HEL'S HIERARCHY
Hello, and welcome Dear Reader! I am Staplehead—and some might even say, the friendliest demon you'll ever meet.
Do I have the urge to beat to shit the damned bastards down here every now and then? Feck yes! This is Hell. Not fucking Earth. These screaming cunts deserve it anyway. Maybe I shouldn't use the spiked chains on them, but whatever. It's called Torture for a reason. But that's a rather mortifying introduction, innit?
Well, get prepared you booky lot—and keep a freaking big open mind cause you are about to delve into a tale full of the worst unholiness, ruthless rage, savage murders, and crazy sex like nothing you've ever seen before. As Hell's Librarian, I keep a journal on these things. Probably why I have many dried human faces peering from my shelves. What? Flayed flesh is a damned good book cover.
Anyway, it is my dark pleasure to present to you Hel's Hierarchy—according to Staplehead.
HELLBABY : These are the common lower-ranking demons. Anything below Rank C. They are the plebs. Everything from Hellhounds, to Wraiths, Fiends, Wailing Widows, and the fucking Bonereaver scum. They are called Hellbaby because well, they are Hel's lowest caste. So, wee as a babe.
HELL LORDS : These are the Grim Reapers, the Maulers, Berserkers, Familiars, Wyverns. C-rank, B-rank, and a few A-rank devils. I, Staplehead fall in this group. Our powers are limitless below but on the surface, we can only possess the humans, our true abilities confined in their feeble frames.
THE FALLEN : These are Hel's Principalities. The original Dark Ones. There is only a handful of them. And there's not one below the S-rank. The likes of Lucifer Morningstar
Lilith Firstborn
Asmodeus Lustfyre
Moloch The Destroyer
Leviathan Stinger,
and the Lady of the Nile.
Azrael Deathbringer too. I have a script somewhere with all their names. Don't call out their names too loud—cause they might just hear and appear in front of you.
THE APOLLYON : This is the Burning One. The seventh in the infernal bloodline. We have only one of these. His name;
Israfel BlüdThïrste. And as you'd expect, he is respected as fuck.
SUCCUBI : Generally, these are the slaves of The Fallen. Sexual—and any other kind. They are super hot, savage, and make vampires look dull. They were created for only one reason; fucking. Despite this, a Succubus could easily rip off the head of a Hell Lord with so little as a blown kiss. I suppose frequently swallowing Lord Lucifer's jizz has its perks.
THE SHIT-UNDER-OUR-HEEL : These category are the poor sods we get to torment for eternity, to push into the arena and cheer as our Wyverns pick them apart, to test out our new arcane weapons on. They are quite literally the shit under our heel.
THE REALM OF ELDORIA : These lot aren't even supposed to be here. Mortals, all of them. A dying bloodhound could take 'em. However, the Empire provides us with fresh fodder every two centuries or so, when yet another war breaks out on the surface. Mystical lands of witches and vampires, and sorceresses and fairies. Eldoria is neutral ground. The perfect setting I suppose for this tale to unfold.
So sit back, Dear Reader, get ready to freeze in fear, tear up in horror—and jerk off because this is a story completely intended for mature viewership. R18 is implied. I know I will.
