63 Interlude - Ahsoka

Ahsoka read the letter again and shook her head.

This was an improvement, but not one she liked.

She had done it in part out of obligation to her promise to Offee, but she would be lying if she said that was all. The major part of it was her long standing unrequited love for him.

Why couldn't he see how much she loved him?

She wasn't a little girl anymore. And she knew he knew it. He couldn't deny it either after last night.

Thinking of last night though brought back the memory of his eyes, hurt, lost, lonely. Her heart hurt thinking of it. She blamed herself for not doing this sooner. Poor Star was all alone too. He needed his father too. And as much as she understood his pain, Jay was being completely irresponsible.

She looked at the last line. A post script of sorts that he had left with the deed for his beach house.

If she didn't know better she would have thought he was treating her like some Twilek whore.

But the last line changed that thought.

'Wait for me, if you will.'

He was planning on coming back. Perhaps once he got better. Got over what he was going through.

A hope bloomed in her heart. Yes.

She had a chance.

Ahsoka still remembered the first time they had met.

He had risked his life to infiltrate the ship of General Grevious to save them, and whatever he said about getting paid, the hard exterior he put on, it was just there to hide the soft, caring side of him.

All bark and no bite.

She recalled the incident on Mortis and changed that thought.

Some bite. A small one.

The first time he introduced himself, she had had to sttuggle to hold back her laughter when he called her master 'little orphan Annie'. A morbid joke but one she couldn't help but appreciate. It broke the tension in the air like military ration jerky.

It put them at ease after an hour of stressful battle.

He was just fun that way, she learned, over the next few months. His songs were nice. His work with the engineering corps was good. He even helped her learn how to improve her fighter jet. Something she appreciated.

And he took a loss well. Those were the days she was happiest. As happy as one can be fighting a war.

She wondered when it all began. When did she begin to feel something for him, something more than just .....what friends had.

Maybe it was the day he helped that trooper save his ship. With his big talk about the meaning of life. It wasn't anything lifeshaking. But it was enough to make her question her life. It felt ...she didn't know how it felt. To think about more than what she was supposed. What the order wanted her to think. How it wanted her to behave.

Yes, she knew now. It felt....freeing.

If nothing else, he did secure a place in her heart that day. At least as a friend.

Maybe it was the during the mission to escort the viceroy. He did risk his life, again to save them. Fought against Grevious. Like an idiot. What was he thinking? She had fumed. He didn't even have the ability to use the force!

It was suicide. He should have just run! She wanted to rush in and slap some sense into him!

What if she had....lost..him.

That. It came like a flood over her. That was when she realized. She felt something more. She didn't want to lose him.

And when she next saw him, when she tried to scold him, he just laid his intentions bare. She could still remember the blush creep over her. A warm feeling in her stomach.

And when she hugged him....it felt right.

And then he ruined it by asking to play with her lekku! But somewhere in her, she liked that part of him too. The scatterbrained, innocent part of him. It was cute.

All those feelings she felt though, she didn't know what they were back then.

She felt confused. Like some piece of knowledge she should have had was never there. It was an odd feeling.

And as with all things she didn't know, she asked her master.

But instead of answering, he just laughed in her face.

"It's love, snips." He told her.

Love. She knew love. She loved her master, as annoying as he tended to get. She loved her friends in the troops. And she loved Rokarian dirtfish. Smoked and spiced. The earthy flavor was to die for.

But this felt somehow different. And clearly, master Anakin wasn't going to be any help!

So she went to her friend. Offee. She seemed wise. And she did like to read. She would know.

But seeing Offee, still mourning the loss of her master, she couldn't bring herself to ask.

And then, he strolled in again, drunk and stinking. After he had run away from master Luminara's funeral.

She could feel the pain from him, waves of it, washing over her, mixed in with regret.

He was sad. He blamed himself for master Luminara's death.

And she felt it again. That feeling in her stomach. That anxiety, the fear of loss.

Something the jedi code warned against.

Attachment.

She wanted to comfort him. Tell him it wasn't his fault.

But ...she didn't know how. And he just fell asleep. Like an idiot.

Ahsoka was so angry. She didn't know why. But she was angry. At him.

How dare he make her worry?

Doesn't he know how much she cared? How much it hurt her to see him that way?

Didn't he know how much she .... loved him?

Like a whole new world had opened up to her, she saw it clearly. Finally she understood.

It wasn't immediate or obvious. But she understood it.

Not that that made it any easier being around him. Or that he made it easier.

First thing he did was disappear! Again!

Fury born of frustration bubbled within her.

She would get him. And she would say what she wanted to say. It didn't matter if she had to tie him up to do it!

But he was never the sort to give her that reprieve.

When he returned, he once more brought with him that familiar...chaos. That was an apt description.

With one move he tore down the jedi order. Broke her world view. And left her to pick up the pieces, few as they might have been.

It wasn't too hard though.

Leaving the order had been on the back of her mind for some time. And apparently, her master agreed. She didn't like leaving the troops, captain Rex. Her squad. Admiral Yularen. Her comrades in arms.

But she couldn't let this opportunity go. And she wanted no part of this war anymore.

Besides, she thought, she would finally get the chance to explore her feelings, with him.

But those feelings soon became throttled within her.

She was too late. Offee had gotten to him first.

Not that she hated her for it. She couldn't. Offee was her best friend. And she did get dealt a bad hand.

Ahsoka couldn't blame her. It was her own fault. She was too slow.

Even as it hurt to see them together, she decided. She would bottle up her feelings. Keep them buried deep within. Even if it broke her.

Because she loved him. And she wanted him to be happy.

He did look happy, with Offee by his side.

So she did. She bottled up her feelings, and they stacked, one on top of another, full to bursting. Until she couldn't hold it anymore.

It was the wedding that tipped her over. That day, it took all her willpower to hold back tears. To stop herself from just breaking down. She needed to know. Where did she go wrong?

Was it just that she was late? What if .... what if she had been there first? Done what Offee had done?

Did she ever stand a chance?

Could she have had her happiness?

And Offee answered. It wasn't one she liked.

But it did give her hope. Offee wouldn't mind sharing, she had said, after all.

And neither did Ahsoka.

Ahsoka was beginning to notice the pattern now. How selfish she had been.

She smiled. Some catharsis it was!

Though, even as the hurt drained away, her feelings did not. She still loved him. And this time, when she put her feelings away, it wasn't out of guilt or obligation, but out of understanding and care.

This time, it didn't hurt so much.

And so it went. For two whole years. Until the day of the final peace summit. The day Offee died.

The day she promised her.

She would support him. She wouldn't leave him alone. For her friend. For Offee.

But deep down, she knew as Offee did. She wanted it. She felt ... happy even. And she hated that part of herself.

In that hate though, she had failed. Failed to honor her promise. Failed to honor Offee.

And more than that she had failed Jay.

She had left him to stew in his grief. She had left him all alone.

Those feelings burst within her and she found herself on the doorsteps of his office. Ahsoka knew what she wanted. And what she had to do to get it.

All she lacked was the will. It felt wrong. But it had to be done. She ahd waited too long. She had made too many mistakes. Failed too much.

Ahsoka forced her way into his office and dragged him out.

She pushed him down onto her bed. She looked him deep in eyes.

She felt his hollow gaze turn to her. She could feel the conflict brewing within him.

And she desperately wanted to comfort him. To please him. To end his suffering. But she could'nt bring herself to do it.

What if he rejected her? Now, after coming this far? Could she bear it?

Then, he did what needed to be done. What she should have done.

He leaned into her. He pulled her into a kiss. And her hesitation melted away.

She melted into his arms, as they became one that night.

Happiness bloomed in her heart, and it felt like fireworks were sparking in her mind. This was all she had ever wanted from him, for all these years.

Even though she could see that his heart was still set on Offee. She knew all he needed was time.

Time to heal his wounds. Overcome his grief. And she promised herself this time. She would be there with him, every step of the way. She wouldn't leave him alone.

And then he left her, again!

But she was used to it by now. She had long learnt of this pattern.

Ahsoka looked at the letter one last time and sighed in defeat, a bittersweet smile resting upon her face.

She put the letter and deed away, and went to take a bath.

She had waited so long now. She could afford to wait a bit longer.

She knew he would come back.

And she would get her love. Guilty or otherwise.

"He better have a damn good apology when he returns, though." She muttered to herself, smiling gently.

.

Some time passed before he returned to her. He looked better. The sorrow in his eyes replaced by guilt and responsibility.

Sure, he felt a bit different. A bit awkward.

Older somehow.She didn't ask. He would tell her when he was ready.

Star was nowhere to be seen.

But she trusted him.

He apologized. Explained what had happened. Where Star had gone. How he would do everything to make up for what time he had lost. An odd choice of words, but she didn't mind.

And she felt happy. She had her love. All it took was a little patience.

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[A/N : For those who didn't get it at first, cuz I am being cryptic here. My mistake guys. Sorry.

Here's an explanation.

When the current young MC leaves the Star Wars world, older mc from the happy ending returns on Offee's request and uses an android clone proxy that is connected to his brain constantly, like a live feed across time, to live out his life with Ahsoka and have a family, make babies and grow old together.

Think a remote control MC that is being used like a virtual reality avatar by older MC in real time from his godly domain pocket dimension.

Ahsoka is not ditched. MC makes up for his mistake and gives her love and happiness she rightfully deserves!]

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