When I opened my eyes I saw nothing but bright white light blasting me in the face.
After what seemed like an eternity, the cornea burning light slowly faded away and was replaced with the scene of a weird looking office room and an old looking man staring at me while he drunk a glass of what seemed to be wine... or cool aid. Couldn't really tell.
'Could this be...'
As soon as I realized that I was in a fancy office and saw the old man sitting behind the mahogany desk, I knew what kind of situation I was in. From all the late night news reports that my sister forced me to watch with her, I had an idea of where I was and what had transpired.
"So how much did they sell me for?" I crossed my arms and asked.
Lifting his head up from the papers, the old man looked at me with slight confusion and said. "Excuse me?"
"How much did the slave traders profit off me? 100? 200 thousand? Spit it out."
Still confused by the young man's words, the old man slowly begun to realize just what was going one. "I think you're misunderstanding something young man."
"Misunderstanding? Don't bullshit me you wrinkly ass piece of shit! I know that you and your butt buddies out there kidnapped me and are probably gonna sell me into slavery or harvest my organs!
"Why would you think that!? Actually, why would I wake you up if I was gonna harvest your organs!!"
"The fuck am I supposed to know!! Its probably some part of your twisted game you sick fuck!"
The old man's mouth made an O shape as he gasped in shock from my crass language.
"Not to mention I've got little to no memory of how I got here. The only reasonable explanation I can come up with is that I've either been knocked out and raped or sold by human traffickers." I nodded in a smug manner.
Unable to believe what he was hearing, the old man leaned back in his chair and started massaging his temples. "Why would you narrow it down to those two conclusions? You know what, I don't even want to know. I'll just tell it to you straight kid, you haven't been kidnapped, raped, or lost any organs. To put it simply, you're dead and are now in purgatory."
"Bullshit!" I denied.
"Look at your feet." The old man motioned down.
Looking down, a surprised expression crawled its way onto my face. My legs were gone... and in their place was some ghastly tail thingy.
Contrary to what the old man expected, I actually didn't freak out. "That's actually not to bad." I commented and easily accepted my dead state.
"Really?" The old man sounded somewhat surprised.
"Yeah." I nodded.
Staring in slight shock, the old man sighed and drank more of his... wine? Cool aid? Red juice.
"Sorry its just... Most humans I meet aren't so jovial when they find out they're dead."
"Hahaha." I chuckle at his statement and say. "You underestimate the amount of debt I had. Dying is probably the best thing to ever happen to me!"
"But you have a family... Won't they have to pay off you debt?"
"I'm dead, my mortal family is no longer my concern."
"Wow... You're despicable aren't you."
"Oh please, those fuckers never gave a shit about me and forced me to accept those loans. Do you have any idea how much I had to sacrifice to look after those ungrateful pricks? Tch, just thinking about it is pissing me off. The only one who gave a slight shit about was my sister and even then that was only when she wanted something. The little bitch even guilt tripped me into accepting her and her devil children into my home!"
Listening to the young man rant, the old man nodded his head and went over the documents on his desk while pretending to listen.
"What are you anyway?" I asked after finishing my rant.
'He's finally finished.'
"Ahem, I am what your race calls a divine being." The old man said smugly.
"I'm a God."
"Oh... Cool I guess."
'Cool I guess? Is that how humans of his era see Gods? Just cool? Not scary? Not benevolent? What happened to the grovelling and begging?'
The young man continued unaware of the God's current thoughts. "So why is a Deadman like myself meeting with God? Not that I'm not flattered or anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm not important enough to meet you."
Keeping a straight face, the God's next words didn't betray his inner thoughts. "Do you remember how you died?"
"How I died?"
"Think back young one." The God said trying to sound godly.
Thinking as hard as I could, flashes of past memories flowed through my head. "The last thing I can recall is... seeing two bright lights approaching me at high speed... and then I woke up here."
Chuckling at my confusion, the God explained. "Those two bright lights were my divine messengers who randomly chose you as a target of reincarnation."
"Wait! Why the hell does your divine messenger sound like a truck!?"
"Ah that, you see my divine messengers choose the form most appropriately linked with reincarnation in your world."
"How is a truck linked to reincarnation?"
Amused by the question, the God swirled the red liquid in his glass. "Ever heard of TRUCK-KUN?"
The name sounded familiar but due to my dead state, it took me a little longer than normal to remember who truck kun was.
"TRUCK-KUN!!" I gasped as my memories slowly returned.
"So it seems you know of him." The God smirked
"How could I not! The wise god of reincarnation who is worshiped by otaku's across the globe!!
*God frowns* 'At this rate, if people keep worshiping him, truck-kun will become a true god and I'll lose one of my best messengers.'
Remembering the legends related to the almighty Truck-Kun, I started shaking in excitement. "I was killed by TRUCK-SAMA." I whispered. "I WAS KILLED BY TRUCK-SAMA!!" I yelled with a weird passion that even surprised myself.
*God frowns harder* 'Sama? He's been talking to me A REAL GOD for the past couple of minutes like we were friends but as soon as truck-kun is brought up he becomes respectful? Maybe I should start listening to some prayers to raise my popularity, I can't have my messenger be respected more than me.'
"Ahem, truck-kun was given the sacred task to find a random individual to reincarnate into an experimental world that I've recently designed. And since you just happened to be chosen, you are allowed 5 wishes from me."
Starting to fanboy out, I immediately said. "I want a syste-
"REJECTED!!" The God suddenly shouted.
"What! Why Not!?"
"Because the last 12 people who were chosen to reincarnate all wished for the same damn thing! So for the next couple of eons I'm banning the system request!"
"Tch fine… I want Ryougi Shiki Mystic eyes of death perception with the ability to kill concepts and not just living things."
Hearing my request, God grew a long beard and started stroking it. "Hmm.. That's fine but I will put a restriction on it so you can't overuse it."
"Just having it is already a better than nothing." I shrugged.
"The next thing I want is Vergil's Yamato devil trigger, the Sparda devil trigger and the Sin devil trigger forms."
"Done, but its up to you to master them."
"That's fine, I also want a Saiyan's growth potential such as their zenkai boosts and natural battle instincts."
Writing my requests down, God suddenly paused his actions and looked up at me. "I can give you that, but why not just wish to be a Saiyan?"
I then proceeded to look at him like he was an idiot. "For one I don't want a tail as that would freak people out, 2. I really don't want to deal with having a Saiyan's endless lust for battle. And 3, I couldn't accept being reincarnated as a universe 6 Saiyan."
"I don't really understand your logic but whatever." He went back to listening to my requests.
"So what else do you want?"
"Instant comprehension." I immediately answered.
Pausing his actions again, God looked up to face me. "Why not instant mastery?"
"Because instant comprehension basically makes me a genius. If I can understand just about anything then I'll be able to predict things before they actually happen depending on the amount of information I have. And not to mention instant mastery only allows me to master something to its limit whereas instant comprehension lets me master its theory based mechanics and will also allow me to theoretically advance it past the original limit. Coupled with a Saiyan's growth potential and adaptability, mastering any techniques and physical requirements will only be a matter of time."
"...You've really thought this through haven't you."
I shrugged. "Anyone who's read reincarnation stories would have thought about it in their past time."
"I see… State your last wish."
"I want Vergil's Yamato sword that I can store in my arm like Nero, but without it being a devil bringer."
"I can give that to you, but the sword won't be sharp enough to cut through anything."
"But it still has the ability to cut through space right?"
"Yes." God answered.
"Then that's sharp enough for me."
After hearing all of my requests, God finished whatever he was writing on those documents and looked up at me. "Now then, this will be the last time we speak to each other. You'll retain your previous memories of your past life so don't make the same mistakes. Anyway, enjoy this new life I'm giving you. Bye." He waved.
Feeling my vision turn black, I suddenly felt like I was falling into someone's embrace.
"PUSH GODDAMMIT PUSH!!" My father yelled.
"I'M FUCKING PUSHING YOU IDIOT!!" My mother screamed with beads of sweat rolling down her face.
"ALMOST THERE! JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE!" The doctor yelled.
"GET THIS BABY OUTTA ME!!" My mother roared scaring the people outside.
"ONE MORE PUSH!!" My father said with excitement.
"AHHHHH!!!!!" My mother cried putting everything into that final push.
"Waaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh" I cried.
The doctor picked the baby up and gave him to his father. "Congratulation Mr Kusanagi , it's a boy."
Holding the baby in his arms, a black haired Japanese man looked at the crying baby's face.
"My son." He said gently.
'Jesus Christ on the fucking cross that was horrifying!! I never want to experience being born again!'
Mentally cursing, the new born me made some unintelligible baby sounds.
"Seijiro stop hogging the baby all to yourself." The woman said holding out her arms despite giving birth moments ago. "Pass me the little monster."
Passing the baby to his wife, Seijiro held a gentle smile as he looked at his family.
Holding the baby, the woman looked at her son and smiled. "After the hell you just put me through, don't expect any brothers or sisters anytime soon." She joked playing with his cheeks.
"So what should we name him dear?" The woman asked in English.
"Hmm… Do you want it to be Japanese or European?" My father asked.
"As long as the name isn't retarded it doesn't matter." My mother replied.
'Oi! Don't treat my name so casually! This is a big moment for me!'
'And why did you wait till now to decide my name!?'
"Hmm… How about Jun?" My dad asked.
"Jun? Kusanagi Jun, it has a nice ring to it." She smiled.
While the two parents conversed, they didn't notice the baby lightly trembled.