Blast from the Past

I walk to the orphanage thinking about what happened last night. Nathan wants to move out with me. But my mind keeps wandering back to the conversation we had in front of the mirror, there were so many unspoken words between us. I still don't know what was that energy between us. Anyway, it's a new day and let's just forget about yesterday. At the main gate I see Dylan standing a few feet away from me.

"Hey, Good morning," he says, "How are you doing?"

"Good morning," I give him a small smile, "I am good. You are here early."

"So are you."

"Yes, I volunteer here. Also I have decided to help Ethan with christmas."

"The play? You have decided to take part in the play?"

"Yes, but only because I want to do this for them."

"Yes, of course. Me too." he gives me a smile. We start walking and talking about other stuff as we move inside, where the children are having breakfast. We sit outside in the swingset and let them have breakfast.

"So, I hear Nathan is in business."

"Yes, he's in his dad's business. I must say he's bloody good at it." I say in a bragging way.

He chuckles at me, "That's good. You seem to admire him very much."

"Yes, I am." I give him a fake smile. Instantly I feel guilty for lying to him. I have always shared everything with him. One of the reasons was that we were together but also because there was a part of me which wanted to tell him everything that goes on with me.

"Never thought you'd move on from me so soon... I couldn't." his eyes saddened. I break our eye contact. I can't bear this. Nathan at home and Dylan here...too much drama for me.

"Dylan, there is no point of having this conversation now. I'm married...I'm his and nothing will change that." I pull myself together and say, "I must get back to the children now." I get up from the swing and enter the common hall.

I walk to the bedrooms and find Noah's bed. It lacked any type of accessories, just a book and a bottle of water. I pick the novel and read the prologue. It's about how a person who was subjected to violence ultimately became a serial killer himself. That's not appropriate for him...he is always so negative. Someone snatches the book from me. I turn to see Noah behind me anger fuming in his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing here?! Who gave you the permission to touch my damn stuff?!" he yells. "What the hell do you think of yourself, huh?!" he continues.

"Noah!" I stop him, "Please calm down! I'm sorry, I'm just interested in novels. That's it." I say calmly and take a leave, giving him time to cool his anger.

He reminds me of Nathan because just like him Noah also doesn't like me going through his personal stuff. I go to the nursery to find a new admission, she's a two month old baby with beautiful blue eyes. She looks at me with an indescribable innocence. I pick her up in my arms.

"Isabella," I hear someone say behind me. I turn to see Dylan standing by the door, "You loved that name, didn't you?" he asks and I nod in yes. Flashback plays in front of me like a movie.

"Hey there, my princess!" Dylan picks my infant cousin in his arms and kisses her on the cheek. I sit on the bed in Indian style as I watch him rock her in his arms.

"What?" He smiles at me and sits besides me, making her sit on his lap as she makes gargling sounds.

"Nothing." My smile grows bigger, "Just imagining you as a father."

"Oh, I would be great." he looks at me, "I can't wait for our own."

"Our own? What's that supposed to mean?" I say confused by his choice of words.

"Well, of course not now. But I'm sure we'll end up together and have loads of kids."

"Really? How many do you want?" I brush Sofie's soft hair while she tugs on Dylan's t shirt.

"Four or five."

"Are you crazy?! Have you looked at the population?" I laugh nervously.

"I'm kidding, sweetheart." he kisses my forehead chuckling.

"But if we do have a girl, what would you name her?" he asks.

"Isabella." I immediately answer, "I love that name."

"It's beautiful." he gives me a colgate smile.

The sound of a crying baby snaps me out. Isabella is crying in my arms. I get confused and put her back in her bed but she doesn't stop crying. I look here and there to find a toy. Dylan enters the room with a bottle of milk. He gives the baby milk and she stops crying.

"Wow, seems like I have a lot to learn." I say to him.

"You'll do fine." he smiles. It's a fake smile. It's so hard to ignore the hurt in his voice. The damage I have done is big. Should I say something? Undo some of the damage?

"Dylan, whatever happened..." I start.

"It's okay, April. You seem happy with him so it doesn't really matter. Are you really happy with him?"

I think for a moment. I have two options. Either I can tell him the truth about Robin blackmailing me or I can pretend to be happy with Nathan and let go of Dylan. Either way there is no chance we can get back together.

"Yes, I love him very much." I answer. He just nods and walks past me.

The rest of the is spent playing with children. Teaching them alphabets and numbers. Ethan informed Dylan that we can take tomorrow off to read the script and get ourselves ready. When I return home it's half past eight and I'm super tired. As soon as I jump into the bed and close my eyes, I fall asleep.

The sunrays from the window wake me in the morning. I am still alone in the room. The couch was not used last night which means Nathan didn't come back home. Or at least in this room. Anyways it's a good thing for me. One less headache.

After joining Venessa for breakfast and sit in my room reading my novel. My phone beeps, Nathan texted me saying he'll be busy for two days, so I shouldn't be calling him at all. He's so moody. At once he is holding me by the waist and the other he refuses to even call me. I look at the mirror and the image me with Nathan's chin on my shoulder appears. What is happening? How can everything change in a spilt second? It's a big question in my life.

Nathan wants me to rethink about moving out but I'm never doing that. Watching him live his own life while destroying mine is the hardest thing to go through. I know I maybe selfish but I can't... To tell the truth the thought of Nathan living a bachelor life, getting every girl he wants, me being no existence to him brings an indescribable feeling inside me. I am avoiding all these indescribable feelings inside me. I do not want to deal with them.

Maybe I'm jealous because he gets to do what he wants but I don't. I shake my thoughts away and start reading the script. It's the exact Snow White story. The seven dwarfs will be seven children and I will be Snow White, Dylan will be the prince. My mind revolves around the part where the prince kisses Snow White awake. Are we going to act that out? Will we rehearse it? In front of children? Will I kiss Dylan? Oh yeah no, that will not happen.

The next morning I continue with my routine and ignore the loneliness that is growing inside me. Nathan might not be the best roommate but at least he is there. A face to greet in the morning.

"Good morning, April!" Ethan greets me.

"Good morning. What are you doing here?" I ask.

"I took work from home today. We have to start practice today otherwise this play idea would not work out."

"True." I agree, "Do you want any help?"

"Yes, I want you to go to this place and order the costumes." he hands me a card.

"Okay. Today?"

"Yes. Now. Dylan can drive you if that's okay with you." he says, "He told me you two were friends now."

"Yeah... Kinda."

"Please order them today. We don't have time, it's 20th already." he requests.

"Okay, I'll get it done."

I take my bag and find Dylan. He is with Isabella showing her around the room. She looks so happy in his arms.

"Hey," I say to him and he turns.

"Oh look who's here!" he tells Bella, "Hello auntie April." he waves her tiny hand and I laugh.

"Hello, Bella!" I smile at her, "Sweet baby." she holds my finger with her whole fist and I melt.

"Why don't you adopt her?" Dylan suggests, "Does Nathan not like kids?"

"What? No! It's too soon, we just got married, first we should get to know each other. Kids is a long short."

"Get to know each other? Why do you sound like you married a stranger?" he asks me in a mocking way.

"Ohh, no. I mean..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. A lot of couples don't discuss these things before marriage. Anyways, did you need something?"

"Yes. We have to go to this address to order dresses for the play."

"Okay," he puts Bella back in her bed.

We drive to the dress place and negotiate with him to deliver on time in less money. He takes an hour to finally settle on a reasonable price. We take lunch in a cafe and chat about some old memories of college. When we return it's 3 in the afternoon. We rehearse till 7 in the evening.

When we were about to reach Dylan's entrance I see Nathan enters the common hall. He smiles as soon as he sees me and paces towards me giving me a tight hug. Everything went still around me including my breathing. He takes me completely by surprise but I return the hug anyway.

"Hey, baby." he says clear enough for everyone to hear, "I have missed you." he kisses my cheek. Oh God, I mentally roll my eyes. Is that really necessary?

"Me too." I look over at Dylan, I could see his heart break in his eyes. I instantly feel guilty.

"Let's go home." he says, "Haven't seen you in two days and I can't wait a second more." He turns to face Dylan and says it to him. Dylan fake smiles at us and leaves the room.

"Okay," I keep the script in my bag. I go to nursery to say goodbye to Bella. As I hold her I feel two hands on my shoulder...they are definitely Nathan. His eyes are lovingly looking at Bella.

"She's beautiful." he says to me, "I hope she gets a good set of parents for her." He kisses my hair and I keep her back in the crib. We walk towards the car hand in hand. Hipocrasy makes me nauseous.

"What was the affection all about?" I ask him roughly. He doesn't answer. "Nathan! Answer me! It was to hurt Dylan wasn't it?!"

"I believe people should know what's mine." he states.

"What's yours?! Can you explain how am I yours?! I am not your property!" I slightly raise my voice.

"Technically you are not mine. But he should believe so." he says calmly. "He does believe so, right?" he asks after a moment. I debate with myself whether I should tell Nathan the truth or I make him believe that he knows everything so that he doesn't hurt him.

"April," he snaps his fingers, "he does right?"

"He does," I answer, "But that doesn't mean you can hurt him like this. It's wrong Nathan!"

"Why do you even care?" he asks as he parks his car. I'm shocked by his question. Why is he even asking me that, of course I care about Dylan. Why is there even a doubt about it?

"What kind of a question is that? Of course I care about him. I told you there is too much history between us. Even after all that he is still supportive of us. Unlike you he forgave everything I did. He's still my friend." I say bitterly and move out of the car. I don't look back to see if Nathan is following or not. We eat dinner in silence and without saying a word to Nathan I go to bed.