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Soomin POV
I heaved a trail of air out, feeling exhausted of the same events occurring again and again. Somewhat like deja vu. But Jamais Vu at the same time too.
This was not new for me but I still didn’t had any memory of it. I’m really exhausted, when will this end.
I saw my mom on her phone right next to me, it’s not a rare sight. She leaves everything only to make sure I have someone in times like this, although it is not worth her time. She can’t go in anyways. Typical mother.
People in whites and people in grey everywhere, this place was as familiar to me as my home. A scent of chemicals tingled my nose, but it didn’t really bother me or my mom because of how familiar this was for us.
But when will this end. When will my parents get tired of me being a liability?
When will I lose hope for good?
I sighed and fished my own phone, hoping it would distract me from the thoughts that I was starting to get.
Got ya. Tell me how it goes. I’ll come to hang out later.
I felt a small smile forming on my lips after seeing my friend’s message. I’m glad to have them in my life. The handful of people I have are the best one on Earth.
“The doctor is ready for you.” A nurse announced and my mother quickly stood up and bowed to her.
“Thank you. She’ll be there in a minute.” The nurse passed a smile at us and went back in.
“Are you ready? Do you want me to come with you?” My mom asked, something she always does.
“No mom. I’ll be ok.” I said and passed her a tight smile.
When will this stop...
I stepped inside the doctor’s cabin who passed me a smile that looked sincere.
“Hello Soomin. I’m glad you came back.”
“Hello Dr Reve.” After greeting the young doctor, I was directed to sit on a chair with a headrest.
“Not going to lie, I thought you would not show up again.” The doctor said scribbling something on his notebook.
“I thought so too. My mother liked your smile and now she is convinced you are the one.” Reve smiled at my comment and came closer to the chair I was sitting on.
“Let’s start. I want you to take a deep breath and concentrate on my words and me guide you ok.” I was hesitant but nodded regardless.
“I’ll be observing you from the other side.”
.
.
.
.
.
"It's not working." I try to squeeze your head together and squint my eyes trying to do what my doctor told me.
"What isn't?" Reve asked while monitoring me through the glass that separated us.
"Nothing is. I cannot imagine what a beach looks like." I said while holding my breath.
"Don't hold your breath." He came to me and gave some pats on my back to ease my breathing.
"Did you ever go to the beach?" He asked me while writing on his notepad which I was trying to memorize but I couldn't.
"Yes. I've been there a lot of times before." I said still lost in his notepad.
"What is your best memory of beach?" I closed my eyes and felt nothing but pitch black darkness.
I shook my head as a no and he just sighed.
I could see disappointment flashing on his face like I was seeing myself in a mirror.
"Are you even trying?" He asked me and I nod my head because I promised my mother that I will not get angry at him. And God I was so angry.
He is not the one being asked to do something he can’t so why is he losing patience before me. He is the same as the others.
Everything is the same. Same old procedure. Same old questions.
I feel it. Though I can't imagine what those experiences were like, but every time someone asks me such questions, I can feel them already existing in my guts.
Same old questions.
Do I not try? I do.
Will he be able to cure me? Am I in the right place?
These questions were flooding my mind but still it felt so calm for some reason.
Somewhere deep inside, I already know I going to live with this disability for the rest if my life.
Even if I try, the darkness doesn’t move even a bit. It is as permanent as my limbs. As permanent as my existence.
"Let's do something else. How about memory games?"
"Memory games?"
"Yeah like finding pairs or normal word ones." This was something new but I wasn't really sure and this was not unnoticed by the man in the room.
"I'll play with you."
"That will be more embarrassing for me." I mumbled.
"Not really. It's scientifically proven that competition based problems have faster solutions." He said and sat on a professional chair in front of me.
"So what do you say? We stick to the old routine treatment or make it fun?"
Stick to the old routine? Make it fun? How will it be fun if I have to pressure my brain again and again.
Won't that be torture instead? I don't want that.
"No. I don't want to play." I said and stood up from the funny chair.
"If that's it doctor, then can I leave now?" I asked as he frantically stood up right after me.
"Um lay back down. And we can continue where we had left earlier." I sighed and looked at the door, knowing my mother would be disappointed if I leave. I sat back on the chair.
"Don't pressurize yourself and try to do what I say ok?" I gave him a small nod and he returned it with a small smile.
