Chapter 4- The Neighbor

I turn to face the person chasing behind me on the dead city street. It's floggy this time. I try to pull myself out of the nightmare but can't. I turn to face who's behind me. It's a little too dark and a little too foggy to tell. A woman. I look down and see a gun in my hands. I instantly start trembling, I hate guns but if it can get me out of this dream, I'm willing to try. I lift the gun and point it in front of me. The fog clears and I finally see who it is. Mother. She is standing staring at me. She looks sad, scared. I try to lower the gun. I try to run to her and hug her, but I can't move. My fingers shake as I fight the grip getting tighter around the trigger. Her cries get louder and more intense, I can hardly bear how loud we are both crying. I want it all to stop. Then it does. A loud bang goes off and I fall back as the kick of the gun knocks me over. I look to see her laying there the exact position I found her in once before. I gasp awake.

I'm drowning in sweat as I roll out of bed. My head is foggy from the abrupt awakening but I have to get up and shower before my therapy session. I'm actually relieved to get out of the house for something. I haven't talked to Alec since our fight, so I don't have much else to do without him around. After I write down my dream I take a fast shower and get ready. I make an effort to cover the bags under my eyes so that my therapist doesn't see them. She's constantly worried about my sleep schedule. That's her job I guess.

I walk out of my apartment and try to avoid looking across to Ky's door. Although I do notice a car in the parking lot that looks a lot like the one that the girl drove that was here the other day. I think about what would have happened if I hadn't left last night. Doesn't matter anyways. No one should have to deal with me and my messed up life.

I take off walking down the long street. It's kind of a long walk to my clinic, but I'm used to walking everywhere. I enjoy the fresh air and the time to myself to think. My mother and I used to walk to the store together. We would play i-spy on the way there. I smile thinking back on the memories. It fades shortly after.

It's not long before I notice a car behind me going a little too slow. I speed up a little but it doesn't seem to mind, staying far away but going very slow behind me. I take an unneeded turn down a busy street. I don't see the car again but the eerie feeling doesn't go away. Although, I am getting kind of used to it.

Waiting in the clinic is one of the worst parts about going to therapy. I get so anxious sitting there wondering what she's going to ask me, what she's going to think about what I say, who's gonna walk in that I know, ect. And they always take forever. I sit awkwardly scrolling on my phone waiting to be called back. I glance up to see a familiar face at the door. Damn it. It's a girl from my apartment building, two doors down. I've seen her a few times. Probably a few years older than me. Super curly, dirty blonde hair and linear body. She has a bright friendly face even though she's not smiling. I watch her walk in and plop down a few seats down from me. I give a head nod and half smile as our eyes meet. She makes a face as if recognizing me as well.

"You live a couple doors down from me right?" She asks me.

"Yeah, I do." I smile politely.

"I'm Ren. Nice to meet you," She pauses and laughs a little. "At the looney bin."

"Ha, yeah, my name's Lani." I awkwardly look away not sure what to say next.

"That shithole make you go insane too?" She asks. I laugh.

"Unfortunately I've been insane long before I moved in there."

"That makes two of us." We both laugh.

"Lani, you can come back now." I see my therapist standing at the end of the hallway waiting for me. I follow her back to her room and sit down in the chair I've sat in from the last month or so.

"Lani, how have you been?" I hate this question, she already knows the answer.

"Uh, alright." I wonder if I should ask her how she's been. I never know.

"Good, how's the new place? You like it there?"

"Yeah, it's nice, I haven't had any problems."

"Good! And how have you been sleeping?"

"Um, enough, just, the nightmares still."

"The same one?"

"Yeah, most of the time. It always changes though."

"As in?"

"DIfferent endings. Sometimes, it's me, at the end, sometimes, it's my mother, and I have to kill her." Her eyes widen.

"Wow, that sounds awful. How are you coping with that?"

"Um, it's taken a toll on me, honestly, I'm so tired, even after sleeping for 9 hours."

"Abruptly waking up from a dream usually isn't the best way to wake up, but that's what happens with nightmares most of the time. Why do you think you're dreaming about that?"

"I don't know. Maybe myself, because I know that I'm to blame for things that make me feel scared and stressed. And maybe my mother, because I killed her."

"You killed her? How so?"

"I wasn't there, when she needed me. If I was, she'd be alive."

"Couldn't you say that about anything in life? You never know what the future holds. You couldn't be there with her forever. If she had the idea, she would've found time to do it."

"I could've talked her out of it. I could've helped. Could've done something."

"You can't continue to blame yourself for things you can't control. I know it's hard, but you're so much more than what you barden yourself with. Have you heard from your father?"

"No." I look down. Not sure what else to say.

"When was the last time you saw him?" I think back in my brain to one night at the house. I was in my room with the door shut. He showed up to the house out of the blue. They were in the living room yelling at each other. Something about money. I stopped trying to keep up. I watched him leave after about an hour out my bedroom window. He hadn't talked to me in about a year.

"I saw him a couple days before she died. He came to the house. I didn't talk to him."

"Does he know about your mother?" I ponder this thought for a second. I guess I hadn't thought about it.

"I'm not sure."

"Have you formed any new relationships at your apartment building? I know you have that good friend, what's his name, Alec?"

"Yeah, Alec, we're good," I don't know why I always feel the need to lie to my therapist. "And uh, I've talked to a few, but not really."

"Well I hope you continue to make new connections. I'd like to see you have some reliable people in your life." Don't we both.

The rest of my session I kind of zone out for. She talks to me about positive and negative affirmations and how just about all of mine are negative. I walk out feeling drained and exhausted. The walk home is slow and long with my thoughts about my father. I wonder if he will be sad when or if he finds out, probably not. I'm so zoned out in my thoughts I don't notice a car pulled up beside me until I hear a voice.

"Hey!" I nearly jump. I look to see Ren, the girl from therapy pulled up beside me in her jeep cherokee. "You need a ride? We're going to the same place." I want to say no, but it wouldn't make sense to walk while she's driving there.

"Sure, thanks." I hop in and buckle my seat belt.

"How was therapy?" She asks in a humorous tone.

"Eh, same old thing every week. How bout you?"

"I feel ya, I wouldn't be going anymore if I didn't have to." I give her a questioning look. "Court ordered. Anger issues, don't worry, I'm not crazy. Just have people trying to make me look crazy." She laughs.

"And who's that, if I may ask." She looks surprised but amused, she smiles and her perfect white teeth make me jealous of her beauty. I can tell she's almost proud of what she's done.

"No guy is going to cheat on me and get away with it. I beat the bitch up and him."

"You beat him up?" I almost laugh, looking at her thin arms.

"Hell yeah I did, with a bat of course. But I broke into his house and they were going to send me to jail but I got out of it as long as I agreed to anger management. I'll take it. Even though I don't think I really have that problem, maybe a few others but I'm not angry. Not anymore. But oh well, therapy never hurt anybody." She smiles and looks so innocent and sweet I can't even imagine her angry. We stop and get coffee and she babbles on some more. I don't talk much, but I like it that way. She tells me about her family and how she was going to college to become a doctor and dropped out and they kicked her out of the house. So she got a job at the nursing home in town and moved into the apartments. It feels good being around a girl close to my age. I don't remember the last time I hung out with one. We head back to the apartment and as we pull up I see Ky sitting in a chair down by the pool. The girl he was with is in the pool swimming. His head perks up when he sees a car pull up. Then his face becomes confused when he sees Ren and I together. I get out and try to avoid looking in his direction. Ren doesn't do the same.

"Hey Ky, who's the bitch this week?" Ren shouts. I look to see Ky smirking a little with his eyes on me. I look to see the girl's mouth wide open.

"You know who I am Ren." The girl replies to her in an annoyed tone. I'm embarrassed that I was even in his apartment the night before. Ren looks at her with an obviously fake confused face.

"Nope, I think I'd remember that giant nose of yours if I saw it before." Ren smiles as she walks up the first couple stairs. I look away trying not to laugh but I'm too curious to keep my eyes off the situation. I look back to see Ky's eyes still fixed on me grinning. I don't hold his gaze.

"God Ren you're such a bitch!" She yells at her, but Ren keeps walking with a smile on her face up to her door. I follow fast behind not trying to get caught in the crossfire.

"What are you two up to?" I hear Ky ask.

"Lani and I are just going to go hang out in my apartment where we don't have to see the half naked girls you bring here." I giggle and follow her to her door instead of stopping at mine.

"She has a name you know." Ky says and jealousy rages through me without warning. I gulp to try to hide it. I won't show him I care.

"Haley?" Ren asks saracticly.

"Kaley! God what is your problem!" The girl, Kaley, screams at her.

"Got it, won't forget this time." She says as she unlocks her door and goes in without waiting for a response. I enter her apartment and take a long look around. It's almost identical to the layout of my apartment but hers is well decorated and neat. She has fancy furniture and I immediately feel embarrassed again. Does everyones look this nice but mine?

"Sorry about out there, I hate that girl."

"I see that, why?" I try not to sound too curious.

"She's just incredibly desparate. Ky could do so much better, he's a good guy, but he's still a guy." I nod my head.

"How do you and Ky know each other?" I ask.

"We went to high school together. He was a year above me but we got along, when I moved here we became a little closer."

"Closer as in.." I trail off hoping she gets the point.

"Oh, no! Not like that. I have a boyfriend." I hide my relief.

"Oh, cool! What's his name?"

"Graysen, he's the best. We've been together for four years now." She puts her hands together and swings back and forth as if thinking about him. Her smile shines bright.

"Wow, that's a long time." I say, trying not to show my jealousy. I can't imagine being with someone that long. Someone knowing that much about me. Experiencing what I go through. Reminds me of the man messaging me. I get sick thinking about how I have to meet him again tonight. I wonder what he wants now. I wonder if he's watching me.

"What about you? Got a boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"What about that guy that comes to see you sometimes? He's a hottie!" I laugh.

"Yeah that's the problem, he's too perfect. We'd never work."

"Oh come on, that's a load of crap! You're beautiful! And you seem nice! Well I just met you but I don't see anything wrong!" Just wait, I think to myself.

"Haha, thank you. We are just too different, and we have been friends for years, it would be weird."

"Alright, I get that, so what about Ky?" I get fidgety.

"What about him, he obviously has a girl."

"Oh please, that's just walking desperation. He doesn't care about her. I saw him looking at you though!" She smiles and nudges me on the arm.

"I don't know he seems kind of douchey to me."

"He's a nice guy, just likes to keep himself busy with the wrong girls. He needs someone to change his ways." She smirks at me. I smile almost forgetting my worries, dreaming about what that would be like, to be a normal teenage girl with a crush. We sit and talk for awhile about life and boys she went to high school with. I let her tell me stories about high school and take in what it was like to be someone so pretty and nice. I look at the time, 3:00.

"I better get going, have some stuff I have to get done today, thank you for the ride and everything." I stand up and move towards the door.

"Anytime, really, it was fun! Let me know if you need anything, I'm just two doors down!" I smile and walk out towards my room. I look to see the pool area empty and the car, Kaley's car, gone. I decide to go down to the lobby area and see if there's a maintenance man I can speak with about getting another lock on my door. The lobbie's empty but I see a notepad laying that has 'leave a note' on it. I scribble down that my room needs another lock on it and that I had a break in. Then I write my room number, 12B. I jog back up to my room and head inside. I lay down on the couch exhausted. Therapy wears me out in general but making friends is a whole other sport. Pretty soon I'm dozed off dreaming about being in high school again with Ren and having guys drooling over me like they did her. It's the first good dream I've had in awhile. I'm abruptly awoken by my phone buzzing. It takes me a minute to comprehend that it's my phone and not just a loud buzzing in my ear. I stare at the screen for a second trying to adjust my eyes. Alec. I sigh not wanting to deal with it.

"Hello?" I answer in a groggy voice.

"Hey, did I wake you?" he asks.

"Yeah, kinda, I was napping."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." There's an awkward silence for a moment and it makes me sad. I don't know when our friendship became so effed up. "Did you need something?" I say in the nicest tone I could.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, for what I said, I shouldn't have said that. It was- really fucked up. I was just upset."

"I know, it's okay."

"Are we okay?"

"Yes." I hope. "Actually I wanted to talk to you about something."

"You do?"

"Yes, but you have to promise not to freak out."

"I promise Lani Jean." He says in an excited voice.

"Someone broke into my apartment, it wasn't you right?"

"What the hell! No I didn't, I wouldn't." I knew it wasn't but wanted to make sure.

"I didn't think so."

"Did you call the cops? What happened?"

"No, they just put my groceries away for me."

"Huh? Probably that creepy neighbor of yours."

"He's not creepy Alec, and his names Ky and it wasn't him."

"How do you know it wasn't? Have you been hanging out with him?"

"So what if I have, you're not my father." I know I shouldn't have said it as soon as it came out.

"Jesus Lani I know I'm not your father. I never want to be your father. It's not like that." His voice drifts off and I feel terrible.

"I know, sorry." We get quiet again.

"What are you gonna do about the break in?"

"I don't know, I left a note for management to put another lock on or something, hopefully."

"Until then?" I know he's trying to hint for me to stay with him.

"Idk hold my pepper spray in bed with me at night."

"Very funny." I wish I was kidding.

"I'll be alright. I went to therapy today."

"You did? That's good, how was it?"

"Good, she asked me if my father knew about my mother." He's quiet for a second and I wonder what he's thinking.

"What do you think?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't heard or seen him for a while."

"Do you want to? Hear from him?" I ponder for a second.

"Hell no." I laugh and it breaks the tension a little and Alec laughs as well. We talk for a little longer about his new job at a pharmacy. That's where his dad works and he finally started working there under him. He will probably take over the whole place eventually. I tell him I'm happy for him but I can tell he's not thrilled for himself, I don't think he planned on doing what his father wanted him to do, but I don't bring it up. We hang up and I feel better knowing that we are at a good place again. I realize I haven't eaten yet today, I'm so bad about that. I make myself a sandwich and sit on the couch and watch mindless TV trying to ignore what's to come tonight. I take a couple bites before I hear a knock on the door. I'm over talking to people today but I reluctantly get up and answer the door.

"Hey," Ky says, I think about shutting the door on him but as the thought crosses my mind he starts again as if knowing what I'm thinking. "Don't shut the door, I wanted to check on you." I roll my eyes. "I'm going with you."

"Huh?"

"To that weird meeting you have tonight, I'm going."

"No you're not." I scoff.

"Lani," He looks around outside and then pushes his way past me into my living room area. "I'm not letting you-" He pauses and looks around the place. "Where is all your furniture? Is this all you have? No wonder you're always so sad." Embarrassment clouds my face more than I'd like it to.

"You can leave now." I say still holding the door open. He walks towards it and shuts it then grabs my arm and brings me to the couch. I sit confused as he turns and sits facing me too.

"Look I know you're not someone who opens up to people and that's fine. I'm not gonna ask questions. It's none of my business what kind of things you're into or a part of, but I'm not letting you go alone. I can't." I give him a puzzled look.

"Can't?"

"I have a bad feeling about it. Like that first night, I stayed up to make sure you made it back, I- had a bad feeling then too. I couldn't let myself go to my apartment. It didn't feel right." I stare at his gray eyes looking for the lie.

"I'm sorry, you can't go." He stares at me as if begging. "I- have to go alone."

"Says who?"

"No questions, remember?" I smile.

"I'm coming, tell him or her? That I'm coming, and he- or she can't stop me." I think for a second. I don't know what this guy is capable of, I haven't tried to figure out. But it would be nice to know what power I have against him.

"I don't know." I say. "He could get mad. I don't know what he'll do, to either of us." He looks alarmed, like he didn't know it was this serious.

"Then that's even more of a reason to go with you. Please." He grabs my hand and squeezes it. For a second I want him to never let go, but then I remember Kaley. I pull away.

"Why are you so interested? I can take care of myself." He pauses.

"I know you can. Are you upset about Kaley?" I cringe when he says her name.

"I thought you said you weren't together."

"We're not."

"You just invite her over as soon as I leave. Guys like you make me sick. You just have to have a girl all the time don't you?"

"Lani, it's not like that. She's just an old friend." I laugh angrily.

"An old friend?! That you kiss at the door when she's leaving?" Rain it in Lani, don't show him you care so much.

"You never even let me explain." I stare at him giving him the chance to explain. He fidgets uncomfortably. "Can we talk about this another time?" I roll my eyes and laugh. I get up and walk to the door. He runs and stands in front of me and the door. "Please, don't. Let me please come with you." My head is in a mad debate to let him come. I know I would feel so much safer with him with me, but I can't give into him. I hope I don't make a big mistake.

"You can come." He smiles relieved. "Under one condition." He nods slowly, his smile fading. "I get to stay in your apartment tonight." He gets a flirtatious look on his face like all seriousness is gone.

"Sounds like a win-win."

"On the couch, obviously." I'm tired of sleeping in this place with one eye open hoping I won't wake to someone staring at me.

"Deal."

"And you do exactly what I say. No more, no less." I don't know how it is gonna go but I'm forming a plan in my head to try and make it work, I guess we will find out in a couple hours.