16 Peace at last

who would have thought that not having my cringe and socially awkward sister around would bring so much peace and quiet, no crazy vampires because of her blood, no weird rom-com, just plain old peace, and quiet.




HOW FUCKING BORING! it's been a week since I moved into the frozen wasteland known as Alaska, I've spent most of my time training Sock to be a better guard.

The rest of the week was spent mingling with the local vampires, it seems the Cullen's had 'Family' up here, they seemed to be a swell group of people if not a little basic.

Mid-week I got an angry call from dad who was talking about how emo left Bells in the woods after breaking up with her, and surprise surprise she got lost forcing them to have a search party.

I had promised dad to "teach" the emo manners, the first of seven lessons took three hours, and it was only stopped when he seemed to stop responding after healing up.

Edythe and I were gifted our own room in the house, sadly no coitus yet as the lass holds some old-fashioned morals and seems to want to wait till marriage.

But till then she seems quite content watching me as I sleep.


(Edythe POV)

The past week has been a rollercoaster of an experience if anything, me, Bob and Sock have been getting along great, all sharing a room together.

Though one hiccup during the week was the whole beating my brother into a bloody pulp, then healing him back up just to repeat the same steps.

While the reason for his anger was valid it didn't seem to sit right with the others, especially dad, they had kept their distance since then.

But I couldn't help but worry that Bob's been too peaceful recently.


(Ye Bois POV)

"WHAT!" came the worried voice of Edythe, intent on breaking glass with how high her voice had reached.

"I don't understand why you have a problem with this," I said in a calm and collected manner while petting a sleepy Sock on my lap having already made a soundproof barrier to not disturb him.

"You want to have a child!" shouldn't she feel grateful that I have considered blessings her with my divine seed?

"I've already said I'm saving myself till marriage" she seems to go meek and shy when saying this, kinda cute not gonna lie, ah there's the blush.

"Then..." I dropped onto one knee while still holding sock, "Will you marry me?" is this like a reverse shotgun wedding?

"No" hot damn zero hesitating, just a straight blunt no, gonna hurt ye Bois feeling if she's like that, "I don't want to get married just because you want to impregnate me... it's weird."

Ok, while her point may be valid and I can't really disagree I can't say I ain't disappointed, guess ye boi has to go with plan B on my list of ways to not be bored.

1. Hav a bb

2. Create a multidimensional Eldrich horror that I shall name Brad.

3. Destroy the world

4. slay god

5. eat...

With that thought in mind I leave the rapidly paling vampire behind as I teleport into space (I left Sock on the bed), the real question is what do I want my child to look like?

Starting out with a glorious circle as a body, a few tentacles coming from the bottom, big cute eyes, and a happy little mouth, perfect if I say so myself.


What a little cutie pie, as my child can't be weak, I give him the domains of life, death, and rebirth. in his base form, he will span several planets but he can always shrink down or take a different form.

Deciding to spend some time raising him as any good father would we set out to different worlds, I was so proud when he ate his first planet.


(Edythe POV)

"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck..." I've messed up, messed up big time, I knew he had been too quiet recently but who would think he would go this far!

"Edythe? Are you ok?"

Fuck! what am I even going to do? should I accept his marriage proposal just not to have him create some evil nightmare-like being? I can only hope it isn't too late.


As soon as he gets back I'm going to...

"Oi ye lass!"


Jumping back in fright I hadn't noticed when Alice had entered my room.

"Yes?" I questioned.

"So you only respond when I speak like bob~" damn her, "So~ What's on your mind? you're spacing out a bit." should I tell her? 'is she ok?'

"It's Bob... he proposed..."

"That's great!" 'I can't wait to tell everyone.'

"I said no"

"WHY!" 'nooooooo.'

"He only wanted to have a child." if he really wanted to marry me for who I am I might have agreed but not for his boredom.

"That bitch! where is he." 'I'll show him a piece of my mind.'

"That's the problem."


"He disappeared so he could create a multidimensional Eldrich horror" sometimes I question all my life choices.

"Oh" 'Oh'



(3 months later) (Ye Bois POV)

Wow, got a little distracted there, raising brad took more time than I originally expected, but I can safely say I had done a great job.

First, like the good father I am, ye boi let him experience the taste of eating a planet filled with life, I even took a picture to remember the moment.

After a few more planets and getting Brad accustomed to death I wanted him to experience life, thus, ye boi gave him human form and send him to a planet with human life.

After increasing the time on the planet, Brad had experienced over six different lives, as each time he died I made him a new form, thus also letting him experience rebirth.

The true art of parenting, letting others do it for me, and claiming all the benefits as your idea, I truly am a genius and a great father.

After taking him from the planet Brad had matured a ton, his eyes holding untold wisdom from his vast experience, time to have some fun as father and son.


(??? later)

So space crack is a thing, and let's just say we tried a bit... And the aftermath was legendary, millions of world's gone and millions more to replace them, we both got knighted, crowned, and conquered.

We played a massive game of Risk on one planet, made friends and enemies, and even killed the embodiment of Evil by accident, and only after trying all the drugs imaginable did I return to earth.

Though when I reached it I realized that I had overshot the time by a few thousand years thus it looks like ye Bois gonna have to go back in time to settle a few things.

Brad can join too.


(Edythe POV)

Alice left me alone to mull over my problems and the fact that Bob might cause untold disaster, But is it really my fault? it all just seemed to go too quickly for my tastes.

Stroking Sock to calm me down I jumped in fright when Bob and a child appeared before me, Bob seemed to be relaxed while the child was looking around curiously.

"Sup," said the man who disappeared to make some abomination only to return 10 minutes later with a kid.

"What are you doing here," I asked, wasn't he going to make some Eldrich horror or something? why is he back already, and what's the deal with the kid?

"Look lass" he started with an uncharacteristic serious expression, "I had some time to think and have decided this ain't working."


"It's not you, it's me," he said before taking Sock from my hands and picking up the suitcase the kid packed while we spoke and leaving for the door.

What is happening?! He leaves for 10 minutes only to return with a child and break up with me! Why!

"Wait!" I yelled as he opened the door yet he didn't even turn around as he continues with his bullshit.

"I hope you live a happy life, but we just ain't made for each other" Why is he doing this to me?



(Bob's POV)

Looking down at the book in my hands, '100 phrases to say when breaking up', ye boi didn't think that could have gone any better.

Now time to head home.


Righto lads n lasses ye boi is back and all that jazz, life got hectic then the holidays happened and now we are here.

so anyway I've decided to post 1 chap a week while I work on myself and try to improve, I would have updated y'all but I read a comment that I agreed it wasn't fair to keep doing that to you all.

so I'll start to do that down here instead of putting it as its own chapter.

We got a look at the truly choaticness that is Bob and in the whims that make up his life, also I wanted to say to all those who said he didn't seem like the type to have a relationship I just want to say this.

Bob is someone who does stuff on an impulse, he holds so much power that time and bonds hold no meaning but that doesn't mean he doesn't find joy in them.

he got in a relationship on impulse and ended it on one too, but yeah I never planned to have him in a relationship anyway.

Finally, I might make Bob's and Brad's adventures a small side story, tell me what you think.

Question time!

What did y'all get for Christmas?

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