1 The Reason

The soul reason anyone is diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or commonly known as PTSD is because that person had to experience something, well traumatic for them. Most people tend to believe that members of the military can only be diagnosed with it after being deployed over seas. As part of of it is true, and it is becoming more well known because of our troops coming come. This "fact" is also very wrong. Regular everyday people like you can be diagnosed with PTSD. The important word in all of it is the root word trauma. Anything that your mind could perceive as traumatic for you could result in some sort of PTSD. Trauma as we all know can come in many forms. You could witness an event; go through one yourself. whether that event was a one time thing or years of abuse that you finally got out of. One thing to also make clear is that abuse is abuse no matter the form as well. Verbal, physical, mental, or emotional. they all can do permanent damage in the end like breaking china and trying to glue it back together. It may be healed, but the cracks will always be there.

I, myself was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 13 years old during the first summer of my father's divorce to his now ex wife whom I once called my mother.

Before everything happened my family was seen as the picture perfect family. A hard working military father/ husband. A mostly stay at home mother that still held a part-time job, and then there were 5 sweet well behaved kids that could absolutely do no wrong. Well, behind that red door painted a completely different picture from the one that was displayed for the public to see. The divorce was not the soul reason for mine, but it did play a huge factor in it. Think of it as the last string holding everything together or as other's would say; the final straw.

The day that changed everything was the day that she decided to leave us. What I did not know at the time is that she actually left for the better of my family and me.

The date was Sunday May 14th, 2011. My father had drill all weekend so he already left for the base early in the morning before any of us were even up. my "mother" said she had to go with a family friend to see her daughter for something involving cheer. She made my sibling and me Mac and cheese; then walked out that red door driving off in the family van without saying goodbye or a simple I love you. Hours went by, and I have already called her multiple times asking when she was coming home with no clear answer. Finally between 6 and 7 pm my father calls on his way home asking if she was home or if I had heard anything from her recently. Both answers were no, and all he says is that he will find her. Even more hours have gone by as I sent my siblings to bed after eating dinner and everyone taking showers since school was in the morning when I herd more news from my father. It's around midnight when he calls saying that he found her, and that he's coming home with my grandparents and my uncle who lived with us during that time. I see them all in the front living room when they finally arrive as my father pulls me to the side to his room to talk to me. he says he has bad news about her and I assume the worse thinking and vocalizing that she was dead. He tells me no and that he and my "mother" were not going to be married anymore, and that he was filing for divorce. when we came out to see my family is when he told me the rest of the story.

She lied. she never actually went where she said she was going. Instead, she drove the next state over, hours away from home to pick up her later to be husband and his kid he barley knows. My father along with my grandparents and uncle went on a search party to try and find her to bring her home.

She never did come back after that day as a mother. My siblings and I also did not go to school that Monday. My father spent that day breaking the knew to my little brother and sister's who some where too young to understand.

Throughout the rest of that summer; the first summer of the divorce my family spent a lot of time in the city that the court house was in. He wouldn't really explain what entirely was going on, but as time passed and we all got older he told us more.

The first five years were the most violent, and where we saw a lot of police. All because of one woman. During this all of us kids were also getting counseling. The first two where more of psychologists pin pointing where exactly we all stood mentally, and if there were any signs of abuse. Which there was. Counselor number two is the one that diagnosed me with my PTSD, and I got to visit her a lot more before we all went to number three. She along with the other two helped me with my early stages of PTSD when it was at it's worst, and I was at my lowest. They helped me discover what I could do incase of episodes to help me cope. These days though I have my father's amazing wife who I am more than glad to call my mom. She helped me realize what a good mom is suppose to look like.

My PTSD has grown with me over the past almost ten years to date. My senior year of high school is when I decided to go on this adventure, and to write everything down from my emotions to all of my episodes. I write this book in hopes that it may help other's like it has helped me over the years. Because in the end; we are never alone. We all have our demons that we fight everyday inside our minds.