Why ??

Why do I do this to myself

Why do I always answer your calls in a heartbeat why do I respond to you in seconds when you take hours why do I block everyone's opinion about you is it because I know the real you and they don't why do I wait for you to respond but once you do is a few words while I write paragraphs why do I give you so much love and affection when you giving it to someone else when I hear you talking about someone else it breaks my heart but I have not right to say anything to you since we aren't together you are free to do anything you want but I just want you to focus on me why did you choose her when I am always here for you I will do anything to see you smile or hear you laugh was it because she prettier than me or skinnier than me I promised I will get skinny I will dress up better for you just don't leave me why do I hang on to you so much when you will rather hang on to someone else you the reason I smile but also the reason why I dislike myself because I am not good enough to keep you with me why do I try so much to get your attention and she tries very little to do so I am sorry I am not enough but I will change so I can meet up towards your standards I know you always reminding her how much you like her but I am here reminding you why am I your second choice I swear I can make you happy if you let me but you won't because you don't find that happiness in me but rather have it with her I am changing myself for you even though they say not to but they don't understand my feelings towards you I know it came to the point were it's toxic but I just can't seem to let you go at all and why is that even I can't understand why you attract me so much like no other guy can please just please don't leave me for her is what I pray but in reality I know deep down you will pick her over me any day and it saddens me that you would do that but who is able to love me if I look like this right I get it but I will change my ways for you I promise I will be the skinniest girl you meet I will dress girlier and put on makeup better for you so I won't embarrass you in front of anyone just give me some time I promised I will be what you want me to be just don't go please