Chapter Nine

"Rachel!"

"Hi, sweetheart! I haven't seen you in weeks! Where have you been hiding?" She flashed Savannah a brilliant smile as she swept into the room to sink onto the sofa.

"I'm not hiding," Savannah insisted with a glance down the hall. The man she was sleeping with without even being on a first-name basis had evidently opted to stay in the bedroom. She groaned as she plopped down on the couch across from her friend.

"Are you okay, Vannah?"

"Never been better," she quickly lied. "Everything okay with you, Rachel?"

"Great. Good. You know me."

"Are you sure?" She noticed that Rachel was fidgeting in her seat, something the other woman was only prone to do when she was nervous. "Did Anthony tell you he was here the other night?" She shot her friend an understanding look, figuring Anthony must have called Rachel and discussed his Savannah's-on-drugs theory.

"He was here?"

"Sure."

"He didn't mention that." Rachel's lips thinned.

"Rachel?" A sense of foreboding began to take root as she regarded the woman who, for five years, had been her closest friend. "Why would you care if Anthony was here last night?" Several heartbeats passed in the uncomfortable silence. Shit. "Is there something that you want to tell me?"

"I would rather not."

"Oh. I see."

"No, you don't—"

"Really?" Savannah interrupted. "Then please explain it to me."

Rachel groaned and hung her head. "I'm horrible."

"Damn it, Rachel."

"I didn't mean to fall for Anthony. I'm sorry, Savannah. I'm so sorry. You have to believe me."

"How long have you been seeing him behind my back?"

"Not long," Rachel was quick to reassure.

"Would you please elaborate on that? Exactly how long is 'not long'?"

"Six weeks?"

"Six weeks?" Savannah was incredulous. "God, I feel like a real idiot right now." She shook her head, squeezing the fabric of the couch beneath her. "So, how many of our friends knew?"

"We didn't advertise it."

"Thank you for that at least."

Rachel looked miserable. "I didn't mean for this to happen. You're my best friend. You know I would never do this to you on purpose. Anthony had called one day to ask for my advice. He said you were a little … cool … toward him." She paused, looked away, then started rhythmically twisting her coral bracelet around her wrist. "He was worried that he had done something wrong and wanted to know how to win you over. We started talking more often after that. We started out as friends, and then … I don't know. I guess I tried to justify it because the two of you had never slept together. At first I thought, 'How serious can they really be?' Somehow that made it okay. It wasn't okay, and I realize that now," she quickly added. "I just, well, really care about Anthony."

"You want me to stay away from him."

"Well…"

"Rachel, did you come here to tell me you've been helping Anthony cheat on me for six weeks, if not longer, or are you here because you want me to stay out of the way?" When there was no answer, Savannah hunched her shoulders and said, "You know what? Forget it. It doesn't matter. He's all yours."

"I'm really sorry, Savannah."

"So am I, but I doubt you would understand the reason why. I think you should leave now."

Rachel hung her head again and left without another word.

Savannah shut the door behind her and leaned against it, eyes closed.

"Busy morning?"

"How much did you hear?" she asked without bothering to open her eyes.

"All of it. I'm sorry. He was a fool to do that to you. Although, it saves me the trouble of having to kill him for coming anywhere near you."

"My knight in shining armor," she said dryly. "But I don't care about him—not like that. I don't think I ever really did. He was my friend. At least, I thought he was. But, romantically at least, he was also convenient," Savannah confessed. "I know that doesn't cast me in such a positive light either. I wanted to feel something for Anthony, but I just … couldn't." I was too in love with you all these years to let anyone else in. Even when you were only a memory and a dream.

He heard, loud and clear, the words that she couldn't say. And he loved her all the more because of it. Gently, he pulled her away from the door, and his arms settled over her shoulders. "I love you, too, Vannah."

"I know." She gripped handfuls of his t-shirt. "I'm glad you're here."

"You're hurt by what Rachel did." He pulled back a little, and his eyes searched her face.

"Rachel matters." She nodded. "At least, she did until she made the decision to stab me in the back. She was supposed to be my closest friend. I can't pretend this doesn't hurt. I'm going to miss her, but I don't think I can trust her after what she did." Savannah buried her face against his chest and let out a shuddering breath. "She didn't even care," she said, her voice muffled. "She only came here to make certain she had a clear path to my ex before she even knew we were over."

"You didn't tell her that Anthony tried to sleep with you," he pointed out, stroking her hair and trying not to show how pissed off he was that someone, anyone, had hurt her. "Why?"

"What good would it have done? Assuming she believed me, it would only have served to wound her and make me look spiteful. Besides, you should have seen the look on her face when I mentioned Anthony having been here last night. I think she suspected something along those lines. If she stays with him long enough, she'll find out soon enough what he's really like. Then again, I'm not sure she's so different than he is," Savannah seemed to contemplate.

"Honey, if you ask me, the two of them deserve each other."

"I guess they do. You'd think that would make me feel a little better about all of this, that it would make me feel less like a pawn."

"You were never a pawn. You can hardly be to blame for their actions."

"Yes." She sighed and began to pace the living room. "Yes, I have been a pawn. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it's been a life-long endeavor for everyone I have ever known, with the exception of my real parents. Though technically the jury is still out on that one. I'll probably never really know. Oh listen to me, lumping everyone in with the Holbrooks and Rachel and Anthony. I know that not everyone is like them. It's just that, right now…" she trailed off, then looked at him expectantly. Like he already knew what was inside her head, so why say it out loud.

"Right now, what?" he asked, wanting her to talk to him anyway, wanting to give her at least the illusion of "normal," of privacy.

She shrugged. "I don't know," she finally sighed.

"Why were you sent to live with the Holbrooks, Savannah?" It was one of the few things he didn't know about her.

"It's hard to say. You're asking me to remember events that took place more than fifteen years ago. But my parents' relationship was complicated, that much I do remember. It had been that way for most of my life. There's still so much I don't know about their history, my history. They were passionate to such an extreme that it bordered on violence at times. I remember them as being young, which I guess would fit with the ups and downs. One day, my father didn't come home, simple as that. I was never told what had happened to him or why he left. It wasn't too much longer after that when the lady from the state showed up. That was the last day I saw my mother. I was placed with Vern and Myra Holbrook within the week. I realize the explanation is sketchy at best," she apologized. "There's still so much I don't know, or don't remember. I guess I could have tried to find them after I turned eighteen, but … what's done is done, you know?"

"I understand." His gaze never left her face. He took a step toward her, then paused. Savannah looked uncomfortable, and he knew she didn't want his pity. "The Holbrooks are not good people, Savannah."

"Does that take anything away from what they did to me for ten years?"

He didn't have an answer to that.

"It still hurts. It still matters. Damn it, I know that makes me a fool, but it does."

"You have never been a pawn to me."

She raised her eyes at his bold declaration. He could see that a nagging thought was working its way to the center stage of her consciousness, the seeds of which having been planted long ago.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go," she said abruptly.

"What?"

"There's something that I have to do," she announced, moving quickly to retrieve her car keys and purse.

"Okay … do whatever you need to do. I'll still be here when you get back."

"Thank you." She hesitated, one hand on the door. "I don't know how long I'll be."

"Savannah, wait!"

"Yes?"

"My name is Cairn. I'm twenty-six years old."