WHERE IS SHE?
LARRY O'NEIL'S POV
I could literally see the cloud of worry engulfing her face, she had tried hard enough, well not quite enough I guess, holding those tears from rolling down her cheeks as she lay on my chest for comfort. I had received a phone call earlier from The Memorial Hospital stating that she was brought in after she lost consciousness by the roadside and I figured it happened while she was on her way home from work, given the time frame.
It had been a week since she got out, she hadn't really been herself ever since. In fact, she had drawn more to her introverted self and had gotten worse. She could seldomly get out of the house without feeling too insecure or that everyone passing by was watching her every move like a hawk. My heart sank to my knees just by the thought of all those awful occurrences of that dreaded weekend. I couldn't even begin to fathom the kind of trap she had in her brain and the torture in her mind although I knew it had damaged her both inside and out; her skin, her mind, her body, her health, her habits, her social life, her image, her self esteem, her life particularly and watching all that eat her alive was making me sick day by day. Knowing there was nothing I could do to save her from herself killed me, I wanted her to be fine, at least to make a milestone for the sake of herself in order to heal and maybe we would get there, at least just not at the moment or even anytime soon but at least I hoped she would, or at least we would because at that juncture I knew I had to carry hope for two.
FLASHBACK
The look on her face was worrying, like she saw what was coming and had no idea how to handle it, but still she tried to figure out a way how. That was what she always did, always trying to fix things, make them better for everyone but in that particular case, she needed the fixing and she was the one to be fixed only no one could fix her, not even me her lover but that she didn't know. She looked fatigued, withered and bothered, I could tell she hadn't had the time to even take a snack bite. That job drained too much energy from her body, too much to even see it herself because she loved her job so much. I didn't like it at all, I mean working 18hours and having only 4hours for sleep wasn't fair. She never really had time to herself to hang out, take a break or even cook food for herself. I must admit however, watching her work under those stressful conditions made me admire her zest, and motivation towards her work only recently it had seemed to spiral out of control.
* * *
Usually, I'd pass by her job to get a glimpse of her beautiful bright shining face then quickly drive off, but that day I couldn't see her over the counter and so I thought maybe she took a short break then she'd be back but those weren't the stories rummaging around like the wildest bushfires.
"Where is she today I can't see her over the counter, it's been twenty minutes now she should be back right?," I asked the soldier.
"You haven't heard? She got arrested a few hours ago, it's that money scandal again. The boss went bizarre and berserk again but this time I think she lost it. I feel badly for her," he replied.
She had told me of the danger she thought she was in, of her plan to quit her job again and to never look back, but I didn't think she saw what was coming for her, better yet I didn't think she was prepared for that phase of her life. My heart was racing in speed fast light dropping down to my feet, I could hear my chest crack open just by the thought of her. I gazed hopelessly not knowing what or even where to begin, all I knew was that my heart was profusely bleeding for her, wishing she was okay and that she would get through all of it. I had to see her, I knew she needed me then more than ever.
Looking at the time it was well past 12midnight, I didn't stand a chance to grace her sight that night but I'd be damned if I wasn't the earliest bird the next day.
* * *
How was she? Was she wearing a sweater? Was she cold? Had she eaten? Was she holding up just fine? Or was she tearing herself apart into pieces? Aaaargh! Just thinking about her in that state caused me insomnia, I couldn't sleep peacefully not with her crying herself to sleep in the cell. I knew she was strong but for that she wasn't, hell I'd never be myself.
Time had passed and morning had drawn its slightly light curtains. In the horizon the sun kissed the sky as it shone its bright yellow rays on my windscreen. I quickly drove off to the police station, making a quick stop to get her breakfast.
She looked pale, scared and without life. As if she had thrown in the towel already, like she was done fighting because every time she did she lost terribly. She trembled and shivered like a chameleon on a feeble leaf, but why wouldn't she when she spent her night on the cold floor with no blanket to tuck her in, or even merely a cloth to throw over her body just to reduce the cold at night?
Clearly she wasn't expecting to see anyone, seeing as though she got dumbfounded on sighting me. If only she knew, how hard it had been to go through last night knowing she was suffering alone in there, how scared I had been thinking about what would become of her in such an extreme situation, if only she knew my heart beat twice as fast because of her, if only she knew what I felt for her, then maybe that expression on her face would be a bit different, somehow cheerful and lovely or just something close enough exposing her blush dimple.
END OF FLASHBACK