chapter 5 The Grave

Chapter 5

You be in love but it still feels like you have fallen onto that love.

People always asked me where I get my inspiration from or who am I to be this dark? And I would always say from whatever makes me feel good, depressed, sad, lonely and angry inspires me.

People often said you need God but is it?

Is being with God like that? Because once the devil sees you walking towards the right path he will most defiantly torment you. Give you the darkest thoughts but what do you do with them? Do you fall through with them? Or do you just let God handle them and remember God helps those who help themselves, or you take them and make them your greatest strengths?

Remember what makes you different is your greatest strength not your greatest weakens but it can be in the eyes of your enemies. Meaning in the eyes of the enemies your greatest strength is seen as a weakness and that makes you see it as a weakness too for some temporary time.

Heart full of pain because of the suffering we have been through but still we wear a mask and go out there and be fine. I say it's easier to fake it then to explain the deepest pains of your heart bury your past pain and move on no matter how it hurts. I agree because it's easier to fake it when around fake people but not easy when with real people, unless you are like me who just looks fine until they are alone where I can't hide from the shadows of my past pain and my present pain, can't sleep tormented by my own thoughts.

We are going to be alone somewhere somehow.

I hate people

As much as I hate people, I love meeting new people they give me new a new sense of hope that I may have some people that might like me and see the better me. It's like love when a lover, you love dearly hurts you in a very painful way. You hate love but not them but for me I hate him/her not love because love is a verb but not people.

To be with God doesn't mean you won't have dark thoughts somewhere. Saying I am going through a phase and I just need to be delivered.

But really am I?

ROMINA GRAMMAR

She read the poem with tears rolling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to cry, just that the scars are still fresh".

"See now you're making me cry". Juno gets up from her bed and wipes my cheek.

"Why are you taller than me? Why are your hands cold?"

"Don't you ever shut up"? We were just a breath away from each other

"I do it just…"

"Just shuuu." Juno cupped my face with her cold hands and said.

"Close your eyes".as she asked, I did.

"I'm a monster, Reo". She said and I opened my eyes and I said.

"You are a beautiful creature". As I see Juno transformed into a creature when she is a demon her eyes became dark green (glowing) filled with anger, rejection and unforgiveness, she becomes this beast with red wings, horns and a tail with no fair. "You're angry don't let the beast inside you control you, I said as I turned into my demon".

"We are the same".

"Gemini"?

"Virgo, what happened to you, why are you filled with so much hate?"

"You are no different than me".

"Yes, but I still own my soul, don't let it consume you".

"Teach me". Juno said as she transformed back to her human form, so did I. We were still a breath away from each other Juno's hand's were still cupping my face.

"It's around 4am in the morning and we need to sleep. I will teach you after you teach me how to ride a bike".

"Let's sleep, I'll take the right side of the bed". I took the left.

13:45pm

"Guys you need to wake up, Reo Jay wake up we need to do some grocery shopping". "Okay I'm up."

"Y'all didn't do anything weird in here last night".

"No"

"Wake Juno up."

"I need to take a shower and I'm hungry".

"No need to shout I'm up, don't close Reo I'll get in with you".

"No, no I…want to be alone".

"The Awkwardness between you two just tells me that y'all did more than just share a bed".

"Would you shut up"? We both hushed her.

"I will use Amanda's bathroom since my clothes and stuff are there".

We both went different directions leaving Amanda sitting on top of Juno's unmade bed.

"Do you like Reo?"

"Stop asking me shit and make my bed".

"I see the old Juno is back, ever since she arrived you have been doing okay you haven't been drinking usually you're drunk around this time, you opened up, you started trusting it's a good habit you know". She said while making her bed but Juno didn't say anything in return but Amanda continued talking.

"Don't let her leave without showing her how you feel about her".

"You think you know everything, don't? You leave me the fuck alone and mind your own damn business for once Amanda". Juno said while standing in front of her bathroom door in anger.

"What's your problem don't be mad at me I'm not the one with trust issues". Juno pushed her against the wall when she was about to say something.

I walked in and asked

"Why is Amanda against the wall Juno!?"

"Amanda, can you give me 2 minutes with Juno please?" Amanda pushed Juno off her and walked out.

"Who gave you the right to attack her? Do you know how dangerous you can be? I told you don't not to let your demon control you".

"You don't even know what happened".

"Oh tell me what happened then I would like to know you better start talking".

"She made stupid comments about my life so it's triggered some unsaid feelings". "Oh wow stupid comments that lead you into pushing her against the wall with your arm on her throat, you better be joking I don't want to hear any more get something to wear we will be waiting in the car".

I left her in her room filled with anger. As I walked out the front door with Amanda, Adriana Scott came toward us but I passed him. Scott turned to her direction and grabbed her wrist.

"What made such a beautiful face angry?"

"Let me go and mind your own business Adriana Scott".

"I prefer you call me Scott".

"And I prefer you let me go before I punch your pretty face cuticles".

"If I let you go, promise you will go on a date with me"? I almost punch him right between his noises but he quickly lets me go.

"I let you go and I have a date tomorrow night Juno has my number pick you up at 5".

"Can't I'm busy".

"With what?"

"Busy not giving a fuck about boys like you".

"Like me?"

"Busy fucking around with every basic chick well I'm not about to be one of them, bitches can't even see when the guy isn't even circumcised yet".

"You won't be, I'm still picking you up tomorrow evening and I will be circumcised".

He said and left. Juno shows up. "I told you he will be back".

I said to Juno but she doesn't seem to care .We all went in the car, Amanda drove. "Who was that? Scott".

"Juno's old friend Adriana Scott. Yeah that's him".

"I apologize for what I did early. I should have reacted in a different way, I'm sorry Amanda".

"I will accept your apology only if you will do what I told you to do."

"I'm doing it… will you go to Scott's date?"

"Yeah".

"We will start tomorrow with the bike lessons".

"You are the best, can't wait, you will need to buy some protective gear right?"

"Yes." She looks down and smiles.

The day went very fast. They were all back home eating dinner with bob.

"How do you like it here Reo"? Bob asks

"I like it very much and I will start the training tomorrow".

"Okay, then I will go look for the Christmas tree then, goodnight guys Jake and Luke are on the dishes tonight".

"I'm also heading to bed goodnight guys".

"Goodnight". They all said.

Next morning

"Are you ready for your big day?" "Are you always this excited when you wake up?" "No it's been a while since I felt like this, I don't know how to put the feeling in words".

"No need I lifted up her t-shirt and said let me listen to your heart". I rested her ear on her chest and listened to her heart beat.

"Why are you getting nervous? Your heart beats exactly like mine".

"Let me hear, this is crazy. I thought that someone had the same heartbeat as me".

"I guess it's beating for the same reason as mine". I said and kisses her forehead Juno Blushed. My eyes got glossy as I thought of Alexa tears dropping on Juno's forehead.

"What's wrong Romina?"

"You remind me of her".

"Who is her?"

"Can we just stay like this for a little while before we go, I will tell you everything about her when I am ready"? Juno pulled me into a cuddle as I cried in her arms.

After a while I pulled out of the cuddle and took a shower while Juno was making her bed. And a few minutes later I got done.

"The track is out of town. We have to get going, if we want to get back early or before dinner". I'm done, I'll make us something to eat while you are getting ready". Juno nods and smiles as I disappear to the kitchen. When I got there I made pancakes for everyone even though they were still asleep because it's around 6 am in the morning and it's freezing cold.

Juno came down when she finished getting ready and took a seat across from me. "Thank you". I smile.

"What does Juno mean?" Juno looked up while putting the fork in her mouth.

"In Roman Mythology Juno is the goddess of the Roman state, wife of Jupiter". "Oooh great background story there wishes my name carried such powerful meaning".

"What does Romina mean?"

"I don't know and I don't care, what's your last name?"

"Take a guess".

"Mmm…. I can't think of any''.

"Well I'll tell you next time shall we get going".

07:56am

I was so familiar with the road we were taking… The road led closer to home where Alexa's heart is. It took a couple of hours to get where we're going but we arrived at a racing track but it was empty and there was no one.

"This is where the magic happens, this is where you are going to get hurt, break your legs and arms''.

"Are you being serious, am I really going to get hurt that bad?"

"Yep, okay get geared up, get on the bike, hold on the counter steering". What is that?

"It is the handlebars to control the bike's direction when moving".

"Okay I'm holding".

"First you need to insert the key?"

"Yes it's in". Juno spent hours teaching me how to control the bike when moving, how to indicate when turning and moving. Days went on but I couldn't get used to one thing which was the noise that it makes when it's moving. 4 days into training I knew the words of the handlebars and almost everything.

Day 5 of training I did well. I drove straight without hitting anything. Juno claps her hands because I successfully parked and hugs me and I hug her back.

"You have a good job out there and today for your final task you are taking us home now let's go".

"No, can we go somewhere first then we can go home".

"Ok?" I jumped on the bike and drove the opposite direction from home. Drove about 30 minutes up to Alexa's grave.

"What are we doing in the graveyard at this time Reo?"

"Are you scared?"

"Yes''. "Come I want to tell you something". Juno followed me.

"This is Alexa's grave my love, the person who loved me when I didn't love myself she lies here with a broken heart broken by those she thought she could trusted june 8th she died of what I don't know, when I said you remind me of her I meant Alexa Paige the first person I ever loved who I still love dearly.

"She wrote to me before she died and said I shouldn't be sad because she is gone. I should take this, move on and make myself happy, that is so painful to do but I've been trying to do it but I can't".

"You have been doing great on that Reo".

"NO! I have not been doing great'. I shouted and fell on my knees and cried. Juno gave me a hug while on my knees on the wet grass.

"Look here". Juno cupped my red face as she continued.

"We come from different parts of the world and yours might be worse than mine, I don't care all I care about is the fact that you have made it this far and that is amazing Romina and trust me she is happy that you are doing what makes you sleep peacefully at night stop blaming yourself for you everything I am here for you, you are my friend and I am your friend".

She said and kissed my forehead and it started to rain.

"Come quickly, I know a place for us to stay until the rain clears". I drove to Alexa's house which is now my home. It is very close to where James buried Alexa's body. "This is what you call a place to stay until the rain clears"?

"Welcome to my new home, Mom I'm home". I giggled when I saw Juno's facial expression.

"I'm joking, I stay alone".

"Okay"? "You should call Amanda and tell her we are not coming back tonight, we will see them tomorrow".