nodded, looking around.

"You want to talk somewhere else?" I asked, assuming he'd want somewhere more private.

"Yeah," He nodded, "Especially since you scared away all the women." He added with an annoyed look.

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "It was your fat ass that made the splash."

"You kicked me!" He protested, the two of us walking towards the edge of the village.

"That was Kasumi-chan." I countered, still walking at the set pace.

Good God, Jiraiya had a long stride. Slow down, dude!

"I'm not going to forget that." He gave me a withering look, grumbling under his breath about redheaded brats.

"You'll like it even more when you find out what I based her on." I grinned toothily.

We got to the edge of the village, the guards looking surprised that Jiraiya was there.

"Jiraiya-sama," They said, scrambling to look more presentable, "We didn't realize you were in the village."

Jiraiya waved them off and told them it wasn't an issue, continuing out towards the forest surrounding Konoha.

I quickened my pace to keep up with the damned tree.

"I know I'm going to either laugh or regret this," Jiraiya said, turning to face me, "But what did you base 'Kasumi-chan' on?" He said the name sarcastically.

I smirked at the question.

"A combination of Mitarashi Anko and my father's hair and my eyes." I said, snickering at him trying to connect the dots.

I took pity on him and explained.

"In a way, she's a combination of yours and Orochimaru's training," I smiled widely, "Congrats, Mr and Mrs Orochimaru, it's a girl."

Jiraiya's face twisted into a disgusted expression, his eyes boring into mine.

"That's disgusting." He shivered at the idea of the Henge being some type of fucked up imagination of him and Orochimaru getting it on.

"But I thought a pervert would appreciate something as perverted as that." I said innocently, or at least as innocent I could with the current subject.

"First, I'm a Super Pervert," Jiraiya corrected me, "Get it right. And second, I'm a pervert, not a degenerate."

"What's the difference?" I scoffed, enjoying the way I was pushing his buttons.

"A pervert uses a feather in the bedroom," Jiraiya explained sagely, "While a degenerate uses the whole bird."

I visibly cringed at the visuals.

"I hope you're fine with puke on you sandals, because that's fowl." I said disgustedly.

"And how the hell would you know or think of that shit?" I added, ignoring my own hypocrisy on thinking of over the top things.

"I know a thing or two, cause I've seen a thing or two." Jiraiya replied simply, not elaborating.

I don't doubt that.

"I have no idea how your dick hasn't fallen off if that's the kind of company you keep." I muttered, knowing this world had to have some absolute freaks outside of Konoha. My first life had some weird shit that was considered crazy, but this world was default crazy.

Jiraiya threw his head back and laughed, before slapping me hard on the shoulder.

"Know what, you're starting to remind me of me, 40 years back." He adopted a look of nostalgia, "Minus the charisma...and impressive cock."

I scowled and pushed him as hard as I could, the man barely stumbling.

"Asshole." That slap actually hurt.

"I'll take that," He admitted, "But I need to know why you wanted to walk out into the forest."

Jiraiya was the one going into the forest, not me!

"What the hell are you going on about?" I demanded, glaring up at him, "You're the one I was following!"

"Oh, were you?" Jiraiya asked sarcastically, "You should know how old guys like me lose our way at times."

"Don't screw with me, you damn tree," I kept looking up at him, annoyed that the bastard was so fucking tall, "I'm dead on my feet from keeping up with your long ass legs."

"My height has gotten me laid more times than you've jerked it, shortstack." He scoffed, brushing off my insult.

I'm not letting him get the better of me.

"I don't think I'd count some of the skanks you undoubtedly screwed." I scowled, turning back to the village and walking.

"You'll reach a time and point of understanding," Jiraiya chuckled, his eyes filled with a predatory look, "How appreciative women are when a guy actually knows how to make them cu-"

"You're disgusting." I growled, stomping towards Ichiraku's, "Buy me some damn ramen and I'll ignore that."

Jiraiya laughed loudly, catching up to me with extreme ease.

"Your mother said those exact words after I said something perverted."

I turned to Jiraiya and looked at him without any sarcastic comment or joking in my mind.

"Would you be able to tell me about them?" I asked, seeing his face shift to a somber expression.

"Yeah, and I'd like to know about you and Rin," He said, genuine interest in his voice, "Letters from the Hokage can only tell me so much."

I smiled softly and kept walking, the two of us re-entering the village.

///////////

Part two up next.