18 Indecisive

Preview : Dana's days that used to be just gray are now more colorful. He also felt needed as a man.

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If someone asks me why until now I still choose to stay with a relationship that doesn't have a definite direction, then with an innocent face I will answer "I'm already in love with Mas Dana, that's it!"

When I came home from work at 7 pm, it looked deserted in Mas Dana's apartment. I rushed into my room and quickly cleaned myself up. After that, I went to the kitchen to make a simple dinner. fried fish marinated with yellow spices and lodeh.

(Lodeh is an Indonesian food consisting of eggplant and other vegetables, it's like a soup with coconut milk).

Just finished frying the fish, suddenly a bell rang from the apartment door. I immediately stopped the activity of slicing eggplant. Between being afraid to open the door but curious who is visiting. It's impossible for Mas Dana because Mas Dana owns this apartment. He must have memorized the password, right?

I walked towards the door, stupidly I didn't look first from the peephole. Just open the door, I was really stupid at that time which had a bad impact on me. Rangga was standing in front of the apartment door. Instantly I froze. Killed. I've been caught in the act when I'm in this apartment.

"Jani?!" Rangga smiled sweetly. "My guess is right, sorry I was behind you and saw you come in here. Just to make sure that you really are that's why I'm here now," Rangga still kept his friendly face.

Jani forced a smile. "Yeah, it's me, okay? Oh yeah, this afternoon I transferred to your account. Thank you for lending me the money at that time," Jani smiled.

"You don't have to turn it back, it's okay, Jan. Take it easy. Oh yeah, you're wearing this apron, are you cooking?" Rangga asked after seeing Jani wearing an apron.

"Ah yeah, I'm cooking," Jani smiled dryly.

Rangga is getting curious, he smells something wrong here because Jani has even changed clothes and her face looks fresh like she's taken a bath or maybe just washing her face, he doesn't know, Rangga doesn't understand.

"You live here now? Why didn't you say about it?" Rangga looks a little looking into the apartment.

Jani started to feel uncomfortable. "Yes, I live here. I went back inside first, I was afraid my fish would be burnt. Bye Rangga!" without waiting for Rangga's answer, Jani immediately went back into the apartment and closed the door.

She was starting to worry now. What if Rangga finds out that she is under the same roof with Dana? Jani shook her head as she walked to the kitchen to continue her activities which were delayed due to Rangga's sudden presence.

After all finished, Jani immediately set all the dishes on the dining table. She looked satisfied at her work today. She looked at the clock on the wall, it was half past nine. Dana haven't come back yet. Jani took her cell phone from inside the room. No message notifications from Dana. Did the man forget to tell her he was so busy? Jani shrugged. She thought maybe Dana was busy or whatever. Jani had complete trust in Dana.

Jani walked towards the sofa in front of the TV. She brought a novel that she had not had time to finish. While waiting for Dana to come home, she would read it. Don't forget to bring a snack in the form of her favorite coconut biscuit. Don't know how many hours Jani waited while reading a novel, because suddenly her eyes felt heavy. She was wracked with extreme drowsiness. Her reading position that lying on the sofa made her feel even more to closing her eyes.

At 1 am, Dana opened the apartment door. The apartment lights are still bright. Then he walked in after taking off his shoes first. When he passed the TV room his steps stopped. He sighed tiredly. Walk carefully so as not to wake Jani. The girl snuggled up like a baby. Dana crouched down so he could see Jani's face up close. Dana took the John Green novel that Jani was holding as slowly as possible. Put it on the table then focus back on Jani's sweet face. There was a strange tingle as he ventured to brush away the strands of hair that covered the girl's forehead.

"I'm sorry," Dana said more in a whisper.

Then he carried Jani to the room. Dana glanced at the food that was served on the dining table. Not touched at all. He felt more and more guilty.

Dana stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Jani, the girl made him even more confused. Slowly but surely, Dana did not deny that Jani had gradually filled her heart and mind. Dana's days that were usually just gray are now more colorful. He also felt needed as a man. Dana grabbed her hair in frustration. The past is coming. What should he do?

Reyna suddenly returned to his city with a million apologies coming from the woman's lips. Dana seemed to have lost faith in hisself when he saw Reyna's smile on their first meeting after so many years. Slowly his heart started to beat again. Not as great as it used to be but not lost either. Dana forgave Reyna. Long before that woman came back. There were so many memories of Reyna that he couldn't let go. There were so many memories that he couldn't erase at all. Dana seemed to have no direction anymore when he looked at those beautiful eyes.

He feels very bad for Jani. Recently, he apologized and promised in his heart that he would try to love Jani, but with just one smile and Reyna's gentle greeting, all of his intentions suddenly began to fade away. It was that difficult for him to move on from Reyna. The woman's charm is still the same. Able to hypnotize him.

When he was about to walk to the bed to lay down his tired body, Dana's cell phone rang so loudly that the owner hurriedly took the cellphone that was on the table. Seeing the caller made him smile.

"Hello?" said Dana.

"Hey Dan, have you arrived? Why didn't you tell me! Very habitual!" The woman on the other end of the phone huffed in annoyance, which made Dana chuckle.

"Yes, sorry I forgot, how is the apartment? It's comfortable or not?" Dana asked the woman who was still the queen of his heart.

"It's comfortable, but..." Reyna trailed off.

"But?"

"Your old apartment is more comfortable. You still live there?"

"Yeah," Dana answered curtly, knowing where their conversation was going.

"I… Erm can I go there? I miss cooking there," Reyna chuckled.

Dana was silent. The atmosphere is a little awkward.

"Ehm Dan, it's okay if you can't, just relax, you know."

"I'm sorry, it's not that you can't go here, I just be uncomfortable with your husband if he find out," Dana replied after heaving a tired sigh.

"Okay," Reyna then said goodbye to sleep with the excuse of being tired, even though she was just trying to avoid the awkward atmosphere that was created because of her.

Dana threw his phone on the bed. He walked unsteadily and then fell into his comfortable bed. Suddenly he remembered Jani who he did not allow into his room. There was actually a reason why he didn't want Jani to come in. There are still some relics of Reyna even though they have broken up. Dana was still reluctant to get rid of the thing that held a lot of memories, even though he had some of it. It's just that he deliberately left some things that are Reyna's favorites such as polaroid cameras, photos of them while on vacation in Italy, Reyna said she wanted to go back there someday with Dana and also some of Reyna's favorite clothes in his closet. Dana felt very bad for Jani. Keeping things that could remind him of his past was the stupid thing he did.