I Wish I Lived In A World Where I’d Never Existed

He'd been thinking about it constantly. Replaying the scene over and over in his head like some kind of sick form of self-torture, beckoning him to cry a river of blood.

His boyfriend– no, ex-boyfriend standing over the corpse of his friend. Disheveled clothing, ragged red wings, blood splatter all over. A shadow over his expression, eyes of sunshine still glowing like their own source of light, narrowed into small points.

Dabi couldn't get the image out of his head. He couldn't get what he said out of his thoughts. Eyes that had been filled with so much love the night prior stared into his soul so coldly.

"Mission over, I guess."

And it hurt so damn much.

___________________________________

The cold air was refreshing, to say the least. His body was built to withstand freezing temperatures; which made the current temperature quite pleasant. Dabi knew he looked like shit. Blood-smeared cheeks from an attempt at crying, sunken eyes, slovenly hair, an old t-shirt, and ripped jeans. He was quite sure some of his staples had been pulled and were bleeding, though it didn't matter anymore.

What are you even supposed to do when the one person who said you were pretty was just kidding? Commit arson? Tax fraud? Vehicular manslaughter under the influence? Eat a tub of ice cream and cry while watching chic-flicks? He didn't know, because things like this didn't happen to people like him.

Nobody ever told him he was pretty before. Mainly screams of terror in his general direction. Dabi distinctly remembers being called an expired raisin at one point, which he wouldn't take exactly as a compliment of any sort.

He could feel the anguish building up inside his chest, smothering what was left of his dying, broken heart. He couldn't take it anymore, falling back to a brick wall in the alleyway with a soft thud, sinking into his knees with a sigh.

The tears he no longer had threatened to fall again, which was probably some sort of health risk if he was being honest.

Dabi would've let them if he hadn't heard the soft scuttle of somebody approaching him. Light footsteps. Somebody small, probably young.

He barely looked up, his head heavy. Peering at the person through half-lidded eyes, he wasn't surprised to see a child.

The child was small, she had long; knotted curly blonde hair and hazel eyes. Skinny and malnourished, wearing a raggedy blue dress, holding an old cream-colored bunny stuffed animal with a faded pink bowtie and seven hearts of various colors on its chest.

She seemed startled when his eyes looked up to meet hers, he would've been too if he was in her shoes. Dabi knows he isn't really the definition of friendly and welcoming.

Their staring continued briefly, before the child averted her gaze anxiously, "Uh, s-sorry for bothering you…" She started, "B-but I was wondering if y-you were alright?"

"Do I look alright to you, kid?" Dabi retorted, his voice sounding less menacing than he'd hoped it would.

"N-no… not really." She shifted her weight nervously, to which he chuckled slightly, catching her off guard, "Um… I'm Amano Poruka… you?"

Dabi raised an eyebrow, "Didn't your parents ever tell you not to talk to strangers? Specifically, ones that look like me?"

Poruka took a step back, stumbling before standing her ground again, "I-I don't– I don't have parents…" She fiddled with one of her thumbs.

"I wish I didn't have parents," Dabi replied nonchalantly.

The blonde seemed surprised by this, "Why not?"

He huffed dramatically, deciding to speak to her the way he used to speak to his siblings, "Papa's a bad man. He hurts people. He hurts me. And Mama hurt my little brother, so Papa sent her away. That was a long time ago, though."

She pouted, "Oh."

They sat in silence once more before she spoke again, "You never told me your name."

Damn, and here he thought he dodged that question pretty well. He pondered his response. While she probably didn't know current events, let alone who he was, he decided not to risk it.

"Touya." He said after a while.

"Touya…?"

"Yep. You can call me Touya." He smiled softly, in what he hoped wasn't a creepy way. His face wasn't designed for softness, though.

Dabi watched the gears turning in her head, finding it quite amusing, "Well, Touya… what's wrong?"

The question surprised him, forgetting that was her original approach, "People."

It seemed she knew what he meant, "They call you a filthy rat, too?"

"Something along those lines, yeah." Monster. Hideous. Unsightly. Disgusting. Deformed. Repulsive. Horrid. A Freak - just to name a few.

Her expression turned contemplative, "Don't you wish they'd go away sometimes?" She asked, sitting down crisscrossed in front of him.

"I wish I lived in a world where I'd never existed." He replied flippantly.

She nodded, "I can grant your wish if you'd like."

Dabi only scoffed, "Sure, kid. Go ahead."

"Okay."

Almost instantly he felt his head grow heavier, his vision going black.

___________________________________

He flinched himself awake, still in the same alley as before. No little girl, though. He must have fallen asleep from being so mentally drained. Chances are he even hallucinated the little girl and the conversation, so he walked away not thinking much of it.

Feeling like terrorizing a few people, he made his way to the main sidewalk to continue his leisurely stroll. Though he found himself quite dazed as nobody even really acknowledged him. Sure, a few people stared, but none seemed freaked out by his appearance.

He wouldn't have thought anything of it if he wasn't an incredibly dangerous and wanted felon, well-known to the public for being an 'avoid at all costs' kind of guy.

Slowing his walk, he eyed his reflection in the glass of a nearby store, meeting his own cobalt and turquoise blue eyes staring back. The more shocking matter, however, was that all his scars and piercings were gone. His hair was white and fluffy with long white eyelashes to match, pale skin, and an overall ethereal glow.

People weren't staring at him because he was scary, no, but because he was flawless. As flawless as he would've been if not for Endeavor.

It's like he'd never existed to experience these things in the first place.